Feelings on motherhood?

leia1979 · April 2011

I've never been interested in children. I didn't like baby dolls and never babysat. It does seem the expectation--especially for women--is to want children. I once had a coworker say I should freeze my eggs in case I changed my mind. (I suppose he was just suggesting it as risk mitigation, but I was rather insulted.) I don't understand why it's okay for someone to say they want kids, but if I say I don't want them, people are convinced I'll change my mind someday.

FI fortunately agrees with me. One day, when we have a house, we'll have pets, and they will be children enough for us.

DanieKA · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_feelings-motherhood?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:1c4a98fe-bf33-4df2-9aa4-141aebc3a206Post:6dddf249-1da8-47c0-bfe6-9c87f6535cbc">Re: Feelings on motherhood?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Feelings on motherhood? : I completely agree that it is a personal choice. I hope you don't feel I was being judgy with my earlier post...I just meant to imply that I would be lonely if I did not have family ties in my older age. Although I cannot imagine NOT having kids, i'm sure there others who cannot imagine HAVING kids. To each their own!
Posted by allusive007[/QUOTE]

No, I didn't get judgy from your post at all!! Honestly, I would totally feel lonely and as if I'd missed out on an experience I wanted if I never got to have children. I just get riled up in general. Sometimes I just want to scream "step away from my v@gina and stay out of my uterus!" when I see or hear things that pressure women one way or another:)

Peaseblossom55 · April 2011

so my feelings have wavered on this, i always wanted kids then as I got older I sort of changed my mind and didn't really think I would be good at it.

Now I'm with my current bf, I couldn't imagine not raising a family with him( in talking he has mentioned once or twice our kids), Defintely willing to have 1. I would also really love to adopt a girl from China. We shall see I will be 32 in August bf is 38 and we aren't even engaged yet, I don't want to try to have my own kids after 40. We shall see what life brings.

PaigeMcC · April 2011

5. No word of a lie. I want a herd.

FBD says 2 or 3. I'd be okay with 3...but I really want my own herd.

GreenPepperBurger · April 2011

I am totally on the fence. I never really wanted to be a mother - it was just something that I thought I should want, as a woman. But I admit that I'm selfish - I'm very career-oriented and I couldn't imagine having to sacrifice the things that I want to do.

But then again, I feel like I would turn 40 and regret not having at least one child. BF and I talked about it and he's not so keen on having children either. He wants a vasectomy for Christmas.

lavenderfields13 · April 2011

I always knew I wanted kids when I was younger but recently now that I'm a little older (still only 24-but I'm more aware now of how easily it can happen) I sometimes have those feelings like 'do I really want to have my life change FOREVER like that?'. But I think it's just because I know I'm not ready right now.most of the time I can't imagine going through life never having children. I would like to start before I'm 30 so hopefully me and BF will be more settled in the next few years. He wants kids too but definitely not right now. He's an only child and I have a feeling he wants a few but I think 2 might be enough for me! I love the idea of actually being pregnant. I always hope I'm one of those pregnant women who only have a belly and are so glowing and happy -not the miserable pregnant lady! but giving birth terrifies me!!
it's good to see a few other posters considering adoption/foster parenting. I don't think I myself could do it but there are so many children out there that need that love and stability

aah009 · April 2011

I have always wanted a family. I at least with two-three kids. The bf agrees too. I honestly couldn't see myself not having kids. BF is a twin so im hoping he will pass the gene down:) and of course seatea we have to have kids together.

SKP82 · April 2011

I can't imagine NOT being a mother one day. I want to have like 4 kids. BF has said he would be happy with only 1, but would be okay with 2. I secretly want to have twins (I'm crazy, I know), so I think we'll end up with 3 (because I would like to be pregnant at least twice).

I'm one of those who is looking forward to pregnancy and the experience.

I would like to go off BC as soon as we get married (and who knows when that will be). BUT I'm pretty sure BF won't be on board with that. We'll see. Obviously this is all hypothetical as we are NEY.

desertsun · April 2011

I was NOT always sure I wanted kids. But over the last 10 years or so, watching my siblings and friends with their kids...It convinced me that being a mom was an experience I did not want to miss. I know it will be hard and scary but it will also bring so much joy. I am happy that I took my time falling in love and getting married, and I got to live on my own and support myself and just have the freedom to do what I wanted and be who I wanted. I would regret not having those experiences. My H is the same -- he lived it up when he was young. Now we're both ready to move on to the next stage. NOT that we are TTC right at this moment, but we're definitely moving in that direction, and we're kinda wringing every last bit of enjoyment and appreciation out of being married and it being just the two of us right now before we become parents in the next couple of years. We're hoping for 2 kids.

kibo8 · April 2011

I absolutely want to have kids. More than 1, because I am an only child and hated it growing up. But I am completely disgusted at the idea of actually being pregnant. Just the whole thing, the feelings, idk doesn't sit right. My mom gets so mad because she says it's the most beautiful thing in the world.

