May 2012 Weddings

vent (long...)

OK, so I absolutely hate drama and try hard to stay out of any kind.  I'm not always successful though....  Well, a few weeks ago I posted about an awkward conversation I had with my friend who assumed that she was invited to the RD, but she isn't.  We are only inviting our WP and their SOs. 
Well a few weeks ago this same friend says to me, "I wish I had known about your shower, I totally would have flown back to Atlanta for it" (she's in NYC).  I apologized, explained that I only invited locals because I felt bad about inviting all my OOT friends to New Orleans in January, and then Atlanta in March and May. I told her of course, she is welcome to come, I would love to have her, I'm so excited she may possibly be able to join in.  I promptly scanned an invite and emailed it to her, and added her to the evite for the B-party.  She tells me that she is going to try to come.
Today she calls me, and tells me very matter-of-factly (read, coldly) she isn't coming to my shower/BParty because she is "embarrassed" she had to invite herself, she didn't like how I handled it, and that she doesn't feel welcome.  WTF?!?!?! 
I calmly apologized again  and explained my reasoning behind it.  Owned it that maybe I made a mistake and I should have invited all the OOT friends, but I didn't want to look gift grabby.  I apologized several times and told her she is totally welcome, I would love for her to be there, etc.  She just kept repeating the same stuff, trying to make me feel guilty.  I feel bad honestly, but I am also really mad at her for dumping me on this one week before the shower.  I understand her feelings, but not how she handled the situation.
- end vent!!

Re: vent (long...)

  • urgh she could have handled that a bit better. 
    I'm not asking the pennsylvania family to go to the shower in NY for the same reason as you.
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  • I am so sorry! She sounds incredibly rude for assuming she was invited to the shower and the RD. I would only assume I was invited to someone's shower or RD if I was part of the WP or immediate family.

    You handled it the best you could, she was rude for bringing it up and making you feel bad.
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  • I don't think you did anything wrong..she absolutely handled this whole situation poorly.  It's rude to self-invite in any circumstance, which is exactly what she did when she guilted you into sending her an invitation, even though you had already determined who you would invite to those events (and your reasoning was very kind and thoughtful as to why you didn't invite everyone, which she clearly forgot to thank you for).  Then to wait until 1 week before the shower to dump all her feelings onto you is just inconsiderate.  It sounds like you handled things the best way you could and I would just let it go at this point...she's the one missing out imo.  
  • I am sorry she did this people are strange.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_vent-long-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:0940220a-29c0-4f97-981f-8990c4962219Post:6e473805-0023-43ee-b084-95152805fcd1">Re: vent (long...)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am sorry she did this people are strange.
    Posted by robinandtimmy[/QUOTE]

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    </div><div>my thoughts exactly</div>

     

  • That's no good. I have to say I didn't invite one of my BMs to my bridal shower in my hometown (we live in a different state) since she's been so busy and has a family. I am just grateful she and her family can come to the wedding and didn't want to pressure her.

    So we were talking and I mentioned just getting the shower invite and she said she'd like to come. I let my mom know (her friends are hosting), told my other BM who is co-hosting, and sent her an email with the details. She's coming, I'm thrilled, and Mom said she can crash at the house too :-)

    So I'm sure I violated 3 etiqutitte rules by trying to recover from a gaffe that I didn't mean. But we are all human and I count on my friends to understand that. Good luck and sorry for the drama- you were just being nice to start.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_vent-long-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:0940220a-29c0-4f97-981f-8990c4962219Post:38007050-cb40-48d6-b934-ec8477821f10">Re: vent (long...)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am so sorry! She sounds incredibly rude for assuming she was invited to the shower and the RD. I would only assume I was invited to someone's shower or RD if I was part of the WP or immediate family. You handled it the best you could, she was rude for bringing it up and making you feel bad.
    Posted by mandi921vh[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Well said!

    </div>
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