garter tradition

lindsayrae1986 · November 2010

what does everyone think about the garter tradition?

background info:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garter_%28stockings%29

http://www.wedalert.com/content/articles/tale_tossing_of_the_garter.asp

http://www.eyecatchingcreations.com/garterhistory.htm

http://www.hccgarters.com/History_garter.html

http://brides-n-news.customweddinggarters.com/2009/11/exhaustive-history-of-wedding-garter.html

EDIT: i realize these aren't "scientific" articles, but i think they give a pretty well-rounded background for the tradition. TK also has an article about wedding traditions, but surprisingly it doesn't say a whole lot about the garter... just a little bit.

leia1979 · November 2010

I don't know yet. I'd rather not do it. It always just seems embarrasing.

I also don't want to do a bouquet toss because there will be maybe three or four single women over 18 at our wedding. I figure we either do both or cut both (and I'd like to cut both).

CASK85 · November 2010

I really don't want to do it. I think it is kinda trashy -- why should my relatives watch my man go up my dress? Bleh.

AudgiePodge · November 2010

I did it with my first marriage. I don't have any problems with it. It was fun. If you want to do it, great. If you don't, then don't.

calindi · November 2010

HATE garter tradition. HATE!

Hate where it comes from, what it symbolizes, and how it objectifies women.

I mean, if I'm at a wedding that has a garter toss, I'm not going to be bothered by it in the moment and get all feminist and horrified. I'll probably watch and smile at the festivities like everyone else. It's someone else's wedding, and they can do what they like.

But there's no way someone (not even my sweety) is going to climb under my skirt in front of a room full of people. And I avoid bouquet tosses, too, in large part because I don't want some stranger sticking his grubby hands on my thigh. I'll find a reason to go to the bathroom or be at the bar when they call the single ladies to the dance floor. And if I'm forced out there, I make a nice fake grab for it with absolutely zero effort to play along. I hate that stuff.

For me, no garter toss. And we'll do a 'couples dance' where all the married couples get up, and then will be called to leave the dance floor based on how long they've been married until only the couple married the longest remains - then that woman will get my bouquet, and the man will get a bottle of wine. I like that it celebrates marriage and longevity of relationships. It seems a nicer tradition than the garter/bouquet tosses.

rxjen · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_garter-tradition?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:94da7eaf-2679-4fb5-a21e-1b9bd2675e8cPost:ddf677ff-1d6f-4255-b407-47a20b749661">Re: garter tradition</a>:
[QUOTE]I really don't want to do it. I think it is kinda trashy -- why should my relatives watch my man go up my dress? Bleh.
Posted by cschiano[/QUOTE]

Yup and grab te garter with his teeth.....I dont want Fi grandparents that are in their 80s witnessing that....

This hot mess will not happen at our wedding:

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QeqQg1Isng">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QeqQg1Isng</a>

PaigeMcC · November 2010

We just decided the other day that we're going to do a garter toss. BUT I will not be putting it on until right before the toss and it will be sitting just at my knee. Mom thinks it's weird to do the bouquet toss and not the garter. So we're doing both.

FBD is very shy so he doesn't really want to make a big deal of searching for the silly thing so it'll be easy to find on my knee. It's going to be done, for traditions sake, but it's not really something I care about either way.

lindsayrae1986 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_garter-tradition?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:94da7eaf-2679-4fb5-a21e-1b9bd2675e8cPost:ba38e291-1011-4104-ba53-3341da0f9ed0">Re: garter tradition</a>:
[QUOTE]HATE garter tradition. HATE! Hate where it comes from, what it symbolizes, and how it objectifies women. I mean, if I'm at a wedding that has a garter toss, I'm not going to be bothered by it in the moment and get all feminist and horrified. I'll probably watch and smile at the festivities like everyone else. It's someone else's wedding, and they can do what they like. But there's no way someone (not even my sweety) is going to climb under my skirt in front of a room full of people. And I avoid bouquet tosses, too, in large part because I don't want some stranger sticking his grubby hands on my thigh. I'll find a reason to go to the bathroom or be at the bar when they call the single ladies to the dance floor. And if I'm forced out there, I make a nice fake grab for it with absolutely zero effort to play along. I hate that stuff. For me, no garter toss. And we'll do a 'couples dance' where all the married couples get up, and then will be called to leave the dance floor based on how long they've been married until only the couple married the longest remains - then that woman will get my bouquet, and the man will get a bottle of wine. I like that it celebrates marriage and longevity of relationships. It seems a nicer tradition than the garter/bouquet tosses.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

