How often do you fight?

katiewhompus · October 2010

No I'm not a PW, it's just slow and mine are all at the top!

How often do you and your s/o fight, especially early on in the relationship? Were they over major issues (employment, ambition, finances) or over stupid stuff ( the color of the carpet, not calling on time, etc). For the purpose of this poll we'll define fight as raised voices, and the arguement resulting in one or both parties being upset/crying, or threatening to end the relationship.

Starmusica · October 2010

well.. we never threaten to end the marriage.. and there are rarely tears but we bicker and even yell when we are annoyed with one another. It usually ends in five minutes and isn't ever mean or cruel etc etc. Its more like very loud bickering because we can both be very loud people.

I should also add: its always over the DUMBEST things and we usually forget why we argued later.

staceytaylor0704 · October 2010

FI and I rarely fight.. If we do, its always over something really stupid and it never lasts more than an hour or so. (And I never remember the fight later!) I honestly can't remember him ever yelling at me. I've yelled at him once, but he deserved it..haha. He did something really stupid, but apologized. If we get in a disagreement about something, its just easy for us to talk it out. I have to say, its ridiculously nice to have that kind of relationship, because my previous one was COMPLETELY opposite. It was horrible.

anna.oskar · October 2010

Never. We have never raised our voices towards each other.

We are weird though. We both have the ability to calmly talk out any disagreements before they escalate and to agree to disagree.

It freaked out the shrink that we were required to see for premarital counseling. He kept saying, "But he must do SOMETHING that makes you want to scream!"
My H irks me sometimes, but has never truly made me angry or upset.

i think we must be freaks.

Anysunrise · October 2010

Well, I can't yell, but pretty much everything ends in me crying because I'm super prone to tears in most situations. We've had one instance about 3 months in where he was basically told me to get on a bus and go home (including tossing money at me to change my ticket). I completely deserved it, but I told him I wasn't leaving, and we worked it out over the next two days.

Other than that, there's never been a threat of ending the relationship, and we had maybe one fight every 6 months that ended in me crying. None of them have lasted more than 24 hours though.

ETA: I missed the what was it about part. The first one was definitely a major thing. The rest weren't hugely stupid, but just blown out of proportion. He didn't feel comfortable with me hanging out with some of the exes I'm still friends with alone, and I thought he was overreacting and just dismissed him, which made him feel pretty shitty. I have trouble just saying "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you'd be hurt by that, and I will avoid it in the future.", so it ended up snowballing.

sosterhout · October 2010

We disagree every week or so but not argue or fight. Before we lived together hardly ever though.

Stacey I have to agree on the previous relationship thing! and BTW I am going to someone else's destination wedding which is in the Domican Republic. Our honeymoon is thus far planned for Abaco, Bahamas.

staceytaylor0704 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b3369d1-efd6-4e29-b191-db2249b64733Post:dac94d4c-88a0-4e53-8863-e75bc65ad849">Re: How often do you fight?</a>:
[QUOTE]Never. We have never raised our voices towards each other. We are weird though. We both have the ability to calmly talk out any disagreements before they escalate and to agree to disagree. It freaked out the shrink that we were required to see for premarital counseling. He kept saying, "But he must do SOMETHING that makes you want to scream!" My H irks me sometimes, but has never truly made me angry or upset. i think we must be freaks.
Posted by anna.oskar[/QUOTE]

You guys definitely aren't freaks! I get it, totally.

[Deleted User] · October 2010

I don't think we've ever had a fight where one of us threatened to leave. We agreed early on that that was one thing to never say, just like we agreed to always come home at night even if we were super pissed at each other. Although that hasn't been a problem either, thankfully.

We see eye-to-eye on most of the big stuff, so we've never fought about some of the bigger things that many people we know constantly bicker over (like money, and work). If we bicker, it's because we're tired and grumpy so it's not personal, we're just feeling bitchy. It doesn't last longer than a night. I'd say my biggest issue with him is that he complains constantly about work, and his biggest issue with me is that I'm constantly depressed and negative. But we've only fought about it a few times (mostly in the beginning of our relationship), now we support each other in pulling through and coming out on top, so to speak.

staceytaylor0704 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b3369d1-efd6-4e29-b191-db2249b64733Post:5db9dd82-a2ae-470f-b465-b55665be0076">Re: How often do you fight?</a>:
[QUOTE]We disagree every week or so but not argue or fight. Before we lived together hardly ever though. Stacey I have to agree on the previous relationship thing! and BTW I am going to someone else's destination wedding which is in the Domican Republic. Our honeymoon is thus far planned for Abaco, Bahamas.
Posted by sosterhout[/QUOTE]

Ohh okay- I gotcha! The DR is really nice from what I've heard. I've not ever been.
I do love the Bahamas though!! You guys will have a blast there.

