MIL= Monster In Law

santana9505 · October 2011

I read SO many crazy future MIL posts on TK.

What's YOUR worst, hair pulling moment with your MIL/ Future MIL?? Whether it had to do with Wedding Planning, or not!!

Mine always has to do with how I treat her Baby Boy. She's always questioning him about our relationship, if I make him dinner every night, if I do his laundary, keep the house clean, etc. Once, she even asked me if I put his socks on every morning for him....ha! She's constantly critisizing my "wife" ability. But after 6 years of dating her darling son, I've learned to get over it and just keep any responses to myself.

I guess you have to love them to pieces, no matter what!

jagore08 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mil-monster-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0806b1fe-3966-4014-95a4-0fff68e5ad81Post:93f34dc0-f17c-4857-bc75-6c62c8cf2aa3">MIL= Monster In Law</a>:
[QUOTE]I read SO many crazy future MIL posts on TK. What's YOUR worst, hair pulling moment with your MIL/ Future MIL?? Whether it had to do with Wedding Planning, or not!! Mine always has to do with how I treat her Baby Boy. She's always questioning him about our relationship, if I make him dinner every night, if I do his laundary, keep the house clean, etc. Once, she even asked me if I put his socks on every morning for him....ha! She's constantly critisizing my "wife" ability. But after 6 years of dating her darling son, I've learned to get over it and just keep any responses to myself. I guess you have to love them to pieces, no matter what!
Posted by santana9505[/QUOTE]
Sounds like your FI is a Mama's boy and needs to say something to her. Essentially he's letting her treat you like that.

santana9505 · October 2011

I agree he's been a Momma's boy forever but he's said many things to her in my defense. But anymore, I just let it go, mainly because it causes tension. And that's the last thing I need while planning a wedding with her son.

RaptorSLH · October 2011

Rant warning. This is long, but I need to vent, and OP gave me an excuse. Feel free to ignore. Thanks.

She's a hoarder. This means nothing is ever quick and easy - if you visit, you have to clean a place to sit down. Need to find her wallet? her cigarettes? her medication? Prepare for a hour-long search at an increasingly desperate pace through three oversized purse/tote bags, every compartment in her car, and mountains of stuff on tables, chairs, and counters. Partly because of this...

She doesn't take care of her bad back. Instead of treating it cautiously, and wearing a brace (which she is quick to lecture others to do) she flails and yanks and hauls and twists until it's in major pain. Even if it doesn't have to be done. Even if strong backs are there to help. She'll bring the service dog everywhere, even when the struggle to prep him does more harm than he does good once he's there. Then, *anything* and *everything* becomes a major trial, including simple things that do need to be done and shouldn't be out of reach. Like showering. Or getting dressed.

Add to this that she putters (good Lord can that woman putter) and you have...

She is late. Chronically late. I don't mean fashionably late, oh no. Not twenty minutes late, or thirty. Hours. I've gone to dinner at her house on a work night, and left at 11pm with dinner still in the oven. She was surprised. She was three hours late getting to my place when I drove her to Philly for her back surgery, and still wasn't ready when she showed up. Christmas dinner was canceled two hours after we were originally supposed to arrive, due to her back...and then we find out she never got around to actually inviting the rest of the family. We ate pizza with FFIL Christmas night.

I have nightmares about the wedding being delayed because she's late, or she collapses walking to her seat right before the ceremony, or because she calls right as it's starting still at home. I'm hoping her younger son agrees to stay with her and babysit her. I'm planning on inviting her to get ready with the wedding party, because getting her out of the house hours early is the only way I can think of to guarantee she makes it on time, and I dread having to baby sit her while I'm getting ready. But she'll still need babysat for at least a day before to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid, and so someone can nag her to be showered and have clothing ready. Otherwise, I know we'll show up to take her to the venue, and she'll still need to shower, and find her hair curler, and dig out her shoes, and buy nylons, and find her pain meds, and eat breakfast.....

And then I feel like a heel because the bad back is real and serious and very painful, but I'm all out of symapthy. She missed the dress shopping trip that she desperately wanted to go to, because she hurt her back. She expects to go cake tasting, and all these other things, and she's insulted that I would think she needs to be told we'll leave without her if she's not on time...right before telling me that I should pick her up and be there an extra half hour early, so I can "kick her in the butt" and keep her moving. Arrgggggggh!

