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Random Early Wedding Gift/Thank you card?

branemilybranemily member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hello All-

We have set up a honeyfund for our registry in addition to a small registry at BBB, since we live in Europe and won't be able to take most of the stuff back from our FL wedding.

One of our guests (a HS friends Mom) has already randomly contributed to the honeyfund almost 4 months before the wedding.  It is on the travel portion of the honeyfund, so I don't know if she thinks she is contributing to our flights to the wedding or what?  

Do I send a thank you card now?  The main reason for my concern is that she has not responded when I sent out a post asking for addresses (to mail the invitations).  I need to approach her again, individually, for her address but don't know whether to mention/thank her for her honeyfund contribution.

The easy way would just be to ask her son...
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Re: Random Early Wedding Gift/Thank you card?

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    I'd ask for an address now and send the thank-you ASAP.  Not waiting is just more gracious.  There could be any number of reasons why she hasn't replied to your last request-maybe she didn't see the post.
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  • branemilybranemily member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_random-early-wedding-giftthank-you-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ee8f3a85-7f06-41a1-bba4-cd5080d7068dPost:50367f36-157d-4476-a166-05285af69b12">Re: Random Early Wedding Gift/Thank you card?</a>:<div>So I send thank you cards before the wedding, if I receive a gift before (I already sent out thank you's for the bridal shower, which that was not a part of)?  </div><div>
    [QUOTE]I'd ask for an address now and send the thank-you ASAP.  Not waiting is just more gracious.  There could be any number of reasons why she hasn't replied to your last request-maybe she didn't see the post.
    Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

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  • s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
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    Yes- always send out a TY as soon as possible after recieving the gift. For any gift you can open it up (or check on it) before the wedding, but just don't use it until after the wedding (which you wouldn't be using it anyway). Waiting 4 months to send a TY when there has been plenty of time in the interim isn't polite.
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  • PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
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    Yep, you absolutely should send out thank you cards prior to the wedding for gifts that you get prior to the wedding., prompt thank yous are always courteous. Not only that, but after the wedding, when you are hip deep in a list of people you need to send cards ti, every person you've already thanked is a blessing and a relief.
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  • branemilybranemily member
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    ok good to know!  
    Thanks!
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  • gurrlballa10gurrlballa10
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    I can't believe not a single person mentioned how rude a honeymoon registry is.  What has the E board come to?
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  • KellyBrian2013KellyBrian2013
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_random-early-wedding-giftthank-you-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ee8f3a85-7f06-41a1-bba4-cd5080d7068dPost:836552b1-afda-429a-9378-81e3cb3146d6">Re: Random Early Wedding Gift/Thank you card?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I can't believe not a single person mentioned how rude a honeymoon registry is.  What has the E board come to?
    Posted by gurrlballa10[/QUOTE]

    ITA.

    Regardless of what she thinks she is purchasing you (flights to the wedding, flights to the honeymoon destination, whatever...), I wonder how she would feel to know that she's essentially just sending you money. Lovely.
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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_random-early-wedding-giftthank-you-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ee8f3a85-7f06-41a1-bba4-cd5080d7068dPost:33411a7d-f9fa-4f56-8425-96603ae7e779">Re: Random Early Wedding Gift/Thank you card?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Random Early Wedding Gift/Thank you card? : ITA. Regardless of what she thinks she is purchasing you (flights to the wedding, flights to the honeymoon destination, whatever...), I wonder how she would feel to know that she's essentially just sending you money. Lovely.
    Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]

    Fully agree! I live in Europe and I hate that this is starting to crop up over here. Don't blame living in Europe for chosing to be rude- there are plenty of other options to shipping gifts!
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  • PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
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    edited October 2012
    I didn't mention it because dismantling it now and thus liquidating the cash would be quadruple rudeness. Sometimes the lesser evil, you know?
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  • SJM7538SJM7538 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_random-early-wedding-giftthank-you-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ee8f3a85-7f06-41a1-bba4-cd5080d7068dPost:836552b1-afda-429a-9378-81e3cb3146d6">Re: Random Early Wedding Gift/Thank you card?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I can't believe not a single person mentioned how rude a honeymoon registry is.  What has the E board come to?
    Posted by gurrlballa10[/QUOTE]

