Wedding Etiquette Forum

Help Feedback Needed.

This will be my first and last post. I came here hoping for an empathetic ear and opinion. And while a few people were compassionate and nicely helped me realize my errors in thinking, many of you are just mean! After reading the responses I do realize that I need to get over it and just be happy for both of us. Sorry for being emotional and having a moment of bridal panic publicly, its a mistake I'll never make again. Go find someone else to berate please.
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Re: Help Feedback Needed.

  • No you are not justified.

    Yes you are being selfish.

    You do what you can, and if you can't be a part of her wedding, you regretfully decline.
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  • Oh my God.

    I hate to be a cliche here, but your wedding is one day.  That's it.  You can't jeopardize a two-week period.

    A.  What exactly will she be distracted from?  Will she still be able to put on a dress and stand?  Job done.

    B.  They aren't obligated to throw any of that stuff for you.  It might be a tight financial time for them, because attending and being in weddings ain't cheap, but if they can't afford to go or be in hers they will decline.

    C.  So?  Send a nice gift and explain to her that you can't take any more time off your new job. 

    D.  Get over yourself.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-feedback?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:552fd651-3550-48d7-9db5-ffc0b467bd04Post:972cc18a-25b1-4d9a-9133-12fa3ed3cddb">HELP, NEED FEEDBACK</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is my first time posting to a forum but I really need some feedback from some other brides to be! I got engaged in August and set my wedding date for 09/25/10. I chose my 3 closest friends and my fiancee's two sisters for the wedding party and got to planning. Our wedding is in upstate NY but I just recently moved to Arizona so I'm doing this long distance. I'm traveling back in April to finalize arrangements then again in June for the shower and bachelor / bachelorette parties. I'm not even sure if we are going to honeymoon right away since we just moved, we are both new at our jobs and are probably going to be using all, if not more, than our alotted time off for our wedding. Well just this past week one of the girls in my wedding party got engaged and I'm thrilled for her! I was excited to help her plan her wedding too! So today she posts her wedding date on facebook. 2 weeks after mine. I started crying. I'm trying not to be completely selfish or a bridezilla here but A. Shes in my wedding and I feel like she'll be distracted from helping with my stuff if hers is two weeks after mine B. We share the same 3 close friends. Are they going to be given double the stuff to think about now and be in two weddings? Two showers, two bachelorette parties....??? C. I dont even think I'd be able to go to hers or participate at all because I can't take any more time off work to fly back to NY to be there. . D. I feel like she's pulling a Kanye West on my Wedding! I feel like the thunder is completely stolen and I'm hurt and disappointed. Am I justified to feel this way??  Am I being completely selfish? What do I do????????
    Posted by netijet[/QUOTE]

    1. Breathe
    2. It shouldn't be more "work" for the BMs because they aren't required to do anything except buy a dress and show up
    3. It's okay to be disappointed but yes you are being selfish.
  • Chill out and grow up. You get a day, not a month. If you can't be in friend's WP, that sucks. But it doesn't mean you need to throw a hissy fit and feel like your thunder is being stolen. You probably aren't creating enough thunder to steal as it is. No one cares about your wedding nearly as much as you do.
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  • Fish in a barrel.
  • It's okay to feel that initial shock or surprise, but it's not okay for you to stress yourself out over it.  Here's why:

    A. Shes in my wedding and I feel like she'll be distracted from helping with my stuff if hers is two weeks after mine

    It's okay if she is.  You have 4 other girls and a FI to help you plan the wedding.  Your BMs don't do a whole lot anyway really.  You plan your own wedding.  I'm sure her wedding won't detract from her excitement for you.

    B. We share the same 3 close friends. Are they going to be given double the stuff to think about now and be in two weddings? Two showers, two bachelorette parties....???

    That's not for you to worry about.  You asked them already, they are already in your wedding.  If she asks them too, then they will have to decide for themselves if they can afford to be in her wedding as well.  This is something she might be worried about but not anythign for you to worry about.

    C. I dont even think I'd be able to go to hers or participate at all because I can't take any more time off work to fly back to NY to be there. .

    That sucks, but it's totally something she's just going to have to understand.  It's not her responsibility to plan her wedding around your availability.  You may just have to explain to her later on that you aren't going to be able to be there.

