what to delegate to male bridesmaids?

Rlbosley10 · March 2010

i have 4 straight male bridesmaids and 7 females (kind of rediculous i know). I dont think its fair to my ladies that the boys' only job is to show up in a tux, the day of and call it a day. But, im not too sure what to have them do or if anyone has any ideas for something different or unique for them to get more involved? Also, should i invtive them to my shower? help please!

stina93446 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_delegate-male-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6adf6180-379a-4459-ae0d-07d0ab690406Post:212b1fde-313a-470b-9c90-4776dbd8f26c">what to delegate to male bridesmaids?</a>:
[QUOTE]i have 4 straight male bridesmaids and 7 females (kind of rediculous i know). I dont think its fair to my ladies that the boys' only job is to show up in a tux, the day of and call it a day. But, im not too sure what to have them do or if anyone has any ideas for something different or unique for them to get more involved? Also, should i invtive them to my shower? help please!
Posted by Rlbosley10[/QUOTE]

<div>There is nothing to delegate in the first place. If they WANT to help, they will. You do not give them jobs though. Technically, all your girls have to do is show up in the dress and call it a day just like the men.</div>

lizstill13 · March 2010

They have no tasks to complete, so there's nothing "to do". Show up, look nice and stand next to you. Those are their duties.

And since they are your wedding party, I would have them invited to your shower (because you're not hosting your shower, that's bad form), but don't pressure them to attend and don't be offended if they say no.

mbcdefg · March 2010

The part that wouldn't be fair would be to delegate jobs to your BMs. Not because it leaves the guys without work, but because it's not fair to ask your bridesmaids to do work for you.

You are absolutely allowed to ask for help if you'd like, but you are not at all allowed to delegate tasks to anyone. It's nobody's job to plan your wedding except for you and your FI. And telling people that they will host the shower or bachelorette is NEVER acceptable (because it's rude for a person to ask for, or assign someone to host for them, a party in their honor).

Now, if you mean that you simply want to delegate things that don't require work - holding your bouquet or the ring during the ceremony, doing a reading, signing the license, giving a toast - then that's fine. Talk to the bridesmaids and bridesmen and see who's comfortable doing what. Or draw straws.

As for the shower ... if someone decides to plan one for you, then they'll probably ask you for a guest list. Give them the list and if you want to invite the guys, include their names and then tell the hostess, "I'd really like it the guys could be invited, but I'm not sure if they'd be comfortable attending. Talk it over with them, please." Or, if you have already been told that a shower's being planned for you, talk to the guys yourself and ask what they'd want to do, and then tell the hostess.

Rlbosley10 · March 2010

wow people really took the word "delegate" literally! Calm down ladies! All i was reffering ot was the fact that my bridesmaids are all planning to get together tonight to talk about planning the shower and bachelorette--DONT WORRY IM NOT MAKING THEM DO IT! .... i know they all want to help with invites and helping me put the favors together for the wedding, they have all kind of decided who was helping with what. But i know they were debating on having the guys come to there meeting bc they dont really have anything for them to do-- all 4 guys want to make toasts between the reharsal and the reception and im fine if thats all get involved with.. my original question was more so about unique ideas or cool things for them to do... but apparently that was not the way it was perceived

amagwire · March 2010

If they're your Brides'men'maids, all they need to do is stand up with you at your wedding. There's nothing unique they need to do.

AdeleDazeem · March 2010

it's "ridiculous," by the way.

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

The women's only job is to get a dress and show up at the wedding, so I don't see why it would be unfair for the men to just show up in a tux.

If they decide to do anything else, they choose to. For you to suggest it, ask for it, or demand it is incredibly rude. There is nothing else you can "have" them do. It's just a nicer word for delegate.

mbcdefg · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_delegate-male-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:6adf6180-379a-4459-ae0d-07d0ab690406Post:ff950d36-e201-4103-99aa-1a8ea7e54c1b">Re: what to delegate to male bridesmaids?</a>:
[QUOTE]wow people really took the word "delegate" literally!
Posted by Rlbosley10[/QUOTE]

That's the only way we CAN take it on a message board. We can't read your mind or read between the lines. That's great that you're not telling them to do things, but don't get upset when people make assumptions about things that you never mentioned in the first post.

If the bridesmaids have decided on their own to talk about these things, then just give them the guys' contact info and let them figure out how to involve them. If you know some/all of the guys want to be involved, then give the Maid of Honor their contact info and say, "Steve and Joey really want to get involved, so if you could include them then I'd really appreciate it." If you know that some/all of them would rather not participate, then say, "Bill and Mike would feel more comfortable staying out of the 'girly' stuff and just want to stand up in the wedding."

Let the attendants figure it out amongst themselves. Make sure they have each others' contact info and then stay out of it ... they will know what to do. You don't need to come up with "unique" things for them to do.

stina93446 · March 2010

We can only respond to what you write.

emilyinchile · March 2010

If your BMs are choosing to get together to do something among themselves - like plan a bach party - then I think they should invite the guys as well. Something like an e-mail from which BM is organizing this to all of your attendants saying "we're thinking about meeting up to talk about these things, can everyone please let me know if you're interested in being involved and if so, a time that works" is inclusive but doesn't make anyone feel bad if they can't/don't want to be involved.

And yes, I would invite them to your shower - they can decide whether or not they'd feel comfortable attending, and presumably if it's something they WOULD like to go to, they can be involved in the organization so it's not a super girly event.

Rlbosley10 · March 2010

thank u, that was really necessary

what to delegate to male bridesmaids?

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