Wedding Party

No wedding party?

My fiancé absolutely does not want a bridal party at all. He thinks that our wedding should be all about us, and he thinks it would be more meaningful if we are up there alone. I respect his idea, and think it is extremely adorable, but my mom is saying that there absolutely has to be two people, one on both side. Personally, I don't care, as long as my best friend and my brother can be included. My best friend said she is absolutely fine with whatever, she is okay with not standing up with me. My brother is a typical 19 year old boy and doesn't really care. We were originally thinking about having a sweetheart table for the reception, but I think that if we don't have a wedding party AND sit alone, it's going to go from sweet to standoffish. My questions for you are: what do you think about weddings with no wedding parties, and if this isn't seen as "tacky" what are some ways that I can include my best friend and brother, who are both very important to me.?

Re: No wedding party?

  • No you don't need a WP at all.  The only thing that alarms me is what your FI said about the "wedding should be all about us" please clarify to him that the day is in honor of your marriage and once people are invited to it it stops being about you two.  If he doesn't want a WP because he wants a more intimate feel then that is fine.

    Just make sure you designate you will hold your flowers and hold the rings (these could easily be done by a parent sitting in the front). 
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  • It's your wedding, do what you want! If you both decide that not having a wedding party is right for the two of you, then that's what you should do. Like TiffannieF said, you just have to work out the details of who will be responsible for things the wedding party would generally do.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-29?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2bec3797-04cb-452c-b9e5-a96acfafe9b2Post:a1763dd1-0e70-498d-88ca-8510865fc532">Re: No wedding party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's your wedding, do what you want! If you both decide that not having a wedding party is right for the two of you, then that's what you should do. Like TiffannieF said, you just have to work out the details of who will be<strong> responsible for things the wedding party would generally do.</strong>
    Posted by jsbt2014[/QUOTE]
    Which, as PP pointed out, is limited to holding rings, bouquet, signing the certificate - things that relate to the ceremony.



  • I don't know what would be tacky about not having a wedding party.  My husband had his best friend and brother as groomsmen, but I chose not to have any bridesmaids.  My brother held my bouquet and he and my brother-in-law signed our marriage certificate as witnesses. 
  • Oh, and we sat at a table with our parents and siblings and my husband's best friend, the other groomsman, sat with a bunch of his friends.
  • About the sweetheart table: I don't see anything standoffish about that. My brother and SIL had a sweetheart table seperate from her wedding party, and they didn't get a chance to be standoffish, even if they wanted to. People will most likely be visiting your table the whole time you're sitting.
  • Thanks for the advice! My big concern was that a sweetheart table in addition to not having a wedding party would seem like we don't want to be around anyone. I was thinking I could have the people who would typically be in the wedding party greet the guests and give speeches at the reception, and dress as the wedding party to set them out as people who matter most to us? Even if they aren't standing up with us.
  • They can still be your wedding party and not stand with you.
  • Wow I really never thought of that haha I feel silly. Thank you so much for putting that into perspective :)
  • Glad I could help Smile
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-29?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2bec3797-04cb-452c-b9e5-a96acfafe9b2Post:7b6bedcc-589d-4306-b43b-72d19d114471">Re: No wedding party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for the advice! <strong>My big concern was that a sweetheart table in addition to not having a wedding party would seem like we don't want to be around anyone. </strong>I was thinking I could have the people who would typically be in the wedding party greet the guests and give speeches at the reception, and dress as the wedding party to set them out as people who matter most to us? Even if they aren't standing up with us.
    Posted by svanculin[/QUOTE]

    <div>Some people feel that way, but think of it like this: if you two are alone (which may be the only alone time you get until the, um, festivities...) and not hosting a table (read: talking to others), you're likely to finish your food more quickly and be able to move on to socializing after you get a few bites down. Of course people may visit your table nonstop and nullify this point, but hopefully everyone will realize you're trying to eat. </div>
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  • Even if you skip the WP, you could still sit with siblings, friends, parents, or whomever you want.  You don't have to have a sweetheart table if you don't want to.  

    If you want to have a WP but have them sit in the front row during the ceremony, that would be fine.  But do not ask people to wear specific attire if you don't ask them to be WP.  
  • Even if I we do have a full fledged wedding party that stands up front with us, I was going to buy their dresses. My friends are all in college and I would feel bad asking them to spend money on a dress at all. The people that I want to be involved are family and my best friend who is pretty much considered family. She wants to be involved. I have to talk her out of some of the things that she wants to do so that she will be able to sit down and enjoy the wedding. As mentioned before, we want the people that matter to us to be involved, (and they want to be involved as well) but my fiance just does not want anyone else to be standing up with us. I appreciate your input and will take it into consideration.

  • Also, thank you for letting me know about the toast thing. I genuinely thought people wanted to do it and you were supposed to ask, so I'm glad I haven't gotten that far in planning yet. Embarrassing.

  • We're not really having a 'wedding party' - my brother is standing up next to me, and my FI's best friend is standing up next to him.  Instead of a sweetheart table or head table, we're doing a 'sibling table'.  We live 2000 miles away from our siblings (1 brother for me, 4 sisters for him) so it's a treat to get to eat  meal with them, and for my brother to meet his sisters. 

    If there are particular people you want involved in the wedding, I'd just tell them that.  We have three good friends who we wanted involved in our ceremony because they're special to us as a couple, and so we told them that and asked them how/if they would like to participate or if they'd prefer to be simply be seated as a guest.  One opted to be simply a guest, one asked to do a reading, and one asked to sing a song.  We're thrilled to have them each participate in the way they wish, and none of them feel pressured to participate in a way that would be uncomfortable for them.

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  • We aren't having a wedding party. We're carrying our own rings and doing a "ring warming" as part of the ceremony. I'm not having flowers or a long train, so I don't need to worry about needing help with basic logistics. 

    We didn't invite anyone who wasn't close and special enough to be part of a traditional wedding party, so we consider our entire (small) guest list to be our wedding party. We also didn't want our wedding to be a cause of stress for any of our favorite people, so we're trying to avoid asking them to do things for it. 

    As for including other people, how would they like to be included? There are lots of ways to have other people involved, but it depends on what you want from your ceremony and what they are comfortable with doing.  I agree that deciding on a generic job and giving it to them may not be the kind of honor you would like to give. 
  • We aren't having a wedding party either.  We wanted it to be about us. 

    However,...we our parents and siblings will be around helping out during the day.  We are going to thank them for that.  We will be standing alone.

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  • ColemanLesaneColemanLesane member
    First Comment
    edited February 2012
    Im in a wedding  this september with seven other woman and it is pure H we don't even have our dresses yet .. The bride is  My wedding is next year and my sister is my maid of honor because you need someone over 18 to be your witness to sign your certificate, but my son who will 2 by then is the best man.. I started planning two years ago then put the wedding off because my dad died and back then we were going to have 175 guest because i got so far with planning now I feel like I got that " If I could do it all over " syndrom and you know what my list is 65 people with no wedding party !! Still spending alot for quality but with less people ...
  • If you and your FI decide to not have  a wedding party,go for it.

    I'm thinking of a small,intimate wedding. Probably having a maid of honor and best man but that's it.

    Honestly, whatever feels right for you.
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