Starmusica · October 2010

lol I now feel embarrassed admitting we have no issue yelling from time to time. Altho- I suppose its more sheer stupidity that would lead us to yell over things like dishes and cleaning. we are lame. I can't remember the last time we had a fight over something actually important though. It's more that I am grumpy and tired alot because of school which makes him grumpy.

katiewhompus · October 2010

Hmm ok you ladies are making me feel better. Scott and I have 1, maybe 2 major upsets in our 3 years together and they were over emotional baggage from our past that was blown out of proportion.

His cousin is engaged (as of yesterday) to a guy she has been dating for 5 months. In that time they've had at least 3 huge fights and it worries me. They work everything out and it seems to be working for them but that was just so bizarre in my mind. Most of them would have been deal breakers for me but sil was shocked when I said that, so I guess I'm a weirdo too.

maratea · October 2010

Oh Star- Don't you worry. H and I yell when we fight. We have small disagreements often, but it's mostly me rolling my eyes and the argument passes with the moment. We've only had 2 fights where I threatened to leave. And they were the dumbest arguments.

Starmusica · October 2010

maratea- we always joke we yell because there is so much passion. Its a lame excuse- I am really just a loudmouth sometimes and he likes to be heard too. I only remember one really HUGE HUGE blowout in the last 5 years and I cant remember what caused it and I know we only stayed mad for a couple hours. We have a deal to never go to bed without talking things over when we are upset.

K Byte · October 2010

We've never had a fight where one of us threatened to leave. Well, not since like the VERY early stages of our relationship (like less than 6 months dating) where you're not really losing a lot by ending a relationship that early. We hardly ever fight. H is a really easy person to get along with, I'm really very lucky.

Starmusica · October 2010

katie- i can see your concern. that much fighting so early on can be a signal but maybe not right? Who knows... sometimes its nothing. H and I rarely fought in the early years but we started dating when we were 17.... we didnt really have anything important to argue about lol.

[Deleted User] · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b3369d1-efd6-4e29-b191-db2249b64733Post:208abd9e-908e-4b93-b07d-59c1a95b8b4f">Re: How often do you fight?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmm ok you ladies are making me feel better. Scott and I have 1, maybe 2 major upsets in our 3 years together and they were over emotional baggage from our past that was blown out of proportion.
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]

We had this issue in the beginning too. I was so used to being treated like garbage and he was used to his GFs cheating on him that we had trust problems. But that plays into my negativity at times, and it upsets him when I close myself off. I'm working on it though.

We try not to yell though. I hate getting that worked up. We're sulkers more than yellers anyway.

kd.joseph · October 2010

DH and I rarely fight, and when we do they are usually disagreements. We may get a little mad, I walk away, we breath and come back and talk about it.

Most recently it's more about me being settled into "our" house. We have both lived alone for so long, and I sold my house and most of my stuff to move in with him. So I have trouble finding my "nitch" in our home. The last arguement we had was over the front yard landscaping. Because he couldnt see my vision and didnt want it to be barren wasteland as he calls it (I hired people to rip stuff out), but he gets it now. Stupid.

Nebb · October 2010

We used to have absolute ragers when we first moved in together, but I think we were just getting to know eachother in that context and it was learning experiences. Nothing was ever so bad that we broke up or left, thats just how we fight (loudly). Now we only fight once every 4-5 months, sometimes its just small but sometimes theyre rather big. Either way they never last long.

brookelynpaisley · October 2010

We've never threatened to end our relationship, even erarly on. I never once even considered breaking up with him. I would say we argue to the point of me crying probably once a month, and it usually coincides with my cycle. Other small tiffs that don't end in crying but result in in raised voices and a discussion with a peaceful resolution are probably twice a month.