this is my point of view. i think it is degrading to the bride AND to the entire "consummation of the marriage" stuff. i know many people don't wait until they are married to have sex, but i don't want such a special experience to be sexualized and objectified in front of a bunch of people. i have a problem with the degradation and the idea that the bride is being transferred as property from the parents to the groom.

my FI had no idea what the tradition symbolized, but he agreed to read up on it and we'll discuss it at a later point, closer to the wedding. my mom made a big deal about me being unreasonable and "prude" so it made me curious how other women felt about it. i have always been uncomfortable with this tradition. and seeing how my FI will be my "first", i really would like to keep that experience between us and ONLY us.

or maybe my mom is right and i am making more out of it than it is. but just thinking about doing the whole thing in front of our families and friends makes me a little sick to my stomach. thankfully, he is VERY understanding and not at all chauvinistic so i'm sure we'll come to a compromise at some point that we are both happy with. i was mostly just curious... wasn't sure if i was the only "prude" around here or not! ;)

calindi · November 2010

Did I ever tell you ladies what happened at BF's sister's wedding?

The groom threw the garter, and it landed on BF's Mom's boyfriend (essentially, the common law step-father of the Bride). Then the bride (BF's sister) threw the bouquet, and her youngest sister caught it! This meant the 14-year-old sister was going to have the garter put on her leg by her Mom's 55-year-old boyfriend... she went running from the room, screaming in horror! After several awkward minutes, her Mom stepped forward and sat down to take her place, so the bride, my boyfriend, and their 3 sisters had to watch their Mom get groped by her boyfriend in front of all their family.

Yeah... if I didn't already NOT want a garter, that story would scare me off it!

deburnin · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_garter-tradition?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:94da7eaf-2679-4fb5-a21e-1b9bd2675e8cPost:588c8b05-ea47-48ba-9488-9c202e5a4751">Re: garter tradition</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: garter tradition : Yup and grab te garter with his teeth.....I dont want Fi grandparents that are in their 80s witnessing that.... This hot mess will not happen at our wedding: <strong><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QeqQg1Isng" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QeqQg1Isng</a></strong>
Posted by rxjen[/QUOTE]

<div>That was extremely awkward...</div><div>
</div><div>I don't know how I feel about the garter toss. I guess I'll think about it more when there's actually a wedding to plan for. </div><div>
</div><div>I do think extreme awkwardness can come out of it. My sister was 8 when she caught a bouquet at my cousin's wedding and a 40 year old guy had caught the garter. *barf*</div>

loopy82 · November 2010

I've never seen or even heard of the guy who gets the garter put it on the girls leg who caught the bouquet. That must not be a tradition around here.

We did do both. They were quick and not drawn out. The first time I tossed the bouquet I threw it way to hard off to the side of the room where no one was. Oopps.

calindi · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_garter-tradition?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:94da7eaf-2679-4fb5-a21e-1b9bd2675e8cPost:588c8b05-ea47-48ba-9488-9c202e5a4751">Re: garter tradition</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: garter tradition : Yup and grab te garter with his teeth.....I dont want Fi grandparents that are in their 80s witnessing that.... This hot mess will not happen at our wedding: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QeqQg1Isng" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QeqQg1Isng</a>
Posted by rxjen[/QUOTE]

Oh... my.... god..... yeah, that's NOT happening!

His whole routine partially reminds me of a baby crawling, then a dog, and then the part where he's dragging his legs around reminds me of the paraplegic character on Family Guy.

