OK so here is the deal! It is my general impression that favors have really just become big in the last 10 yrs. My mom and the FMIL are were both 30+ moms and I am a young (22) bride...the future in law's are not originally from the US so they do not do favors. My mom has never even heard of favors since i am the youngest person in my family by about 14 years + ...seriously the last family wedding I went to I was the flower girl in!
So here is my main point. They are paying almost 100% of the wedding and they do not want them because they think they are totally unnecessary...and frankly so do I but I have received a favor at literally ALL of my friends weddings and I know my family wont be offended if we didn't do it I think my friends would be offended if we didn't. I know that if I had them most family members would just leave them behind. I know I cant just put favors on the "friends" tables and not on the "family" tables... I am at such a cross road here because I know if I want them and the parents don't agree I have to pay for it ( like my photo booth) and that's another expense x 200! HELP...Opinions please!
Re: Help me end an argument!
I think you can still do favours if you want to, but do them inexpensively.
For instance, a gf of mine, whose parents and FI's parents are paying for the whole wedding, are having elaborate and pricey favours.
My FI and I, who are paying for our own wedding (but are having as many guests as my gf) are having favours...but scaled back. We cannot afford to spend $250+ on favours. But we CAN afford between $150 and $200 for them. We have found some inexpensive and cute options and will be doing that instead!
I answered this way on the CC board:
Big in the last 10 years? I was married almost 32 years ago, and we had favors, as did everyone I knew. Matchbooks were very popular back then.
But ditto Meg: if you don't want them, don't have them. But also understand that favors don't have to be big and expensive. My DD's favors were probably somewhere around the $1 pp mark, probably less.
She had bought favor boxes on clearance. Tulle circles on clearance. Ribbon on clearance. She put a small handful of m&ms in a circle of tulle, tied the circle, placed it in the favor box, and put a box at each place setting.
So if you have 200 people, you can likely, with a little work, have your total cost of favors be under $200.
[QUOTE]I like favors with a purpose - <strong>either a donation to a charity with significance to you and your family,</strong> giving a card to everyone; or something edible, so people can niblle on it (and it doesn't become clutter for them). Those might be ideas that are easier to sell to the parents, since you are either feeding people or doing some good in the world. the card attached or the candy packaging can be the keepsake part for your friends.
Posted by APW2010[/QUOTE]
I'm with you on everyting but the donations. Here's why:
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black;">Make your donation. I believe in donations. I make them myself. I think they're a good thing to do.
But don't pretend that they're a favor to your guests. Because they're not. They're a favor to the organization, and to you. You're taking the money you'd spend on a little something for your guests and giving it to someone else. How do you figure that's a favor for your guests?
Honestly, I don't need a favor. I don't really want a favor. You're already giving me food, drinks, entertainment. I don't need a matchbook or m&ms (although I LOVE m&ms) as a thank you.
But please don't in any, way, shape or form think that giving $$ to a charity is somehow doing something for me.
I'd liken it to a guest coming to your wedding and giving you a card that says "In honor of your marriage, I have given a donation to the "eastern micronesia tsunami prevention fund". It may be important to your guest, but it probably doesn't mean anything to you. So it's not really a gift for you, is it.</span></p>
As a bride who thought she just HAD to have favors, my advice is don't do them. No one cares about a cheap favor. They are not worth the money and effort. When I think about how much money I spent on them, I regret it. People told me not to worry about them when I was planning and I wish I had listened. If your friends are offended, they aren't very good friends.
If you just have to do something, put some chocolate in a favor box, tie a ribbon on it and call it a day. But honestly, even $200 spent on favors is $200 better spent elsewhere. And a photobooth is always a big hit and is plenty of favor in itself.
With All the Trimmings
When I go to a wedding without favors I don't even notice. Don't worry about them.
Seriously, NOBODY cares about wedding favors except the bride. They care about being treated graciously and hospitably, which means good food and drink, not being kept waiting hours for their food while you take your pictures, getting some individual attention from the bride and groom during the reception, etc. They do not care about cheap trinkets or even the chocolate truffle that cost you far more than their value to the guests.
In short: anyone who is "offended" at the lack of favors is someone who is looking for something to be offended about.