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September 2010 Weddings

Im done being nice!

Ok so  Im not gonna make this long bc its pretty cut and dry! My mother the mental case who should be put in a straight jacket has missed every important moment of my life! Thats fine I learned to get over it along time ago and chalked it up to some people arent fit to be parents!

My dads sister has basically been the mother in my life and I consider her my mom, call her mom and all. She has always picked up the pieces and has been there through the whole wedding party. So orig when we got engaged I called my mom who I dont talk to but regular send her a mothers day and birthday card and pray she will somehow get her head out of her ass or out of the vodka bottle!  Her response was wait til your 40 to get married and hung up on me! Fine with me no suprise there! You cant break me anymore then you already have nut job!

So two week ago she says to my aunt, her sister whos also a big part of helping me plan this wedding "Mary didnt send me an invite! UHHH DUHHH you dont even talk to me and you wait 60 days before my wedding to try and win the mother of the year award! So my Aunt (MOMS SISTER) was just down the shore and saw my mom asked her if she would like to attend the shower her response ITS TOO HOT!! Like really you wacko this is why I dont try with you. Its too hot its a restraunt you freaking idiot! Then my mom wouldnt give her a direct answer if she was going to come to the wedding! Like really grow up your how old you complain you dont get an invite and then you wanna act a fool! No sorry Im done being nice to you once and for all!! Im a true believe in being the better person and smalls steps but hell you have driven me off the cliff!!

Ok vent over I feel better!

Re: Im done being nice!

  • ugh, you just have to ignore it.  it sounds like an awful situation, but for 20+ years you have managed to become a great person without her influence.  do not let her opinions or tactics get to you now!
  • Thanks Shauni........I just said to myself ok like this shouldnt suprise you just keep your head up and keep moving ahead!! It just annoys me your excuse is its too hott!! Why not just say no I dont want to attend!

  • :(

    I'm sorry your mum's like that.  I'm with Shauni.  You definitely did your part.  Not much else you can do but try not to let her ruin your day/wedding/life by making you feel crappy.  She doesn't deserve that sort of power over you.
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  • How atrocious. I'm sorry you're dealing with this ever, but especially now. Focus on your aunts who have been great, and a pox on your mom.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2010-weddings_im-done-being-nice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:594Discussion:1dd24a88-50ba-47d0-b466-be524805efb6Post:cd53b0e5-d52c-436e-8125-4b66c809271d">Re: Im done being nice!</a>:
    [QUOTE]How atrocious. I'm sorry you're dealing with this ever, but especially now. Focus on your aunts who have been great, and a pox on your mom.
    Posted by stephaniem1977[/QUOTE]

    Well I just solved this problem I said to her an email its too hot thats your excuse well guess what its hott in hell too but your still going there!
  • Wow, I'm sorry about your Mom. It seems like she has her own issues to deal with that, quite frankly, have nothing to do with you. You're the better person in this. Continue to stand your ground and do what makes you the happiest.
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  • Well, that's one way to handle it!! Hang in there girl.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2010-weddings_im-done-being-nice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:594Discussion:1dd24a88-50ba-47d0-b466-be524805efb6Post:cdd69abc-13a8-4e37-9118-626bd5cb77d6">Re: Im done being nice!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow, I'm sorry about your Mom. It seems like she has her own issues to deal with that, quite frankly, have nothing to do with you. You're the better person in this. Continue to stand your ground and do what makes you the happiest.
    Posted by steffiel[/QUOTE]

    Thanks steff, I learned along time ago parents give you life you decide where that life takes you! I could sit here and hate her but its pointless shes sick just like a person with cancer.
  • Mullen, I totally know how you feel.  My mother has never been there for any of the important moments in my life either.  My aunt, her sister, is more like a mother to me that her.  My mom didn't come to my shower because she was too tired....whatever.  I see her almost everyday, but that is just because I go over to vist my dad.  I took her their invite two days ago and when I went last night she hadn't even opened the invitation.  I swear I was going to cry!  I try to make every effort to have some type of mother/daughter relationship and it's like she doesn't even care.  All I can say is that we have become great women without them, and I look forward to the day I have children so that I can be a great mother to them...okay, I have to stop or I'm going to cry.

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  • edited July 2010
    So sorry you're having to go through this, but I'm proud of you for how well you're handling it. PPs have given some great advice, and I agree, just focus on what's important to you and what you can control. Don't let her little voice get in your head. She has not followed through as a parent to you, not vice versa.

    It's so unfortunte for them. Just think about how they will feel when they reach the end of their life and realize how they squandered so many of the special gifts they were lucky to have.

