Friends Wedding Cancelled

VM051190 · April 2012

So, I was supposed to be a bridesmaid in a friends wedding a month after mine and it has now been cancelled. I've shelled out about $150 for the dress and shoes. I rented the dress so I can't get my money back from the store or sell the dress. Is it okay to ask the bride or grrom for money to cover my expenses?

HockeyFan4 · April 2012

I understand how it sucks to be out of the money. I am guessing, however, if a friend, whom I was close enough to be in the WP, cancelled her wedding, I would suck it up and just try to comfort my friend and not ask for $$.

LaBellaVita23 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friends-wedding-cancelled?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8087a363-1e1c-4134-a209-68489f129355Post:51dd5547-4208-4557-ad2c-ab4026b333e0">Re: Friends Wedding Cancelled</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand how it sucks to be out of the money. I am guessing, however, if a friend, whom I was close enough to be in the WP, cancelled her wedding, I would suck it up and just try to comfort my friend and not ask for $$.
Posted by HockeyFan4[/QUOTE]
This. I would just eat the cost of it because chances are they are going through a really difficult time at the moment.

Grits8812 · April 2012

I have to agree. It sucks to be out money, espically that much, but right now wouldn't be any kind of time to bring that up because it will just end up upsetting her more probably.

MyUserName1 · April 2012

I think that the bride should offer to reimburse you. But if she doesn't, I wouldn't ask. She's probably going through a lot right now and I wouldn't put one more thing on her.

lyndausvi · April 2012

How long ago did they cancel the wedding? What was the reason?

Those answers would determine if or when I would ask for a refund.

The store can't give you a credit or something?

redheadfsu · April 2012

The bride should offer to pay you back for the dress in this situation, however, I don't know if I would accept (unless she had a ton of money or something).

If your friend cancelled the wedding, she is going through a huge thing right now (both emotionally & financially). So just support her. Is $150.00 worth the risk to cause even more pain and embarrassment for your close friend?

pokepoke27 · April 2012

I agree with Lynda - If they cancelled the wedding because they just decided to go elope in Hawaii or something then I would be more likely to ask for some money than if it was because of bad family drama or something.

Having said that I don't think I would personally ask - although I do think that she should definitely offer.

angryangry · April 2012

I agree with the comments of PPs, but I have to add: $150 to rent the dress? wowza! That is an expensive dress.

SparrowSong · April 2012

I agree. It sucks, but your role now is to be supportive and just eat the loss.

lyndausvi · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friends-wedding-cancelled?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8087a363-1e1c-4134-a209-68489f129355Post:557530ef-5069-4d64-b39c-6161245fa7e9">Re: Friends Wedding Cancelled</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with the comments of PPs, but I have to add: $150 to rent the dress? wowza! That is an expensive dress.
Posted by angryangry[/QUOTE]

<div>So agree. We have friends of friends in a wedding and they had to had to rent a $350 suit. Rent. I think that is just crazy. I can only imagine how much the dresses are.</div>

unchatenfrance · April 2012

Personal story - a girl I used to work with years and years ago was engaged. A month before the wedding, her fiance called it off and ended the relationship. In the midst of struggling with this, her maid of honour barged into her house (she was living with her parents) and b*itched about paying $xxx for a dress she has no use for now. Guess what? They're not friends anymore. Even if the MOH didn't "barge in" to her home and berate the heartbroken bride in front of her parents, it would still be a friendship-ending move.

If the bride offers to reimburse you (as she should), for you to bring it up yourself would be inappropriate considering what she's going through (did they actually break up? Or cancel the wedding for a more benign reason?)

lyndausvi · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friends-wedding-cancelled?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8087a363-1e1c-4134-a209-68489f129355Post:2d45a15a-da70-4c9a-b248-1644a7b4ea77">Re: Friends Wedding Cancelled</a>:
[QUOTE]Personal story - a girl I used to work with years and years ago was engaged. A month before the wedding, her fiance called it off and ended the relationship. In the midst of struggling with this, her maid of honour barged into her house (she was living with her parents) and b*itched about paying $xxx for a dress she has no use for now. Guess what? They're not friends anymore. Even if the MOH didn't "barge in" to her home and berate the heartbroken bride in front of her parents, it would still be a friendship-ending move. If the bride offers to reimburse you (as she should), for you to bring it up yourself would be inappropriate considering what she's going through (did they actually break up? Or cancel the wedding for a more benign reason?)
Posted by unchatenfrance[/QUOTE]

<div><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-surprised.gif" border="0" alt="Surprised" title="Surprised" /></div><div>
</div><div>Yeah, circumstances means a lot. In that case the cost of the dress is the least of my worries. A couple who just decides to elope or my friend is having an affair and calls of the wedding is one thing. Her being dumped or her FI the craigslist killer is something different.</div>

nextrightthing · April 2012

Do not ask her to reimburse you. Depending upon the situation, she is probably losing gobs of money and has a broken heart. I don't think she owes it to you to reimburse you, because there is always a chance this could happen when you agree to be a BM. That might just be me. This is 150 bucks. Deal.

nextrightthing · April 2012

If you were a BM and the couple ended up getting divorced, would they owe it to you to reimburse you for the cost of the BM dress?

jmconley08 · April 2012

I bet she will be reimbursing you soon.

nextrightthing · April 2012

Semantics.

