Wedding Etiquette Forum

What to say to a no show?

I invited my cousin and his new wife to our wedding this past Saturday. She repeatedly ignored my attempts to get her RSVP after the date and then got angry with me for having asked, but she still said they were coming. My cousin had to sit at a table full of people he didn;t know without her because she never showed up. My cousin only said that she was mad at me and that she "had to work or something." My cousin is mentally slow and unwittingly told me that she didn't really have to work. The Farmville records on her FB wall also show me this. Is it worth asking her about it or should I just ignore it? That was around 100 dollars that she wasted.
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Re: What to say to a no show?

  • Ignore it. I know it sucks, but calling her out on it is not going to improve her relationship with you. 
  • Just let it go.  

    No shows are just part of planning a party.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • She obviously doesn't like you.  Let it go.

    What else are you supposed to do?
    panther
  • Why would you say anything?  Just drop it.
    image
  • That sucks... but you'd just start more family drama if you look further into. While I reeeeally don't like catching people in their "lies" (i.e. seeing that she was on Farmville), you don't know the whole story - she could have been doing something productive AND playing on FB. I multitask all the time. 
    image
  • It's really not worth stressing out about. You're a newlywed, enjoy and focus on that.
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    Anniversary
  • It's annoying, but you swallow it and move on with life. Etiquette-wise you would be in the wrong to make a big deal out of the no-shows. Stuff happens, people only think of themselves and not how their no-showing is rude and expensive for the hosts. But it happens to pretty much every bride and you just have to roll your eyes and let it go.
  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    Nothing
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  • Not going to lie, I'm going to be really pissed off at people who RSVP'd yes and then didn't show....which I'm sure will happen just because that's just something that happens sometimes.  I won't say anything other than maybe a "we missed you at the wedding" and let it go, but I can't say that I wouldn't hold a tiny grudge against that person.  It's just soooo rude.  However, it's not worth starting drama over...
    Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_say-show?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:827fc1e9-0998-4539-9d56-c999cf2399bdPost:4eafa09c-6681-4683-8ecb-756a9269f7da">Re: What to say to a no show?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Nothing
    Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

    This
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

  • Just let it go.
    imageDaisypath Anniversary tickers
  • heheh farmville
    image
  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    edited May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_say-show?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:827fc1e9-0998-4539-9d56-c999cf2399bdPost:3d7603e5-a7e3-42fe-9544-d64c5fe39aa2">Re: What to say to a no show?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Not going to lie, I'm going to be really pissed off at people who RSVP'd yes and then didn't show....which I'm sure will happen just because that's just something that happens sometimes.  I won't say anything other than maybe a "we missed you at the wedding" and let it go, but I can't say that I wouldn't hold a tiny grudge against that person.  It's just soooo rude.  However, it's not worth starting drama over...
    Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

    I don't get this. I get that people pay a lot of money for people to attend, and are out that money if they don't show. I don't get holding a grude (no matter how tiny) over someone because maybe, just possibly, something came up. Something can happen that may prevent them from attending and you may never know what that reason is. I just think it's crappy to get pissed at someone when something could have happened to them.

    OP's situation is a little different in that it didn't seem that this woman wanted to come in the first place. It's crappy what she did, but she still can't say anything (not that you were advocating she does).

    ETA: the first time I tried to post this it ended up on Chit Chat.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_say-show?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:827fc1e9-0998-4539-9d56-c999cf2399bdPost:51a634ff-0962-4be1-b5d4-49e1952cf55c">Re: What to say to a no show?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to say to a no show? : I don't get this. I get that people pay a lot of money for people to attend, and are out that money if they don't show. I don't get holding a grude (no matter how tiny) over someone because maybe, just possibly, something came up. Something can happen that may prevent them from attending and you may never know what that reason is. I just think it's crappy to get pissed at someone when something could have happened to them. OP's situation is a little different in that it didn't seem that this woman wanted to come in the first place. It's crappy what she did, but she still can't say anything (not that you were advocating she does). ETA: the first time I tried to post this it ended up on Chit Chat.
    Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

    I'm of the opinion that as soon as you know you can't make it somewhere you promised to be, you let them know ASAP.  But my 'grudge' feelings probably stem from a friends weddings...one of our other friends never showed up and when we asked him (concerned about him) why he didn't show up, he said that a friend invited him to a movie instead.  It wasn't a cheap wedding and he just decided not to go to go to a movie??  Yeah, I still think he's a POS for that one, not even about the cost, but really?  A movie that you can see anytime is more important than a good friends' wedding?

