Texas-Dallas and Ft. Worth

Moving In...

Thursday I move in with my FI! I'm really excited, and I haven't been able to sleep! I want to keep pack, but I don't have any boxes yet, I've been putting clothes in bags. I'm just restless, I wish I could move in already! Oh, and I haven't told him this yet but I think I may be preggers... I'm only 2 days late and it's probably stress so I don't want to worry him (we had a scare before but I was just paranoid) but hopefully not because I want my wedding to be drama free and as much as we'd love to be parents, our families would freak out (they don't know we're moving in together, my cousin has an apartment that's too big for her so that's where everyone thinks I'm moving to. I like to avoid the family drama and my fam loves Peter so I'd like to keep it that way :) Ahhhh I should sleep...
«13

Re: Moving In...

  • edited December 2011
    So a red flag just shot up for me - You aren't being honest with your families about your living situation?  You realize STDs, Invites, etc will need a return address and the cat will be out of the bag.  Being honest with them now is the best plan.

    Also, your menstrual cycle can be off by a couple of days each month without worry - *waits for our resident biology teacher to pop in* :)
  • dianaslikdianaslik member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_moving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:05309357-035a-4a07-8e99-cf480a21bf26Post:ed81aaaf-fdd7-48ea-a5c9-e6335fa230da">Re: Moving In...</a>:
    [QUOTE]So a red flag just shot up for me - You aren't being honest with your families about your living situation?  You realize STDs, Invites, etc will need a return address and the cat will be out of the bag.  Being honest with them now is the best plan. Also, your menstrual cycle can be off by a couple of days each month without worry - *waits for our resident biology teacher to pop in* :)
    Posted by KendallandAlbert[/QUOTE]

    I pretty much agree with all of the above~
    Yes, moving in together is exciting (congrats) - but being dishonest to family in the midst of wedding planning can cause even MORE drama.

    Side note: Kendall - all my STDs, invites, RSVPs used my parent's return address... so that may not be what reveals the situation.
  • edited December 2011
    FWIW, my parents didn't approve of me moving in with FI (although in my case it was because I had to quit my job and move across the country for a guy they'd never met, not strictly about us living together) for a long time. I arranged for them to meet each other several times, and then we got engaged, and my parents just naturally came around. They knew it was the real deal, that I'd thought long and hard about my decisions and had a plan (including financial implications), and that I was a grown-up and doing what was best for me.

    It took a lot of work to dispell their worries and get their blessing, but I needed to do it. If you do decide to tell your parents your true living situation (and I recommend it), it might take some time, like with my parents. But hopefully they come around before the wedding like mine did.
  • juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    No, what's going to reveal the situation might be what turns up towards the end of the year. 

    Please, please, PLEASE, be honest with your family ESPECIALLY if you are really pregnant.  They will never forgive you and they will never accept your FI if you hide moving in with him and you hide the fact that you are pregnant.  This attitude is not the attitude of a mature woman who is getting married and who is possibly going to have a baby. 
  • edited December 2011
    Not to sound like a B (okay maybe) but how old are you? From the context of your post, I'm going to guess 18-20.
    ~DFWs Resident Snark~
    I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
    image
  • PetersGirl897PetersGirl897 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If I'm pregnant I'll definitely tell them, but I know my parents and me moving in with him would be really catastrophic for them. If I'm pregnant, it will probably take about 5-8 years for us to make things ok. We've already moved up the wedding day and we won't be lying for very long, we just can't afford to pay rent on two apartments and my lease was up. He's in med school and can't really work very much right now. Oh, and I'm 26, I know a couple of you were wondering. 
  • juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_moving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:05309357-035a-4a07-8e99-cf480a21bf26Post:59a2213b-9b1b-4904-b205-3c24e54c8189">Re: Moving In...</a>:
    [QUOTE]If I'm pregnant I'll definitely tell them, but I know my parents and me moving in with him would be really catastrophic for them.<strong> If I'm pregnant, it will probably take about 5-8 years for us to make things ok.</strong> We've already moved up the wedding day and we won't be lying for very long, we just can't afford to pay rent on two apartments and my lease was up. He's in med school and can't really work very much right now. Oh, and I'm 26, I know a couple of you were wondering. 
    Posted by PetersGirl897[/QUOTE]

    And you think lying to them about moving in together isn't going to cost the same amount of time or more before they trust you again? 

