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so far away.... a little rant...

tunssol2tunssol2 member
First Comment
in Maine

Good Morning! I am so frustrated! My wedding is September 2nd and the drama around it has already started! There has never been a big family fight in my family but guess what... there is now! I am the first grandchild on my dads and my moms side to get married and I am now wishing that someone went before me!!! My mothers side is wonderful! However, my grandmother on my dads side is a nightmare right now! Currently, she is not speaking to my parents or me because "her family is not invited" can I just say that by "her family" she means around 80 "relatives" who consist of people whose names I do not even know, people who do not like me, or people who I do not like. Am I being unreasonable by saying that I don't want my 4th cousin whom I have never gotten along with at my wedding?? Keep in mind that she's dating my ex boyfriend!!! Ohh I also forgot to mention that my grandmother lives next door to my parents -- so that makes the situation even more stressful for them! Am I wrong for thinking that my grandmother doesn't have the right to make my guest list for me? My other grandmother isn't demanding that my 4th cousins come!

Anyway, I'm so stressed and the planning has only just started! To make it worse 3 of my bridesmaids (out of 5) live far away... one in NJ and two in FRANCE!

Ok... so I feel a little better after that rant but oh my goodness I just need the drama to stop!

xoxo
have a great day everyone!

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Re: so far away.... a little rant...

  • ivyrose13ivyrose13 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Just breathe.

    Do you have a venue yet? As far as grandma goes, just explain to her that you only have limited seating. Maybe you could work with her to help her trim her guest list to people you know. It doesn't make sense to invite people you don't know, and chances are they would feel awkward going to a wedding for someone they don't know anyway. 

    As far as bridesmaids go, I understand you completely there. I have six bridesmaids, two are in Florida, two are in New York, and two are in Missouri. The only time I will have all six of them in the same place at the same time will be the weekend of the wedding. It's hard, I've had to do a lot of planning with my mom, but thanks to the wonders of the internet I've been able to keep in touch. 

    Keep your chin up, everything will work out fine.

    On a side note, you mentioned that you were getting married in September, is that of this year? If so, you should join the September 2011 board, it is more active than the Maine board and it's an awesome group of ladies over there. 
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  • tunssol2tunssol2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks!

    Oh my goodness all 6 bridesmaids out of state! At least I have 2 here! And yes my mom has been so great! I'm glad yours is too!

    Thanks for the tip on the September board! I'll check it out :)
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  • tunssol2tunssol2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    and oh yea... I did pick my venue!! lost valley :) i'm excited about that part!!
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  • staceymhansonstaceymhanson
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I ran into the same problem just take a deep breath and relax everything will work out. Its not your grandmothers wedding you invite people you want to be there and if you don't want somone there then you don't need to invite them! Everything will be okay!!!
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  • chrispygalchrispygal
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am an older bride and will be almost 38 when I get married. (getting married on Sept 4th btw!) What I love most about it is that I'm paying for everything and I make all the decisions.  You don't like it, then don't come.  Plain and simple.  I am sorry your grandmother is giving you a hard time and hopefully someone tells her to shape up.  This is about YOU and your fiance, not her.  And unless she's paying for all these people to come, and all the associated costs that go along with them in addition to the dinner, then she needs to stay out of it! 
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  • chayer227chayer227
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Unfortunately, weddings tend to bring out the worst in people.  I'm so sorry to hear that yours is bringing out the worst in your grandmother, of all people!
    Unless Grandma is paying for the wedding, she definitely doesn't get to have that much of a say in who is invited.  Her "family" is YOUR family, and I'm assuming you're being reasonable in who you ARE inviting.   This should be good enough for her, and she needs to back off. 
    My advice is: look at your anticipated guest list (of people that you want there), and see how close this brings you to your venue's capacity - AND your BUDGET!  If you are already close to either of those numbers, your Dad (since it's his mom) needs to tell her that, and fully blame the numbers.  80 extra people is unacceptable, no matter who they are; she's completely out of line to even suggest this. 
    Oh, and my BMs were all out of state as well, it's hard, but they may surprise you.  I had to do a lot of the planning and prepping myself, but they came through the best they could with their limited resources (all had kids and other prioritites). 
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  • tunssol2tunssol2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks so much everyone! I appreciate the advice :)
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  • fickrj5fickrj5
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry to hear that you are going through all of this right now.  I'm sure it will all work out, and your grandmother will see that she wants to be a part of your wedding planning process and will understand that it will have to be under your terms.  I'm sure at first she was just very excited for you and your family and wanted everyone to share in that special day with all of you.  If you havn't already, maybe you could try talking to her one on one and explaining to her that your venue and budget do not allow for such a large guestlist and that you have to do what is right for you and your FI.  I hope she comes around, I know how stubborn some family members can be about this stuff. Good Luck girl!

    Also,  there are a lot of fun parts to the wedding planning process, you can't let this one thing get in the way of enjoying this special time in your life.  You should also join the Sept 11 board like Ivy said, we have a lot of fun over there!



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  • tunssol2tunssol2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks!!! Yes I know... I am enjoying other parts of the planning :-) It's just her being so stubborn is frusterating! But I will join the September board! Thanks for the advice! <3
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  • tunssol2tunssol2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    by the way rebecca... your proposal story is adorable!!
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