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Band My Mother Booked Without My Input BERATED Me For NO REASON!! Is There Something I Can/Should D

Hi all:

This is my first time posting here.  I was engaged in June to my BF, an Air Force 2nd Lt. (he just got his commission last may and was enlisted for 8 years prior).  Our wedding is Memorial Day weekend of next year.

I have a very busy job--- Because of this my mom pretty much "took over" the wedding planning.  She doesn't work and thought it would be fun--- I thought this was great and was very grateful for the help.  We had a few run-ins about different things (like when she picked all my flowers without discussing any of it with me and none of the flowers she picked matched the bridesmaids dresses I picked... she refused to think about any of the reception venues I suggested, etc.), but mostly I trusted her to pick vendors that were going to be good and to do a good job.

I recently hired a wedding coordinator just to do some coordinating on the week-of (meeting with the florist, showing people where to go, etc.).  My mom told me she "wanted to cry" when I did this, but eventually came around to seeing that she would want to relax on the week of.  My coordinator is fantastic and willing to help out with suggestions, etc. up until the wedding, too--- we meet this week and she was so helpful.

After meeting with my coordinator, I called the brass band my mother booked (without my input, I have never heard a CD or anything of them) to discuss the possibility of doing a second line.  We live in New Orleans and second lines are a very popular tradition-- it's like a street parade. My coordinator said that we should think about doing one because they are always a hit with guests and our original transportation plans fell through so we thought it would be fun to do one from the church to the reception hall (Less than a mile/10 blocks, 13 minute walk). 

When I asked if he could do this, he BERATED me for a good 15 minutes.  He told me that a second line in May was a "terrible idea"... that he "doesn't know what I'm trying to accomplish here" and that he knows that "I want my wedding to be special but that I need to think about other people" and that other people would be hot, and I could even kill or injure my elderly guests.  He repeatedly suggested that I was stupid and selfish for wanting a second line for an early summer/spring wedding.  Now, I completely understand his concerns (May can be hot) but MANY people here do second lines, even in June, July, August and the route is pretty average for a second line.  All of our grandparents passed away except my fiance's grandma who is very healthy so there  are not many elderly or sick people going to the wedding.  Also, no one is required to do the second line-- we will have a minibus that can transport old/sick people and people can take their cars.  And... this band is a brass band who SAID they do second lines, my mom wrote that we "might do a secondline" in the contract (which is very simple and she paid no deposit), so this cannot be a surprise to them.  But after talking to him, I got the impression that he does not have any experience doing them.  Not to mention, he was VERY rude!!!  I could not believe the way he was talking to me, especially since it was the FIRST time I talked to him, and I am a customer (and the bride!).

After this experience, I had a very bad taste in my mouth.   I don't even know if I want a second line, but I know that I did not like the way this guy treated me.  I feel like the band is not only rude, but also not very trustworthy because they are trying to strong-arm me into not doing something that we have hired them to do.  My fiance agrees and we want to break the contract (like I said I have no deposit) and get a band that is more professional in the way they deal with me....

I told my mom about this, and today she said that the band called her to apologize, that he said he "just wanted to get his point across" and she wants to stick with them.  I have a few calls into my wedding coordinator about how to address the situation (whether we break the contract or what)..... 

But my main concern is I don't know if to believe my mom that the band called her back to apologize.  Both my fiance and I suspect that she called them and he was only then apologetic... because why would he apologize to HER and not me? 

My mom has lied about wedding planning before to get her way (like she told both my dad and I that certain venues were not available when they were).  My fiance said last night that he thinks that with the crying when i hired the coordinator, doing lots of things without my input, etc. she believes that she is losing "command and control" of the wedding (I laughed about his use of that term a lot last night) and therefore is trying to keep the band she booked, even though he was horribly rude to me. 

... Sorry for the long post but thoughts???  Do you think that I should stick with this rude band?  That my mom is probably lying that she didn't call him??  What would you do???

Re: Band My Mother Booked Without My Input BERATED Me For NO REASON!! Is There Something I Can/Should D

  • TheVirginiansTheVirginians
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited September 2012
    Wow! Try to forget the rudeness for now. Try to forget also who called whom. Focus first on your relationship with your mom and her role. Then you, she, and the coordinator can focus on whether this band can give you the music you want.
  • Yep, I think your FI is on the right track - talk to your coordinator, and see if you can transition power away from your Mom.  I'm not sure how your contract goes for letting you out - you might lose your deposit, but it sounds like it might be a small price to pay if you can afford it.  I'd be pissed to have a vendor like that at my wedding.

    Good luck!



  • 1) Talk to your mom about letting go and giving up some control. 

    2) I also kinda thing 10 blocks is a long way to walk in the summer
    image BabyFruit Ticker
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