    There's a difference between lying to your parents about sneaking out to go drink at the lake and hiding the fact that you're living together. 
  • PetersGirl897PetersGirl897 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We use condoms but I can't be on the pill or anything with hormones because I react to it pretty bad. We should probably wait to move in together until the wedding, because if we tell his parents they will stop paying for school, but I don't have anywhere to go that makes sense financially. I have put a lot of thought into it, I had a bad family situation when I was living with my parents so we're not super close and I've come to terms with that. But, I love his family and don't want to shake things there. They'll forgive us if they find out but I'd rather they didn't have to. They never stop by without being invited, and my family doesn't bother coming even when invited.
  • bsn1752bsn1752 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    *Sirens and bells going off*

    I call MUD. 
  • juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_moving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:05309357-035a-4a07-8e99-cf480a21bf26Post:6c95e8e8-3db4-409c-b65c-107cd8bd96cc">Re: Moving In...</a>:
    [QUOTE]*Sirens and bells going off* I call MUD. 
    Posted by bsn1752[/QUOTE]
    And, this.
  • edited December 2011
    Okay which OMH's AE is this?
    ~DFWs Resident Snark~
    I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
    image
  • PetersGirl897PetersGirl897 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I've put lots of thought into, and there's lots more reasons why it makes sense to do it this way. His parents aren't going to have hard feelings about it, we already talked to them about it. If they find out that we choose to live our lives different from their standards they don't want to hand over money. Not that we can't make that choice and keep our relationship with them. My sister was in a similar situation as me when she got married so I guess it just seems ok to me because everything worked out great for her
  • juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_moving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:05309357-035a-4a07-8e99-cf480a21bf26Post:85ff7503-8d70-4ebd-b3a3-b7eaa2d06cd0">Re: Moving In...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've put lots of thought into, and there's lots more reasons why it makes sense to do it this way. His parents aren't going to have hard feelings about it, we already talked to them about it. If they find out that we choose to live our lives different from their standards they don't want to hand over money. Not that we can't make that choice and keep our relationship with them. <strong>My sister was in a similar situation as me when she got married so I guess it just seems ok to me because everything worked out great for her</strong>
    Posted by PetersGirl897[/QUOTE]
    Since when will every situation be the exact same as every other one?  Did she marry into your FI's family too? 
  • juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    And I'll just say one more thing about this:

    Is it really all that difficult to play by their rules?  They are, apparently, willing to give you guys the awesome gift of paying for med school.  That means you'll be able to start out relatively debt free.  If their price is that you guys don't live together until you're married, I don't understand why your short sightedness doesn't allow you to understand that you will be better off financially in the long run if you don't move in together.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_moving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:05309357-035a-4a07-8e99-cf480a21bf26Post:674c065b-3135-4fa4-bc3d-8327d8cd21d9">Re: Moving In...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay which OMH's AE is this?
    Posted by FebDallasBride[/QUOTE]

    HA HA This... kind of what I was thinking!  I'm baffled by this post and have nothing to offer.
  • PetersGirl897PetersGirl897 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I can't actually move in with my cousin because she's got her boyfriend secretly living there. We've been dating for 8 years, I'd like to finally be living there so I'm sure my impatience is effecting this choice but we've decided it's what's best for us.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_moving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:05309357-035a-4a07-8e99-cf480a21bf26Post:9532cca6-29aa-4a78-b164-a044bbad10f5">Re: Moving In...</a>:
    [QUOTE]We use condoms but I can't be on the pill or anything with hormones because I react to it pretty bad. We should probably wait to move in together until the wedding, because if we tell his parents they will stop paying for school, but<strong> I don't have anywhere to go that makes sense financially.</strong> I have put a lot of thought into it, I had a bad family situation when I was living with my parents so we're not super close and I've come to terms with that. But, I love his family and don't want to shake things there. They'll forgive us if they find out but I'd rather they didn't have to. They never stop by without being invited, and my family doesn't bother coming even when invited.
    Posted by PetersGirl897[/QUOTE]

    Why not your cousin's apartment that is too big for them that you mentioned in your original post?

    ETA:   Your cousin has someone secretly living there too?

