Bridal Shower Gift Dilemma

songbrd410 · January 2011

Ok...bare with me here...

I live in Seattle and having a shower in Detroit where ~50 people are invited. I am considering having a shower where people bring pictures of the gift they sent as opposed to bringing a physical gift. This is why I am thinking this:

1) I can't afford to ship anything. While I could return all the gifts and repurchase them in Seattle, I'm just buzzing in for the weekend and won't have time to do returns.

2) I could do a gift card shower, but flying with that many gift cards makes me nervous. It might as well be cash.

3) A lingerie shower is a possible alternative, but I don't need (or want) that much lingerie. I'm a "wear his old jersey" kinda gal and he's a "I'd rather you not wearing anything at all" kinda guy.

So there we are. I was thinking in order to do the picture idea, it'd be fun to make it a theme. Do you guys have any suggestions for themes or any other ideas?? Thanks sooooo much for your help!

SaraAndrew2010 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridal-shower-gift-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:d4b65109-cfce-42ce-8108-bf8c7af06142Post:0769c56d-7d47-4a60-8692-fbf485d51221">Bridal Shower Gift Dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok...bare with me here... I live in Seattle and having a shower in Detroit where ~50 people are invited. I am considering having a shower where people bring pictures of the gift they sent as opposed to bringing a physical gift. This is why I am thinking this: 1) I can't afford to ship anything. While I could return all the gifts and repurchase them in Seattle, I'm just buzzing in for the weekend and won't have time to do returns. 2) I could do a gift card shower, but flying with that many gift cards makes me nervous. It might as well be cash. 3) A lingerie shower is a possible alternative, but I don't need (or want) that much lingerie. I'm a "wear his old jersey" kinda gal and he's a "I'd rather you not wearing anything at all" kinda guy. So there we are. I was thinking in order to do the picture idea, it'd be fun to make it a theme. Do you guys have any suggestions for themes or any other ideas?? Thanks sooooo much for your help!
Posted by songbrd410[/QUOTE]

If you don't want to receive physical gifts at the shower, you should deline the offer of a shower. The point of a shower is to give physical gifts to the bride and watch her open them. It would be very boring to sit around a watch the bride open printouts of gifts or gift cards. I think you either need to figure out a way to deal with gifts (shipping them or returning them and then rebuying them in Seattle) or not have a shower.

songbrd410 · January 2011

That attempt to decline has been made and rejected.

SaraAndrew2010 · January 2011

People can't force you to have a shower. Could they turn it into a non-gift giving party and call it a bridal luncheon?

trix1223 · January 2011

I agree with Sara. If you're not there, I'd say there's not a shower. There is a way to decline and make it sound like you mean it.

MairePoppy · January 2011

I went to a shower, where a group of friends presented their gifts that way. They printed out pictures or drew pictures of the gifts and wrapped them in gift boxes. Some of the guests wrote clues about the gifts they had ordered off her registry in cards, so the bride could guess.Others brought gift cards. It was fun because this particular group of friends often do quirky things together.The bride was very gracious as she opened each gift. And there was plenty of wine served.

The difference there, though, is that the group of friends who wrapped their pictures came up with the idea on their own. No one was asked to ship their gifts ahead, it was strictly voluntary, on the part of those guests who did not mind paying the shipping fees. No one asked for gift cards, either. The guests took it upon themselves to be creative.

The bms, as their gift to the bride, took care of shipping any boxed gifts that were brought to the shower. But, again, that was their own idea.

If you accept the shower you should be prepared to take on the cost and responsibility of shipping boxed gifts. I would suggest that you pack lightly for the weekend, using a small suitcase. Place that suitcase inside a larger suitcase, so that you will have the spare to pack some of those gifts to bring home with you. Don't forget to check the airline luggage fees.

Another bride on this board mentioned that she registered with Amazon.com because of free shipping on items over $25.

songbrd410 · January 2011

Of course no one can force me into a shower. But at some point, some of these things are about more than just the bride-to-be. I am the first and only granddaughter to be married in my grandmothers' lifetimes. So they're really excited about the whole process too.

Thanks for the idea of the no-gift luncheon. I'll definitely suggest that.

And thanks for your input, MairePoppy. That sounds like it was an awesome shower! And I am registered at Amazon.com!

sister2groom · January 2011

You can do what you want but dictating what the guests bring, or how they give it you is not an option (like having a gift card shower or telling them to bring photos of it). If you invite people to a traditional shower the implication is that you want to open their physical gifts.

Usually I'll ship wedding gifts cause I know that's a pain to keep track of/ship those. But I'd be offended if you invited me a shower and told me NOT to bring a physical gift. It's not my fault you couldn't stand up to whoever insisted you have a shower. Maybe you can ask your mom or a close friend from Detroit or something if they would be willing to return the gifts for you instead of getting you a gift.

Furthermore, I tend to bring small gifts to showers and would hate to have to ship them because shipping is always about $7 and if I've budgeted $25 then shipping an $18 is an embarassingly small gift.

But I love the idea of a bridal luncheon.

songbrd410 · January 2011

Sister2groom....it was never an issue of me not being able stand up to anyone, but thank for your input and suggestions.

RebeccaB88 · January 2011

Well, if you can't decline the shower, then you will just have to arrange to transport the gifts somehow. Are you close enough to drive there? Or is there someone who can store the gifts for you until you can arrange to move them to where you are? If the hostesses are so insistent about the shower, can they help with shipping costs?

I know that if I knew you were traveling, I'd make an effort to take that into account when picking your gift. I would be thinking about size and breakability. I guess not all guests will think about that, though.

songbrd410 · January 2011

No...I live 2500 miles away so I'll have to fly. I talked it over with MOH, FMIL, and my mom and think we decided that people will bring whatever and they'll help me return the items so I can repurchase the same things back where I live. Thanks for your help!

seniah · January 2011

Because people know where you live hopefully they'll use the sense that God gave them and ship them to you. I'm a big fan of ship to receipient.

This won't happen to you but its a funny shipping story. Once I ordered a gift from a registry that I knew from the product description was going to be big and awkward to ship to me, wrap, carry to the shower and then for the guest of honor to schelp home. So I shipped it to her. The sister saw it before the bride got home so she hid it and brought it to the shower. She was like omg did you know it went to her and I was like yeah that's what I chose. She said but then she'd get it and know about it before the shower. I said well no kidding she'd also know it was purchased by looking at her registry. And then she complained it took up all this room in her small suv. I just looked at her and said that's why I shipped it to her house so no one would have to carry it around today. You could almost see the light bulb go off in her head and the look on her face was priceless.

songbrd410 · January 2011

Hahaha...logic (or lack of) can be a funny thing sometimes.

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