    Learn from their mistakes and you will be set!! Hang in there, here you for!!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2010-weddings_im-done-being-nice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:594Discussion:1dd24a88-50ba-47d0-b466-be524805efb6Post:8023e2a7-4eae-4893-a182-0d4c147b0988">Re: Im done being nice!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Mullen, I totally know how you feel.  My mother has never been there for any of the important moments in my life either.  My aunt, her sister, is more like a mother to me that her.  My mom didn't come to my shower because she was too tired....whatever.  I see her almost everyday, but that is just because I go over to vist my dad.  I took her their invite two days ago and when I went last night she hadn't even opened the invitation.  I swear I was going to cry!  I try to make every effort to have some type of mother/daughter relationship and it's like she doesn't even care.  All I can say is that we have become great women without them, and I look forward to the day I have children so that I can be a great mother to them...okay, I have to stop or I'm going to cry.
    Posted by debdebdol[/QUOTE]

    Deb dont cry, your tears arent worth it!! Its there loss as my new moto is "Its too hott well its hott in hell and your going there anyway" I didnt expect her to come I didnt want her to come it was the simple fact I tried being nice to you for the last time thats its Im done! My parents have been divorced for the past 14 years! I dont bother to make an effort you gave me life thats basically all you were good for and I hope someday you come to terms with the demons in your own head!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2010-weddings_im-done-being-nice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:594Discussion:1dd24a88-50ba-47d0-b466-be524805efb6Post:efa20e70-2aa2-4cb6-837e-ca084cab70d7">Re: Im done being nice!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Im done being nice! : <strong>Deb dont cry</strong>, your tears arent worth it!! Its there loss as my new moto is "Its too hott well its hott in hell and your going there anyway" I didnt expect her to come I didnt want her to come it was the simple fact I<strong> tried being nice to you for the last time thats its Im done</strong>! My parents have been divorced for the past 14 years! I dont bother to make an effort you gave me life thats basically all you were good for and I hope someday you come to terms with the demons in your own head!
    Posted by mullen24[/QUOTE]

    I'll just think happy thoughts!  Yup, you can only try so much and then move on.
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  • I'm so sorry you have to deal with this when you should be just enjoying these next 60 days and all the fun to come. I'm glad you have your Aunt who has been there for you.
    I have an estranged father and my stepdad has been a dad to me since I was 4. I decided to do the "right thing" and invite my dad and he hasn't bothered to rsvp. I've sent him a message and he hasn't replied. So I understand your pain. I don't want him there, but I did it out of respect to other members of his family. Why do we bother when we know we will just be hurt? 
    I agree with the other ladies-just try your best to ignore her, and don't include her in anymore planning or attempt contact. Have a wonderful wedding and be surrounded by the people who love and care about you! 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2010-weddings_im-done-being-nice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:594Discussion:1dd24a88-50ba-47d0-b466-be524805efb6Post:42b3d48f-b9ba-4242-b770-3fd74c467d79">Re: Im done being nice!</a>:
    [QUOTE]So sorry you're having to go through this, but I'm proud of you for how well you're handling it. PPs have given some great advice, and I agree, just focus on what's important to you and what you can control. Don't let her little voice get in your head. She has not followed through as a parent to you, not vice versa. It's so unfortunte for them. Just think about how they will feel when they reach the end of their life and realize how they squandered so many of the special gifts they were lucky to have. Learn from their mistakes and you will be set!! Hang in there, here you for!!
    Posted by LiaDee[/QUOTE]

    Love ya lia lovely!!! Thanks it just pissed me off your excuse is its too hott! Like really we are all grown grow the hell and say I dont want to go! Oh well time for wine in 42 mins!! Since Im drinking a diet coke right now so proud of myself
  • Yuck. I think it's horrible that you've been treated so miserably by the people in your life that are supposed the give you the most love and affection. At least you have aunts and other family members that have proven to be good role models and support you. Obviously you ladies have done perfectly fine without your mothers and I'm proud of you guys for being so amazing and mature about the whole situation.
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  • I am so sorry you have to deal with this, but like everyone said out of this situation you have become a wonderful person.

    And if she wants to complain about heat...good thing she didn't come to my shower, in the 80's with no a/c! And that was actually considered a cool day this summer!

  • dude-- there's some serious brokeness going on here.

    It is hard having a mom is to self important to give a crap about her daughter-- and for that I am sorry. From my stance, I have the same issue, and I (like an idiot) just keep trying with her. I know that it will never be as perfect as I would like it to be,,,, but when she wants the Mom of the Year award or at least feels like she can at least try at it-- I let her. she may be selfish, but I (like you mullen) have a big heart and can must the love to give it one more shot. It's never too late to become "mother of the year"..... if forgiveness is something that you are good at. 

    if forgiveness is not your strong suit, maybe you will turn out like my big sister and hold a grudge for years to come :oP

    I'm praying for you!
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