To the person with the far away & busy wedding party:

LarissaAnn · November 2009

You weren't being attacked, you were being set straight. There's a difference. Deleting the post was a mistake. Newer brides come here EVERY DAY asking essentially the same question you did. If you left your post up, they could have learned from it. There was no real reason to delete.

tidetravel · November 2009

Can't we just make a sticky. This is really annoying.

trix1223 · November 2009

larissa: I just came back to see if anyone had added to angmore's post and it's gone! I have to admit I saw that one coming, but I'm sorry that it's gone. As you said-it's a common question here, and could have helped other brides who have been led astray by the wedding industry.angmore: deleting your postdoesn't make the fact that you're misguided about what your WP has to do for you. So to recap for other brides:Your WP is not your staff. They DON'T have to help plan nor execute your wedding. They don't have to go dress shopping, to dress fittings, make favors, address invitations, stuff invitations, make decorations, help decorate, throw e-parties, b-parties or showers. The DO have to buy the outfit, walk down the aisle, stand respectfully for the ceremony, and smile for pictures. And with a nod to Stagemanager: show up clean and sober.Please, planning brides. Stop reading wedding magazines, websites, and watching wedding TV shows. Use the above paragraph as your guide, and have a wonderful time leading up to your wedding day.

LarissaAnn · November 2009

Am I nuts, or isn't it this same question several times a day?

gottahavashorti · November 2009

I was still able to load the post after she deleted. It said the board was Wedding Party > Deleted Posts. It's gone now though.

LarissaAnn · November 2009

And if the wedding party is INCLINED to help, they can do some things from far away! My sister had a bridesmaid in Azerbaijan, of all places, who helped us plan her shower via email, even though she couldn't attend. She was just that kind of friend. One of my bridesmaids offered help with invites/favors or whatever, and I actually refused. She lives an hour away, and I knew it'd be silly for her to traipse up here to stuff envelopes or something. H (then FI) and I did it all ourselves. It's really not all that difficult.

stina93446 · November 2009

Larissa, it IS the same question. They just feel that "my situation is SO different." Really ladies, if you scrolled down less than half a page you'll see tons of others who have tried the same exact thing.

LarissaAnn · November 2009

Maybe they're not scrolling and reading, just popping in & posting?

megk8oz · November 2009

Idk if a sticky is going to help. Nobody ever actually reads the "Before you post here, read this" notes ... aside from me, and I'm a total nerd that was afraid that I would like get a perma-ban from TK if it somehow came out that I DIDN'T read the "rules", lol. I think the TK needs to take down it's "List Of BM Duties". It's bad enough that it's on all the other wedding websites, but I mean, how hypocritical does that look: website says one thing, all the members say something else? Is there a way we could just STOP people from posting "I wanna kick out my BM?" or "Whaa! Nobody's helping me!" posts? Ok, lol, I know we can't really do that, but I feel like lately it's been more absurdly common than usual. I'm ready to start stamping my own foot and say "If *I* don't get to throw a hissy fit, then neither do you!"

aerinpegadrak · November 2009

The funny thing is, it always seems like it's the brides that don't ask anything of their family or WP are the ones that end up with a ton of helpers. I haven't asked anything of anyone, and I've been BESIEGED by offers of help.If it's their idea to help, it's a good deed for them. They'll be excited to help because doing it will make them feel good. If it's your idea for them to help, it's a chore for them, and they're not going to look forward to it.

trix1223 · November 2009

meg-I think the Knot doesn't really care what we all say. They are here for the purpose of making money. And they make money by convincing people to buy the "stuff" their advertisers' sell.So if they can convince you that your BM's need to, for example, throw you a b-party or a shower, and that to do that you'll need to buy the stuff the advertise here, then they've accomplished their goal-whether it's necessarily in line with most people think or not.Do I envision them taking down their BM duties list? not in a million years. Do I envision them adding to that list if they think they can somehow convince people sucked into wedding porn that they MUST HAVE it? Sure.

duckie1905 · November 2009

I knew it would disappear as soon as she stated that we were attacking her. I dislike when people confuse not agreeing with them and attacking them. They really aren't the same thing.

megk8oz · November 2009

As soon as an OP says "You guys are so mean!", "I didn't ASK you if ...", "See this is why I hate The Knot ...", that's pretty much a red flag for a DD.

jeannigirl · November 2009

Yes these brides will contuine to post and then delete when they are not getting the results that they want. They want that validation and for us to say yes go ahead and demand and treat your BP has your personal slaves for the whole time frame of your wedding. All we do is to tick them off and then they delete. I say grown up and take the comments like an adult instead of a spoiled child throwing temper tantrums.

tidetravel · November 2009

I say grown up and take the comments like an adult instead of a spoiled child throwing temper tantrums. If they were actually adults, 99% of the posters wouldn't have need to ask those questions in the first place. I have to stop posting on this board. I think I'm accumulating negative posts towards my blue ball.

jeannigirl · November 2009

Tidetravel: No kidding on that one. It gets so reduntant I could scream (heeheehee) I have to stop posting on this board. I think I'm accumulating negative posts towards my blue ball. You don't want to lose your blue ball so your better be a good girl! (no don't then we all wouldn't have any fun huh?)

bablingbrooke · November 2009

Tide don't go! I have a feeling TK keeps hounding us is that we keep saying don't buy into the "duties" and then they get less revenue from people buying the needless crap. That's the only explanation for why they seem to focus on THIS board for "meanness" and "attacks" when there are many others that are even worse; even I'm too scared to post anything on P&E!

trix1223 · November 2009

brooke, I've thought about that. They probably don't like it when we discourage brides-to-be from following their "advice" about what they simply must do.....That's why I sometimes specify The Knot, and more often use the term "wedding websites".Anyway-ditto brooke. Don't go away Tide. Voices are reason are so necessary!

tidetravel · November 2009

I was kidding, Brooke. Theknot needs a sarcasm font

Leah&Christian09 · November 2009

That's the only explanation for why they seem to focus on THIS board for "meanness" and "attacks" when there are many others that are even worseGood idea. I've been wondering what's up with that. This board is so much nicer than others. I miss the days when P&E was actually mean and we could repost the DDs.

lyndausvi · November 2009

There was a poster early in the week who asked if she was being rude to her MOH. She DD'd.I was on another website and she asked the same question. They were all puppies and rainbows.OP updated her post that MOH was out, another BM was promoted and she is desperately looking for a replacement. Oh and her friendship is over.I really hope it was worth losing a friend over a damm dress and hairstyle.

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