Am I the only one?

rdurik · November 2009

My fiance and I went to register for the first time this weekend and it was such a struggle for me. He thinks it is completely wasteful to register for things we already have. We just bought a house and moved in together so we have a lot but everything is mis-matched stuff that people have handed down to us. I always was fine with it because I new someday I would be able to get all new things when I got married. Registering should be one of the most fun things we get to do and he is making it difficult instead. Has anyone else had this problem?

Reynoldsmom312 · November 2009

I did at first-same reason too: we've been living together for two years and FI didn't think we actually needed anything. So, I started my registries online (JCPenney and Bed, Bath, & Beyond). When I got him to the store and he saw what was already on the list, he got excited to add more. I think getting the guys in the door is half the battle so I did bribe a little: if we spent 2 hours at BB&B I would buy him lunch. It worked! And we spent 2 hours at JCPenney too all on the same day! Good luck!

squirrly · November 2009

We had a miserable experience trying to register. Macy's didn't have but about 20% of the stuff I wanted to look at available to see in person. FI was totally disinterested in all of it because we have stuff - just not all nice/matching/complete/whatever. In the end, I just did our registries myself online & then let him look through/approve. In FI's family, they generally give cash rather than a gift, so that's a big part of why he doesn't care about the registry anyway. He assumes no one will shop from it. My family will likely do that exclusively. Somehow, the bribery method doesn't sit right with me, but if it works for you all, go for it. Just understand that this might be an activity your FI isn't interested in.

becks17 · November 2009

My fiance and I both have had our own places and our own dish sets/towels/kitchen sets/ basically everything!! BUT because it was all mismatched and some of it was hand-me downs and old and not a fit for both of us, we went through everything we already had and decided on what we could keep because it was nice enough and what we could get rid of and register for. Dishes, bedding, bathroom stuff and decor all came as stuff we could register for. Since he's a chef, we really didn't need too much in the kitchen utensils and pots and pans but he found there were some things he'd like to add too. Now once nicer weather comes, we'll probably have a garage sale or donate a bunch of stuff like our old dishes as well as going through our closets on what we don't wear anymore and all that. It's nice to know tho that if we don't get everything we registered for, we still have backup to live on until we can buy some things ourselves.

BostonBride919 · November 2009

My husband is a pain with this to - he never understands why you would replace something you already own with something new. I guess it's a guy thing as they couldn't care any less if things match, etc

duckie1905 · November 2009

DH knew he would be a pain about it so he told me to go with my mom. I think it ended up being much more enjoyable than going with him.

rdurik · November 2009

Oh my gosh I feel so much better now! I guess it is true that some guys just don't care whether things are new or if they match or not! He did go with me this weekend and got some of the things he was interested in (which wasn't much.) I will have no problem taking care of the rest! Thanks

smj139 · November 2009

I feel your pain!! My fiance is totally a bargain shopper, especially for things online. So when we looked at Duvets and comforters he kept complaining that he could find a better deal online...lol. We were at Macy's and all he wanted to do was sit on the message chair thing. Like another poster above, I just registered for a lot online and had him look over it.

Septwedding09 · November 2009

Try to only involve him in the parts he will like (maybe kitchen gadgets, etc...depends on his personality) and be sure to spare him the awful stuff. For example, when I spent two hours agonizing over china, I did this with my mother and sister.

may2010wedding · November 2009

I asked FI if he even wanted to go and he said it was not his thing. We talked about what he might want, and I ended but going with my mom and MOH. I was not going to try and make him go if he was going to make it miserable. It was one of those battles I was not going to fight.

bellezza33 · November 2009

I was in the same boat... and I handled it just like StageManager. I got FI to understand the few things we really did need, then got him in the store. Once he was there, he started spotting all sorts of extras he wanted. It ended up being a good experience.

sbf2 · November 2009

I'm in the same boat! Justin and I have been living together for 2 years now...and he loves to cook so has been collecting gadgets, pots/pans, and appliances since he was 15...I know he's an exception to the rule.But we still registered at MACYs and Crate and Barrel. I tried to make it seem like it was all about him though when we were there...like upgrading all of his beer steins and wine glasses...he was really into that. And in between picking out glassware I scanned the stuff I wanted...like bedding and dishware.Also...I recommend HOME DEPOT for the homeowner. Home Depot has a lot more than tools...but it is a great way to get him into it and its a great compromise to getting him to put up with you registering for housewares. We registered there on Sunday and I am more excited about what we registered for there! Like bamboo shades for the whole house, carpets, upgraded fixtures, patio set, grill, draperies, a vacuum, steam cleaner, etc. They have so much stuff for the house...and you can let him go write down a few items from the tool section to make him happy.