CASK85 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_garter-tradition?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:94da7eaf-2679-4fb5-a21e-1b9bd2675e8cPost:588c8b05-ea47-48ba-9488-9c202e5a4751">Re: garter tradition</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: garter tradition : Yup and grab te garter with his teeth.....I dont want Fi grandparents that are in their 80s witnessing that.... This hot mess will not happen at our wedding: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QeqQg1Isng" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QeqQg1Isng</a>
Posted by rxjen[/QUOTE]
I'm scarred for life.

[Deleted User] · November 2010

Paige, I'm planning to do the same thing. I found a cute little garter at the dollar store, so not throwing away a ton of money on it. I'm the shy one and I've already told FI that he better be a good boy during the garter removal. Our DJ's have offered a "fun" version of the garter that we're going do to (and of course no one but us, and my parents, know about it, we don't want to ruin it for everyone). They'll sit whichever lady catches the bouquet down in the chair, then blindfold the guy that catches the garter - once he's blindfolded, they're going to switch and put Joe in place of the girl - we both thought it sounded like fun.

Cate - we're also doing that couples countdown dance, only ours is an advice dance - the longest married couple will be given a microphone and asked to provide us with some advice. We have at least 4 or 5 couples that will be there who have been married 50+ years, so I can't wait to see which couple has actually been married the longest....and I'll make sure I have a handful of tissues when they give their advice.

jacquiroxx · November 2010

I'm not planned that far ahead (obvi, uhhh no ring!) but I overall don't like the garter toss idea. It's awkward and, at many weddings I've been to, sort of gross. I'll think of something to do in its place and probably steal Calindi's idea.

I don't think BF likes the idea either, thank God, and neither of our families are the type that will pressure us into doing something for "tradition's sake." Err... I hope not anyway.

aperitisa · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_garter-tradition?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:94da7eaf-2679-4fb5-a21e-1b9bd2675e8cPost:14841ad9-293c-43d2-857d-840b6e283151">Re: garter tradition</a>:
[QUOTE]We just decided the other day that we're going to do a garter toss. BUT I will not be putting it on until right before the toss and it will be sitting just at my knee. Mom thinks it's weird to do the bouquet toss and not the garter. So we're doing both. FBD is very shy so he doesn't really want to make a big deal of searching for the silly thing so it'll be easy to find on my knee. It's going to be done, for traditions sake, but it's not really something I care about either way.
Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]
Exactly this. I realllllly didn't want to do it, but FI wants to. Luckily he doesn't want to embarrass us both so there will be no teeth involved....and I'm totally not wearing it all day. Heck no. But FI has agreed to so much for this wedding (big Greek one) and hasn't asked for too much....so garter toss it is....

loves2shop4shoes · November 2010

Absolutely not. I absolutely HATE the garter tradition. It's completely and totally inappropriate and trashy. I mean, while you're at it, why not get married in a back alley next to some dumpsters?

I'm sorry, but the idea of my FI going underneath my dress fishing for an undergarment...in FRONT of my GRANDPARENTS and parents and brother is just disgusting. Really? Why would ANYONE possibly want to get felt up in front of their entire family? It's a wedding, not the Jerry Springer stage.

SeaTea02 · November 2010

I have been to weddings where the two catchers just dance and some where they don't do anything.

If I were to do a garter it would just be on my knee. like my dress would be hiked up high enough to see it so he wouldnt have to go searching lol

CFar13 · November 2010

I've seen the garter tradition done in trashy ways as some of you have mentioned. I.e grabbing with teeth or making a joke out of it [pulling other things out from under the dress. I think that's uncalled for.

However, I have no problems with pulling the garter off and tossing it out. It's something fun and one of the few things that men really have as "their own" for a wedding. Usually it's "all about the bride" and I like that they have something. I have no objections to doing this at my someday wedding, I'm just going to be certain that it's not done in a trashy way.

KD+BC · November 2010

We did not do the garter or the bouquet toss. I don't like pointing out the single people at a wedding, "I just got married but you're still single, nah nah nah nah boo boo."

