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July 2010 Weddings

What do you think about this? (WR)

A girl I know on another message board (not a wedding-related board) got engaged around Christmas of last year (2008) and planned their wedding for April of 2010. Pretty standard stuff ... and being that it's almost 2010, their wedding and reception are all planned, all vendors booked, etc.

A few weeks ago she decided to quit her job because she was very unhappy. This meant that she lost her health insurance, and her fiance's job would only cover her on his health insurance if they were married. So ... they decided to get married quickly at a courthouse two weekends ago so she could get on his health insurance. They are still planning on having the "wedding" in April 2010 which is well, ok, they already planned and paid for everything.

However I don't know about this -- she isn't telling anyone that they are TECHNICALLY already married. Not even their parents. I think she told her maid of honor (and obviously, internet strangers, lol) and the pastor who is performing the ceremony (non-denominational and not at a church) but that was it. I don't know why but that strikes me as not right. Again not sure why it seems that way, but it seems deceptive. If I were a guest I would want to know. I get that they want to use what they already paid for in terms of their April wedding but invitations haven't been sent yet, if it were me I'd change the invitation to say something like "a reception" or "a celebration of our marriage" instead of a formal wedding invitation.

I've never heard of anyone doing this but I imagine with people needing health insurance coverage, etc. it must be somewhat common. Just my opinion, no clue why I feel this way but it bothers me a little. What do you think?

Re: What do you think about this? (WR)

  • I don't think it is "okay" to do either. It's deceptive, and to me their reasoning was not good, either. It is NOT very expensive to get a short-term health insurance plan for most people (I'll be doing it soon and will have it for a few months, not getting married early and lying about it until the wedding). So it irritates me on both points: the lying and the reasoning.

    That being said, one of my friends did the same thing. It realllllly makes me mad bc she didn't tell me (I found out on my own), and I'm in her wedding. Not cool. Going this route just causes dramz, especially when people try to keep it secret.
  • Yeah now I'm like ... "well it never happened to me or anyone I know ..." but maybe it did?! And they never told me haha. Who knows. I do have friends who had quickie weddings because of a baby on the way/health insurance needs/immigration needs, but that WAS their wedding whereas I think they will consider the April date to be their anniversary.

    I congratulated her and didn't say anything but, mentally, I judged a little bit, haha.
  • wow, FI and I thought of doing that (w/o the lying part) bc of insurance costs but i wanted the whole family wedding thing
    <a href="http://daisypath.com/"><img src="http://davf.daisypath.com/6ChGm5.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Daisypath Anniversary tickers" /></a>
  • Oh, I definitely find that deceptive. They're lying. These people think that their courthouse wedding isn't "real" because it's not a big party. Guess what- you're married. That was your wedding. Call a spade a spade and tell everyone you're having a vow renewal because that is what you're doing. I understand there may be extenuating circumstances but come on, tell the truth.

    Dan's brother went to a wedding like this in September. Due to military reasons, the bride and groom got married THREE YEARS AGO and didn't tell anyone. Groom got drunk at his bachelor party (yeah. BACHELOR PARTY- too bad he's been a married man for 3 years without anyone knowing) and spilled the beans to the groomsmen. It was super weird. I told Dan's brother that they should have gotten the couple a 3 year anniversary card instead of a marriage card.
    7/10/10 image Dandy
  • totally uncalled for and very rude
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