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Snarky Brides

F/U to in-laws buying us a house stuff.

Also a post and run.

I posted this thread yesterday - basically, my future in-laws have offered to buy us a house in our price range, and we'd just pay them back instead of having a mortgage.

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-this-4

By the end of it all I hated the idea.  But wait!  His folks have another fantastic idea!

Instead of outright buying the house for us, they'd borrow us the rest of a down payment (Ben already has most of a down payment from inheritance) and then we would be good to go on our own loan.

I actually like this idea a lot better.  But then... we're back to me worrying about whether or not we have time for all this garbage because we're getting fucking married in two months. 

I truly appreciate that they want to help us.  And I guess they've helped all of Ben's older sisters in some capacity when it came time to buy a house.

I just don't know why we should need them to help us.  I love them but... I feel like this is meddling.  We're 26, nearly 27 years old.  We're not children.  At least I'm not.  I will never breathe a word of any of this to my parents - my mother would have a field day with all of this.

Whatever.  I'm out.  /rant over
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Re: F/U to in-laws buying us a house stuff.

  • I don't think you need them to help you, they're just offering. Or am I getting that wrong? This seems like a much better idea, because it's like their gift to you.

    But as far as timing, why does it have to be now? Why don't you just have FI move in with you or find a larger apartment to live in and then look for a house after the wedding?
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  • Is their offer to help only good until the wedding. Could you wait until after, rent a little longer, and then decide on their offer? Never rush into buying a home. Ever. 
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  • OK here's my two sense on it.
    As you know, I had a shitty situation with house hunting. That being said, I had from March until November to find a house before my lease was up. There is nothing worse than house hunting with a deadline, especially if you have other things going for you.

    Do you have to move in 2 months? Could you do a month to month or have a lease break clause or something? I just think you are putting yourself in a bad situation with buying a house right now, with or without their help.
  • Either way, make sure that you have a deadline of when you're free and clear of their "help." My parents got my paternal grandparents to sign on their house loan. They are 5 years from paying it off and very financially stable but my grandmother still refuses to take her name of the papers despite there being no need for her to be on. In a sense, it isn't hurting anything, but it sure hasn't helped my mom's relationship with her monther in law.

    I doubt that Ben's parents are like that, but make sure everything is crystal clear (and kosher with everyone) so things don't accidentally go south.
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  • I didn't read the OP, but I would say thanks but no thanks.  You guys are adults and shouldn't accept a gift like this.

    If my ILs offered us money like that, I would have to decline, I would be mortified to accept money like that.
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  • CellesCelles member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited September 2010

    I'm disappointed I missed the original thread, because I'm in a somewhat similar situation. 

    Due to a combination of irreversible construction defects, my homebuilder filing for bankruptcy, a lawsuit that is going nowhere fast, and the market crash tanking the already fractured  value of my home,  I'm currently going through a "strategic default" (read: foreclosure).  It sucks, and there are people who will tell me it's unethical or some kind of personal failure on my part -- but, whatever.  It's the best decision I can make for my future financial stability, and it certainly wasn't made lightly.  I consulted with a lawyer, a CPA and a financial planner before making it.

    Since FI is a Canadian citizen with no American credit history, and my credit will be devestated by the foreclosure, my FIL's have offered to buy FI and I a home in our price range, which we will pay back -- with nominal interest -- on a 30 year amortization schedule.  Eventually, we will refinance the house in FI's name to repay them in full.

    FI and I have gratefully accepted and are in the market now.

    We are treating this like a business transaction, with a contract and contingencies (such as making FI's parents the beneficiaries on our respective life insurance policies, so if something happens to one of us the other can keep the house and still repay the debt). 

    I know it's not an ideal situation, but it's what works for us.  Because it's a business transaction and we will be paying a small amount interest, there are no emotional strings attached (although I'd be naive if I didn't acknowledge it was, in fact, a favor).

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  • Ok so I have a question, and please please please don't take this as being mean.

    How are parents affording to buy houses for you guys to buy from them? Do people just have $200k laying around in a bank account or are they going to take out a loan that you will be paying off (by paying them)?