Plus, we weren't planning on doing one anyway but my cousin got married this past summer to a horrible b*tch and when not enough people got onto the dance floor (in her opinion) she got on the microphone and yelled out the names of all the single people. Including me. B*tch.

rxjen · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_garter-tradition?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:94da7eaf-2679-4fb5-a21e-1b9bd2675e8cPost:6f4f5b06-5100-40e9-85d1-ed790d23ee28">Re: garter tradition</a>:
[QUOTE]We did not do the garter or the bouquet toss. I don't like pointing out the single people at a wedding, "<strong>I just got married but you're still single, nah nah nah nah boo boo."</strong> Plus, we weren't planning on doing one anyway but my cousin got married this past summer to a horrible b*tch and when not enough people got onto the dance floor (in her opinion) she got on the microphone and yelled out the names of all the single people. Including me. B*tch.
Posted by KD+BC[/QUOTE]

Exactly how it feels!!!

zipis1 · November 2010

I don't like the tradition myself, but BF said he may want to do it so there's a chance we'll have it at ours. However, I did tell him that if he's going to do it, he is not to go after it with his teeth. Hands only with head "above water", and respectfully please.

I'm hoping he doesn't end up wanting to. The whole thing is incredibly awkward, especially for me with the asexuality angle (like I don't have enough people thinking we're lying about that...).

I don't know about the boquet toss yet either. I'll only have like one single woman at my wedding, so there wouldn't be much of a point. So I may do the couple's dance thing PPs have mentioned, or do a cluster boquet where it breaks into a whole bunch for many people.

It wasn't until I came on here that I heard about the tradition of having the guy who caught the garter put in on whoever caught the bouquet. That's just...wow.

calindi · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_garter-tradition?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:94da7eaf-2679-4fb5-a21e-1b9bd2675e8cPost:09e98cd2-3dd2-4263-b05f-9f0bceb608d6">Re: garter tradition</a>:
[QUOTE]Absolutely not. I absolutely HATE the garter tradition. It's completely and totally inappropriate and trashy. I mean, while you're at it, why not get married in a back alley next to some dumpsters?
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

Sometimes you really don't think before you speak... er, type, do you? I mean, you do realize that there are women on here who have had garter toss at their wedding? Do you just not care to phrase things in such a way as to not offend people? I would never ask someone to lie about how they feel or change their opinion because it might offend someone, but there are nicer ways to phrase things without being obnoxious. And this was definitely obnoxious.

I would never have a garter, but my boyfriend's sister did, and several of my friends have. And you just suggested their weddings were trashy, inappropriate, and that they should get married by a dumpster. Not cool.

I like you, Shoes, but develop a filter.

Elle1036 · November 2010

I thought I was the only person who didn't want to do the garter or bouquet toss. Cool.

I've been to plenty of weddings where these traditions were followed and it was no big deal, but to me the groom removing the garter seems to represent him taking the bride's virginity, which irritates me.

Also, there will be plenty of time for BF to put his hands up my dress when my parents and kid cousins are not watching.

As for the bouquet toss, I don't want to perpetuate the stereotype that all single women desperately want to get married and will deck each other if necessary to achieve that.

katanne9 · November 2010

I personally loathe garter tosses. We did not have one or a bouquet toss.

BUT I did wear a garter! Mostly for fun. It was a fun surprise for at the end of the evening. No one but your DH and you have to know.

leia1979 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_garter-tradition?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:94da7eaf-2679-4fb5-a21e-1b9bd2675e8cPost:1028cb93-fd7a-4514-94d2-4a87c4347a0c">Re: garter tradition</a>:
[QUOTE]... As for the bouquet toss, I don't want to perpetuate the stereotype that all single women desperately want to get married and will deck each other if necessary to achieve that.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

LOL. One wedding I went to, people were getting called out by name. When the bouquet came flying, we all took a step back. I think it landed on the ground.

