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Crap, we might have to scrap city hall

Goldlie11Goldlie11
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in Not Engaged Yet
Being the super organized person that I am, I started a wedding spreadsheet.  Fi and I made a list of all of our immediate family (parents, grandparents, first cousins, uncles, aunts, and siblings) and a few close friends.  Our list is at 37 right now.  The problem is that City Hall can only accommodate 30 guests.  Fi says that many of his cousins and maybe his uncle will skip the ceremony and only attend the reception dinner.  I haven't mentioned the wedding to almost anyone in my family, so I don't really know if they will want to attend the ceremony or not.  

So, do we keep city hall and assume not everyone will show up or do we try and find a new ceremony site to accommodate all 37 guests?  
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Re: Crap, we might have to scrap city hall

  • jeanacorinajeanacorina
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well, not everyone will show up. You're only 7 people over. You won't know for sure until you invite people and they RSVP.

    I am having a similar dilemma. At some point, you just have to do what makes the most sense and trust it will turn out fine.

    What do you feel most comfortable doing? This far out (sorry that keeps coming up, but timeline has a lot to do with planning), there is no way to know who will show up and who won't, and even asking them wouldn't be helpful because who knows what people will be doing a year and a half from now?

    Just do your best with the information and time you have. That's all you can do. But on the bright side, you have TONS of time to figure it out, and stuff has a way of turning out just fine.

    Worst-case scenario? You get a JOP and get married in a park or something. Still not awful. Wink

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  • Goldlie11Goldlie11
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_crap-might-scrap-city-hall?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3f0b3322-5efb-4993-a824-cde15dfcbf5aPost:a92a9109-0194-407d-9c60-762d27f5a93e">Re: Crap, we might have to scrap city hall</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, not everyone will show up. You're only 7 people over. You won't know for sure until you invite people and they RSVP. I am having a similar dilemma. At some point, you just have to do what makes the most sense and trust it will turn out fine. What do you feel most comfortable doing? This far out (sorry that keeps coming up, but timeline has a lot to do with planning), there is no way to know who will show up and who won't, and even asking them wouldn't be helpful because who knows what people will be doing a year and a half from now? Just do your best with the information and time you have. That's all you can do. But on the bright side, you have TONS of time to figure it out, and stuff has a way of turning out just fine. Worst-case scenario? You get a JOP and get married in a park or something. Still not awful.
    Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]<div>I agree timing has a lot to do with it.  That's why I haven't mentioned it to any of my family.  Fi and I did do the budget because we want to have most of the money put away well before the wedding.  Grr

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  • KD+BCKD+BC
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The ceremony will be during the day, during the week right? I would assume (not knowing your family or his) that there will be more than 7 that will not be able to take the day off or prefer to just attend the reception. I wouldn't stress over 7 extra people. Let's say that every single person shows up, will there really be no standing room? A JOP ceremony is fairly short. I'm sure 7 people wouldn't mind standing.
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  • jeanacorinajeanacorina
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, it's super-short, like.... 5 minutes. 10 tops.

    I've been to two JOP weddings. Both were crazy-short and to the point. lol
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  • noelle24noelle24
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    What are you going to do if all 37 show up? What if your guest list continues to expand? Who are the poor suckers who have to stand? Plus, the ceremony may be short, but didn't you say that you can't be sure of a start time at city hall? People could end up standing for a lot longer than 10 minutes.

    Guests tend to show up 15-30 minutes before a ceremony.  Ceremonies almost never start on time, let's say 15 minutes late with a 10 minute ceremony.  Now your guests have been standing for almost an hour. It adds up quicker than you'd think! Imagine standing around in heels for a hour... yeah... not pleasant.

    The general rule of thumb is to plan for 100% attendance.  Could you find a restaurant that would provide you with some space for a quick ceremony?  FI and I just ate out tonight where there was a wedding ceremony/reception upstairs. It won't cost you much more than city hall wedding, really.
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  • Goldlie11Goldlie11
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Our guests wouldn't be standing the whole time.  You have to wait in the waiting room which has plenty of seating areas until you're called for your turn.  Still if I showed up with 39 people (my new total), I'm sure we would be told that all of them could not come into the chapel.  That would be awkward.

    I appreciate all of the help.  Fi is pretty sure that a couple of people from his side are not going to attend the ceremony.  I've added a few OOT people to the guest list who I don't think will be able to attend.  We have two ideas to help with this problem:

    1.  Have a private ceremony at city hall and invite only our closest family members to the ceremony.  I looked it up, it's not poor etiquette as long as they are invited to the reception.

    2.  Send out the invitations a little early and see who RSVPS.  Take it from there.  
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  • notquiteblushingnotquiteblushing member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I thought you guys were only going to have you immediate family at City Hall since you don't know what exact time your ceremony will be and it is during a weekday and then other guests would join you for dinner? 

    If you want to have a ceremony with 30+ guests I would look into hiring a JOP.  It's pretty reasonable ($300) and you can do it anywhere you want, a park, the restaurant where you're having your reception, etc.
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  • Goldlie11Goldlie11
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_crap-might-scrap-city-hall?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3f0b3322-5efb-4993-a824-cde15dfcbf5aPost:0424d02f-ec5f-4149-a805-1f4295cd51e6">Re: Crap, we might have to scrap city hall</a>:
    [QUOTE]I thought you guys were only going to have you immediate family at City Hall since you don't know what exact time your ceremony will be and it is during a weekday and then other guests would join you for dinner?  If you want to have a ceremony with 30+ guests I would look into hiring a JOP.  It's pretty reasonable ($300) and you can do it anywhere you want, a park, the restaurant where you're having your reception, etc.
    Posted by notquiteblushing[/QUOTE]
    the 39 people are our immediate family-  parents, aunts, uncles, first cousins, and my siblings.  
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  • jeanacorinajeanacorina
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think that most people think of "immediate family" as parents & siblings. That must be where the confusion came in.

    I wanted only my parents & siblings, but my parents insisted on having aunts, uncles, cousins & grandparents. Our guest list went from 20 to 150. Wink

    So, anywho, I think the best thing to do right now is consider a plan B. If 40 people show up, where would you get married? How much would it cost you? What sort of changes does that mean?

    Answer those questions and things will make a lot more sense. When the wedding gets closer, you can start feeling out who plans to attend the ceremony and who doesn't.

    You could also have only parents & siblings at the ceremony and invite the rest of your family to the reception. I don't think anyone would look down on that. But then, maybe I'm too laid-back for the subtle nuances of wedding etiquette.
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  • **Mutley****Mutley**
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You might end up changing everything all together.  You have a TON of time.  Wait a year and then worry about this. 

    Do NOT invite more people than your venue can hold (whether it be City Hall or a park.)
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  • sapphirebaby926sapphirebaby926
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't scrap it just yet  - you still have a lot of time to get this all in order. There is most likely going to be people who won't be able to make it because of the daytime weekday wedding but definitely don't invite more people than the courthouse can accommodate.
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  • noelle24noelle24
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would definitely have a back up plan.  You never know who will make the effort to attend weddings.  There are brides on here all the time who complain about choosing a venue that only fits 200, and then all 250 people they invited, accepted. People get very excited about weddings, and it's always best to plan for 100% attendance.

    And you're right that it would be very awkward to have some people show up at the courthouse and then have to wait outside because only 30 people are allowed in.

    You can do just an immediate family ceremony, but it needs to truly be immediate family (think parents/siblings). That is definitely fine etiquette-wise.
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