    Regardless of if people think its rude or not - the honeymoon registery is already established. Why turn the thread into an unnecessary arguement?
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  • allychaseallychase member
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    In Response to Re:Random Early Wedding Gift/Thank you card?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Random Early Wedding Gift/Thank you card?:I can't believe not a single person mentioned how rude a honeymoon registry is.nbsp; What has the E board come to?Posted by gurrlballa10Regardless of if people think its rude or not the honeymoon registery is already established. Why turn the thread into an unnecessary arguement? Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

    Yeah obviously OP wasn't looking for advice on a HM registry, so why bring it up. Maybe the guest knows, and doesn't care.
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  • jessicabessicajessicabessica member
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    edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_random-early-wedding-giftthank-you-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ee8f3a85-7f06-41a1-bba4-cd5080d7068dPost:81581c0d-c5c0-44fa-8a0a-5f64f2bb8e7e">Re: Random Early Wedding Gift/Thank you card?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Random Early Wedding Gift/Thank you card? : Regardless of if people think its rude or not - the honeymoon registery is already established. Why turn the thread into an unnecessary arguement?
    Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

    There are a lot of lurkers here.  Regardless of the effect (or lack thereof) on the OP, it's useful to point out that the premise of her post is not proper etiquette for others that are reading and trying to plan their weddings. 

    edited for grammar
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  • emeejeeayenemeejeeayen member
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    I have a legit question, no snarkiness intended at all. 

    Does anyone know the history of registries in general?

    I assume there must have been a time when wedding/shower gifts were traditional but stores did not do registries? Was there a phasing in period where people thought they were rude and then got used to them? But maybe back then brides made hand written wish lists...? Anyone know?

    (I understand honeyfunds are rude for a different reason: they take a portion of the money without necessarily being clear about that.)
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  • SJM7538SJM7538 member
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    edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_random-early-wedding-giftthank-you-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ee8f3a85-7f06-41a1-bba4-cd5080d7068dPost:dec786d4-3e53-41ca-b279-0e80d2caf232">Re: Random Early Wedding Gift/Thank you card?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Random Early Wedding Gift/Thank you card? : Registries were actually started to help out the guests.  Registries solved the problem of being the 5th guest to buy the couple a toaster, and allowed them to purchase something they knew would work in the newlyweds home or that they knew the newlyweds actually NEEDED.  That's the main reason why registries are not rude.  Their purpose is for the comfort and ease of the GUESTS moreso than the couple.   It is never acceptable to ask for cash because giving cash is never going to cause an issue for the guest.  No one is embarrassed to give the couple a check when others already have, cash is never going to cause an issue by clashing with the rest of the house, and no one needs to be told that the newlyweds have a need for cash.  It's a given.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]


