FI Family Drama Vent!

chelsy31588 · March 2012

So I've posted about this before, but basically my FI and his wife are so RUDE. They dated for a bit secretly, then got pregnant, had a quicky destination wedding that my FI family was excluded from but mainly his mom. They also did not invite her to the baby shower but invited everyone in the town. Their mom is a widow, she loves her kids, and her other grandkids, she's a nice person and has not done one thing to them. Yes she can be a little embarrassing but who's family isn't? They this whole process has been horrible, all these happy memories that should have been joyous have been aweful and they don't think they've done one thing wrong. Everyone is pissed at them because they were blantantly rude again and it was uncalled for. We've all accepted that we are not as good as them or her family or their friends which is why we are not included. During the whole secret wedding exclusion incident I made my feelings known and they found out I was pissed and things have been slightly tense since then. It got better after Christmas or so we thought but the baby is due in two weeks and they are back to their old routine.

I'm getting married this fall and it has taken every ounce of me to understand I can't control them/live their lives/tell them what to do, but I am watching it hurt/ruin this family and I hate it. I'd like to write them off and never have anything to do with them because that is what they have done to us but I also know that doesn't solve anything.
The icing on the cake is that everyone thinks they are the GREATEST people in the world but no one knows how horribly mean they are to us and it takes all I have to bite my tongue when people praise them.

Sorry for the vent, any thoughts?

ootmother2 · March 2012

You posted your FI & his wife on the first line.

I'm confused

chelsy31588 · March 2012

haha FI's brother and his wife! oops

ootmother2 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fi-family-drama-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:87fab583-528a-481f-a582-85852c0a1ed3Post:3d4c7d6f-d9f4-4a0e-90bb-1fdf2791a6de">Re: FI Family Drama Vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]haha FI's brother and his wife! oops
Posted by chelsy31588[/QUOTE]

good, being engaged to a married man could suck

goobersinlove · March 2012

Thanks for your clarification that it's your fiance's BROTHER and HIS wife. That makes a difference.

After reading your post a couple times carefully, I gather that you are upset because they excluded you and some other people in the family from their wedding and baby festivities? Is that the only problem?

I'd also like to point out in your OP that you at first said, "Everyone is pissed at them" but in the next paragraph you said that "everyone thinks they're the greatest." Which one is it? Are people still mad at her or have they gotten over it?

I feel like there's something missing in the story.

Please clarify. But at this point, I'm going to suggest that you take your own advice and keep reminding yourself that you can't control their life.

snr1 · March 2012

I think she means, family is pissed, everyone outside the family thinks they're the greatest.

RailWayWife · March 2012

There really isnt much you can do.
The way they live their life may make you unhappy but is it making them happy?? Take a step back. Ask yourself Why are they acting they way they are? Put yourself in their shoes.

All you can do is be happy in whatever it is you do.

stephaniesch · March 2012

I struggle with a somewhat similar situation with my brother too, OP. It's tough but you are doing the only thing you can- remind yourself that you can't control them and move on with your life. It's so incredibly frustrating, but it's really the only option at this point.

Good luck!

chelsy31588 · March 2012

Sorry I wrote this so confusingly.

Yes my FI's family is pissed at them. Everyone else outside of that, friends/her family/etc think they are god's gift to the world.

I am *and the rest of the family* is upset with the blatant disrespect they have shown my FI's mother and us. We've spoken to them about it and they said "oops sorry we will work on that." However they repeated history and made us all upset again.

Not one of us has done anything to make them mad at us or upset with us which is why we don't understand why they are so mean. That is what is so frustrating because yes I can move on with my life but now they are becoming part of my life so I kind of have to deal with it forever.

His mom is so sad, which makes me sad.

smmessinger · March 2012

You have two choices the way I see it:

1. Be the nicer person and invite them to your wedding because you feel like its the right thing to do

2. Tell them how you feel and don't invite them.

You don't have to mean to them because of what they have done but you don't have to include them in your big day either.

I have had family that have done similar things so when we have anything I don't include them. It may not solve the problem but it makes me feel better and it doesn't make my other family feel akward. If you invite them you invite the problem as well and I hope no one would act out on your wedding day but a person seeing them could make it their breaking point.

LoisLane007 · March 2012

Smmessinger is right. You don't have to invite them. (You don't have to invite ANYONE actually...)
But here's my two cents on this one:
IF you DO invite them, don't seat them with your FI's Mom. Know that they'll probably compare everything to their wedding and how theirs was better or that "you could have done this/that better" or the "I would have done it this way" comments. (She sounds like my SIL, and one of my BMs told me everything my SIL in said about my wedding 1y 1m 1d after hers.) Do you want to hear all this on your wedding day?

IF you DON'T invite them, you'll have to here her b*tch and moan after the wedding for a short while.

Question: Were you invoted to her baby shower?

chelsy31588 · March 2012

What happened to this post?

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