mrsdavid2be · November 2009

My FI knew he wouldn't be interested in that sort of thing so he let me run with it. I did most of it online and checked a few things out in the store. After my shower, when we brought home a lot of things, he even told me how impressed he was and glad that he let me take care of things since I did such a nice job selecting gifts. That made me feel good.

dianenjnj · November 2009

don't drag him along with you...guys mostly just don't get it.maybe, if you can, have your mom or moh go with you.

jenswim · November 2009

I just did the beginning of this with my fiance this past weekend. It definitely was the struggle of just getting him in the door...once he was there and we started with the gun he suddenly became very picky and didn't want to leave (we had dinner plans we had to get to). When we first got engaged he had said he was excited to register because who doesn't enjoy walking around and picking out presents? But he has been drragging his feet with me about going and I waited a month and a half longer than I would have like to because he didn't think we needed to yet. We don't live together so we need a bunch of stuff so he has all of the sudden been thinking of all the different things we need. Get your fiance in there and see what happens!

somefrenchgirl · November 2009

I had trouble with my FH, too. We both have things, but, for the most part, they are mismatched, hand me downs as well. I did the online thing, then let him register for some things at a home improvement store. When he saw that he could register for a fire pit, a grill and some tools and other things we need, he was MUCH more receptive. I also made sure that I put a couple of things on my main registry especially for him (USB turntable/Wii). I know he has guy friends who will feel for him and want to get him things that he'll enjoy. He ws hesitant to register because he wants cash/gift cards. I had to make sure he knows that people WILL buy gifts, so its better to have registries to guide them. Tami

phut_action · November 2009

I've actually been warned by ALL my married friends that the registry is one of the worst and biggest fight-causing parts of wedding planning. I haven't gone to register yet, and my fiancee is one of those guys that's fine with mismatched things, but I told him we have this one opportunity to get new and matching things, and its one thing I really want. So he's agreed to go along with it. We have most small appliances, a matching bedset w/ sheets and such, so we're only registering for bathroom sets, dishes, and silverware I think.

asl71476 · November 2009

We had a horrible time registering. It was super uncomfortable for both of us, as we have most of what we need with a few minor exceptions. It felt like we were xmas shopping while knowing Santa's income. It took me about 45 minutes to scan the first item at Macy's. In the end, we registered for anything that we didn't have and wished we did, and for fun things to do on our honeymoon at travelersjoy.com. If people want to use the registry, it's there as a guide, but it's not the gift bible, you know?

pristinedemon · November 2009

Wow, looks like I'm odd man out. It was FI's idea to start registering...he had more of a struggle getting ME in the door than anything!

stacy78 · November 2009

My fiance was super pumped to register-- he was a maniac with the scanning gun... I indulged him and allowed him to register for a beer dispenser and someone actually got it for us! I really think once your fiance has the gun in his hands he will get really into it! Good luck!

dojo1 · November 2009

I was shocked to find that registering totally SUCKED. Fiance likes to be in-and-out, so he was willing to choose things quickly, I couldn't get over the fact that I would be stuck with these choices for years to come if I didn't absolutely love the ones we picked so I took FOREVER deciding. We fought and ultimately agreed that housewares don't matter to fiance but are important to me. Tools and lawncare are important to fiance. We split up and did the jobs separately but are much happier for it! I have to say though - even when I went to register with my mom and had all the time in the world to pick stuff out, I still found myself unhappy with the selections. Once I did find things I loved, I was disappointed to find that they were discontinued a few months after I registered for them. Finally, people will NIT PICK your registry apart - too much of one thing, not enough of another, too expense, not enough big item selection. They also get PO'd when the registry is nearly complete. What am I supposed to do, register for things I don't want and will never use???

vlevitt · November 2009

both FI and I HATED registering. it was long, arduous, and the place we went to had almost nothing we were interested in buying. since then both of us have entirely avoided continuing the experience at another store. i may take it upon myself to register for some interesting judaica and patio furniture, but other than that, i regret that my guests will be on their own vis a vis gift buying. i have faith in them, though. we are also putting out the word that gifts of money are VERY welcome.