    Oh brother.
  • Katy LanzaKaty Lanza member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_moving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:05309357-035a-4a07-8e99-cf480a21bf26Post:084f6025-eab8-47b1-8ae0-72a7603be8c4">Re: Moving In...</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I can't actually move in with my cousin because she's got her boyfriend secretly living there</strong>. We've been dating for 8 years, I'd like to finally be living there so I'm sure my impatience is effecting this choice but we've decided it's what's best for us.
    Posted by PetersGirl897[/QUOTE]

    Another secret living arrangement? oh my.

    Does the cost of living together exceed the debt you would go into over his med school?  If not, it would be wise to reconsider moving in together.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • bsn1752bsn1752 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_moving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:05309357-035a-4a07-8e99-cf480a21bf26Post:084f6025-eab8-47b1-8ae0-72a7603be8c4">Re: Moving In...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I can't actually move in with my cousin because she's got her boyfriend secretly living there. We've been dating for 8 years, I'd like to finally be living there so I'm sure my impatience is effecting this choice but we've decided it's what's best for us.
    Posted by PetersGirl897[/QUOTE]

    So, is anyone honest about their relationships and who they're living with in your family?
  • juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_moving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:05309357-035a-4a07-8e99-cf480a21bf26Post:084f6025-eab8-47b1-8ae0-72a7603be8c4">Re: Moving In...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I can't actually move in with my cousin because she's got her boyfriend secretly living there. We've been dating for 8 years, I'd like to finally be living there so I'm sure my impatience is effecting this choice but <strong>we've decided it's what's best for us.</strong>
    Posted by PetersGirl897[/QUOTE]
    Then why, oh why, did you come here?  We don't give it our seal of approval unless it really deserves it.
  • PetersGirl897PetersGirl897 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Haha most of us are hiding everything from my parents, kind of how it's always been. 
  • bsn1752bsn1752 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_moving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:05309357-035a-4a07-8e99-cf480a21bf26Post:5781821b-74bb-42b2-b7d1-3c4810a8c9ad">Re: Moving In...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Haha most of us are hiding everything from my parents, kind of how it's always been. 
    Posted by PetersGirl897[/QUOTE]

    Let me start by saying that I don't think that you're real... and if you are, then I'm sorry but this is so far fetched, it's hard to believe.

    If you're real, here's my advice:

    1.  Be honest with your parents (to you and everyone else lying to their parents).  They will find out regardless and starting a marriage on a lie is bound for disaster.

    2.  If you're parents don't want you living together, I wonder what they will think of a possible baby.  Get on BC. Seriously.

    3.  If you don't want your parents to have say over what you do, where you live, etc... then prepare to pay for things yourself.  You made the bed, now you have to lie in it.

    4.  Because I'm curious... when's your wedding?
  • edited December 2011
    Maybe you should have a secret baby, too! Be the first in your family to start the trend! Everyone likes trendsetters!
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_moving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:05309357-035a-4a07-8e99-cf480a21bf26Post:5781821b-74bb-42b2-b7d1-3c4810a8c9ad">Re: Moving In...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Haha most of us are hiding everything from my parents, kind of how it's always been. 
    Posted by PetersGirl897[/QUOTE]
    Ummmm, no, I didn't.  I know a lot of people, grown, mature, well-adjusted people who didn't hide something as major as living together or a possible baby from their parents.

    Okay, who read the Harlequin novel?  Come on.
  • edited December 2011

    I just wanted to add that apparently you shouldn't post your secrets on an online forum. 

    People can figure out who you are and tell your parents.

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_moving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:05309357-035a-4a07-8e99-cf480a21bf26Post:de7d39ea-15d1-48ba-8b75-3acd16f1eac1">Re: Moving In...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just wanted to add that apparently you shouldn't post your secrets on an online forum.  People can figure out who you are and tell your parents.
    Posted by Tiffany618[/QUOTE]

    Yeah. Duh. Because you never know who may know your parents and will tell them about your secret apartment and secret baby.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Do I need to bring this out?



  • edited December 2011
    Ugh. Fine. I'm going back to studying now.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • edited December 2011
    Yep, I knew this one would catch on.  With that, I am going back to bed <3
  • angelsong21angelsong21 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    *scratches head* Skimmed. And I really can't figure out what to say to this except if this is a legit person asking a legit question, I am SO happy I decided to be honest with my parents!
    Anniversary Image and video hosting by TinyPic
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards