I know this is a weird question for this forum but

LizHZ · October 2010

is anyone planning a wedding to a serviceman that has no military aspects to it?

DF and I are (fingers crossed) having a full ceremony & reception with 50 family members next spring. Right now we don't want any military traditions involved, but... will people think that's weird?

truegirl89 · October 2010

My Fi is a Marine. The only thing we have to do with the military is his dress blues. That's it. I think that it's your wedding, your decision.
No, I don't think it's weird.

kyrgyzstan · October 2010

It's totally up to you. You can marry a service member with any kind of wedding you want.

ksrawr · October 2010

Nope not weird. Our wedding had no military theme to it. DH didn't even wear his dress greens he choose to wear a custom made suit he get instead.

FebDallasBride · October 2010

We are not doing anything related to the military, besides our officiant and some groomsmen being currently deployed with him.

I offended someone last month when I told her FI would be wearing a tux and my colors DID NOT include Army green.

Beachy730 · October 2010

We didn't do anything Navy related for our wedding. We did invite our guests to wear their dress uniforms, but H wanted to wear a tux. And as a joke I got a Navy toss garter from David's Bridal. But that was it. It's perfectly fine for people to not want their wedding day to be revolved around the military, especially when their whole lives are military.

kara811 · October 2010

We're not doing anything military related in our wedding either. We wanted the big white wedding with all our family and friends there. FI wanted to wear a tux as well, and so did the groomsmen who are also in the military. It's totally up to you too, and I don't think people will feel weird if you don't do anything military related.

Sammy0709 · October 2010

We weren't gonna do military anything for our vow renewal until H insisted on wearing his dress mess. I'm not suprised when people are opposed to doing a military theme since we are exposed to it daily.

LuluP82 · October 2010

Not really doing anything. He's wearing his blues, but that's it. HE's also changing halfway through into a tux. I still think he'll change his mind and just wear a tux the entire time regardless. But we'll see.

It's enough they control most of our lives...don't have to include them in the wedding

iluvmytxrgr · October 2010

We had nothing military related at our wedding. There are a lot of military couples who have nothing to do with the military at their weddings. I've actually been to more with out than with.

mysticl · October 2010

FI and his BM are wearing their dress blues. And they are basically doing this so they can save money on tux rentals. Also, FMIL wanted to see her son in uniform. We are getting married on base because it saved us a lot of money but there is no military theme going.

Look at this this way no one would expect the WP to wear lab coats at a doctor's wedding, or the favors to be calculators at an accountant's wedding.

LuluP82 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_this-weird-question-this-forum-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:56e6acf1-d6a9-47a5-885b-030596c2f258Post:631020a0-fbe9-483c-ac1c-833b800e8fe5">Re: I know this is a weird question for this forum but</a>:
[QUOTE]FI and his BM are wearing their dress blues. And they are basically doing this so they can save money on tux rentals. Also, FMIL wanted to see her son in uniform. We are getting married on base because it saved us a lot of money but there is no military theme going. Look at this this way<strong> no one would expect the WP to wear lab coats at a doctor's wedding, or the favors to be calculators at an accountant's wedding.
</strong>Posted by mysticl[/QUOTE]

Hehe this made me giggle.

calindi · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_this-weird-question-this-forum-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:56e6acf1-d6a9-47a5-885b-030596c2f258Post:631020a0-fbe9-483c-ac1c-833b800e8fe5">Re: I know this is a weird question for this forum but</a>:
[QUOTE]FI and his BM are wearing their dress blues. And they are basically doing this so they can save money on tux rentals. Also, FMIL wanted to see her son in uniform. We are getting married on base because it saved us a lot of money but there is no military theme going. <strong>Look at this this way no one would expect the WP to wear lab coats at a doctor's wedding, or the favors to be calculators at an accountant's wedding. </strong>
Posted by mysticl[/QUOTE]

Thank you for saying what I've been thinking! I thought I was the only one. If my boyfriend wants to wear his blues, then great. If our guests who are in the military want to wear their uniforms, awesome. But really, at the end of the day, it's just a job. Sure, a job that changes your life and gives you a community and a lifestyle, but still just a job. You can be as involved or as independent from that identity as you want - I will always be myself and identify as a number of things more than I'll ever identify as a military spouse (right now, military girlfriend). It's a part of who I am, but it's not my identity.

