FI's coworkers, "after party" dilemma..Iong, sorry

Re: FI's coworkers, "after party" dilemma..Iong, sorry

• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2013

  I would invite everyone that you would like to be at your wedding to the wedding.  If they can't make it because of the time or their schedule oh well.
  
  I think spreading the "after party" by word of mouth is the best option.  If you start doing anything more formal then you will have to host whoever shows up meaning more money out of your pocket.  But if you just say, "hey after the reception we are going to stick around have a few drinks and listen to the band, you are welcome to join." then that is fine and does not give the impression that it is another hosted event.
  
  After RSVPs are returned and those friends of your FI who have a scheduling conflict due to work, I think it would be fine for your FI to tell them "We got your RSVP, its ashame you can't make it but just to let you know that after the reception is over we plan on hanging out at the bar and listen to the band playing that night so if you want to come and hang out and have a few drinks come on by."

  
  

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• ciligirl

  

  January 2013

  Lia, I dont know what a tier reception is, but rude is the last thing fi would ever intend to be so I will share with him your thoughts.  We are extremely fortunate that money is not the issue so we aren't looking to only invite people to one part just to cut cost.  Ideally we would love to have every single one of his work friends be there the entire time but homeland security would probably take issue with that, lol.
  
  My concern is that their schedules are known to everyone, and the rotations are set.  In other words we will know who is scheduled to work that night well before we send out invites.  I was worried  it would be rude to send an invite to someone who we absolutely know can not make it, so fi said do a separate invite for them about the party.  And when he says invite, I think he means like what we would send out if we were having an informal party at our house.
  
  Maggie, I like your idea of FI talking to people after we get the rsvp.  But I just want to be sure it isn't rude to send them an invite if we know they can not come ahead of time. 
  
  I am just so confused.  I'm starting to think I am overthinking it.
  

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_fis-coworkers-after-party-dilemmaiong-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:f55362cb-33f3-4400-88ba-448755530185Post:b9439f23-389f-4b12-9436-2736b17043d5">Re: FI's coworkers, "after party" dilemma..Iong, sorry</a>:
  [QUOTE]Lia, I dont know what a tier reception is, but rude is the last thing fi would ever intend to be so I will share with him your thoughts.  We are extremely fortunate that money is not the issue so we aren't looking to only invite people to one part just to cut cost.  Ideally we would love to have every single one of his work friends be there the entire time but homeland security would probably take issue with that, lol. My concern is that their schedules are known to everyone, and the rotations are set.  In other words we will know who is scheduled to work that night well before we send out invites.  I was worried  it would be rude to send an invite to someone who we absolutely know can not make it, so fi said do a separate invite for them about the party.  And when he says invite, I think he means like what we would send out if we were having an informal party at our house. Maggie, I like your idea of FI talking to people after we get the rsvp.  <strong>But I just want to be sure it isn't rude to send them an invite if we know they can not come ahead of time. </strong> I am just so confused.  I'm starting to think I am overthinking it.
  Posted by ciligirl[/QUOTE]
  
  It is not rude to send them an invite even if you think they can't make it.  You never know what may happen.  Schedules may change before your wedding and they could make it.  You shouldn't assume people can't come and then not send them an invitation based solely off your assumption becasue you just never know.
  
  Oh and a tiered reception is where you invite a certain amount of people to your ceremony and then those individuals plus a few more to dinner and then you invite those individuals plus a larger amount for only dessert and dancing.  Excluding people from certain parts of your day and not others is considered a tiered reception.

  
  

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• ciligirl

  

  January 2013

  Thanks Maggie for the explanation.  I had never heard of a tiered reception. 
  
  And you are right about the you never know,although their schedule is usually pretty set in stone.  Maybe it will be more important to some and they will opt to swap schedules with someone.  I truly want to thank you for your advice and for helping me think it out.
  
  What was real "funny" was FI wasn't even sure he could get the day off until this past December when they bid leave and our wedding is in June.  Talk about stress when I was trying to book vendors and pick a date last year.

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• alithebride member

  

  January 2013

  absolutely not.
  
  invite everyone that you want to the reception. whoever can make it will then the reception (and your wedding) is over.
  you can mention that you will be staying for some time at the bar but it's not part fo your reception.  but you may NOT invite some to a reception where you provide food and drink and then invite others to a restaurant for them to buy their own food and drinks. that's just a stupid idea. whether the guys would know or not  (as your FI put it) does not mean that he can do something that's just a dumb bad idea.
  
  and my dh is nypd so believe me i understand about working in differen shifts and the issues it causes.

   

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• Coghoot12 member

  

  January 2013

  I had a similar situation to yours.
  
  H and I are both in law enforcement so there was a giant chunk of our guest list that were law enforcement as well.  We knew that there were people that could not come because of scheduling.  For example, H worked for a small department and every officer was invited.  We knew that someone wouldn't be able to come because someone had to keep our town safe. 
  
  We were also planning an after party.
  
  We invited everyone we wanted to come.  Those that couldn't, we passed on the info about the after party.  But some people who usually worked 2nd shift took the night off to come to the wedding.  So you may be surprised, some people you didn't think could come may be able to.  An invtie allows them to make that call.

  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  January 2013

  Ciligirl, a "tiered reception" is when you deliberately invite guests to different amounts and degrees of hospitality.
  
  For example, some guests are invited to the whole reception, others are invited only to dinner, still others are invited only to dance.
  
  It's considered very rude.  Etiquette requires that all guests be offered the same hospitality-no picking and choosing which guests will be invited for X and which will be invited for Y.

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