VM051190 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friends-wedding-cancelled?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8087a363-1e1c-4134-a209-68489f129355Post:ced73673-b7ee-417f-9575-74c41446fb58">Re: Friends Wedding Cancelled</a>:
[QUOTE]How long ago did they cancel the wedding? What was the reason? Those answers would determine if or when I would ask for a refund. The store can't give you a credit or something?
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

<div>It just happened a few weeks ago. And well... lets just say it had a violent ending. And I love her to death, but she is a bit selfish so I don't expect her to offer. And I don't want to ask the groom because he is the one that has shelled out money for everything and is loosing all of it. I can get an in store credit, but I don't need a bm dress anytime soon and its only good for a year. </div>

andrea2473 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friends-wedding-cancelled?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8087a363-1e1c-4134-a209-68489f129355Post:f2b8aac8-3ca9-43e2-97ae-4fafdd7919f9">Re: Friends Wedding Cancelled</a>:
[QUOTE]Semantics.
Posted by nextrightthing[/QUOTE]

No. Not semantics. Duds stated a fact.

The dress is for the wedding, not the marriage.

VM051190 · April 2012

also, its on her, not his fault.

The rental was for the dress, shoes, jewelry, and shapewear, so actually a pretty good deal!

saacjw · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friends-wedding-cancelled?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8087a363-1e1c-4134-a209-68489f129355Post:b1e19486-e8a2-4f5c-881a-ce4e0f9e538a">Re: Friends Wedding Cancelled</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Friends Wedding Cancelled : It just happened a few weeks ago. And well... lets just say it had a violent ending. And I love her to death, but she is a bit selfish so I don't expect her to offer. And I don't want to ask the groom because he is the one that has shelled out money for everything and is loosing all of it. I can get an in store credit, but I don't need a bm dress anytime soon and its only good for a year.
Posted by VM051190[/QUOTE]

<div>Can you use the store credit to get a really nice LBD or something like that that you might wear to multiple events? I don't know where you got the dress, but maybe that's an option. (Trying to make lemonade). It sucks that you and your friend are in this situation. </div>

katehar01 · April 2012

Well, if she called off the wedding, she really ought to offer to pay you back. But if you bring it up, I feel like that conversation could easily get ugly ("well, it's YOUR fault the wedding's not happening, so I think you should pay me back"). If you still care about the friendship, I'd leave it alone. If whatever happened makes you not want to be friends anymore with this person, go for it.

nextrightthing · April 2012

So if the wedding happens and is annulled the next day, it is different because the wedding happened? Seems pretty silly to me. Sounds like this girl is unstable, but I guess the cancellation of this wedding was a total shock and surprise to all involved.

rondokye · April 2012

This happened to me - but I was on the opposite side. I called of the wedding to my now ex-fiance because he couldn't commit to actually falling through with the engagement. We had been together for nearly 8 years at that point. I was devastated. And highly embarrassed. I remember crying over how horrible I felt about the money my friends had spent on dresses that would now go unused. And we had gotten an awesome deal at David's Bridal. But still - I couldn't help but feeling like the worst friend ever. Every single one of them told me not to worry about it. Once I was able to move on and heal, I worked on selling their dresses so that they could get their money back.

VM051190 · April 2012

Thanks so much for all the input. I think I'm going to leave it alone. What I'm upset most about is that I have to finish paying on the rental because of the contract I signed for the dress. In the off chance that she decides to end our friendship because I live in the same town as her ex-fiance, (which she's already told me is possible) I will ask her to refund the money.

In all honesty, I'm not sure its a friendship I want to keep when she attacked her ex and my maid of honor in the last 6 months.

QueerFemme · April 2012

If you aren't worried about ending the friendship ... then go ahead and ask.

unchatenfrance · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friends-wedding-cancelled?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8087a363-1e1c-4134-a209-68489f129355Post:137f3c7d-6f8a-4964-8021-5b364c3ab4e8">Re: Friends Wedding Cancelled</a>:
[QUOTE]. In the off chance that she decides to end our friendship because I live in the same town as her ex-fiance, (which she's already told me is possible) I will ask her to refund the money. Posted by VM051190[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Wait, what?

</div>

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