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Mom officiating

dragossoul84dragossoul84
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in Moms and Maids
My mom is really putting me on edge and I'm not diplotic so maybe you guys can help me with the right words. My mom decided she wanted to get ordianed to do my wedding yes its a sweet thought but I really just wanted a Justice of the peace because my mom doesnt follow any directions and really makes everything her show. So she badgered me and finally I gave up and said she could. Now I made a point of telling her since she wanted to do this I really wanted her dress to match or compliment our wedding colors. She promises me she'll wear what ever I want I didnt really want to pick it out for her but go together and look at stuff. Next thing I know she send me a link for a "possible" dresses and I hate it, doesnt compliment or match anything its full of shiney beads the color is disgusting and I tell her that I really hate it but I will book us in and we can go to the stores and look together she tells me too bad shes already ordered it. It clashes with everything I have bought and what my bridesmaids have worked on and at this point I dont want her to officiate but I also know telling her she cant will cause an uproar. Is it too out of line to insist she either get something that is more intune with the wedding or not officiate
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Re: Mom officiating

  • Girlie1030Girlie1030 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Would you have told a JOP that he/she had to coordinate their attire with your bridal party? 
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  • dragossoul84dragossoul84
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    a jp would have just worn a black and white court robe. Which would have been fine with the grooms tuxes it wouldnt have clashed with my wedding
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  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Your mom isn't in the wedding party, therefore you can't dictate what she wears.  If she clashes or looks ridiculous, it will reflect poorly on her, not on you.  She's a grown woman and can dress herself.
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  • dragossoul84dragossoul84
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    My mom is part of the part as she is officiating the wedding I wouldnt care if she was just wearing the ugly outfit and was a guest. I wish I checked she's good to as being legal in my state :( I dont want to have to tell her she cant do it but it went from saying I could pick it to we'd pick together to this terrible thing.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No, the officiant is not part of the wedding party.  The only people whose attire you get to determine are the bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, and ring bearer.  Everyone else wears what they want.  Including your mom, whatever role she's performing.

    It might be tough to tell your mom that she's not legally able to perform the ceremony, but it would be worse to discover that you're not legally married and don't have spousal rights in a time of crisis.  Do your research now.
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  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-officiating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:19940dd8-dc19-49b0-8cd1-769fe6e0914cPost:847dc103-d81e-4680-b7eb-d78b57ba5687">Re: Mom officiating</a>:
    [QUOTE]My mom is part of the part as she is officiating the wedding I wouldnt care if she was just wearing the ugly outfit and was a guest. I wish I checked she's good to as being legal in my state :( I dont want to have to tell her she cant do it but it went from saying I could pick it to we'd pick together to this terrible thing.
    Posted by dragossoul84[/QUOTE]
    No.  Are you telling your florist, musicians, and photographer what to wear?  Are you telling your siblings (not in your WP) what to wear?  Are you telling FMIL what to wear?  Hopefully the answer is "no" to all of those questions.

    Your mom likes the dress, so it doesn't really matter that you think it's ugly.  She's the one who is buying it and wearing it.

    And Retread brings up a good point, make sure your mom can actually officiate.  Call up the county where you're getting married and ask them if that's allowed.
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  • Muffin'sMomMuffin'sMom
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Legality trumps your mother's feelings.  CALL AND CHECK NOW!!!  If she is legal, go to your local church and borrow a black choir robe for her to wear...

    Just sayin.....

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  • dragossoul84dragossoul84
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    She can legally perform the ceramony if you read above I have already checked it florist and musicians dress professionally and arent in the photos. I wouldnt mind her wearing the choir robe that would be fine with me she just wont. For people that dont think it would bother you if you were to get married and your officiant came dressed as a clown I am sure there is no way you'd be like oh okay nothing I can do. People that work at a wedding all have uniforms and arent in all the shots of your weddng ceramony
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  • jenneth6jenneth6
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Is it possible she could wear some sort of robe while she was officiating?  Then she could take it off and wear her own dress for the reception.  

    You could always spin it by saying you'd like her to look official during the actual ceremony like a real JOP or officiant.
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  • marinabreezemarinabreeze
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-officiating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:19940dd8-dc19-49b0-8cd1-769fe6e0914cPost:480872b4-a28f-42f2-bbbc-a51ab8443330">Re: Mom officiating</a>:
    [QUOTE]She can legally perform the ceramony if you read above I have already checked it florist and musicians dress professionally and arent in the photos. I wouldnt mind her wearing the choir robe that would be fine with me she just wont. For people that dont think it would bother you if you were to get married and your officiant came dressed as a clown I am sure there is no way you'd be like oh okay nothing I can do. People that work at a wedding all have uniforms and arent in all the shots of your weddng ceramony
    Posted by dragossoul84[/QUOTE]
    Myself and the PPs <em>did</em> read what you wrote prior to this post.  You were unclear when you first mentioned that you had checked for her eligibility to perform the ceremony.  It could've been read either way, and if you had punctuated that sentence correctly, the posters following you would've understood you.

    I agree with PPs.  Your mom is choosing to dress in a certain way, she's an adult and can dress herself.  If she's not "appropriate" enough for your taste, that's on her and not a reflection on you or your FI.  I would love to see this dress, btw, because something tells me it's far from her looking like a clown.  Personally, I think you're making a bigger deal of this than it's truly worth.
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