ricksang · October 2010

We fight maybe once a year and it's usually about food. We get along awesomely. Also, people will say it's not normal NOT to fight. I disagree. We have never threatened to leave.

barrelbabe004 · October 2010

I'm with you Star- We bicker and raise our voices a couple times a month, but we are both yellers too.
We've had a couple major blow ups where I've threatened to end everything and leave (way before we were married). And we broke up for about 2 weeks about a year after we started dating.
We've worked through the big issues, I never would have married him if we hadn't. Now it's just stupid bickering especially when I'm stressed from school or work and he's in a mood to push my buttons.

sosterhout · October 2010

Stacey - BTW I used to love American Girl dolls too! But I never actually, except the baby Bitty Baby was it?

Steph0871 · October 2010

I answered monthly, but I didn't read your definition. I've only threatened to leave once, and I regretted it the second it was out of my mouth. After that, we realized we never wanted to fight like that.

We still yell a little sometimes. Mostly it's passive aggressive crap when we're both tired/stressed/hungry (i.e. right after work.)

kimheartsscott · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b3369d1-efd6-4e29-b191-db2249b64733Post:dac94d4c-88a0-4e53-8863-e75bc65ad849">Re: How often do you fight?</a>:
[QUOTE]He kept saying, "But he must do SOMETHING that makes you want to scream!" My H irks me sometimes, but has never truly made me angry or upset. i think we must be freaks.
Posted by anna.oskar[/QUOTE]

This is pretty much how Scott feels. Me? I'm a yeller. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-foot-in-mouth.gif" border="0" alt="Foot in mouth" title="Foot in mouth" /> Sometimes he has a hard time understanding he can be annoying the shiit out of me but I still WANT to be with him. He is just much more passive than I am.

Steph0871 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b3369d1-efd6-4e29-b191-db2249b64733Post:4a08d2dc-98f6-471a-ba2f-dfefd3f0b927">Re: How often do you fight?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How often do you fight? : This is pretty much how Scott feels. Me? I'm a yeller. Sometimes he has a hard time understanding he can be annoying the shiit out of me but I still WANT to be with him. He is just much more passive than I am.
Posted by kimheartsscott[/QUOTE]

<div>Ditto. Jeremy has never, and will never, raise his voice at me. He's been very adamant on that for the 6 years so far. It helps keep me calmer, but sometimes I just need to scream. haha</div>

Anysunrise · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b3369d1-efd6-4e29-b191-db2249b64733Post:75f00809-b171-4b52-977c-9867091bdb19">Re: How often do you fight?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How often do you fight? : Ditto. Jeremy has never, and will never, raise his voice at me. He's been very adamant on that for the 6 years so far. It helps keep me calmer, but sometimes I just need to scream. haha
Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]

<div>Ditto your ditto. Brandon always stays pretty calm, he just gets frustrated. Never yells though. I wish I could scream sometimes, but I'm physically incapable of it, lol.</div>

sosterhout · October 2010

Most of our arguements or "discussions" are about past discussions lol. I usually end up cracking a joke and it is all over. or "just shut up and kiss me" works too

RachNRich · October 2010

We fight over his sister. That's about it.

katiewhompus · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b3369d1-efd6-4e29-b191-db2249b64733Post:dd8d8236-2569-4482-9f31-66e53b6f8675">Re: How often do you fight?</a>:
[QUOTE]We fight over his sister. That's about it.
Posted by RachNRich[/QUOTE]

The crazy one?

Most of sil/bil's arguements revolve around her mother living with them. I feel for bil, but not enough to offer her a room in our house.

RachNRich · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b3369d1-efd6-4e29-b191-db2249b64733Post:4d5f1ad1-8f28-43df-86ea-e54286de6ae2">Re: How often do you fight?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How often do you fight? : The crazy one? Most of sil/bil's arguements revolve around her mother living with them. I feel for bil, but not enough to offer her a room in our house.
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]

<div>Haha! The one and only--so, it's caused some major fights in our past, and undoubtedly some in our future. But, since it the only thing we really dig our heels in about, I don't care. I've resigned to the fact that I just don't get their family dynamic.</div>

kimheartsscott · October 2010

Scott has yelled maybe once or twice in 8 years, and it's not even really yelling. He cries like 80% of the time though. Have to admit, it drives me fucking nuts.

How often do you fight?

Re: How often do you fight?

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