    D. I feel like she's pulling a Kanye West on my Wedding! I feel like the thunder is completely stolen and I'm hurt and disappointed.

    That is immature thinking.  There is no thunder here.  Your wedding is still YOUR wedding.  You get that whole weekend, she gets hers a couple weeks later.  The two have nothing to do with each other.
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  • 1.  Please stop using gratuitous punctuation and ALL CAPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    2.  Yours is first.  If anyone is going to be pissed at them being close, they'll be pissed at her.

    3.  That is shiitty that you probably won't be able to go, and you should tell her that (that you can't go, not that it was shiitty of her).

    4.  She seriously posted her wedding date on FB and THAT'S how you found out?  Maybe you're not as close as you thought...

    5.  Your thunder isn't being stolen and the fact that you wrote that makes me think much less of you.

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  • She'd really need to announce this AT your wedding to be pulling a Kanye.

    Hey Net...I'ma let you finish and all, but I want everyone to know that my wedding will be way better and is starting in 2 hours.

  • There aren't any "duties" your friends are going to have to worry about, and the fact that you think she'll be "distracted" from you wedding is super entitled and very petty.

    That said, I can understand why you're disappointed, and I don't get why friends do this to each other when there's a ton of overlap in friends, and it means that one of the brides will have to miss the other friend's wedding. Plus, I'd hate to be the friend that has to be in both WPs...
  • MUD?

    If not, the same thing happened to me. One of my best friends is gettied married a week before me. But I don't care! Yeah, I'll be really busy that weekend, but that's life.
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  • Unless she runs up to the altar during your wedding and yells "Imma let you say your vows, but I jsut wanna say I'll have the best wedding EVAR!!!!11!", you are not being thunderjacked.

    Have your day, she'll have yours, squee for each other.

  • C is the only one of those that I would actually be upset about. It's not her job at all to help you with your wedding stuff, so that doesn't matter. In what way will it really affect you if she is thinking about her wedding instead of yours? As for B, I"d let them worry about that. You already asked them, so it's up to them to allot time and money now.

    As for D, yes you are being ridiculous. Why does it matter that she is getting married right after you? Unless you are really selfish or an attention whore, I promise it won't matter at all if she happens to bring up her wedding plans at your bachelorette party. Be excited for her, and guess what? You might even be able to help each other. Enjoy it, don't stress out. Figure out if you can go to hers or not, apologize but explain your reasons for not being able to go (if that's the case), and everything will be fine.
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  • IF YOURE OLD ENOUGH TO GET MARRIED, YOURE OLD ENOUH TO PAY FOR IT YOURSELF.


    ohh...whoops.  I pulled the wrong answer out of the hat. 

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    "Whatever East. You're just mad I RSVP'd "lame" to your pre-wedding sleepover."
  • My goodness. Grab a tissue, wipe the tears, take a deep breath, and then get over it.

    She did not pick a date to intentionally screw with your plans. She has every right to choose from the same 365 days that you did, and there were probably plenty other more important factors to her decision than your irrational hurt feelings.

    Let your friends decide what they do with their time, and how much help they are able/willing to give to each of you. That will always be out of your hands - regardless of how close someone else's wedding date is. Let your friend know that because of time/travel/expenses whatever, you may not be able to make it to her wedding so soon after yours, but then stop pooping on her party, and get back to planning yours.

    It's fine to have a bit of a pity party every once inawhile - we all deal with circumstances that are not exactly of our choosing - but if you are an adult, you will not let that affect you, your friend, or your plans.
  • J, eye to eye, man, eye to eye.
  • 1.  Please stop using gratuitous punctuation and ALL CAPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    The more question marks there are at the end of a question is proportional to the stupidity of the question.
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    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • I think the clincher is that you found out her wedding date on fb. Aren't besties like you and her supposed to know this kind of info about each other before it goes on fb? Times like these make you want a dislike button right?