I also absolutely agree with KD. I don't want to draw attention to the few single people. That does not seem nice or fun for them.

loves2shop4shoes · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_garter-tradition?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:94da7eaf-2679-4fb5-a21e-1b9bd2675e8cPost:4ed0b6fc-185c-42da-8cff-edbcbbbe3f07">Re: garter tradition</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: garter tradition : Sometimes you really don't think before you speak... er, type, do you? I mean, you do realize that there are women on here who have had garter toss at their wedding? Do you just not care to phrase things in such a way as to not offend people? I would never ask someone to lie about how they feel or change their opinion because it might offend someone, but there are nicer ways to phrase things without being obnoxious. And this was definitely obnoxious. <strong>I would never have a garter, but my boyfriend's sister did, and several of my friends have. And you just suggested their weddings were trashy, inappropriate, and that they should get married by a dumpster.</strong> Not cool. I like you, Shoes, but develop a filter.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Actually, I suggested that the garter tradition itself was trashy. I never said that weddings that had incorporated the tradition were themselves trashy. My dumpster comment was an emphasis that if you're going to incorporate trashy elements into your wedding, it's a slippery slope.</div><div>
</div><div>Luckily for me, most people around these parts put on their big kid pants before they come out to play. *Adjusts belt buckle.* </div><div>
</div>

bakes218 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_garter-tradition?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:94da7eaf-2679-4fb5-a21e-1b9bd2675e8cPost:93e46dbf-1ea8-4980-992f-26464583d76d">Re: garter tradition</a>:
[QUOTE]I personally loathe garter tosses. We did not have one or a bouquet toss. BUT I did wear a garter! Mostly for fun. It was a fun surprise for at the end of the evening. No one but your DH and you have to know.
Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]

I love this Kat. I was not going to even wear a garter but now I am thinking I might just for fun! FI would probably think it is awesome!

tafft1 · November 2010

@shoes- For what its worth I appreciate that you do speak your mind unflitered - it's a breath of fresh air - but thats just me.

I know we had this disussion a few months back so won't go into the whole thing over again - but I kind of like the tradition and ideas behind it. This is because my relationship dynamic may differ from some - maybe it's just because nothing in my life , wedding or anything is really normal. It is completely a personal choice - and if it is done I don't think it has to be in a vulgar way - it can still be fun and incorporated into your style if its what you both want - if not hey that's fine too

And nowhere does it say you can't just wear a garter for your husband because you want to

calindi · November 2010

I have always been taught that there's a difference between speaking your mind and being obnoxious.

You can say, "I really don't like the tradition of garters. I find the whole tradition tacky and offensive." But making judgements that someone who has a garter toss might as well get married by a trash-bin? That's just obnoxious.

It has nothing to do with "big girl pants" - in fact, I think the real mature thing to do is to think before you speak.

loves2shop4shoes · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_garter-tradition?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:94da7eaf-2679-4fb5-a21e-1b9bd2675e8cPost:4301e581-de18-4207-a405-8c20d665e967">Re: garter tradition</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I have always been taught that there's a difference between speaking your mind and being obnoxious.</strong> <div>
</div><div>I agree. And I think that by continually calling out my post as obnoxious, you're sort of being obnoxious yourself.</div><div>
</div><div>You can say, "I really don't like the tradition of garters. I find the whole tradition tacky and offensive." <strong>But making judgements that someone who has a garter toss might as well get married by a trash-bin? </strong></div><div><strong>
</strong></div><div>See above comment containing my slippery slope argument. That's my opinion, and I'm entitled to it.</div><div>
</div><div><strong>That's just obnoxious. It has nothing to do with "big girl pants" - in fact, I think the real mature thing to do is to think before you speak.</strong></div><div>
</div><div>See above comment about repeatedly referring to my post as being obnoxious. And, I wholeheartedly disagree. This has everything to do with "big girl pants". Just because I gave my opinion in a manner that indicated how strongly I feel about it doesn't give you the right to imply that I'm obnoxious and immature. I didn't make personal attacks, and your continuing to do so is obnoxious. Pot...kettle?</div><div>
</div><div>Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

</div>

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