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my mother is jealous of my MIL

snuggle411snuggle411 member
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in Snarky Brides
ok.. we have just started planning out wedding ( march 2011) and i'm already seeing issues with my mom. we aren't as close as she wants to believe and have just got to the point where i even want to talk to her on a frequent basis. my mom lived with me in 2004 and it just did not work well at all. so needless to say we have some baggage that we are overcoming. either way she lives over 6 hours away and doesn't have a vehicle, my FH and i live literally around the corner from my FMIL, i still only see her once or twice a week becasue our work schedules conflict. i am very close to my FMIL.. i've known her for 16 years. my mom gets upset whenever we involve my FMIL. however we've asked my FMIL to perform our ceremony ... i would like to involve my mother as well.. maybe a reading or something.. however i know from experience that my mom cannot be trusted to stick to a reading, not say inappropriate and overly emotion declarations, or make it all about herself....all experiences from my first wedding. how do i involve her without having to be worried that i will have to spend my entire wedding day mending fences or appologizing to everyone...or gettting a migrain becasue my mother is telling patently false tales?
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Re: my mother is jealous of my MIL

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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    If you can't trust her to stick to the script, don't give her a speaking role. She would probably be honored if you asked her to walk you down the aisle.  Show some interest in your mom. Maybe you could take her shopping for your wedding dress or her dress. Stop talking to her about your FMIL since she is jealous of her.
                       
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    bbyckesbbyckes member
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    Maybe she isn't jealous of her - maybe she's sick of you talking about your FMIL.  This post makes me feel sorry for your mom.
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    bbyckesbbyckes member
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-jealous-of-mil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:ff81b8b4-aa03-49eb-8324-aab4ed35f22ePost:d8d6a0fc-6bbf-4bbd-a6de-9cd644139392">my mother is jealous of my MIL</a>:
    [QUOTE]ok.. we have just started planning out wedding ( march 2011) and i'm already seeing issues with my mom. we aren't as close as she wants to believe and have just got to the point where i even want to talk to her on a frequent basis. my mom lived with me in 2004 and it just did not work well at all. so needless to say we have some baggage that we are overcoming. either way she lives over 6 hours away and doesn't have a vehicle, my FH and i live literally around the corner from my FMIL, i still only see her once or twice a week becasue our work schedules conflict. i am very close to my FMIL.. i've known her for 16 years. my mom gets upset whenever we involve my FMIL. however we've asked my FMIL to perform our ceremony ... i would like to involve my mother as well.. maybe a reading or something.. however i know from experience that my mom cannot be trusted to stick to a reading, not say inappropriate and overly emotion declarations, or make it all about herself....all experiences from my first wedding. how do i involve her without having to be worried that i will have to spend my entire wedding day mending fences or appologizing to everyone...or gettting a migrain becasue my mother is telling patently false tales?
    Posted by snuggle411[/QUOTE]
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    duckie1905duckie1905 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Is your FMIL already an ordained minister?  If she is then great, I can see why you asked her.  But if she's not I can see why your mom would be hurt because you've asked her to be a HUGE part of the wedding day while basically putting your mom down and talking about how she can't be trusted to do anything.

    It sounds like your mom just wants a relationship with her daughter, and you just want a relationship with your FMIL.  Time to put petty issues to rest and move on with your lives.  Start treating your mother with some respect and maybe she won't act out around you.
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    kimberlyann1974kimberlyann1974
    First Comment

    Just a small bit of advice...don't have regrets. You have baggage with your mom..a lot of people do, but don't waste precious time that you cannot get back. You don't know what will happen...I don't know y'alls history, but she obviously wants to be close with you...make that effort if you can.

     Now, to make your mom feel more special....as suggested, if you can't trust her to not mess up lines and stuff..I think taking her out for a special day..just the two of you.. to help her find a gorgeous dress..something stunning that makes her look radiant..talk about how she wants to do her hair, consider getting mani pedis together, have brunch..whatever..just do special stuff, just the two of you. Find out her favorite flowers and have her a special corsage made out of them. And don't talk about MIL....especially in a way where you seem to gush and fawn over her. Your mom wants that bond with you obviously. 


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    snuggle411snuggle411 member
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    ok.. we've decided to have a second cousin marry us ( already a minister) - who is not really extremly close to the family so no already bad-blood between mom/him. (forgot to mention that mom/FMIL have clashed since day 1 over the fact hat we were to young to date seriously (we were 16/15 when we started dating)  mom and i are talking about other things..not the wedding...decided to just give it a rest for now.  not mentioning FMIL. FH and I decided not discussing details with anyone else right now. (either mom). when we are ready to start making more indepth decisions i will try to be more inclusive of my mom in asking her opinion on stuff like which flowers she likes or what does she thinkg about getting married at this location, etc. i will try to be more understanding....try to but baggage behind us and see if we can find some mutual ground.
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    SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
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    Good Plan.
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    noisy_penguinnoisy_penguin
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    I'm really upset. I thought I was going to perform your wedding ceremony, I can't believe this is how I find out you're going with your cousin instead.

    Also, you started dating at 15/16, but you've been married before? Please explain, I has confusion.

    image

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    buddhagoudabuddhagouda member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-jealous-of-mil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ff81b8b4-aa03-49eb-8324-aab4ed35f22ePost:66f976a6-bbfe-42cd-b420-cd1a33e3fb07">Re: my mother is jealous of my MIL</a>:
    [QUOTE]. Also, you started dating at 15/16, but you've been married before? Please explain, I has confusion.
    Posted by noisy_penguin[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Was your first husband Warren Jeffs? 

    </div>
    image
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