    Just curious is all :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fu-law-buying-house-stuff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d7ac57a3-4c6d-45dd-a296-82b712c01b38Post:404484f8-cbe3-4d51-ada3-423394e50e29">Re: F/U to in-law buying us a house stuff.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok so I have a question, and please please please don't take this as being mean. How are parents affording to buy houses for you guys to buy from them? Do people just have $200k laying around in a bank account or are they going to take out a loan that you will be paying off (by paying them)? Just curious is all :)
    Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]

    <div>At my job, i've seen parents buy houses for kids, and usually they make a down payment and then have a mortgage payment.  Most of the time, their home is paid off.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fu-law-buying-house-stuff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:d7ac57a3-4c6d-45dd-a296-82b712c01b38Post:cdb908e7-5f9f-4d19-bdd1-52c92d4fd326">Re: F/U to in-law buying us a house stuff.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: F/U to in-law buying us a house stuff. : We've discussed both options.  They may take out a loan against their existing HELOC, which we would then pay off, or they may cash in some other assets.  FFIL is a retired financial advisor.  He saved smartly and invested smartly for over 30 years, so he has the means to help us (and the motivation -- his own FIL financed his first home 35 years ago, so he considers it "his turn" now!).
    Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

    Ah ok. My parents just recently bought their own house so I forget that most people are probably nearing the ends of their mortgages/have other options.

    My dad is all about offering help when needed. His dad helped out my parents when they first got married, so he's helping us out now. He always says helping us out is a good investment on his future <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />
  • Even still, my parents' house is paid off, but they don't have $100k lying around for a down payment.
  • Do your in-laws get a say in the type of house you get to buy, or which neighborhood is better, or closer to them?

    I agree with previous posters, in that you shouldn't ever rush into buying a home... you miss too many things...

    "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Miss K ~
  • My mom has told me flat out she plans to help us (to some extent, she has never locked down a $ amount) when we buy a house. She has planned for it, forever. I would have no qualms about accepting her assistance when the time comes, thats just the dynamic of our relationship. I dont think there can be a cut and dry answer to a situation like that.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fu-law-buying-house-stuff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d7ac57a3-4c6d-45dd-a296-82b712c01b38Post:c7c37f15-57e3-4958-b110-9551c7304fb5">Re: F/U to in-law buying us a house stuff.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: F/U to in-law buying us a house stuff. : Agreed -- to each their own.  Believe me, I learned my lesson from running up CC's and then not paying on them...and having collectors banging down my door.  When I realized what an idiot I was, I began saving & paying off each CC one at a time -- I did NOT declare bankruptcy....that being said, <strong>it was stupid to be throwing away $$ on renting at my then age</strong> and I never asked them to be 'the bank'; I only asked for a signature!  But when they offered, knowing that I wouldn't be approved on my own, I swallowed my pride and accepted their help.  And I'm glad I did...I'm proud to say that the mortgage is paid in full.  And, as a side note, my parents did NOT have to sacrifice to do this; when my brother went through a nasty, three year divorce, his personal assets were frozen so my parents purchased a house for him and when the divorce was over, he began making mortgage payments.  But b/c of my evil ex SIL, he wouldn't have been able to be in a home without help.  Sometimes people just need help...
    Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I don't see renting as throwing away money, you're paying for a place to live.</div><div>
    </div><div>I think also, (and i know this sounds stupid) it doesn't seem fair to me.  My husband and I have worked for our money and made good financial decisions, we bought a house we could afford.  We pay our bills on time.  To see people getting bailed out (by government, parents, whatever) is just frustrating.  Where is our kudos for making good decisions in life?

    </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fu-law-buying-house-stuff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d7ac57a3-4c6d-45dd-a296-82b712c01b38Post:8517a82f-ff2c-4598-9936-2e2ec6591dd0">Re: F/U to in-law buying us a house stuff.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: F/U to in-law buying us a house stuff. : Ah ok. My parents just recently bought their own house so I forget that most people are probably nearing the ends of their mortgages/have other options. <strong>My dad is all about offering help when needed. His dad helped out my parents when they first got married, so he's helping us out now.</strong> He always says helping us out is a good investment on his future
    Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]
    This is like my parents, as well.  My mom doesn't have the financial ability to help financially, but my dad has a very well-paying job.  He gave me a large monetary gift when we got engaged as he said "for the wedding or grad school. whatever."  FI's parents have said that they want to pay for several (expensive) WR things, as well.  We would never ask our parents for help (just because we're stubborn/proud/whatever), but they were really excited to be in a financial situation where they could gift us. Likewise, when my parents got married/bought their first house, my grandmother gave them a TON of money, just because she could.

    My parents did, however, expect me to pay rent when I lived in their house (after school) and did a lot of other things to teach me fiscal responsibility. 

