Irritations

Zimsgirl · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_irritations-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e0b8a21e-92f4-4796-b38c-cff130268149Post:c63974a7-f4ad-43ba-9254-eb2245fc8d34">Re: Irritations</a>:
[QUOTE]I have another irritation... I think it is a little silly how some people get with etiquette. I get being nice to your guests and all. But some of the threads I read on TK are just stupid. One girl was asking for a to-do list for day of to give to loved ones that offered to help.] No one gave her suggestions on her list but attacked her about how unless she was paying them..she shouldn't expect people to do anything for her. MAYBE I just come from a helpful family… but people just step up and help without being asked. My FMIL was offended that I wanted to pay the caterer to cut the cake instead of her teacher friends doing it for free, The woman’s club offered to clean up the next morning, And Future aunts all have contacted me asking to help set up the day of. I don’t see anything wrong with giving them tasks if they ask. I think sometimes people get so engulfed in what is right and wrong and forget we don’t live in a black/white world. There are plenty of gray areas.
Posted by AmandaSC1988[/QUOTE]
I agree some get pretty ridiculous.<div>
</div><div>I have a "friend" that needs to come on here and get yelled at about her etiquette. She asks me a bunch of wedding questions and FI and I are in hers. First, she created a FB event and invited over 500 people on there but not all would get a real invite. Second, she was going to put registry, hotel, all guest info on her invite. I convinced her to do a wedding website. She also sent a mass msg to that fb event asking for addresses. I sent texted you mine yesterday. She was like I know it was a mass msg but I wanted to make sure she got it. I asked her if everyone was invited and she said no. So I told her she should delete the event because she'll hurt a lot of people's feelings. Thank god she did</div>

Sammy0709 · March 2012

I had friend's who did the FB message your address thing. They were 26 and 25 when they did that so clearly knowledge of how something like that could have negative consequences doesn't come with age...I didn't get invited FTR.

AmandaSC1988 · March 2012

I get that... one of my BMs (who is getting married 2 weeks after me...) send a mass FB message for addresses...and I was a little annoyed... I didn't want 50 responses with addresses...when she had my invite that had MY address on it... I generally dislike facebook... especially people that talk about kids and their wedding.

I just don't care.

calindi · March 2012

TeamBaby - you could do intervals! That's how I run half marathons. Run 3 minutes, walk 1 minute. It gives your body time to rest a bit, and makes it a LOT easier! I just set my watch for 4 minute intervals, and when it gets down to 1 minute, I walk until it beeps at me. I find I tend to watch it more for "when can I stop?" than if I were to walk the first minute and watch for "when should I start?"

CAB1217 · March 2012

Here's an irrational irritation: I am so bored at work, and all I want to do is go home and bake or craft, or eat some of Sami's cupcakes that she posted about today. DAMMIT.

amh04 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_irritations-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:e0b8a21e-92f4-4796-b38c-cff130268149Post:7b74e16f-1bc4-4fc4-b6cb-9112c650bab1">Re: Irritations</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's an irrational irritation: I am so bored at work, and all I want to do is go home and bake or craft, or eat some of Sami's cupcakes that she posted about today. DAMMIT.
Posted by CAB1217[/QUOTE]

They do look yummy.

My irrational irritation - It's almost THAT time and I have theeeeee biggest sweet tooth and sooooooo much left over wedding cake in my house its insane!! All I want to do is pig out, and I can't. I don't want to get fat. I busted ass to get to the size I am now and I won't get back to where I was again... but UGH every time I open that fridge door I smell it.

crownsuperstar · March 2012

OMG they looked so good right.

Cali & Teambaby- I do that same method. I saw Jeff Galloway speak at the Princess 1/2 expo and I swear that is the only way I got through it. I do the run/wall/run method and it works so much better for me. I find that I like running when I do that method. Also I am not totally burned out by mile 6.

calindi · March 2012

My biggest irritation is that I work in a place where it's very dog-eat-dog, and I'm not good at keeping secrets and watching my back and distrusting everyone. I'm living in constant paranoia that at some point, someone is going to confront me with the secret that I'm leaving, or yell at me about something, or fire me. I'm so sick of this, I just want to quit. I have 36 working days until I'm done. I feel like I'm treading water with cement boots on, just struggling to keep breathing and not sink under the pressure.

Sammy0709 · March 2012

I'm irritated that MIL can't follow simple instructions. What is so hard about "do not take my dogs out if I am not home"? Her excuse was, "but they like to play and I wanted to show my mom." If you want to show your mom then fine but call me and get an okay/instructions first! Normally I wouldn't care this much but it's extra irritating for a few reasons.