Oh, and it's just as well she missed the dress shopping. She wanted to try on dresses, but when I enthusiastically pointed out that both stores had "mother" lines, and she gets to look beautiful too, she was insulted....that I'd implied she'd never get married again. She wanted to try on wedding gowns, you see. During my appointments! And no, she's not dating. She's not even looking. She just wanted me to shorten my own dress time for my real wedding so she could play pretend dress-up. Arrgggggggh!

And her bff is just plain annoying, and thinks we're best friends, even though I can barely stand her. What do you tell the woman old enough to be your mother who thinks she's invited to your bachelorette (that no one has offered to throw yet) and is way too excited about the strippers that I don't even want - I've got a man now, I don't need someone to buy me one, but she wants strippers, and is creepy enthusiastic about it. Arrgggggggh!

*pant* *pant* *pant*

OK, I think I'm done.

tldh · October 2011

That's pretty bad Raptor. Has anyone "AIS"ed her before? Ass in seat or we're leaving without you? I'd start doing that so she knows you're serious about the wedding starting on time.

MairePoppy · October 2011

My MIL is one of those prudish, stoic, frugal, humorless types.

When my husband and I were married 34 years ago - we looked forward to sleeping in on lazy Saturday mornings, after rushing to work all week. My MIL suspected we were 'lollygagging,' so she started calling us at 8am, Saturday to make sure we didn't sleep the day away. Finally, fed up with her intrusiveness, I answered the phone on the 3rd or 4th weekend. She asked the usual question in her shrill voice, "ARE YOU STILL IN BED - SLEEPING! !??"

I answered in a meaningful tone, " We're still in bed, but we weren't sleeping." She didn't know what to say. My husband was mortified. I avoided her for a few weeks until I could look her in the eyes again. But she never called us on a weekend before noon, after that.

I eventually found that my MIL had a good side, too. She was generous, faithful and had unending patience with her grandchildren. She accepted me somewhere along the way, in spite of my shortcomings ; )

RaptorSLH · October 2011

tldh - We said we'd do that for the wedding show, but the line was so long and poorly organized that when she arrived almost an hour late we were still outside waiting anyway. FI and I have talked, and we're definitely doing it for the cake tasting - and since it's his mom, it's his job to break the news.

Maire - ohhhh, that would so not go over well with us. Saturdays are definitely for lollygagging, and FI doesn't wake up early any better than I do.

PetalPockets2012 · October 2011

I really like my future MIL overall. She is a very nice person and has treated me wonderfully.

She probably drives me crazy when he is too nice to her grandkids. She will let them eat snacks whenever they want (cookies, candy, chips) and then of course they don't eat their dinner. Even when their mom (her daughter) says to please don't give them this or tells the kids no, they wait till it's grandma around and get it. Oh and giving jellybeans for breakfast was probably the worst.

I know that grandparents are supposed to spoil the kids but not like this. I have told FI when we have kids this cannot happen. Just drives me crazy when I see them walking around with their bags of candy that grandma gave them at 8 am.

LittleMissCutiePie · October 2011

I feel for all of you. Mine is a patient, loving woman. All I will say about her is that she and her husband (a pastor) are, like Retread, super religious. And once my FI (at the time BF) were making out after they went to bed (because there was no other time we were alone, constantly chaperoned), and FMIL comes downstairs and checks my room, and then knocks on his door and tells us to get our butts out of the room and proceeds to lecture us for half an hour about how un Christian we were behaving. She was fine the next day, because she knew we were embarassed and would never do it again. Certainly taught me how disrespectful it is to flout house rules as a guest. Now, if my FSIL could get on board the "patient and loving" train, I'd be set.

Simply Fated · October 2011

I'm lucky I get along so well with my bf's mom. We don't always see eye to eye but she has been really good to me. Omg, raptor, that sounds very aggravating. Hours late? That would drive me nutso.

Meghannsix · October 2011

Oh Raptor, I want to pour a drink just thinking about all of that.

KatyRoseM · October 2011

My MIL is only happy if she is putting DH down or complaining about him. She calls all the time to tell him how he is a failure because he doesn't have a job (he is starting his own non profit) or things like that. When he didn't answer his phone once (after calling earlier in the week) she had her bf write and tell him he should write a book on breaking his mother's heart and that he was causing him (the bf) heart problems. She calls to yell at him for not calling his Grandmother enough (he calls twice a week, but she has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember). She also treats him way worse than his brother and always has.

Thanks for letting me vent, she is visiting this weekend and I'm not sure how to get through it.

CowgirlK39 · October 2011

My FMIL has a few flaws I could really do without.

