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Etiquette

Baby to a no kids wedding?

Hey everyone, I was just looking for some advice. We are having a no kids wedding with the exception of the children in the wedding, and have made it very clear children are not invited. Even so we have had people assume it was ok and had to politely correct them with no issues so far. However I recently had a friend send a RSVP back with her, her husband and her baby on it. Now I was planning on making an exception for another friend whose baby will only be one month old by the wedding as I feel that is too young to easily leave behind, but this friend has a nine month old. Is it rude for me to request they leave their baby behind? My FI feels like he sdhould not come, that its unfair to our other guest, but most other guest with children their kids are all a few years old. Is nine months too young to leave behind? Would it be unfair for me to make an exception for the one month old but not the nine month old? I would really appreciate any input.

Re: Baby to a no kids wedding?

  • edited May 2012
    You never have to make an exception for a breast feeding infant, but you also should get a pass from other guests if you DO make an exception for a breast feeding infant.  I have no clue if the kid in question is breast feeding, but he's young enough that he could breast feed so  no one should question you if you do go ahead and bend the rule.  NOTHING says you must allow the kid though. 


  • I don't have kids so I have no idea if I would be willing to leave a 9-month old at home - that all depends on how far away (geographically) the wedidng is, do I have someone reliable to leave it with, etc. My friend had a no kids wedding but she made the exception for children who were breastfeeding and it worked out well.
  • You definitely do not have to make an exception for this friend. If/when I am ever in your situation, I will not be making such an exception.
  • What is your reason for having a no kids wedding? Budget? Rowdiness? Cutting it too close to the fire code head count? I would personally let the 9-month old come since it will obviously not be eating any food you will be serving.
  • The reason was mainly budget/space, everyone bringing kids would have been too much. But also worried about rowdiness and disruptions. Now I know the nine month old won't eb eating or take up much space, but I am worried about disruptions and how other guests will feel whom we told their kids could not come. I am also concerned if I do make an exception for the one month old should I also make an exception for the nine month old, and is it rude if I do not.
  • For me, 9 months was old enough to leave my baby with a sitter. She was also in daycare at that age so I was used to the separation. My daughter was breastfeeding at that age but I was able to pump and let her drink from a sippy cup. That is just me, someone else may not be comfortable leaving a baby that age, also, some breastfeeding babies wont take a bottle, my daughter wouldn't, until she started using the sippy cup I couldn't be away from her for more than 4 hours. It really depends on the parent and the child. I will not be making any exceptions for children/babies at my wedding, but I am okay with people declining the invitation if they are not willing to leave their kids with a sitter.
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  • In Response to Re: Baby to a no kids wedding?:
    [QUOTE]For me, 9 months was old enough to leave my baby with a sitter. She was also in daycare at that age so I was used to the separation. My daughter was breastfeeding at that age but I was able to pump and let her drink from a sippy cup. That is just me, someone else may not be comfortable leaving a baby that age, also, some breastfeeding babies wont take a bottle, my daughter wouldn't, until she started using the sippy cup I couldn't be away from her for more than 4 hours. It really depends on the parent and the child. I will not be making any exceptions for children/babies at my wedding, but I am okay with people declining the invitation if they are not willing to leave their kids with a sitter.
    Posted by mtbentley[/QUOTE]

    The etiquette is the same no matter who the parent or child is: you NEVER have to invite the kid, but it's not like other guests should get bent out of shape if you let a breast feeding mom bring her child to an otherwise child-free wedding.
    And of course, you should always be okay when someone declines an invitation. It's an invite; not a summons.
  • klwpazklwpaz member
    10 Comments
    We are also not having kids at our wedding with the exception of WP and infants. I am not an expert on ettiquette, but we took into account that we would like our friends to be comfortable while keeping within our budget. One of my BM and two of my closest friends have infants under 6 months old, and we contacted each personally to let them know that they are welcome to bring the baby if they would like. Especially for the one who lives several hours away (and whose parents are also invited), I could not imagine asking her to leave the baby home. Our decision was also influenced by the fact that our families (both sides) usually fight over who gets to hold the babies first, so I know most of our guests will not mind their presence. :)
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  • It's not a question of what you MUST do, it's a question of what makes you a thoughtful, considerate friend and person compared to what just makes you a selfish a-hole.

    IMHO if you tell a friend or relative that they must leave their nine month-old baby at home if they wish to attend your wedding, you're falling into the a-hole category.

    Sure, SOME parents feel comfortable leaving their baby with a sitter or relative for the night. Some can afford it, some can't. Some have reliable parents/siblings, etc. to help out. Some don't. Some feed their babies forumla, some don't. There's really no way to know these details for every individual or deciding when a parent "should" be hiring a sitter.

    I think all this, "If they don't like it they can simply decline the invitation" stuff is crap. I mean, if you really care that little about whether or not someone attends your wedding, why on Earth are you inviting them in the first place? Shouldn't everyone on the guest list be someone you WANT to be at your wedding?

    I know everyone on our guest list was... And it was in our interest to make it as accessible, easy, fun and stress-free as possible for our guests. Because they were our friends or relatives and we love them. We weren't trying to give them a hard time or challenge them to find childcare alternatives. IMHO that's not how you treat your friends.
  • You do not have to make an exception. Children/babies do not have to be invited. Like someone else said, if parents do not want to leave their kids at home with a sitter, they can decline the invitation. There are plenty of places/events that are adult-only, and it's a choice parents will have to make when they go out socially to adult-only events.


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  • You don't HAVE to make an exception for anyone.
    Just know that if the friend with the 9 month old sees the other friend with the infant, they are going to be upset that she was told to leave her baby at home, but someone else was allowed to bring their child. 

    If I were you I would make it so everyone can bring their kid, or nobody can bring their kid.
  • angelstar975angelstar975 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited May 2012
    I've babysat for enough 9 month olds to know that a lot of parents have no problem leaving them home and personally, I don't think that's too young at all. However, the fact that she wrote the baby's name on the RSVP instead of thinking, "Oh cool, a wedding invitation. We'll get a sitter that night!" says to me that she doesn't want to leave him/her home. You don't have to make the exception, but be prepared for them to decline. If they're out of town or something, then I probably would make the exception, since a lot of parents really don't like to leave their baby overnight.
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