1. One of my girls just got spayed last Tuesday. She's still on low activity for another week.

2. She accidentally let the dog that just got spayed out, like out of the fenced in yard out, and she ran around the neighborhood.

3. When I got home the same dog was laying on the floor and rolled over for me to scratch her belly. Low and behold a giant lump at her incision. It gave her pain when I tried to touch it so I called the vet. They had me come in to make sure it wasn't a hernia. Fortunately it's only a saratoma and should go away in a month max.

The past two days havent been so hot to begin with. Just a lot of frustrations all adding up so this is like the cherry on top.

lrh17 · March 2012

Crown - I'm glad you get to spend some time with your H!!

Zims - I'm w/ you on the schoolwork...the week before spring break is always terrible!

I also do intervals when I workout...although I am nowhere near a half marathon haha! My temporary personal trainer (I got a few free sessions when I signed up...I wish I could keep her, but it's ridiculously expensive) suggested intervals as a good way of training since I get super bored on the machines.

My irritation is very tiny and meaningless, but my oven doesn't tell me when it's preheated and I seem to be very bad a guessing when it is (or maybe just imnpatient). I'm baking cupcakes and theyve been in way longer than the box says so I think I put them in too early. But hey, if that's all that's irritating me at the moment I'm good!

TeamBaby · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_irritations-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:e0b8a21e-92f4-4796-b38c-cff130268149Post:c291003b-8f2c-4e5e-a803-0aecbc0082d7">Re: Irritations</a>:
[QUOTE]TeamBaby - <strong>you could do intervals!</strong> That's how I run half marathons. Run 3 minutes, walk 1 minute. It gives your body time to rest a bit, and makes it a LOT easier! I just set my watch for 4 minute intervals, and when it gets down to 1 minute, I walk until it beeps at me. I find I tend to watch it more for "when can I stop?" than if I were to walk the first minute and watch for "when should I start?"
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

I am actually. I'm using a half marathon training plan from Runner's World. That incorporates intervals into 2 of the weekly runs. I just totally underestimated how hard it would be to start from absolute zero. Plus I'm carrying an extra 30lbs still and I know that's making things difficult. I'm just super hard on myself. My goal for the race is to run the entire distance without walking. My last marathon was NYC in 09 and I ran the entire race with a respectable finish time. I just have to realize that my body is not the same now as it was then. :/

Beachy730 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_irritations-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e0b8a21e-92f4-4796-b38c-cff130268149Post:c63974a7-f4ad-43ba-9254-eb2245fc8d34">Re: Irritations</a>:
[QUOTE]I have another irritation... I think it is a little silly how some people get with etiquette. I get being nice to your guests and all. But some of the threads I read on TK are just stupid. One girl was asking for a to-do list for day of to give to loved ones that offered to help.] No one gave her suggestions on her list but attacked her about how unless she was paying them..she shouldn't expect people to do anything for her. MAYBE I just come from a helpful family… but people just step up and help without being asked. My FMIL was offended that I wanted to pay the caterer to cut the cake instead of her teacher friends doing it for free, The woman’s club offered to clean up the next morning, And Future aunts all have contacted me asking to help set up the day of. I don’t see anything wrong with giving them tasks if they ask.<strong> I think sometimes people get so engulfed in what is right and wrong and forget we don’t live in a black/white world. There are plenty of gray areas.</strong>
Posted by AmandaSC1988[/QUOTE]

<div>The problem is that 9 times out of 10 people think they fall in the gray area when they really don't. I hang out on E a lot, and know what the proper etiquette is on most things. It doesn't mean I followed everything in my own wedding, but I admit it on the board when I didn't. It's all about knowing what is common in your social circle or area. For example, we had a head table, a gap between ceremony and reception, and there were tip jars on our open bar. And H's stag party was one where tickets are sold. All of that happens at every single wedding I've ever been to in my hometown, and that is what people are used to and look forward to. Things that don't happen are dollar dances, drink tickets, cash bar, etc. So it's all about knowing what is accepted in your area.</div><div>
</div><div>If people offer to do stuff for your wedding, great. But most times people just expect that everyone wants to help, and they want to know how to ask them. If someone offers, great. But if you are trying to ask a guest to serve cake to your other guests, that's generally rude. Again, it's what's common in your area.</div><div>
</div><div>However, I will say that many times new posters will jump on E and act mean to posters asking questions like that because they think it's the cool thing to do. I didn't even read the thread you're talking about, so I have no idea if that's the case here. But overall etiquette is in place to make sure your guests are comfortable. Part of that is knowing what your guests are used to and like. If you've never seen a wedding with a dollar dance in your family or hometown, you shouldn't have one at your wedding, etc.</div>

calindi · March 2012

To add to what Dnbeach said, there's often a big difference between a family member who says, "Oh, let me know if there's anything I can do to help!" who really doesn't mean it, and someone who is saying, "Can I come over on a Saturday and help you assemble your centerpieces?" Often people who say they want to help don't actually want to, they're just being polite. It's sometimes hard to tell, but you're right, you know your family better than anyone else. I definitely have some people who fall into the first category, and I just smiled and nodded and assured them that I'd tell them if I needed anything (and never will), and others who I've taken up on their generous offers to actually help.