1) She isn't the smartest lady. Sometimes I feel like its easier to talk to my boss's 7 year old than my FMIL. She was very troubled when her blond, blue eyed friend married an African immigrant. She didn't understand what their children would look like, and asked me if they would have dark skin and blond hair? Or dark hair and skin and blue eyes? When I explained to her typically what biracial children look like, she didn't understand how that was possible.

2) Her motto in life should be "Oh they won't mind!" She applies this to everything. She invites herself to things, walks into ours or FSIL's apartments without knocking or calling first (her justification for that is "Im your mother, I shouldnt have to ask to come over!"). She called me at work yesterday simply to tell me there is a cat at the SPCA who looks like mine, and that it might be a sister. My FI told me she used to invite herself to pool parties his friends would hold when they were kids, simply so she could go in the pool, because in her eyes, the parents and invited guests "wouldnt mind."

3) She is extremely selfish. When FI lived at home still, we were forbidden from eating any food in the house because it was "the family's." So we would get something and bring it there to eat. She would then come in, ask where her portion was, and then say we couldnt bring anything in unless we brought enough for everyone. As I posted in the "pre wedding parties" board, she refuses to help her own daughter with wedding plans because she feels if she didn't get help, no one should.

But all this is MILD compared to some of the stuff you all have posted!!!!!

LittleMissCutiePie · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mil-monster-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0806b1fe-3966-4014-95a4-0fff68e5ad81Post:b14a4d4c-b80b-4bce-b8d5-64820174a4ea">Re: MIL= Monster In Law</a>:
[QUOTE]My FMIL has a few flaws I could really do without. 1) She isn't the smartest lady. Sometimes I feel like its easier to talk to my boss's 7 year old than my FMIL. She was very troubled when her blond, blue eyed friend married an African immigrant. She didn't understand what their children would look like, and asked me if they would have dark skin and blond hair? Or dark hair and skin and blue eyes? When I explained to her typically what biracial children look like, she didn't understand how that was possible. 2) Her motto in life should be "Oh they won't mind!" She applies this to everything. She invites herself to things, walks into ours or FSIL's apartments without knocking or calling first (her justification for that is "Im your mother, I shouldnt have to ask to come over!"). She called me at work yesterday simply to tell me there is a cat at the SPCA who looks like mine, and that it might be a sister. My FI told me she used to invite herself to pool parties his friends would hold when they were kids, simply so she could go in the pool, because in her eyes, the parents and invited guests "wouldnt mind." 3) She is extremely selfish. When FI lived at home still, we were forbidden from eating any food in the house because it was "the family's." So we would get something and bring it there to eat. She would then come in, ask where her portion was, and then say we couldnt bring anything in unless we brought enough for everyone. As I posted in the "pre wedding parties" board, she refuses to help her own daughter with wedding plans because she feels if she didn't get help, no one should. But all this is MILD compared to some of the stuff you all have posted!!!!!
Posted by CowgirlK39[/QUOTE]

Cowgirl, I commend you on your ability to put up with this lady. I would have such a hard time not saying anything! Especially #3. That would drive me crazy. I can't believe she would be so selfish! You are a much bigger person than me.

em01092 · October 2011

Marie, your post made me laugh! That was an awesome reply. I love it.

Cowgirl, your MIL sounds like mine in a lot of ways. I think she (mine) means well, but she comes off as intrusive and insensitive sometimes.

Probably my biggest peevs with her so far are the fact that she talks endlessly about things I don't care about, her selective memory, and the fact that she is not happy with a lot of FI and I's wedding plans. She was thinking formal, elegant affair (but not on her dime, of course) and we were thinking casual with a BBQ reception. She offered to host the RD, but she is asking me about what we want also. She is trying hard to please not only us but her side of the family. I think she has a bit of keeping up with the Joneses going on.

i2012do · October 2011

Welp. I came to the right place. First I must say I lol'd about the mIl going to the son's pool parties with the "they won't mind" thing.

I have vented on this board so much aot my FMIL so ill try to bullet this.

1. She is lazy. And she tries to pretend she isn't lazy and says shes "laid back". I went there for xmas with fi (we traveled cross country to get there) and I showed up in my xmas dress all ready to sit down to dinner. And she said we could help ourself to make a ham sandiwch cuz she was "too laid back" to make a Christmas dinner. Or clean for that matter...which leads me to #2.

2. she's filthy. Like not clean or neat. but like filthy. Her motto is" my home isn't clean but it's filled with love". There is uncleaned up dog feces in their home. Enough said. I refuse to go there now. and for that leads me to number 3.

3. She thinks im "the uptight rich bitch that stole her son." I am neither rich, nor I hope a bitch. I am a tad uptight yes, I am a bit type A, yea ok. But, I did not "steal your son" and move him cross country. He had legs, and a car- he drove himself. I didn't throw him in thee pack of a truck with a paperbag over his head and drive him to an unknown land.

4. She never calls Fiance. Ever. He thinks she doesn't care. If she does call its to talk about how horrible his dad is, how his brother needs to move out, or how she needs more money for cigarettes.

The ultimate thing that bothered me about both my inlaws. We went to Las Vegas to "meet them half way" (aka 3/4of the way for us 1/4 at best for them). To visit with them. We arrived and they waited for us to give our credit card at check in. Apparently we were paying for their hotel ? The check came at dinner, they didn't so much as REACH for their wallets. I grew up in a home where my parents still treat us to dinner, and offer us moeny for things- becuase its very traditional to do. I know not everyone grew up that way, and I am fortunate to have parents like that. But I also didn't know that FI and I were his parents ATM.

MairePoppy · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mil-monster-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0806b1fe-3966-4014-95a4-0fff68e5ad81Post:b9f135dd-0fc9-40b2-b497-c4c638a13a89">Re: MIL= Monster In Law</a>:
[QUOTE] But, I did not "steal your son" and move him cross country. He had legs, and a car- he drove himself. I didn't throw him in thee pack of a truck with a paperbag over his head and drive him to an unknown land.
Posted by i2012do[/QUOTE]

Ooh, you're a funny one.

heroeswearbrown · October 2011

I love my FMIL, but she drives me up the wall. Mostly it has to do with the fact that she is a military wife and therefore has been uprooted from her home in upstate NY to Oklahoma, but the thing that gets me is that she needs some serious help and she denies that because "she's the mom, and mom's don't need help." Her husband is usually not around much therefore, she transferred a lot of her ally in the family responsibility to my FI as he is the only boy. She constantly reminds me that we need to share him and will run through with me information that FI has already given me thinking that she's privvy to more information from him than I am. On the other end of the spectrum, she is very eccentric. She is convinced that she is going to wear a bright purple "strumpet" dress as she calls it to the wedding and thinks bringing this up at every possible moment is hysterical. While going through her guest list, her criteria for an invitation was "ooh, they'll send a good gift." and she's convinced that I'm not making decisions fast enough despite the wedding being 14 months away. She also has much gaudier tastes than me and is convinced that a wedding needs to be grand despite the cost. She even invited my FI and me to come and live in their basement (currently unfinished) after we get married. She means well and has the best intentions and the biggest heart, but she seriously needs a hobby or friends or something.

CowgirlK39 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mil-monster-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:0806b1fe-3966-4014-95a4-0fff68e5ad81Post:5459beaa-b622-472d-aee9-2815eff56517">Re: MIL= Monster In Law</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MIL= Monster In Law : Cowgirl, I commend you on your ability to put up with this lady. I would have such a hard time not saying anything! Especially #3. That would drive me crazy. I can't believe she would be so selfish! You are a much bigger person than me.
Posted by LittleMissCutiePie[/QUOTE]

I almost lost it last week when she made some comments about our wedding reception location (she isnt paying for a single thing and she suggested a much more expensive option). But.... I maintain my sanity in all situations by smiling, nodding and saying "Oh yeah.... uh huh." My FI tends to flip out at her though, which makes her cause a scene.

Ahh MILs..... always a great topic. Hahah.

brandichamberlain · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mil-monster-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:0806b1fe-3966-4014-95a4-0fff68e5ad81Post:b14a4d4c-b80b-4bce-b8d5-64820174a4ea">Re: MIL= Monster In Law</a>:
[QUOTE]My FMIL has a few flaws I could really do without. 1) She isn't the smartest lady. Sometimes I feel like its easier to talk to my boss's 7 year old than my FMIL. She was very troubled when her blond, blue eyed friend married an African immigrant. She didn't understand what their children would look like, and asked me if they would have dark skin and blond hair? Or dark hair and skin and blue eyes? When I explained to her typically what biracial children look like, she didn't understand how that was possible. 2) Her motto in life should be "Oh they won't mind!" She applies this to everything. She invites herself to things, walks into ours or FSIL's apartments without knocking or calling first (her justification for that is "Im your mother, I shouldnt have to ask to come over!"). <strong><u>She called me at work yesterday simply to tell me there is a cat at the SPCA who looks like mine, and that it might be a sister.</u></strong> My FI told me she used to invite herself to pool parties his friends would hold when they were kids, simply so she could go in the pool, because in her eyes, the parents and invited guests "wouldnt mind." 3) She is extremely selfish. When FI lived at home still, we were forbidden from eating any food in the house because it was "the family's." So we would get something and bring it there to eat. She would then come in, ask where her portion was, and then say we couldnt bring anything in unless we brought enough for everyone. As I posted in the "pre wedding parties" board, she refuses to help her own daughter with wedding plans because she feels if she didn't get help, no one should. But all this is MILD compared to some of the stuff you all have posted!!!!!
Posted by CowgirlK39[/QUOTE]

I just cracking up at my desk at this. Everyone thinks I'm crazy now <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-yell.gif" border="0" alt="Yell" title="Yell" />

brandichamberlain · October 2011

I must be incredibly lucky. My MIL is an amazing, patient, and kind woman. I have gone to her more times than my own parents about this wedding. In fact, Fiance often says we're twins. I wish it could be this way for everyone!

I will say that I was with someone for two years before and I could not stand his mother. I loathe her to this day. She is a know it all, who doesn't actually know a thing. My blood pressure is rising just thinking about her!!!

bridejl · November 2011

Generally my FMIL and I get along well but there are a few things I can relate to on this thread! Good luck to everyone.

tanyanubin · November 2011

I am married 28 years next week. In the beginning, my MIL saw me as some kind of competition. She would squeeze between me and my husband on a love seat, ask him to compare sandwiches we had each made for him, and once asked him why he had never bought a ring for her like the one he had bought me for my birthday! Creepy. The worst thing she ever did, though, was interfere with the purchase of our first house. She actually CALLED my husband's boss, and told him that we certainly couldn't handle it financially. This resulted in our being turned down for the loan. We lost that first house, and didn't get one for several years after that. She finally admitted this to me a few years later, I think to make herself feel better about it. I was actually able to be gracious to her about it at the time. I still dont know how. I have never been close to the woman. She has been verbally mean to me on many occasions, and has been cold to my children. I have pretty much avoided her throughout my marriage. Eh, whatever. You get what you get with family. I got a good husband!

kmmssg · November 2011

As a MIL myself, I really take these threads seriously - I don't want my SIL's to see me in some crazy light. My MIL was a great friend to me and NEVER EVER got in our business. I try really hard to be like her in that regard.

maribeth721 · November 2011

Lets see....this weekend I invited her to come to an appointment with a florist and at the end of the appointment she says, "so this is really happening, huh?" this is not the first remark she has made incinuating she doesn't believe (or hopes) we won't actually get married. This is after she talked about his ex the entire way to the appointment!! ugh!!!!

kmmssg · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mil-monster-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:0806b1fe-3966-4014-95a4-0fff68e5ad81Post:5c981b3e-8512-4e7e-8e44-1c1feb116a2d">Re: MIL= Monster In Law</a>:
[QUOTE]Lets see....this weekend I invited her to come to an appointment with a florist and at the end of the appointment she says, "so this is really happening, huh?" this is not the first remark she has made incinuating she doesn't believe (or hopes) we won't actually get married. This is after she talked about his ex the entire way to the appointment!! ugh!!!!
Posted by maribeth721[/QUOTE]

Please tell me you are putting your foot down and not including her in any more of your wedding appointments?

Queen Jane · November 2011

Lol at the comparing sandwiches post. Ah, MIL. She's intrusive, a huge AW, manipulative, has no filter, does what she wants when she wants regardless if what you've asked/told her, I could go on... The first time she babysat our son he was probably 8 weeks old, she took and drove him to her house (she's not allowed to drive him, mostly due to the aforementioned distracted quality) without telling anyone until I got home from work. At my baby shower she gave me a bag with H's old baby clothes in it, she actually sat next to me up in front and opened the bag herself, announcing what they were and how people ask her all the time how she's kept them so clean over the years. She lives about 5 minutes from us. My parents live across the country, and she manages to still be a baby hog when they are in town. Oh, she does "drive-bys". She needs to be buddy-buddy with H's and BIL's friends. She complained because "people today in this society" say the MOB is more important or focused on than the MOG. She cursed and complained to everyone around her then disappeared for an hour when H didn't dance with her at our wedding. She was nowhere to be found for our rehearsal and then bothered the DOC with wanting an escort immediately before the ceremony. She's friends with 2 of H's exes on FB and constantly tells them how beautiful/sweet/wonderful they are. She makes rude comments to my family. She was upset we didn't publicly thank her for her contribution to the RD. We had opted to do personal gifts instead. Really, she just wanted H's dad to know she had given us money. I could go on. We are moving back to NY next year and it can't come soon enough.

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