    Vom.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-feedback?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:552fd651-3550-48d7-9db5-ffc0b467bd04Post:0db8f6ce-52a7-45a8-8971-f1b0c670a564">Re: HELP, NEED FEEDBACK</a>:
    [QUOTE]She'd really need to announce this AT your wedding to be pulling a Kanye. Hey Net...I'ma let you finish and all, but I want everyone to know that my wedding will be way better and is starting in 2 hours.
    Posted by JK10910[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>HAHAHAHA!!! </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-feedback?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:552fd651-3550-48d7-9db5-ffc0b467bd04Post:b7a0fa8b-2f24-46b6-8e7e-57859857bb30">Re: HELP, NEED FEEDBACK</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh my God. I hate to be a cliche here, but your wedding is one day.  That's it.  You can't jeopardize a two-week period. A.  What exactly will she be distracted from?  Will she still be able to put on a dress and stand?  Job done. B.  They aren't obligated to throw any of that stuff for you.  It might be a tight financial time for them, because attending and being in weddings ain't cheap, but if they can't afford to go or be in hers they will decline. C.  So?  Send a nice gift and explain to her that you can't take any more time off your new job.  D.  Get over yourself.
    Posted by Brie2010[/QUOTE]

    AND STOP FVUCKING YELLING!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-feedback?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:552fd651-3550-48d7-9db5-ffc0b467bd04Post:85a35245-a811-4855-b503-5e6947aefc2e">Re: HELP, NEED FEEDBACK</a>:
    [QUOTE]IF YOURE OLD ENOUGH TO GET MARRIED, YOURE OLD ENOUH TO PAY FOR IT YOURSELF. ohh...whoops.  I pulled the wrong answer out of the hat. 
    Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]
    That made me laugh.

    Anyway, I can understand being disappointed that you might not be able to make it to her wedding, but all the other stuff you're worrying about it is silly. 
  • Nice, Mocha.  Great minds ;)
  • as much as I hate the new board for causing so many delays for almost a month, I love it that it's not possible to DD anymore!
  • Also, it's completely ok to be disappointed. Just remember that they most likely thought hard about which date to choose for their wedding. It's entirely possible that that date was the only one that worked for their immediate families. Chances are she would rather not have a date that could inconvenience you and your friends, but better that than choosing a date which her mother had booked (or something similar). Just whine about it here--NOT to your real-life friends--then move on and be happy for her.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-feedback?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:552fd651-3550-48d7-9db5-ffc0b467bd04Post:972cc18a-25b1-4d9a-9133-12fa3ed3cddb">HELP, NEED FEEDBACK</a>:
    [QUOTE] C. I<strong> dont even think I'd be able to go to hers or participate at all because I can't take any more time off work to fly back to NY to be there. .
    </strong>

    Posted by netijet[/QUOTE]

    This is the only part of the whole post you should be disappointed about.  I know I would be disappointed if I was not able to make it to a friend who was in my wedding only 2 weeks later.

    Outside of the being disapointed there really is not anything you can do about it.  If you just got a new job, it might be months or even longer to have vacation from your job.  It's not really fair to ask her to put her live on hold because you do not have vacation time.

    Think of this as a vent and just move on.   Also claim temporary insanity over the Kanye West remark.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • You're being a bit immature.  The only thing I could see you getting upset about is that your friends will be in two weddings.  But that is for them to decide if they have the time or money to be in her bridal party.  Other than that its not a big deal.  A friend of mine got married three weeks after mine.  Everyone survivied.
  • edited December 2009
    Hey, why is everyone yelling at her???  We are brides-to-be here and we need to stick together!!1!!!11!!1!eleventy!!!

    (sarcasm font ON in case anyone missed it)
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  • Chill.  It's not the end of the world.  People get married all the time.  Happy planning.  Where in Upstate NY are you getting married?
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  • Great minds indeed J!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-feedback?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:552fd651-3550-48d7-9db5-ffc0b467bd04Post:972cc18a-25b1-4d9a-9133-12fa3ed3cddb">HELP, NEED FEEDBACK</a>:
    [QUOTE]nevermind. Thanks.
    Posted by netijet[/QUOTE]

    You're welcome!

    But thank the knot for the wonderful quote option so that your question remains in this thread despite you trying to delete it.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-feedback?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:552fd651-3550-48d7-9db5-ffc0b467bd04Post:85a35245-a811-4855-b503-5e6947aefc2e">Re: HELP, NEED FEEDBACK</a>:
    [QUOTE]IF YOURE OLD ENOUGH TO GET MARRIED, YOURE OLD ENOUH TO PAY FOR IT YOURSELF. ohh...whoops.  I pulled the wrong answer out of the hat. 
    Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]
     
    RAMEY?!  IS THAT YOU?!
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