ggirl2001 · March 2012

Beach- truth about the region. Unless the wedding was on a Friday there is a gap. Every single Saturday wedding I've been to has a gap haha. Both of my bros stags were the ticket kind as well. In fact, I wa the person who went later that night to pick up the money take it home and count it. And there were tip jars at my wedding. I didn't care. All of my guests tip anyway. That's just a given in my circle.

calindi · March 2012

I haven't been to a wedding in the area where we're having ours in... um.... 10 years? And that was my aunt's anyway, and they're no good at etiquette. So since I have no idea what goes for "local etiquette", we're just going to basically follow the book on a lot of that stuff. Better safe than sorry.

BinxRose · March 2012

Another irritation...
So Cali made me this awesome birth announcement for my friend, and I sent the file to this business because they had a great deal going on for canvases. That was on February 8th. The e-mail said it should take 5 business days to print. Cool.

Except about 11 days ago I called because still, nothing. They guy said they would upgrade the shipping for free, and that it would go out last Monday. Yah...except a week later, it STILL hadn't arrived at my friend's. So I called again yesterday, and they guy said he would have to find it and get back to me this morning.

Well now it's 2:00 their time (west coast), and I still didn't get a phone call or e-mail. So I called them AGAIN. The guy said the records show it SHOULD have shipped by now, but it hasn't, and he doesn't know where it is!!

I am about to write them a lovely little e-mail pretty much threatening them to get it done rightthissecond, and give me something extra nice, or I will blast my negative experience with them everywhere I can. It's to the point where I'm questioning if they are a real company or if I just got ripped off.

Sammy0709 · March 2012

Lurking the etiquette board, I have found that the majority would consider the area I come from tacky when it comes to weddings. In reality, it's just the culture of the people around here.

I was surprised when the etiquette board thought that bridal dance were some new-fangled way to get people to give you money on your wedding day. It's an old Polish thing. My cousin had one and I didn't think anything of it. If staying true to family tradition is tacky then I guess I choose tacky.

Beachy730 · March 2012

Also with E, there are repeat questions all. the. time. Like as much as we hear about super uneek reasons why people had to hide their JOP from loved ones before the "real wedding." People come on with a thread titled "Unique situation" and basically they give you a lunadry list of stories that eventually boils down to they don't want to invite aunt's long-time boyfriend because one time he drank too much and passed out. So just like we get short with people after a while on questions, we do on E too.

CAB1217 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_irritations-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:e0b8a21e-92f4-4796-b38c-cff130268149Post:ce3f6a12-702e-4a20-b1c9-e10dc12ed4e2">Re: Irritations</a>:
[QUOTE]Also with <strong>E, there are repeat questions all. the. time</strong>. Like as much as we hear about super uneek reasons why people had to hide their JOP from loved ones before the "real wedding." People come on with a thread titled "Unique situation" and basically they give you a lunadry list of stories that eventually boils down to they don't want to invite aunt's long-time boyfriend because one time he drank too much and passed out. So just like we get short with people after a while on questions, we do on E too.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

Ughhhh, yes. I post so rarely there now because of it. It's no different than how we are here, it's just a lot more of it on E because it's a bigger board.

Sammy0709 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_irritations-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:e0b8a21e-92f4-4796-b38c-cff130268149Post:ce3f6a12-702e-4a20-b1c9-e10dc12ed4e2">Re: Irritations</a>:
[QUOTE]Also with E, there are repeat questions all. the. time. Like as much as we hear about super uneek reasons why people had to hide their JOP from loved ones before the "real wedding." <strong>People come on with a thread titled "Unique situation" and basically they give you a lunadry list of stories that eventually boils down to they don't want to invite aunt's long-time boyfriend because one time he drank too much and passed out.</strong> So just like we get short with people after a while on questions, we do on E too.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

Why wouldn't they want to invite him? That just seems like it can only make the experience more exciting <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

LetsHikeToday · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_irritations-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:e0b8a21e-92f4-4796-b38c-cff130268149Post:11b96b99-cb91-480e-b6c2-0364c9b24140">Re: Irritations</a>:
[QUOTE]Lurking the etiquette board, I have found that the majority would consider the area I come from tacky when it comes to weddings. In reality, it's just the culture of the people around here. I was surprised when the etiquette board thought that bridal dance were some new-fangled way to get people to give you money on your wedding day. It's an old Polish thing. My cousin had one and I didn't think anything of it. If staying true to family tradition is tacky then I guess I choose tacky.
Posted by Sammy0709[/QUOTE]

Are you talking about Pittsburgh because I agree. Dollar dances are huge around here. We didn't have one but they are huge. Plus, giving bridsmaids jewelry as gifts is also huge.

