Already married ladies, I need advice

MrsMLRB · December 2010

To keep it short, I am thinking about traveling over the summer since FI will be studying for the bar and I will have nothing else to do over the summer. Right now I am thinking about spending a month in a Spanish language program in Costa Rica and then traveling with FI for 10-14 days after he takes the bar. But I am a little nervous that if I am gone for the entire month of July and part of August right before my Labor Day wedding, I will fall behind on a ton of wedding things. One thing to keep in mind is I coach tennis so I would start working basically as soon as I return (a couple hours a day) and school would probably start a week or two before I returned. Thoughts?

Beachy730 · December 2010

If you're planned well enough in advance it might be fine. But the month before the wedding was when it got a little crazy for me so it could definitely add some stress for you to leave it all until 2 weeks before the wedding.

MissLeahM · December 2010

I agree with DN the month before we had a lot of meetings finalizing things and fine tuning some arrangements.

golden1215 · December 2010

Depends on the wedding you're having. If you have a smaller or more simple wedding you'll be fine to travel. If bigger, it'll be harder but not impossible. I say do it while you can! And by 2 months out most things are set. Just ask someone to help send out invites and keep track of rsvps's- like your FI, mom or maybe even MOH.

LP11509 · December 2010

The main things I would worry about are invites/RSVPs and dress alterations. If you can have someone you trust take care of the RSVPs and are back in enough time to have any last minute dress alterations done, you should be ok.

I'm assuming you'll have access to the internet and/or a cell phone while traveling? Most other things can be taken care of over the phone or through e-mail, if the need comes up.

MrsMLRB · December 2010

RSVPs I could probably ask FI's mom to take care of. I would definitely have internet and probably a cell phone (I did the last time I was in central america).

saisongbird · December 2010

Ditto. RSVPs will be nutty, as will your dress fittings. I had three dress fittings before my wedding, all beginning one month prior to my wedding date. You can finalize most things with vendors before you leave and then just make the final confirmations when you get back, but make sure you leave TIME to get these things done.

Snippylynn · December 2010

Meh. I was living overseas the entirety of my planning and didn't show up until the month (?) before and I honestly didn't have that much to do when I DID get there.

Granted, we were having a really small wedding, so that makes a big difference, but still. As long as people are willing to help out, it should be fine. Since I knew I wouldn't be able to receive the RSVP's as they came in, I had them sent back to my MOH who kept the count for me.

brookelynpaisley · December 2010

I personally wouldn't do it. The last month was when it was just plain busy, no matter how much I had prepared. There was just a lot of last-minute stuff to do. But that's me.

Beachy730 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_already-married-ladies-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:373ecd24-a67f-4582-b5e5-3246b1240a4fPost:8094d2c4-8404-491e-8b0a-2a82c646cdf0">Re: Already married ladies, I need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]RSVPs I could probably ask FI's mom to take care of. I would definitely have internet and probably a cell phone (I did the last time I was in central america).
Posted by MrsMLRB[/QUOTE]

<div>Would she be willing to do a seating chart for you and stuff if you needed her to? If you are doing assigned seating or even just assigned tables, you would need to do those in the last few weeks. We had a ton of things in the last month, including appointments, phone calls, favors, place cards, seating charts, and a million other things. We had just under 200 people at our wedding so I would have never delegated that much work to anyone else without paying them. </div><div>
</div><div>Also something I'm thinking about, which could just be me because I'm a fat ass, but if i was overseas I would be constantly eating food and trying different restaurants. I'm sure I would easily gain 10 pounds, which could easily affect how your dress fits if it is fitted before you go.</div>

[Deleted User] · December 2010

All the others gave really good advice. I think it really comes down to a few things: how much help and support you have, size of your wedding and what kind of bride you are.

For us, we lived out of state and did all of our planning long distance. MIL kept track of the rsvp's for us bc that was where the wedding was. We traveled home a week before the wedding and I don't think I have ever had a much on my mind and to do as I did that week. It was constant hustle bustle. I had to drop things off at the florist, do the favors (bc they were chocolate & we couldn't do them ahead of time), decorate the reception, make final payments, and do the seating arrangements/place cards, make sure my final fitting was ok from the previous time I had been home, take my dress to be pressed and pick it up.

Maybe it is just that I am a perfectionist freak so it was hard for me to stop going and thinking about things that week esp since we hadn't seen the reception venue for a few months.

lyndausvi · December 2010

I planned my wedding from afar and showed up 4 days before. My dress was altered 3 months out, all the vendor stuff was taken care of months before. My mom handled the RSVPs. It would not have been a problem for me to travel before my wedding.

I must be a laid back bride or something, because I never found myself ever stressed over the wedding. I never had a crunch time that I've heard other brides have. I did not have a lot of DYI items, so that could part of the reason. The few things I did DYI only took a day or so.