aah009 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_feelings-motherhood?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1c4a98fe-bf33-4df2-9aa4-141aebc3a206Post:f26fec77-c45d-45bd-a4db-90818f1c7657">Re: Feelings on motherhood?</a>:
[QUOTE]I can't imagine NOT being a mother one day. I want to have like 4 kids. BF has said he would be happy with only 1, but would be okay with 2. I secretly want to have twins (I'm crazy, I know), so I think we'll end up with 3 (because I would like to be pregnant at least twice). I'm one of those who is looking forward to pregnancy and the experience. I would like to go off BC as soon as we get married (and who knows when that will be). BUT I'm pretty sure BF won't be on board with that. We'll see. Obviously this is all hypothetical as we are NEY.
Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]

<div>haha so agree with you. </div>

kellylove22 · April 2011

I don't know why, but I can't picture myself having my own children, ever. I love kids, love holding them, playing with them, watching them for family/friends, etc etc, but when I close my eyes and imagine myself & bf 10 or 20 years from now, I just don't see kids in the picture. I guess I just don't feel ready or responsible enough to take care of anyone else just yet, and I just don't know if I ever will be willing to totally change my life for someone else.

Unfortunately bf and I have had to talk about it quite a bit over the last few months because he had to have some sperm frozen in case his radiation might have some impact on his ability to have kids (don't worry, his junk is now, sort of, mostly under control). At least it's good to know that he's not terribly interested in having kids unless we're both 100% emotionally and financially ready. For the time being we'll just keep spoiling our furbaby and carrying him around like an infant until he bites or scratches.

bethsmiles · April 2011

I can't imagine not being a mom someday. I really want kids and I always have. The only disagreement (not really a disagreement just difference in what we want) is that he would like to have at least one child that we conceive but I always wanted to adopt because as much as I want kids the idea of pregnancy scares the hell out of me.

We've had a lot of discussions about it and we would like to have two kids (not adopted) and possibly adopt a third depending on our financial situation. Also, when we are older and our kids are out of the house we might look into being foster parents.

alanacatherine · April 2011

Ask the greatest men and women in history what the best moments/achievements in their lives were. Its never climbing Everest for the 15th time or when I won the nobel prize. Its when I got married, when my son was born, teaching my daughter how to read. ITS THAT SH*T.

BF and I are both pretty ambitious people (Im planning on being an attorney and he is in a clinical psychology program). BF and I TOTALLY want to make babies as well. I've been grappling with this a lot because I know that I'd rather have a child more than a career, but I happen to have been born in a convenient time period for mastering both a demanding career and a little one or two.

BF is 32 and has hardcore baby rabies. I have been lurking the bump boards (I'm weird too!) for years and religiously follow various mommy blogs. REALLY EMBARRASSING, but I am pretty affluent with pregnancy/newborn jargon! We will likely start trying/remove the goalie relatively soon after marriage, and I wouldn't be surprised if we're engaged within the next year and a half. So, babies are coming.

I don't know why you are all so scared of getting your pre-baby body back when theres a way bigger and scarier pregnancy issue at hand!

E-P-I-S-I-O-T-O-M-Y

zipis1 · April 2011

I'm a big fat NO on the children thing. Nuh uh. No way, no how. It wouldn't be safe for me to raise children.

ADTonk · April 2011

I've never known so many people who do not want kids. To each their own and I'm not here to judge at all, but I'm surprised at how many of you don't want chidren.

As for me, I want childern. BF and I have talked about having children and we've agreed that we want 2, mayyyybbbbbe 3, but probably 2. Both of us love kids and are good with kids so it makes sense.

Pregnancy, birth, and barf used to scare the hellll out of me but I think I'm okay now.

Elle1036 · April 2011

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Feelings on motherhood? : No, I didn't get judgy from your post at all!! Honestly, I would totally feel lonely and as if I'd missed out on an experience I wanted if I never got to have children. I just get riled up in general. <strong>Sometimes I just want to scream "step away from my v@gina and stay out of my uterus!" when I see or hear things that pressure women one way or another:)</strong>
Posted by DanieKA[/QUOTE]

Ditto this. A hundred times.

Oh, and...

[QUOTE]I don't know why you are all so scared of getting your pre-baby body back when theres a way bigger and scarier pregnancy issue at hand! E-P-I-S-I-O-T-O-M-Y
Posted by alanacatherine[/QUOTE]

...

*cringe*

MLekathLEEN · April 2011

Fi and I were talking about it the other night. He said 28 and I said 26. He countered with 29 and I said 24 and 11 months (aka- 9ish months from now). I would love to be KU'ed but we ideally want to wait until after we're married and have some if not all debt paid off so I could possibly have the option to stay home for awhile.

katieisawesome · April 2011

I didn't want children when I was younger, then I got pregnant when I was just shy of my 22nd birthday. My daughter is amazing, and it took me awhile to really get the "mom" thing (not that I was a bad mother or didn't love her for the first few years, it was just hard) but now I would love to have another (or maybe 2, or adopt).