LetsHikeToday · March 2012

Sorry I can't edit posts on my iPad but head tables are also huge. We didn't have one either but they are the norm here.

AmandaSC1988 · March 2012

The Thread actually wasn’t on E, it was some other board…I can’t even remember which one maybe Wedding Party/Wedding Woes/Budget?? Heck, I don’t remember. But I guess when I was reading it I didn’t jump to the conclusion that she was forcing anyone to do anything; the point of the post was asking about a day of to-do list suggestions, not if it was acceptable if she asked people to help her. I know you that posting on a public forum will get you unsolicited advice.

But It really does depend on your culture and circles, which is where you get the social norms.. I was always taught that etiquette is the behaviors that are acceptable within a society or social class, so if dollar dances are the norm in your “society” who is to say that it is poor etiquette to have one? IMO the only thing black and white about wedding etiquette is making your guests feel comfortable, which you should. One of profs in college was all about society norms through history so we had to read a lot of old etiquette books; I sold all the books, but I wish I would have saved them.

Beachy730 · March 2012

Oh yeah, jewelry was part of my BM gifts too. There were certain things I had never heard of before TK (Dollar Dance), and there were things I never knew people considered rude until TK (gaps, head tables, jewelry for gifts, tip jars, pretty much anything else I did that goes against standard etiquette).

AmandaSC1988 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_irritations-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:e0b8a21e-92f4-4796-b38c-cff130268149Post:f4e7d0dc-a36e-4c37-94bf-fc3119321e59">Re: Irritations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Irritations : Why wouldn't they want to invite him? That just seems like it can only make the experience more exciting
Posted by Sammy0709[/QUOTE]

LOL I invted my crazy aunt and hope she comes because it will give me a story to laugh at years down the road...there is not a family event that she doesn't make a huge scene at..

Zimsgirl · March 2012

@DnBeach we're having a gap too. I haven't been to a wedding without one

shan87 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_irritations-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e0b8a21e-92f4-4796-b38c-cff130268149Post:42717ba2-8b77-4303-99b2-75237fc7825b">Re: Irritations</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh yeah, jewelry was part of my BM gifts too. There were certain things I had never heard of before TK (Dollar Dance), and there were things I never knew people considered rude until TK (gaps, head tables, jewelry for gifts, tip jars, pretty much anything else I did that goes against standard etiquette).
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

My Uncle/Aunt had the longest gap ever! The ceremony was done at 2 or 3 and she was like okay everyone meet at the Cabin at 9pm (an hour drive). I also was a program/greeter and had to wear suspenders. (Black skirt, ruffled on the chest and wrists white blouse, black suspenders). NO JOKE. I may ask my mom to scan some old pictures and submit them to awkward family photos.

ggirl2001 · March 2012

Dude, as a BM, I love jewelry as a gift. It saves me the hassle of finding something. I'm lazy.

And also, I've gotten flip flops that match the BM dress. Also awesome gift.

I didn't give my sister jewelry, because, well, she has a ton that matched the dress so why would I?

I also never knew gaps, head tables, tip jars, etc were rude.

Beachy730 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_irritations-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e0b8a21e-92f4-4796-b38c-cff130268149Post:cd4e9f6b-745a-4b73-83d0-a644d668339b">Re: Irritations</a>:
[QUOTE]Dude, as a BM, I love jewelry as a gift. It saves me the hassle of finding something. I'm lazy. And also, I've gotten flip flops that match the BM dress. Also awesome gift. I didn't give my sister jewelry, because, well, she has a ton that matched the dress so why would I? I also never knew gaps, head tables, tip jars, etc were rude.
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, I don't care how many people on TK say it's rude, I love a BM gift that helps me save money on the wedding. Want to pay for part of my dress? Sweet! Want to give my jewlery so I don't have to think about it? Awesome! </div>

Sammy0709 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_irritations-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:e0b8a21e-92f4-4796-b38c-cff130268149Post:5103043c-580f-4646-bcc1-186480bdce0e">Re: Irritations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Irritations :

Are you talking about Pittsburgh because I agree. Dollar dances are huge around here. We didn't have one but they are huge. Plus, giving bridsmaids jewelry as gifts is also huge.
Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]

Pittsburgh/Southwestern PA lol.

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