Vent

bhewey · February 2013

My fiance and I are getting married this August, and have everything ready to go with vendors lined up and deposits made. We have been working on things for well over a year, as we have had a 2 year engagement. Back when we started deciding on location, My parents had the money talk with me. I expected NOTHING, and I was so excited to find out that they did want to help. They told me they didn't know what they could do, but they were going to shoot for a certain amount of money, give or take depending on what they could do. I was SO thankful and excited, considering that was 1/3- 1/2 our dream wedding budget was. Since I am putting myself through the last of 4 years of college, my money situation isn't the best at the moment, but my fiance and I have been diligently putting away as much as we can.

My parents told me tonight that they dont think they can contribute anything anymore. I am so torn inside because I know how ungrateful I probably sound, but I had planned on some of that money. Now I feel like I'm scrambling to make this work, all while I am completing a program that doesn't allow for me to have a job!I fell like there is so much pressure on my fiance until I graduate.

In the back of my mind I am upset because I saw my parents get a HUGE new leather sectional and a 108" projection screen for the family room just last month. I know I shouldnt think that because it is their money, but I am just upset....

End Vent

bunni727 · February 2013

Sorry this has happened to you, I can understand why you are upset.

Maybe you could cut out anything unnecessary you haven't done yet, like programs, toasting flutes, cake cutter, and favors. You could also look for good deals on invitations, or make your own. A more drastic approach would be to postpone your honeymoon until you are in a better place financially.

QueerFemme · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_vent-14?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:ffa224e4-715b-4057-b0c6-1e1302f1aa1bPost:a8b0290e-8b48-438f-bb45-033bd7e2b1f4">Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are getting married this August, and have everything ready to go with vendors lined up and deposits made. We have been working on things for well over a year, as we have had a 2 year engagement. Back when we started deciding on location, My parents had the money talk with me. I expected NOTHING, and I was so excited to find out that they did want to help. They told me they didn't know what they could do, but they were going to shoot for a certain amount of money, give or take depending on what they could do. I was SO thankful and excited, considering that was 1/3- 1/2 our dream wedding budget was. Since I am putting myself through the last of 4 years of college, my money situation isn't the best at the moment, but my fiance and I have been diligently putting away as much as we can. My parents told me tonight that they dont think they can contribute anything anymore. I am so torn inside because I know how ungrateful I probably sound, but I had planned on some of that money. Now I feel like I'm scrambling to make this work, all while I am completing a program that doesn't allow for me to have a job!I fell like there is so much pressure on my fiance until I graduate. In the back of my mind I am upset because I saw my parents get a HUGE new leather sectional and a 108" projection screen for the family room just last month. I know I shouldnt think that because it is their money, but I am just upset.... End Vent
Posted by bhewey[/QUOTE]

You already know that how they are spending their money is none of your business, so try to get the fact that they bought a couch and a tv out of your mind. You were right, it is none of your business.

I can understand that you are dissapointed that they didn't come through on their promise... but this is a good example of why we tell everyone on these boards not to count on any financial contributions until they are in your hands. Your parents, as you know and stated, aren't under any obligation to contribute to your wedding. For whatever reason, they decided not to contribute. You need to focus on dramatically scaling back your wedding plans instead of focusing on how hurt you are.

Cancel anything that can be cancelled. If you haven't sent out STDs or invites, cut your guest list.

bunni727 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_vent-14?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ffa224e4-715b-4057-b0c6-1e1302f1aa1bPost:eef0825c-fef6-4102-bcdf-f7e20fd317e2">Re: Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]you have every right to be upset. Part of me is worried the same thing could happen to me in a few months. My parents have told me a $ amount they are contibuting and Im planning with that amount plus my fiances and I's contribtution. Its hard to lower your exspenses when some things have already been bought under your old budget..Hopefully they may reconsider or at least give you something still. I do understand that it is no ones job to pay for your wedding but, I do think that BOTH(yes the grooms too!) families should contribute at least in a small way to support the the nuptuals if at all possible. Even paying for the cake or your dress would be something. Good luck! in Response to Vent :
Posted by tripgrl[/QUOTE]

If you plan a wedding you can afford, you don't have to worry about things like this. Then, if someone generously offers to buy your cake or dress, you just have extra.

allychase · February 2013

Is it too late to tear apart tripgrls response since she DD or was reported or is it fair game since she was quoted... Either way, wtf.

QueerFemme · February 2013

you have every right to be upset. Part of me is worried the same thing could happen to me in a few months. My parents have told me a $ amount they are contibuting and Im planning with that amount plus my fiances and I's contribtution. Its hard to lower your exspenses when some things have already been bought under your old budget..Hopefully they may reconsider or at least give you something still. I do understand that it is no ones job to pay for your wedding but, I do think that BOTH(yes the grooms too!) families should contribute at least in a small way to support the the nuptuals if at all possible. Even paying for the cake or your dress would be something. Good luck! in Response to Vent :
Posted by tripgrl

I'm not sure what happened to this post... but, Tripgrl. you need to scale back your plans also. You should NOT count on your parents contribution until you have it in your hands. Don't plan on that money at all.

And no, neither set of parents "should" contribute. It's great if they want to and are able, but, if you are grown enough to get married, you are grown enough to figure out a way to pay for it.

MyNameIsNot · February 2013

While I agree that it is their money and they can spend it as they see fit, I do think it's a little crappy of your parents to promise money, tell you they can't do it anymore, and then splurge on something. If they hadn't offered the money in the first place, you'd be out of line, but I don't blame you for being hurt when you found out why they were no longer unable to contribute.

Anyway, you're right that there's nothing you can do or say about it. The best thing to do now is to take a hard look at your budget and figure out what you can cut. If there are extras that you haven't purchased, that's a good way to start. If possible, try to cut some people from the guest list. Also, talk to your big vendors like caterer and photographer to find out whether you can cut back on your packages. Something as small as cutting the bar back to beer & wine or cutting most of the getting ready photos can mean big savings.

bhewey · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_vent-14?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ffa224e4-715b-4057-b0c6-1e1302f1aa1bPost:391cd688-1f59-4b61-be3e-5c6998633c91">Re: Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Vent : You already know that how they are spending their money is none of your business, so try to get the fact that they bought a couch and a tv out of your mind. You were right, it is none of your business. I can understand that you are dissapointed that they didn't come through on their promise... but this is a good example of why we tell everyone on these boards not to count on any financial contributions until they are in your hands. Your parents, as you know and stated, aren't under any obligation to contribute to your wedding. For whatever reason, they decided not to contribute. You need to focus on dramatically scaling back your wedding plans instead of focusing on how hurt you are. Cancel anything that can be cancelled. If you haven't sent out STDs or invites, cut your guest list.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

<div>I am not focusing on how hurt I am, it just happened minutes ago- which is why I called it a vent. I am working on making the appropriate changes. </div>

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