Okay, first post and I am in dire need of some ideas how best for my Fiance and I to deal with his Mother.
Background- Fiance and I met online a year and a half ago. We spent the summer together, he asked me to marry him after our one year anniversary (chuckle away those of you who think it's silly, I understand). My family is thrilled to death, his... not so much.
Current Issue:
My FMIL is adamantly against marriage. She never married the father of her children and lived with him for 18 years before a miserable split that my FI is still stinging from a decade later. Whatever. We have decided we WANT to get married. My parents have been married for 30 years, and all our grandparents have been married 60+ years.
Knowing of this dislike of the marriage thing, we made the decision not to announce our engagement, let people know about our registry, or anything greatly public until I had come out to meet his family. About a month back she called him all insulted that she wasn't being kept up to date on the wedding plans, and insulted that the wedding was being held near my family as opposed to across the Atlantic where we will be living. She sent me an email about it, I replied. I also apologized and explained our thinking- that it would be best to wait to discuss things till I had met everyone.
All of that was ignored and I was given an email essentially saying two things:
1. Didn't I know that I was causing him so much stress with all this wedding planning.
2. Why can't we just live together.
All right, long story short now (yes I know the story is already long lol)... Here we are, I'm sitting across the world with his family and we haven't had the chat with his mother about the wedding yet. I'm disinclined to bring it up because I know from the correspondence I've received that my family and I are perceived as the source behind this horrible idea. My FI has already been through the stated before our arrival 'Saying of her piece' from my FMIL, and now whenever I mention that we need to discuss wedding stuff with her he gets his stressed face and I can tell his stress-related acid-reflux is acting up.
Does anyone have any idea how to handle this in a way that will keep everyone on good terms and yet make it undeniably clear that things are going to be done a certain way, ie., wedding will be in the US and a second reception/ Blessing in the UK; wedding will be happening; get on board get out of the way, etc. ?
Thanks.