We always joke that if my boyfriend wants a military wedding, we're also going to have to incorporate planes, Blackberrys, and Spanish-language for my job (I travel a lot and work with Latin America).

kyrgyzstan · October 2010

I always quibble with the idea that being a service member is *just* a job. Being a Marine is so much more than that. But you don't have to show motivation in a wedding if you don't want. Inner motivation is what counts anyhow.

truegirl89 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_this-weird-question-this-forum-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:56e6acf1-d6a9-47a5-885b-030596c2f258Post:131deae0-2c3d-4c37-8520-8053cc2677bf">Re: I know this is a weird question for this forum but</a>:
[QUOTE]I always quibble with the idea that being a service member is *just* a job. Being a Marine is so much more than that. But you don't have to show motivation in a wedding if you don't want. Inner motivation is what counts anyhow.
Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]

<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

iluvmytxrgr · October 2010

I agree Stan. Making the choice to be a Soldier is far different than making the choice to be a dog walker or a chef. It's not the same. It is not my entire identity, but it is a huge part of who I am. I just chose not to bring it into our wedding because it consumes so much of the rest of our lives.

calindi · October 2010

Maybe not dog walkers, but I think you can say the same thing about surgeons - it's a huge commitment, years of training, and can impact your life (they have to be on-call for holidays and keep graveyard shifts at the hospitals). It's a big part of who they are.

There are very few professions that tie into someones identity and community the way a career in the military does, but I don't think that service members are the only ones who can claim to have a career that is a big part of who they are as a person. And I don't think that simply being part of the military means it has to play a big role in your identity - it can play as big or small a role in how you identify yourself as you want as long as you do your job and take pride in it.

And just because someone has a career in the military doesn't mean it has to be the identity of their spouse, too. I will love and support my man as much as a Marine as I would if he had any other career, and I will identify myself in regards to skills, hobbies, and experiences that I myself have achieved more so than as a military spouse, which is not an indication of me but rather of my loved one's accomplishments.

Please don't take my words wrong - I'm not saying that the military can't play a big role in your identity or that there's anything wrong with that as a service member. It can play as big or small a role as you want. I'm not saying it's "just a job" - I'm saying that the root of it, it's a profession. And you can make that as big a part of your identity as you want, but it doesn't HAVE to be.

LizHZ · October 2010

Thanks ladies : ) nice to know I'm far from alone in this.

My father's co-worker who's an ex-officer (and has been through... 3 or 4 weddings of his own) asked my sister about my plans, then told her I "may regret not having a military wedding to celebrate becoming an officer's wife."

Yea.

mysticl · October 2010

'Stan, I have no idea what you mean by "showing motivation" at a wedding.

I think that Calindi did a very good job of expressing the point I was going for, though I can add a few professions to the list that can be pretty life consuming and Identity forming. And we don't always agree so that says something.

LizHZ, have the wedding you and your FI want. Based on that one sentence it sounds like your father's co-work maybe saw his rank as a some sort of status that he was bestowing on his wives..........OR..............that was the reason they were all marrying him, they saw it as a status symbol. But since I only have that one statement to work with I could be way off.

kyrgyzstan · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_this-weird-question-this-forum-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:56e6acf1-d6a9-47a5-885b-030596c2f258Post:a9c59676-41fa-41ce-b6f2-4a0bbf42fa89">Re: I know this is a weird question for this forum but</a>:
[QUOTE]'Stan, I have no idea what you mean by "showing motivation" at a wedding. I think that Calindi did a very good job of expressing the point I was going for, though I can add a few professions to the list that can be pretty life consuming and Identity forming. And we don't always agree so that says something. LizHZ, have the wedding you and your FI want. Based on that one sentence it sounds like your father's co-work maybe saw his rank as a some sort of status that he was bestowing on his wives..........OR..............that was the reason they were all marrying him, they saw it as a status symbol. But since I only have that one statement to work with I could be way off.
Posted by mysticl[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I'm a motard, so I imagine my theoretical wedding will show that. Uniforms, helicopters, red, white, and blue, etc. That's what I mean by showing motivation at a wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>I know surgeons, a bunch of other doctors, and I know a lot of lawyers, my h.s. group were all smart. I'm the only one who wants to be a service member. Despite the rigorous training they've gone through, it's simply not the same to me, nor is it to them. They're the first to say that organic chem, internships, med school, etc. are not the same as military training. They've never been in the field, and they don't depend on their friendships for their lives. I don't think being a Marine takes more brains, but it is more than just a job for those who have been through it. I know there are some people who don't feel that way, and that's fine for them. I hope they get what they seek out of their time in. I hope to get in and make it a career, and I see it as a lifetime identity.