    loved reading this. makes total sense.
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  • cwaggoner07cwaggoner07 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_random-early-wedding-giftthank-you-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ee8f3a85-7f06-41a1-bba4-cd5080d7068dPost:dec786d4-3e53-41ca-b279-0e80d2caf232">Re: Random Early Wedding Gift/Thank you card?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Random Early Wedding Gift/Thank you card? : Registries were actually started to help out the guests.  Registries solved the problem of being the 5th guest to buy the couple a toaster, and allowed them to purchase something they knew would work in the newlyweds home or that they knew the newlyweds actually NEEDED.  That's the main reason why registries are not rude.  Their purpose is for the comfort and ease of the GUESTS moreso than the couple.   It is never acceptable to ask for cash because giving cash is never going to cause an issue for the guest.  No one is embarrassed to give the couple a check when others already have, cash is never going to cause an issue by clashing with the rest of the house, and no one needs to be told that the newlyweds have a need for cash.  It's a given.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    I think also a long time ago, the registry was just used for silver and china to complete a set so that the guest knew which design they wanted. Guests could help buy toward a pricey set of silver and plates since they knew the design.
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  • emeejeeayenemeejeeayen member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_random-early-wedding-giftthank-you-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ee8f3a85-7f06-41a1-bba4-cd5080d7068dPost:dec786d4-3e53-41ca-b279-0e80d2caf232">Re: Random Early Wedding Gift/Thank you card?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Random Early Wedding Gift/Thank you card? : Registries were actually started to help out the guests.  Registries solved the problem of being the 5th guest to buy the couple a toaster, and allowed them to purchase something they knew would work in the newlyweds home or that they knew the newlyweds actually NEEDED.  That's the main reason why registries are not rude.  Their purpose is for the comfort and ease of the GUESTS moreso than the couple.   It is never acceptable to ask for cash because giving cash is never going to cause an issue for the guest.  No one is embarrassed to give the couple a check when others already have, cash is never going to cause an issue by clashing with the rest of the house, and no one needs to be told that the newlyweds have a need for cash.  It's a given.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div>This makes total sense, and I think this would be a helpful explanation for brides considering doing honeymoon registries and the like. </div>
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  • emeejeeayenemeejeeayen member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_random-early-wedding-giftthank-you-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ee8f3a85-7f06-41a1-bba4-cd5080d7068dPost:9326be72-5b96-4d49-ab2e-c8a895852866">Re: Random Early Wedding Gift/Thank you card?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Random Early Wedding Gift/Thank you card? : I think also a long time ago, the registry was just used for silver and china to complete a set so that the guest knew which design they wanted. Guests could help buy toward a pricey set of silver and plates since they knew the design.
    Posted by cwaggoner07[/QUOTE]

    <div>This makes sense, too. </div><div>
    </div><div>(Also, when I just glanced at your response I read it as "...since they knew the design, it was a fairytale" becaue of your signature, hahaha)</div>
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  • hoffsehoffse member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_random-early-wedding-giftthank-you-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ee8f3a85-7f06-41a1-bba4-cd5080d7068dPost:9326be72-5b96-4d49-ab2e-c8a895852866">Re: Random Early Wedding Gift/Thank you card?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Random Early Wedding Gift/Thank you card? : I think also a long time ago, the registry was just used for silver and china to complete a set so that the guest knew which design they wanted. Guests could help buy toward a pricey set of silver and plates since they knew the design.
    Posted by cwaggoner07[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yes this is how they started - it was to coordinate the china, crystal, and silver patterns so that guests wouldn't buy mismatched things.  A lot of smaller china shops down South still do this in the traditional way - where they list only the patterns of the relevant items and the guests choose what they buy.  No quantity desired, no counting the number of place settings already received, not really any items listed but tableware patterns.  I both love it and hate it as a guest - on the one hand, it's about me, the giver, rather than the recipient.  I choose if I want to buy a full place setting or a serving bowl, or whatnot, and the only guidance I need is what pattern to choose.  It's nice to not worry about the item you wanted to give being "fulfilled" already and bumping you into an unwanted price point.  On the other hand, I don't know if I'm being redundant.  But that's how it was done for years and is still done in some places.</div><div>
    </div><div>It has morphed into the current iteration where it branched out into bedding, bath, home decor, kitchenwares, cooking, small appliances and utensils, etc.  Then it sort of morphed again to include hobbies like camping or gardening or home improvement.  And finally we now have cash registries because the wedding industry realized what a cash cow registries are and figured they might as well skip the part where the bride and groom get actual stuff and let them take a cut of all the people who prefer to give straight up cash.  Because, under all the previous versions they still managed to miss profiting off of the cash-givers, which often comprises a large chunk of the guestlist.</div><div>
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