    In terms of AATB's post, this situation seems much better than the original.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fu-law-buying-house-stuff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d7ac57a3-4c6d-45dd-a296-82b712c01b38Post:b18554f1-9afb-4741-88bc-3623f590cdb9">Re: F/U to in-law buying us a house stuff.</a>:
    [QUOTE]My mom has told me flat out she plans to help us (to some extent, she has never locked down a $ amount) when we buy a house. <strong>She has planned for it, forever.</strong> I would have no qualms about accepting her assistance when the time comes, thats just the dynamic of our relationship. <strong>I dont think there can be a cut and dry answer to a situation like that.</strong>
    Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]
    This as well.  
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fu-law-buying-house-stuff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d7ac57a3-4c6d-45dd-a296-82b712c01b38Post:3c9aa687-b435-4612-92fe-562b33ebbe1e">Re: F/U to in-law buying us a house stuff.</a>:
    [QUOTE]My two cents...my credit was in the crapper at 27 b/c of some earlier poor decisions (ran up CC's in college that took many years and too much interest to pay off).  Anyway, was looking to get into a house after renting forever but had no down payment -- this was BEFORE they passed all those laws where you could basically just sign for a house w/o any $$ down.  So I actually approached my parents to ask them if they would co-sign for me.  My mom said she'd talk to my dad & call me back.  Five minutes later she called back & said no, they wouldn't sign for me but they would finance me.  It was a legal transaction; we both signed papers; I paid the mortgage, just like I would have paid a bank.  I<strong>f they had not done that, I would have stayed renting...</strong>it was financially smarter to buy the house instead of rent b/c of being able write off real estate interest, property tax, & finally being able to itemize deductions.  I wouldn't have changed a thing.  About 4 years later, I upgraded my house & re-fi'd through my parents.  Last year, I was able to pay the mortgage back in full.  My parents had the $$ to do all this, they made $$ on interest but really very little...which saved me a TON on interest.  That being said, if it is a 'legal' transaction then I would do it.  If it means they get to control how you furnish the house, live your lives, etc. then I wouldn't.
    Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

    Right, because without good credit and a down payment, you would have been seen as too much of a risk. And regardless of the fact that you did, indeed pay your parents, the bank would have been right to assume that given your past history. So frankly, I think you got an easy out. Although if you weren't paying a real mortgage, how did you boost your credit?

    [QUOTE]Even still, my parents' house is paid off, but they don't have $100k lying around for a down payment.
    Posted by leia1979[/QUOTE]

    Unfortunately for you and I both, many parts of the country that aren't California have property where you only need $20-$30k for a downpayment cause... well, that's just what houses cost.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fu-law-buying-house-stuff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d7ac57a3-4c6d-45dd-a296-82b712c01b38Post:8644cb64-25a8-4c63-b0af-4cfb46b2bc99">Re: F/U to in-law buying us a house stuff.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Property is hardly a GOOD investment. You'd think the housing buble would have taught people that. On average, houses earn about 1% a year, which is a piss-poor investment. Not to mention the extra expenses you incur, like PMI (possibly), insurance, taxes, all repairs. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'd love to own someday, but more for the pride of ownership, the ability to live in a certain neighborhood, or the ability to renovate on my own. Not because renting is "throwing money away." In my neighborhood, renting is a sweet deal. I could never live here otherwise. I also don't think my parents would buy a house for me after I racked up CC debt, whether or not I asked them for help.
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    <div>I can get behind this statement 100%.</div>
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  • zippitybzippityb member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited September 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fu-law-buying-house-stuff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:d7ac57a3-4c6d-45dd-a296-82b712c01b38Post:59db611e-96ef-433c-b13f-90ba2e8191a0">Re: F/U to in-law buying us a house stuff.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Either way, make sure that you have a deadline of when you're free and clear of their "help." My parents got my paternal grandparents to sign on their house loan. They are 5 years from paying it off and very financially stable but my grandmother still refuses to take her name of the papers despite there being no need for her to be on. In a sense, it isn't hurting anything, but it sure hasn't helped my mom's relationship with her monther in law. I doubt that Ben's parents are like that, but make sure everything is crystal clear (and kosher with everyone) so things don't accidentally go south.
    Posted by SCBojangles1138[/QUOTE]

    My parents co-signed my mortgage, but I was the main borrower. I am in the process of refinancing under my married name with my husband. Unless grandma is the first signer, she has no say in the matter.