</div>

mysticl · October 2010

Ok, what you are calling motivation I would call enthusiasm, I get what you are saying now.

I totally agree that being in the military is a very different experience than most other jobs/careers. My point is just that there are many other people out there that consider their profession to be more than "just a job" and that it is also a huge part of their identity and has a huge impact on how they live their life and how their families live their lives as well.

I went for the silly in my first post on purpose. If a couple wants to include some of what they do for a living into the wedding then go for it. I just don't think the wedding should be about marrying a doctor, an accountant, a Sailor, a Marine, etc. It's about marrying the person you love. So the guests shouldn't find it weird if the couple didn't include their job/career into the ceremony/reception.

Beachy730 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_this-weird-question-this-forum-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:56e6acf1-d6a9-47a5-885b-030596c2f258Post:88d9ca9b-5de0-4713-a6e8-476eda87ef0a">Re: I know this is a weird question for this forum but</a>:
[QUOTE]I just don't think the wedding should be about marrying a doctor, an accountant, a Sailor, a Marine, etc. It's about marrying the person you love. So the guests shouldn't find it weird if the couple didn't include their job/career into the ceremony/reception.
Posted by mysticl[/QUOTE]

I completely agree with this. I married my best friend, who just happens to be a Sailor. I totally left it up to him to wear his uniform or not, and he chose to wear a tux. H loves being in the Navy, and I have the utmost respect for him for what he does, but he is also so many things on top of being a Sailor. His choice though was that since so much of his life is dictated by the Navy, our wedding day was one day that he could have how he wanted. This is one of those topics though where there is no right or wrong. Getting married in your uniform doesn't make you any more of less of a soldier/sailor. Its a simple decision, as much as a bride deciding if she wants to wear white or ivory (at least IMO).

[Deleted User] · October 2010

Sweetie you and your man should have exactly the wedding you want, my fiance and I are both Marine and we are having absolutely NO military design in our wedding. It's about what you want, not what people will think about it. Besides they will all be so focused on how beautiful you look and how happy you and your new husband look together to care.

sarahmraley · October 2010

It is completely up to you guys. FI wanted some incorporations, and others to be left out. So we have chosen which aspects to include. One being inviting service members to wear their dress uniforms. FI is getting married in a tux and will be changing into his uniform right before the cake cutting. Other than that, there is nothing else. Oh and a NAVY ice sculpture for cocktail hour that FI has designed and requested. I have no say in this!

It is your day, do what you want with it!

calindi · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_this-weird-question-this-forum-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:56e6acf1-d6a9-47a5-885b-030596c2f258Post:88d9ca9b-5de0-4713-a6e8-476eda87ef0a">Re: I know this is a weird question for this forum but</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, what you are calling motivation I would call enthusiasm, I get what you are saying now.

My point is just that there are many other people out there that consider their profession to be more than "just a job" and that it is also a huge part of their identity and has a huge impact on how they live their life and how their families live their lives as well.
Posted by mysticl[/QUOTE]

This! (Sorry for the super long delay in responding - I was on vacation for the last week).

First, "moto" is a huge word with the Marines - everything is "moto" that shows enthusiasm for the USMC and being a Marine. If I see one more picture tagged of my boyfriend with someone commenting "So moto!" when he's doing PT, I might gag. It's a word I've gotten used to hearing a lot from the Marine community, though.

Second, I think mysticl summed up my point very well. The military can certainly be part of your identity, and you're welcome to include it in your wedding as much as you want. But other people can choose to encorporate their careers into their weddings, too - chefs who have designed an incredible gourmet menu, pilots who have a travel theme to their wedding, dog walkers who have little dog cake toppers, whatever! My point is that you can incorporate it if you want, but having or not having the military in your wedding doesn't reflect on how well you serve your country, or prove that the military is any better or more personal than any other career.

OP, just ignore comments like that. Do what makes you and your FI happy. If he said that to me, I'd resent the idea that I should use my wedding to celebrate becoming an Officer's wife - to me, it's much more important that I'd be marrying my guy, not his job.

kryskn22 · November 2010

I don't think it is weird at all...my Fiance and I are not planning on doing anything related to the Marines. I asked him if he wanted to have a Marine wedding and he told me no, he wants a regular wedding. The only thing relating to the Marines during our wedding is my Fiance wearing his Dress Blues.

I know this is a weird question for this forum but

Re: I know this is a weird question for this forum but

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