Advice on not inviting my Dad's Wife Son

Meli7993 · August 2010

Not quite sure what to do. My Dad asked me if I was going to invite his wife's son and his fiance to our wedding. My dad and his wife have had their problems but are working them out. I have no problem her coming with Dad of course that is not even a question. Her son and his fiance on the other hand have done nothing but be rude in the past to my fiance and I and made us feel like they are so much better then us. They have always gotten a free ride for everything and I really don't want the rude behavoir at my wedding and a free ride from us. My dad thinks I should be the bigger person and invite them. I however disagree I have been the bigger person always with them and am just tired of making the effort. On my one day I don't want to deal with it and neither does my fiance...I have not talked to them in over a year and a half and they never have said congrats to us on our engagment or been involved in anything with us. I would want to invite them more if they had even once tried to reach out to us. I just don't want to invite them and then have them in the corner wispering and being rude. Does anybody have any advice?

Manwaithiel · August 2010

Um, I don't think you're going to like this. But this is your stepbrother. It is family. You are most likely going to find it easier to invite them and just NOT have to listen to it forever, then fight it too much.

If there is a serious issue other than your stepbrother being a spoiled brat, then I might say you would have a case. Some of the family I'm inviting is definitely in the "spoiled brat" category and they're still invited. Everyone has their character flaws but in the end they are family and sometimes you just need to treat them as such whether they reciprocate or not.

That's my advice.

aerinpegadrak · August 2010

I didn't invite my stepsiblings, but that was because I was having a tiny destination wedding and there simply wasn't room for them in the venue, and I live in a different state and have practically no interaction with them. Had those not been the circumstances, I would have invited them.

And I'll say this: I had only 40 guests in a hotel room (quite small for a wedding venue). One of DH's cousins "crashed" (we couldn't invite the cousins because there were too many, but she was in town on business, so we told her she could drop in) and brought a friend with her. The only awareness I had of this person was a fleeting, "Huh, I don't think I know her" as I passed out the cake. You don't need to have any interaction with your stepbrother at your wedding other than, "Nice to see you, glad you could make it," so I don't think this is something you'll have to "deal with". You'll be far too busy to even notice he's there.

[Deleted User] · August 2010

Unfortunately, yes, you need to invite them. Unless they've done something completely horrible to you, then it's rude not to invite your stepbrother.

They might surprise you. I invited my stepbrothers, who are very self-centered and crass (one talks about nothing other than how many girls he's slept with or what drugs he's done). The other hardly even gives me the time of day when we're around each other. But they were really nice to me at our wedding and even said I looked pretty, which about made my stepdad fall over. So you never know, maybe they will grow up a little for your wedding.

lilianne22 · August 2010

If you haven't spoken to them in over a year and a half and you really don't want them there, I wouldn't invite them. Your dad might be upset but if you can deal with that, I would leave them off the guest list.

NillaWafer10 · August 2010

It would probably mean a lot to your dad if you invited them. It sucks to always be the bigger person, but I think it's important to do it this time. We had some family members that I wish we had invited now (they were estranged at the time). You don't want to have those kind of regrets.

impslave · August 2010

I had a similar situation, but it was with my actual brother and his wife. They shut themselves off from the rest of our family a few months before our wedding. I sent an invitation, but I fully expected them to RSVP with a no. As it happens, they didn't RSVP at all and didn't attend.

Moral of the story, since it seems to mean something to your Dad, invite them. If you haven't communicated with them in over a year, chances are they won't show up.

Meli7993 · August 2010

Thanks everybody for the great advice. I have decided to invite them. I have a feeling they won't even show. I told my dad I would do it for him but if they came I hope they won't show up late and not be snarky at the wedding. I just want everyone to be nice

Hopefully before then it can all work itself out anyways. Thanks!

jmkes · August 2010

Way to be the bigger person. You'll have a clearer conscience for inviting them and you won't give them more things to point out as negatives about you. They very well might not even come. And if they do you will probably be so busy with the party and other guests that you may not even notice them.

Advice on not inviting my Dad's Wife Son

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