MrsMLRB · December 2010

Alright ladies it sounds like I will be okay so long as I use June to get everything done ahead of time (both teaching stuff and wedding stuff). Thanks for the advice!

tenofcups4me · December 2010

As long as you're organized and aren't doing a lot of DIY, there's really not that much to do at that point anyway. It sounds like you'd be back a few weeks before the wedding? Plenty of time to do the seating chart, make sure the dress is ok, and do final vendor confirmations. The only thing I see is that someone else would have to track RSVPs, but that could be your FH or parents. Go and enjoy!

Kristin789 · December 2010

OK, everyone else responded from the bride/wedding-planning point of view.

But I have had about 15 students go to law school and study for the bar. There is no way that I would advise a girlfriend/fiancee to take off and spend some weeks overseas while your partner is trying to study for the bar exam. You need to be here, encouraging and supporting and planning one study break activity each week. The "studying for the bar" is overwhelming and very scary, and the person who is studying for the bar needs to have people close.

Because in the back of his head is "What if I don't pass?"

I had one student NOT pass the first time he took the CA bar. And he was totally shot by this. Sure, he pulled it together and studied again and then passed it - but only with the motivation of his fiancee and her parents who lived nearby and encouraged him regularly. And I know a girl who didn't pass the first time she took the FL bar exam, and she really went into a complete breakdown, and spent most of the next three weeks crying on the couch.

As old-school as this sounds, you need to be close to your man at this time when he needs to have some support and encouragement. This is the scariest thing he's ever done, and he knows he just HAS to pass it because he's GETTING MARRIED so EVERYTHING in his life and his heart is depending on this TEST.

squirrly · December 2010

Kristen, I just can't get on board with your reasoning. He'll be fine.

FWIW, I had a ton of DIY, but I didn't leave it all till the end. I had stuff done early on, and I could totally have been gone for a month. Not sure about two, but a month, absolutely. My dress had a corset back, which made alterations a non-issue - I just needed a hem and a bustle.

The only thing I had to do last minute was our escort cards, but that's just because of the project I picked for them. I could have done those ahead too if I'd selected a different way to do them.

Loopyseven · December 2010

Kristin - my SIL was studying for her boards and my brother was gone for 3 weeks at a time then home for 7-10 days. She said she'd rather he was gone b/c he was a distraction she just didn't need from her studies. She would leave in the AM, go the library to study, and not come back until late so he wouldn't distract her in the apartment. I don't think it matters if OP goes abroad or stays - most likely, he won't be around to do anything with if he has any kind of study habits like most people taking those kinds of tests.

noodle_oo · December 2010

I didn't read all the responses but here's my 2 cents: What crazy lady DOESN'T take the opportunity to travel for 6 weeks when it comes up?!?! Talk about an amazing life experience. Seriously, my one regret in life is that I've never really traveled much. I wish I had done a study abroad or taken some time during college to really travel. Now that we have full time jobs, a mortgage and someday kids, the money and time just isn't there. A wedding is 1 day, you'll figure out how to get it all done (and if you have family helping, they can handle stuff while you are away). Also from your post, it didn't sound like you had a full time job starting when you come back. I planned our wedding while also working 50 hrs a week. Seriously, it isn't that bad. You can do it. Giving up the experience of traveling for as long as you can I think would be a huge mistake.

But like I said, just my 2 cents!

MrsMLRB · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_already-married-ladies-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:373ecd24-a67f-4582-b5e5-3246b1240a4fPost:60b96bd0-4afd-4ec5-9188-78b1a8792207">Re: Already married ladies, I need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't read all the responses but here's my 2 cents: What crazy lady DOESN'T take the opportunity to travel for 6 weeks when it comes up?!?! Talk about an amazing life experience. Seriously, my one regret in life is that I've never really traveled much. I wish I had done a study abroad or taken some time during college to really travel. Now that we have full time jobs, a mortgage and someday kids, the money and time just isn't there. A wedding is 1 day, you'll figure out how to get it all done (and if you have family helping, they can handle stuff while you are away). Also from your post, it didn't sound like you had a full time job starting when you come back. I planned our wedding while also working 50 hrs a week. Seriously, it isn't that bad. You can do it. Giving up the experience of traveling for as long as you can I think would be a huge mistake. But like I said, just my 2 cents!
Posted by noodle_oo[/QUOTE]

Noodle, you and I are eye to eye on this. I'm a teacher so I wouldnn't be starting full time work until 2 weeks after I returned/2 weeks before the wedding.

Kristen, I appreciate what you are trying to say but this was my FI's suggestion. And I also know who we are and I would drive him nuts if I was around all the time, pestering him to spend time with me while I am sitting around the house with nothing to do. He will be able to study guilt free without feeling bad that I never get to see him and I will not feel bad about making noise around the house while he is studying. We've actually never lived in together before (we will move in together in May when he graduates) and currently we live in different states which has worked really well for us for the last few years. I think my being gone but still a phone call/videochat away for support will be better for us than me hovering over him about studying. He hasn't had me around all through law school studying for his exams and he is doing very well.

Already married ladies, I need advice

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