    ETA: I was also one of those people who got a no money down FHA loan. Not everyone defaults on those.
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  • CellesCelles member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited September 2010
    I had perfect credit until the situation with my house, which was in no way my fault.  (Cliff Notes: The builder used a substandard concrete paste and then filed for bankruptcy in the aftermath of the market crash. I've retained an attorney and filed claims against both the builder and the insurer, to no avail.  Arizona bankruptcy law favors the corporation -- as most Arizona laws do.) 

    I'm grateful that my FIL's are in a position to help us.  Maybe they are bailing us out... but I don't see how "fairness" is an issue here at all.

    (I know my situation is a little different from J's, but still.)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fu-law-buying-house-stuff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d7ac57a3-4c6d-45dd-a296-82b712c01b38Post:8644cb64-25a8-4c63-b0af-4cfb46b2bc99">Re: F/U to in-law buying us a house stuff.</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Property is hardly a GOOD investment</strong>. You'd think the housing buble would have taught people that. On average, houses earn about 1% a year, which is a piss-poor investment. Not to mention the extra expenses you incur, like PMI (possibly), insurance, taxes, all repairs. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'd love to own someday, but more for the pride of ownership, the ability to live in a certain neighborhood, or the ability to renovate on my own. Not because renting is "throwing money away." In my neighborhood, renting is a sweet deal. I could never live here otherwise. I also don't think my parents would buy a house for me after I racked up CC debt, whether or not I asked them for help.
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    It usually is in the long term and depending on where you live. My grandparents bought their house in the 60's at $40K. About 30-35 yrs later had it appraised at $700K. Sounds like a great investment to me. Again, that's in the long term.
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  • Are you allowed in the states to borrow money for a down payment? I know this is against the law in Canada. Obviously people get it around it by "gifts" or borrowing from family.. but if the bank catches wind of it you can be in trouble. I
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fu-law-buying-house-stuff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d7ac57a3-4c6d-45dd-a296-82b712c01b38Post:f422c26d-e185-4add-92e9-d4805a109d1f">Re: F/U to in-law buying us a house stuff.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Are you allowed in the states to borrow money for a down payment? I know this is against the law in Canada. Obviously people get it around it by "gifts" or borrowing from family.. but if the bank catches wind of it you can be in trouble. I
    Posted by Meaghann17[/QUOTE]

    <div>On both of my mortgages, I had to prove that I had the down payment funds in my own account, and disclose where they came from. I don't know if it is against the law, but it is certainly taken into account. </div><div>
    </div><div>zippity, I got one of those 0 down mortgages as well. I think I ended up putting $5K down. I sold that house last year (at a big loss, unrelated) and didn't default either. Of course, with this house we had to have a DP, but it wasn't as much because I have good credit and FI makes enough to cover the mortgage on his own. If either of our parents offerred to help us financially, I think I'd check their temperature. I wouldn't take it because I know they can't afford it. If they could, I have no idea what I'd say. That's just outlandish at this point. </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fu-law-buying-house-stuff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d7ac57a3-4c6d-45dd-a296-82b712c01b38Post:f422c26d-e185-4add-92e9-d4805a109d1f">Re: F/U to in-law buying us a house stuff.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Are you allowed in the states to borrow money for a down payment? I know this is against the law in Canada. Obviously people get it around it by "gifts" or borrowing from family.. but if the bank catches wind of it you can be in trouble. I
    Posted by Meaghann17[/QUOTE]

    This.  My understanding was that you are not allowed to borrow your down payment, and if you receive money as a gift, the giver has to submit something to the bank certifying that it's not a loan and they will not seek repayment.
    Married 10/2/10
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fu-law-buying-house-stuff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d7ac57a3-4c6d-45dd-a296-82b712c01b38Post:46b7f2ed-6f06-4f4c-972c-8653c8c2403c">Re: F/U to in-law buying us a house stuff.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: F/U to in-law buying us a house stuff. : This.  My understanding was that you are not allowed to borrow your down payment, and if you receive money as a gift, the giver has to submit something to the bank certifying that it's not a loan and they will not seek repayment.
    Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]
     Back int he day (2005ish) you could get an 80/20 mortgages. Essentially you had 2 mortgages, one for 20%, the normal DP, and the other 80% a traditional mortgage. My friends did this. They 80% was fixed over 40 years and the 20% was variable over 20 I think. The eventually refinanced into a single fixed rate, but it certainly helped them buy their home when they did it. Given the current credit environment, I don't think you can get 80/20s anymore. 
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  • Celles, I'll give you, your situation is effed up.
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  • I don't know that I've got anything new to say, but I do think that the down payment idea is better than them buying the whole house. You've got a good relationship w/them, it would be easy enough to draw up legal papers or whatever. Maybe it's just me, because I cannot WAIT to get out of the tiny 1-bedroom apartment that FI and I have shared for 6.5 years now. But with the wedding that we're paying for most of ourselves, we won't be able to think about it for another year or two.

    Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get clothes out of the dryer that I share w/11 other apartments.
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  • Eh, I don't see renting as being a super evil thing like people make it out to be. Then again I also see the attitude shift (in general) towards owning being a temporary thing too. It kind of reminds me of the attitude towards marriage.
    Marriage is a contract between two people, supposedly until death. Not just until it starts to suck and you have to work at it.
    A house is something you own, and are responsible for selling, even if it sucks and you lose money.
    Now people get divorces because of disagreements, boredom, whatever. People let their houses go into foreclosure because they want to move, can't make money/break even while selling, or don't want to make the necessary improvements to the house to sell it (obviously there are exceptions).
    Renting has it's benefits. You can pick up and move whenever you want to, you don't have to fix things, and in general life is a lot easier. Dishwasher breaks? Awesome, landlord pays for it. Stove needs to be replaced? No problem. When we rented our landlord shelled out $20,000 in repairs just over a year because the apt was old and fairly well used. Now we own our house and yes, we get a return on our investment over time, but you know what, we also take the financial risk that comes with that.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fu-law-buying-house-stuff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d7ac57a3-4c6d-45dd-a296-82b712c01b38Post:16774c19-fa63-4834-8e06-103d81f09a3c">Re: F/U to in-law buying us a house stuff.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: F/U to in-law buying us a house stuff. : Really? B/c I bought my first house for $130k, put $25k into it, sold it for $180k to the FIRST couple that looked at it & sold it FSBO...who else here has made $25k in investments in 4 years time??  I think that was a pretty good rate of return. That being said, real estate is like anything (ie. stock market), you need to buy low, & sell high to make $.  My father purchased 100 acres of property for 50 bucks an acre  back in the 70's...he has been offered hundreds of thousands of dollars PER acre for it....hmmm, bad investment??   Don't think so...but he also wasn't intending to make a quick turnaround on that... When you are done renting, you don't re-coup any of the $ you spent on rent...but maybe that's just the market here,... 
    Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I think those types of returns are not typical in today's real estate climate in most of the US. In a lot of places, real estate is not a low risk investment. When you don't have a lot of savings or free cash, low risk is what you want.

    </div>
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  • edited September 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fu-law-buying-house-stuff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d7ac57a3-4c6d-45dd-a296-82b712c01b38Post:3c57357c-9e35-4292-a729-fd7fc2e88a09">Re: F/U to in-law buying us a house stuff.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: F/U to in-law buying us a house stuff. : Strange??  Why can't our generation just say THANKS to our folks?  I said before, my folks grew up dirt poor (my mom had 2 houses burn to the ground w/o insurance) and they are so THRILLED to be ABLE to help.  Would I have made it w/o my parents? Absolutely, no doubt...of course, that's because they raised my & my siblings to work our asses off no matter what we were doing....hard work pays off!
    Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]


    I do think it seems strange to want to swoop in and try and save us when there isn't really anything wrong with us.

    I very muchly appreciate Ben's parents and I appreciate my parents for raising me the way I did.

    Ben and I are in no jam financially other than we'd be wasting a couple hundred extra bucks a month on rent if we rented after the wedding vs. paying a mortgage.

    My dad is a third generation farmer, and he took over the entire operation from my grandfather in the early 80s - and with that, he inherited all of my grandfather's insane debt.  My grandpa wasn't good at the books.  My dad paid back ALL my grandpa's debt, plus the debt my dad built as well.  He wants for nothing now.  He's my hero.

    The fact that if I really was in a jam, and I needed help - that I KNOW I could count on my dad, that is something I am very thankful for.  And he knows that.  Personally, I think my dad would be a little miffed if he knew Ben's folks were trying to help us like this.  He'd probably actually want to step in too.
    panther
  • Also, I thought you were kidding or added an extra 0 to the $100,000 downpayment. That's ridiculous. We went through VA so we had 0 DP, but even standard would have been about $30,000. $100,000 is more than half the price of my total house price.
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