    Obviously, if the situation were different and something truly came up where they couldn't attend (same wedding, a friend missed the ceremony because he got rearended, but he still showed up for the reception, missing bumper and all), I'd understand, but in the OP's case, and the case of my friend, they just chose not to attend because of a stupid reason.  I guess 'grudge' isn't the right word, more of...I'd never forget they did that.  And this isn't just a WR thing, if someone did something that I found really rude in any circumstance, I'd probably always remember that about them too.

    Still, I wouldn't say anything to them about it because I think that's rude too, but it doesn't change the fact that I'd be really peeved about it.
    Anniversary
  • Well, I definitely wouldn't go out of my way to invite cousin and his wife over for Thanksgiving at my place or anything like that. . . but I wouldn't say anything. She was clearly (for some reason) offended that you called and asked about the R.S.V.P. and that's why she didn't come. Maybe your R.S.V.P. card for her wedding got lost in the mail?
  • You should FB her and say "Ok, you wasted $100 of mine - where is my gift then, bitch?"  But, I am snarky like that. 

    Just kidding.  As PPs said, let it go.  You have more important things to focus on - like future TTC. 
    Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_say-show?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:827fc1e9-0998-4539-9d56-c999cf2399bdPost:61ff8467-d2f3-4d0c-81f7-5ed6e215e25e">What to say to a no show?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I invited my cousin and his new wife to our wedding this past Saturday. She repeatedly ignored my attempts to get her RSVP after the date and then got angry with me for having asked, but she still said they were coming. My cousin had to sit at a table full of people he didn;t know without her because she never showed up. My cousin only said that she was mad at me and that she "had to work or something." <strong>My cousin is mentally slow </strong>and unwittingly told me that she didn't really have to work. The Farmville records on her FB wall also show me this. Is it worth asking her about it or should I just ignore it? That was around 100 dollars that she wasted.
    Posted by SteffMatt0514[/QUOTE]

    I'm sorry, but WTflyingF does the bolded part have to do with anything?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_say-show?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:827fc1e9-0998-4539-9d56-c999cf2399bdPost:084dc57e-7371-41db-a849-3228859eddc6">Re: What to say to a no show?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You should FB her and say "Ok, you wasted $100 of mine - where is my gift then, bitch?"  But, I am snarky like that.  Just kidding.  As PPs said, let it go.  You have more important things to focus on - <strong>like future TTC. </strong>
    Posted by AbbeyS2011[/QUOTE]

    That's mighty presumptuous.

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_say-show?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:827fc1e9-0998-4539-9d56-c999cf2399bdPost:6641c58d-9695-42f2-abfb-4e5b01cafdfc">Re: What to say to a no show?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to What to say to a no show? : I'm sorry, but WTflyingF does the bolded part have to do with anything?
    Posted by pantherRN[/QUOTE]

    All I meant was that he accidentally gave away the fact that she didn't really have to work. many apologies if that somehow offended you.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_say-show?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:827fc1e9-0998-4539-9d56-c999cf2399bdPost:084dc57e-7371-41db-a849-3228859eddc6">Re: What to say to a no show?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You should FB her and say "Ok, you wasted $100 of mine - where is my gift then, bitch?"  But, I am snarky like that.  Just kidding.  As PPs said, let it go.  You have more important things to focus on -<strong> like future TTC</strong>. 
    Posted by AbbeyS2011[/QUOTE]

    Actually, we're probably not having children. I do have more important things to focus on, though. I was just curious as to whether or not it would be completely unacceptable to ask her about it.
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