My DD is almost 7 and I think I just figured the whole thing out after all that time.

katieisawesome · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_feelings-motherhood?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1c4a98fe-bf33-4df2-9aa4-141aebc3a206Post:398fec83-f6d3-4cb4-8832-75ae31c09ba3">Re: Feelings on motherhood?</a>:
[QUOTE] I don't know why you are all so scared of getting your pre-baby body back when theres a way bigger and scarier pregnancy issue at hand! E-P-I-S-I-O-T-O-M-Y
Posted by alanacatherine[/QUOTE]

<div>Not for nothing, but I had to have one and it has absolutely no negative effect on my existence after a couple of weeks. (I know some women fair much worse giving birth, but most are fine.)</div>

sparkles88 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_feelings-motherhood?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1c4a98fe-bf33-4df2-9aa4-141aebc3a206Post:6b4bced1-90ee-4cf2-ad91-5e9462a76c72">Re: Feelings on motherhood?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Feelings on motherhood? : And I do resent it when people tell us we're selfish for not wanting children, and tell us we'll definitely change our minds, and tell us that it's a shame because we'd be such great parents.
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

Agreed. I find that most of the people who say this is selfish, also say, "You won't have anyone there for you when you're old, if you don't have children." Sorry, but I think it's pretty selfish if you're expecting me to bring a child into this world so I can count on them to keep me company and pay for my nursing home when I'm 80.

MLekathLEEN · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_feelings-motherhood?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:1c4a98fe-bf33-4df2-9aa4-141aebc3a206Post:d9d4928c-e825-4e47-b4e9-6fba9b07cf6f">Re: Feelings on motherhood?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Feelings on motherhood? : Agreed. I find that most of the people who say this is selfish, also say, "You won't have anyone there for you when you're old, if you don't have children." <strong>Sorry, but I think it's pretty selfish if you're expecting me to bring a child into this world so I can count on them to keep me company and pay for my nursing home when I'm 80.
</strong>Posted by sparkles88[/QUOTE]

Don't forget someone to mow your lawn once their big enough to push it.

ETA: "You won't have anyone there for you when you're old, if you don't have children." reminds me of something my uncle has mentioned NUMEROUS times. He will ask me "Don't you wish you had siblings so you'd have someone to be there for you the rest of your life?" No, I don't. I am just fine with being an only child and if I need someone, that's what I will have children for ;). Even if I weren't ok with it, do you expect me to talk mother into popping another one out? She's had her tubes tied since I was 4 and a hysterectomy a few years back but I'm sure that can be reversed so I can have a sibling to grow old with...ugh.

KD+BC · April 2011

I don't want kids.

LOL. Being serious though, I always knew I wanted children and MH and I spoke about it within our first couple dates. I wasn't going to waste my time with someone who wasn't on board with being a parent someday. Actually, MH broke up with his gf before me partially because she didn't ever want to have kids.

Even though I knew being a mom was important to me, it was also important for me to finish my schooling and get my career in order first. Everyone has priorities and I think it's important to keep them in order. You don't want to rush into kids. I'm really proud of myself for sticking to my timeline and goals before getting pregnant because MH was all for it a couple of years ago. We basically waited to get married until we were ready to conceive. We got married on 10/22 and conceived somewhere around 11/24

(we're also lucky that it was that easy for us).

SassyFlats · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_feelings-motherhood?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1c4a98fe-bf33-4df2-9aa4-141aebc3a206Post:398fec83-f6d3-4cb4-8832-75ae31c09ba3">Re: Feelings on motherhood?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know why you are all so scared of getting your pre-baby body back when theres a way bigger and scarier pregnancy issue at hand! E-P-I-S-I-O-T-O-M-Y
Posted by alanacatherine[/QUOTE]

I'm not one of the folks who is worried too much about a post-baby body, but I'm not really worried about an episiotomy, either. I have never met a woman who had any more issue with that than the overall labor and delivery process. You get stitched up, it heals fine... no big deal (after the initial recovery) in most cases from what I understand.

My mom always told me that giving birth was the most intense pain you could ever feel in your life, but once you have a baby in your arms you start forgetting the pain right away. Am I scared of pregnancy and birth? Hell yes. But you know what I'm WAY more worried about?

Teenagers. They gotta grow up, and that means<em> teenagers</em>. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-foot-in-mouth.gif" border="0" alt="Foot in mouth" title="Foot in mouth" />

singing_lyn · April 2011

SO and I both want kids, we actually talked about it on the second phone conversation we had. We both also say we want 2. I come from a family with 6 kids and he comes from a family with 5, but we both agree that we don't think we'd be able to handle more than 2. Especially when we babysit for my sister's 5 kids.

I used to tell people when I was younger that I didn't want any, but as I've gotten older that changed. We also both agree we want to wait for marriage, and he wants to wait a year so we can get used to each other before adding hormones and pregnancy and then another person in to the mix. He can't wait to be a dad though, he already tells me that, and my nieces and nephew love him and when they're all over him sometimes he gets this look on his face that makes my heart melt, and I know he's thinking of our future children.

But yeah sometimes the thought of having kids terrifies me, but I know that it's just normal, and I'll be fine.

joiner521 · April 2011

LOL...I agree

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