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Added stress

DFWIndianDFWIndian
First Comment
in South Asian Weddings
I realize I normally post on my local board, but you guys know what this means to us better. Here is the story...

I was driving home today and I get an email alert from my phone. It's from my little sister/MOH with the title "Henna night" I'm thinking it the invitation. So I get online to check it out cause my phone sucks with those attachments and it's an email stating my mom won't have the party at our house. She refuses to pay for the food as well. I know it's my fault for assuming she would, but she did it for my sister!!! We had the party here at the house and my mom ordered a little bit of food no big deal. So for me to assume she would do it for her second daughter was apparently too much to ask.
Either way, I'm up cause I'm stressed out about how to find some other person's house to do it at and talk to FI about how to afford food for these people. I'm sure we can handle it, but it definitely wasn't planned. I can't do anything tonight since everyone is sleeping. I just wish I could.

- Missing part of the story: My parents both wanted a huge backdrop, those gaudy chairs and more flowers (which FI is allergic to). They were willing to pay for all these extras they thought were necessary until I said no. I'm not dealing with anymore vendors this late in the game. I don't know if it's pay back or what. Plus, why are they willing to pay for that, but won't let me use the house or get food for this.

Thanks again for reading girls. I don't really have anyone to vent to this late and I appreciate the support you guys are awesome enough to give.
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Re: Added stress

  • raangoliraangoli
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am sorry, that really is awful and it seems like your parents are playing games with you, which makes it ten times as worse.

    Are you close to any family that would be able to host for you? Maybe just be able to use their home and you and FI could be responsible for the food/beverage? How big of a mendhi party were you planning on having?

    The other option, which isn't as much fun as a big party would be to maybe host something small at a friends house and just have your close family and friends there, nothing big?

    You're 4 weeks away from the wedding and as tempting as I am sure it is to get into an argument with your parents, I'd be the bigger person and leave it.  You'll be out of their home soon and starting your own family, it's not worth the extra added stress on top of what you've already been through with them to start up again.

    Sending you a big hug!
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  • rsmehtarsmehta
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry- that sounds like a really difficult situation...Hugs to you!  I can't imagine how you must feel, but don't worry- there are solutions to everything!

    How many people are you expecting for mehndi night?  I'm not sure where your MOH/sister lives- would her house be an option?  If anyone lives in an apartment complex, maybe they have a nice space to rent which is usually really cheap?

    It almost sounds like it's best to keep your parents out of it and not even depend on them anymore for this.  Your wedding is coming up and you def don't need this added stress...

    I'm sorry- keep us updated!
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  • HinajHinaj member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am sorry DFW!!  Ditto both Raangoli and rsmehta!  There is no point to argue with your parents, it will just keep you stressed and mad longer.  Try finding a friend or relative that will let you use their house for the henna night.


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  • britishmibritishmi member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sorry you are going thru this right now! Im pretty sure someone will step up and offer you their place, as for food, maybe some girl friends can get together and do a pot luck style dinner for your henna night :)
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  • bridetobeeebridetobeee member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    DWF,

    I'm sorry you have to go through this. But, don't fear : ), it will all work out! I agree with the recommendations above, maybe a friend's house? If the weather was beautiful, I would suggest getting a park permit or something and have it outdoors but that may get too complicated (relying on the weather and all). You said your mom paid for food for your sister? i am assuming your sister is married so how about your sister's house? And, the suggestion above of the pot luck sounds great! If not, you can do something non-traditional, have a morrocan themed henna and order falaffels and hummus...cheap, tasty and fun! Good luck!

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  • temurlangtemurlang member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Sorry to hear there's more drama... I agree with PPs that arguing at this point is probably futile.  You have some great suggestions here.  I especially like the Moroccan theme and outdoor ideas.  Mine was on a roof, which was the only good feature of the event!  (Long story, but basically I was alone when the mehndi artists arrived and they refused to deal with me because I'm not Indian.  Mostly it was SIL's friends there, and some of them had issues with me not being Indian.)

    What people are willing to spend money on can be somewhat mysterious... my parents were willing to spend on my wedding, but not my education, and they bought my brother a car but my dad still won't let me even back his car out of the driveway (girls aren't supposed to drive).  For whatever reason, your parents think the backdrop is super important, but the mehndi party isn't.  My guess would be that it has to do with their own friends/social circle attending, but maybe the mehndi is more your peers.  Anyway, it doesn't matter, your wedding is almost here and you won't have to deal with any of this any more!
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