cwilliams01sc · November 2009

Seriously, why even bother including him. Just grab your mom and go and get it done. You know you want new, matching things. Do you really need his approval to do that? I know you want to include him and I'm not trying to be cynical about it, but seriously, how many guys do you know that actually enjoy picking out place settings? My fiance could care less. He was happy that it made me happy and was even happier about the fact that he didn't go. Plus, when you grab the guys to tag along, they end up registering for a bunch of crap you won't want or need. They get a hold of that little tagging gun and go crazy. I have yet to hear of one bride that said they had a great experience registering for gifts with their fiance. I'm sure there are a few but why don't you ask him if he would mind if you just went with your mom to do it as a sort of last "bonding" experience, as cheesy as that sounds.

glam70s · November 2009

Wow.. Every time someone says "he just doesn't understand why we should replace stuff we have with new stuff" or "he doesn't care about hand me downs and mismatched stuff" it makes me smile.. I am a pretty girly-girl, but in this respect our roles are DEFINITELY reversed.. He cares far more about mismatched dishes than I do! If we register at all I think he'll be the one excited about it..

cbach28 · November 2009

i feel for youyou're not the only one! my fiance is the same exact way. at first i thought of giving him our registry info - where it is, our user name and password for online - then i decided it against it. you register for what you want and also for what you want around your new beautiful house - - - if he doesn't want his guests to spend money on you guys then that's his deal. he's the one missing out. take for instance the kitchen aid in red that i have wanted for over 15 years... i finally get a chance to register for it. so what if no one byes me the $300 piece of kitchen ware? i still get a chance to register for it, so i sure as heck did!i also try and think, when giving gifts, "what would i want my guests to give me on my wedding day?" and now FINALLY i get that chance to GET gifts instead of give. do the nicest stuff, not always expensive, that you can find. it's better than a birthday. you are going to get what you have wanted for ever- and this is the one and only time in your life when you have an excuse to get it..... don't let that opportunity pass you up! marriage is big deal so make one out of it - and you know when you are the most stressed you pick the nicest stuff in the world... splurge a little. be selfish. sounds so bad but it's so needed.remember - do what you think is best, not always what you and your fiance agree on - you like gifts! also, its YOUR day... so forget about his cheapness/lack of liking awesome wedding registry gifts and have a blast with it! BEST OF LUCKit's most men that are like this... my dad, brothers, friends, cousins and fiance did the same thing... not just yours. go to your sisters/mother(S)/girlfriends and ask them their opinions. the best ones i have gotten so far are from my two nieces who are 5 and 8....they come up with the best gifts to register for, it's not even funny - they think of the stuff that you would forget!!!

kellyeda1stnoel · November 2009

My fiance didn't know what to register for and when I started he thought most it was useless. I let him register for XBOX (I doubt anyone will buy) and that stopped all disagreements.

erinb1025 · November 2009

My experience was a little different. We both owned our own homes before we started dating, so we had ALOT of stuff. When we moved in together, we consolodated and were really happy with what we had. (it was all mostly new and nice) We got to the store to register and had such a hard time finding things to put on the registry because we already stuff that we were happy with (I had more trouble than he did!). We put a few things on we knew we wanted, but then went home and tried to figure out what to do. We decided on an online honeymoon registry, and everyone loves the idea! We are hoping that registry will be more successful than the store registry!

TMarie2010 · November 2009

Try to get him involved more with the proces.....since you two just bought a new home, why not suggest he register for new tools, and/or power tools! You can register for even big things like TV/DVD and electronics, things that men LOVE....not just sheets/towels and new dishes! Try Target, Sears, Home Depot, Lowes - places that men can find things they love. Good Luck!

TMarie2010 · November 2009

Another thought I forgot to mention in last post...while online registering is great and saves you so much time, be careful. Online inventory is HUGE, while many stores only carry certain items. You might LOVE this set of dishes online but NO stores in your area have it in stock, so not many people would buy it for you....I used to work at Bed, Bath & Beyond part time and there were so many items that were only available online and barely anyone wanted to purchase them b/c people usually dont have time to wait for it to ship and need it right away, plus don't want to pay shipping. However, this is only for those couples that have a lot of local people that will go to same store.... if you have a lot of out of town guest, or people spread out across a large region, then it doesn't really matter then b/c not every single store is going to have same inventory...

BelleLamour · November 2009

My fiance is fine with us registering, but every so often he makes me swear up and down on my life that I won't ask for anything pink or flowery! He's afraid that because I'm such a girly girl, I'll ask for some floral dishes and hot pink towels, haha. (And for the record, no I'm not at all interested in any of those items.)

I think you need to explain to him that as the years go by, you WILL have to replace your used, hand-me-down items; why not do it now? People will WANT to buy you things, and if you're not registered, they might end up buying you things that are nice, but not necessary, or not your style.

Am I the only one?

Re: Am I the only one?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards