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Would this be rude of me?

gymchick05gymchick05
First Comment
in New Jersey
My FILs have offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner. They dont live close by, so I am in charge of visiting places and setting it up, etc. So we found a place they agreed to and I met w/ the place today. The place charges per hour for beer/wine (or mixed drinks but they do not want to include those). Anyway, FMIL told me 2 hrs for alcohol was fine. Speaking to the lady at the venue today, she said that would really not work since people would be cut off 1/2 way thru the dinner buffet and it would look kinda rude/rushed. I agree. It is a few extra dollars per person (around $5) for about 25 people. Would it be rude of me to ask FILs if they would be willing to extend the extra hour or if they dont want to, wouldit be rush to say thats fine and FI & I will pay for the additional hour? I mean in the course of paying for everything, I dont think another $125 is gonna kill us, so we r fine paying for it. Oh, and I will be having FI discuss this w/ them not me so it should come off better I think that way 
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Re: Would this be rude of me?

  • smw42smw42 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Can you just do a tab bar for that time? We paid by the bottle, not by the person, and that worked better for us since we had a lot of non-drinkers.
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  • gymchick05gymchick05
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Nope- thats what I wanted to do so we could at least offer mixed drinks (myself, my family, and some of the BP dont really drink beer/wine and drink more mixed drinks). If we did a consumption bar, there is a minimum of $300 for the bar- which is way more than just paying for the extra hour. Would it be wrong just to say we will add the extra hour and pay for it ourselves? I feel like it would be fine since we arent asking for any more money and no one but us and them would know we paid for it. I just dont want to be rude and offend them
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  • altimat873altimat873 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think its absolutely fine to pay the remainder amount yourselves, she wouldnt even have to know really. Just pay the amount beforehand if you have to LOL
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  • cutiepie12702cutiepie12702
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'd have your FI explain the situation to his parents - maybe if they realized how it would look to have to stop drinking mid-meal, they would just throw in the extra money and not think it's a big deal. If they seem hesitant he can bring up the idea of you guys paying the additional cost of the alcohol...or worst comes to worse offer to pay for the all of the alcohol yourselves, if you really want it. His parents might only think the party lasts for two hours, so that's why they said two hours.
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  • kasabbykasabby
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with cutiepie--have FI bring it up. Maybe they just thought that they would be there for 2 hours? If they don't want to do it, I don't think it should be a big deal if you want to pay for it.
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  • raangoliraangoli
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't think it's rude, but definitely have your fiance bring it up. I agree that they might not have realized it. Or perhaps they just wanted to make sure that folks had enough time to sober up before driving home.
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  • GolfChick78GolfChick78 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree, it's only a small amount of money.  And I don't think bringing up the options is rude, but even if you offer to pay for it, they will feel pressured.  Personally, I'd have no issue letting everyone know that it's a cash bar after X time.
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  • goaliegirlgoaliegirl member
    First Comment Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I say definitely have your Fi talk with his parents and see how they feel.   If they don't want to pay for it, then he can offer for you guys to.  I wouldn't just go ahead and pay yourselves if they said 2 hours would be fine.  
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  • kwilkinson14kwilkinson14
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I agree with all the PPer's by having your FI bring it up and offering to pay for the additional expense if they are hesitant.

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  • misschristinecmisschristinec
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with prior posts, but I also feel like you can work something out with the restaurant and see if they can split that part out of the bill and may your FILs wont have to know.

    I'm in a similar situation with my bridal party and their updos.  I am going to pay $20 per BM toward their hair, so they only charge my BP $60pp instead of $80 pp-which is what it really costs.  I'm not telling my BMs this, because then it would be weird,  the salon is aware of this and only going to charge the girls $60
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  • gymchick05gymchick05
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    yea the hardest thing is just even offering a cash bar requires a $300 minimum, which I know in 1 hour we wont meet (on a typical night maybe, but I know the girls at least wont be drinking heavily the night before the wedding). I guess my biggest concern is my parents are doing so much for the wedding, I dont want them, or my BP who is also a huge help, being stuck paying for their own drinks (and actually that isnt even an option). Im hoping they just figured 2 hrs was what was needed and will be fine with the extra hour. But if they say no, I think I will just have the contract put in my name (what I was gonna do anyway since they dont live nearby) and let them contribute the amount they feel comfortable w/ and we will pick up the rest. I doubt they will be bringing a stopwatch to the dinner to notice when the bar closes haha. Thanks so much for the advice - Im just hesitant to talk to my FILs about anything wedding related due to the guest list issues that I have still not gotten over, so hopefully FI will take care of this for me- I dont want to step on anyones toes or make hard feelings over just one day.

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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'd personally just pay for it ahead of time, ask the staff not to say anything, and act like they did you a favor and extended it for the price that FILs paid.
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  • jchristeljchristel member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree that your FI should talk to them about it.  I wouldn't do anything behind their backs though, it's not a good way to start off and it sounds like you've already had issues.  Whatever you decide, I think it should be discussed openly.  They might be offended if they find out you added something on behind their backs as if what they were providing wasn't "good enough."  Not saying I agree with that, but people get touchy with these kinds of things.  
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  • MateoPixMateoPix
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Honestly.. No.  It would not be rude.

    If you ask in a polite and genuine manner, they will be more likely to give you an honest answer.
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