SIL Wedding Drama (naturally)

temurlang · February 2012

Here's what happened:

1. SIL sent out an invitation to her main wedding event on FB. What this invitation included: a lot of misspellings, weird jokes about marriage, and 300 people, which is not the number we agreed to. What it did not include: the groom's name, my ILs' names, or any kind of hospitable greeting.

2. SIL followed this up with a rude email addressed to her FI, FIL, MIL, DH, myself, and someone I've never heard of ordering us to be in various parts of India on certain dates. She also said she would resent it if we got sick or tired during this poorly- planned trip. She also seems to expect DH and I to fly into Mumbai rather than Delhi, which isn't convenient for us.

3. MIL is very upset and she and FIL said they don't want to go to Mumbai at all to attend the reception there (hosted by the groom's family). SIL called DH (who is OOT at a conference) to have a tantrum over this.

*sigh* do people like this ever settle down? This is so exhausting!

Steph818 · February 2012

Wow. Shes a complete mess. I hope she gets some sense into her. When is the wedding?

Priya490 · February 2012

Wow, so sorry you have to deal with this! What she's doing is so not normal!

raangoli · February 2012

Wow. That's all I can really say. Hopefully once she's married her shenanigans will die down, but something tells me that will probably not be the case here.

Hopefully the trip will go quickly and you can maintain some semblance of sanity!

temurlang · February 2012

An update:

SIL's FI has replied to the FB invite with "maybe"... I assume this is his type of humor. DH came home late last night, saw that, groaned, and said he hopes he doesn't have to ever interact with FBIL much.

I have to say I am so glad they live in India... I would take MIL over SIL any day! But I am really worried that SIL will try to have a baby immediately (she's 37 and has always said she's "meant to have kids") and then expect us to support it and MIL to take care of it.

*sigh*

temurlang · February 2012

Latest update:

SIL and her FI have decided not to have a reception in Mumbai, but instead her FI will pay for his relatives to come and stay in Jaipur. DH disapproves of this plan because he feels that certain people still won't come (which FBIL apparently is upset about) plus it raises our expense to host close to double the original number.

SIL said (maybe two weeks ago) that she doesn't want a Hindu ceremony. MIL really wants her to have one, but after her being so difficult everyone accepted that there wouldn't be one. Over the weekend, she told DH that because FBIL feels bad about his people not all being able to attend the wedding, she and he will take a trip to Goa in March and have a private ceremony in a temple there. DH shouted at her for two hours. Why should she refuse to do it in Jaipur, or even to go to Kolkata so MIL could be there? And spending extra money she hasn't got to hang out in Goa? Her answer was that having a ceremony in Jaipur with MIL there was "too traditional."

DH followed this call up with a lengthy email about financial management, and we haven't heard from her in two days.

It seems like my other post about gifts may be unnecessary, because at this point DH doesn't want to even get them a card!

melb2013 · February 2012

I feel your pain...

So she's going to India for her wedding, but she doesn't want a Hindu wedding? What kind of wedding will it be???

melb2013 · February 2012

oh, I just read the part where she lives in India. Got it. Still totally feel your pain...

jsleik · February 2012

She is a drama llama, isn't she? I would say things will change 17,000 more times before she lands on the final plan. Luckily, some things can be shifted last minute much more easily than they can here! I think your DH is smart to remind her of what she has to work with money wise and let her hash out her ill-conceived plans on her own. She'll come around. Especially if you insist that either you or you MIL pay vendors directly!

SonaliPop · March 2012

I'm REALLY sorry. I'm on the boards once in a blue moon but I HAD to respond to this.

I thought I had the SIL from hell, but yours is in her own special category. Maybe it is time to put your foot down totally and say that the two of you can only do XYZ and after that, it's up to her. It's not your responsibility and it drains you completely. She is well on her way to destroying her relationship with everybody in her family and to you, someone who always puts up with her BS. Your husband is a very loving and dedicated man but everybody reaches their limit. Does she think that time stops for her? Everybody is made of money? That her demands are realistic? It's a special time in her parents' life, one they will remember forever. She seems like a spoiled brat and I am very sorry you have to deal with this. If I were you, I would just tell her that you can not do more than you are doing in any way. Let her make a mess on her own and clean it up. If she has a certain amount of funds, let her learn to play with it and budget accordingly. You are a fantastic sister in law and an asset to your in-laws in general - be proud of yourself for taking so much BC with so much grace.

temurlang · March 2012

Sonali -- thanks for the support. I'm trying really hard to give her the benefit of the doubt that right now she's stressed about getting married, etc., but based on her past behavior it's hard. She emails me multiple times per day (well, during the night mostly), always with some new need, drama, or problem. The latest is that DH has refused to pay for hotel rooms with AC for everyone (they will be air-cooled) and she had a tantrum because her FI can't live without AC. My ILs don't have AC at home, so DH and I are wondering what he'll do there.

Does she think that time stops for her? Yes, she absolutely thinks so. She often whines at me that I take DH's time away from her, and she says I have no right to his time.

Everybody is made of money? Apparently. She has told even me that she comes from a rich family. I really hope FIL will cut her off after marriage.

That her demands are realistic? I don't think she cares if they are!

I hope your situation gets better too! I remember some of your SIL posts... why are there so many people like this?

SonaliPop · March 2012

I don't know. I often wonder the same thing. I leave on Wednesday for London for a 12 day trip. I'll be staying with him & his family and of course, his sisters will be around. One (thankfully) has been married for ten years and lives nearby but the other lives there. The younger sister is the one that makes my head explode. I am lucky, though - however many her faults, I doubt that my BF will let her use him as an ATM machine if she abuses it. Yes, when it was time for her wedding (her husband is still in India, they've been waiting for his visa for a FULL year!) all expenses were paid, but I doubt our livelihood is going to be sacrificed for her. Her parents (who will be living with us) can give whatever they wish - it's not our responsibility. She needs a LOT of help to get on her feet (to move out of the house) and it annoys me (often keeps me up all night) that I'll have to spend an unforseen amount of time with her and her husband living in our house and it will definitely be during my first (hopefully just one) of marriage. But it can't be helped - they got married young when they weren't financially secure. I guess it boggles my mind because we are the opposite - very practical thinkers who want to make sure we're well settled and we have realistic expectations. If I were her, I'd be working my ASS off to get my own place and would take on as many jobs as I could to save up to leave. I hope she hurries up...I don't come from a background with an extended family and this is just too much for me to deal with.

SIL Wedding Drama (naturally)

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