Proposal at My Wedding

SoInLove925 · June 2010

I heard from a friend that my fiance's good friend wants to propose to his girlfriend at our wedding. Her birthday falls on our wedding day, and he wants to make it special for her.

They have been dating (and have known each other) for less than 9 months. When she was about to graduate she told him that if she found a job somewhere else that she did not want to carry on a long distance relationship with him. I can respect this, but don't like that she gave him an ultimatum 3 months into their relationship. He can't move until he is done with school in a year. Now that she has graduated, she does not have a job and her parents want her to move out of their house and in with our friend, but they don't want her to move in with him unless they are engaged. Our friend is known to be impulsive (almost proposed to another girl a year ago). I feel like he wants to propose because most of his friends are married.

It is not my life and I shouldn't worry about the length of time they have known each other or the fact that she drives me crazy (and I am a very patient, level-headed person). If he loves her and he knows that she is the one he wants to marry, then more time probably won't change that. However, I do not want him to propose to her at my wedding...a wedding that I will have put 16 months into planning and paying for so that it is my special day with my future husband.

If/when he asks us if it is okay for him to propose, how do I tactfully tell him that I would appreciate it if he didn't propose to her on our day? I can't tell him when to propose and it is not my call to make, but I would also like to ask him to wait until after our day. Am I being selfish? And is it okay for me to be selfish on our wedding day?

6fsn · June 2010

Do you really think this will take from your day? Even if he takes the mic and doees it in front of everyone it will take 5 mins. Those that don't know him won't care. Those that do will probably shake their heads. You're puttint a lot of thought into something that MIGHT happen.

FWIW I would have thought it a compliment that someone found my wedding and reception so romantic they wanted to propose.

JennaV26 · June 2010

I can see where this would upset you, I would also be pissed if someone proposed to their gf at my wedding. I've seen others on here, however, who say they would be thrilled. To each their own I suppose.

Be thankful if he asks your permission and then just tell him that you would prefer that he not propose on your wedding day. If he doesn't ask you could always bring it up casually, if he's that good of a friend he'll be willing to be honest with you. And if he decides to go through with the proposal, shrug it off, most people will clap and "awww" and then go on with their evening like it never happened.

SoInLove925 · June 2010

I would be happy if a friend of mine who has been dating her boyfriend for 5 years were to get engaged at my wedding. My issue has more to do with this particular couple. And I know it might not happen. I guess I just needed to get it off my chest and be brought back down to earth. I appreciate the feedback.

Thanks!

TheDuckis · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_proposal-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:4ea873b3-9d60-49e5-bab9-75b3fba2d45aPost:80073ca4-dc20-41b4-9a10-9e30c21a43db">Proposal at My Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I heard from a friend that my fiance's good friend wants to propose to his girlfriend at our wedding. Her birthday falls on our wedding day, and he wants to make it special for her. They have been dating (and have known each other) for less than 9 months. When she was about to graduate she told him that if she found a job somewhere else that she did not want to carry on a long distance relationship with him. I can respect this, but don't like that she gave him an ultimatum 3 months into their relationship. He can't move until he is done with school in a year. Now that she has graduated, she does not have a job and her parents want her to move out of their house and in with our friend, but they don't want her to move in with him unless they are engaged. Our friend is known to be impulsive (almost proposed to another girl a year ago). I feel like he wants to propose because most of his friends are married.<strong> It is not my life and I shouldn't worry about the length of time they have known each other or the fact that she drives me crazy (and I am a very patient, level-headed person). If he loves her and he knows that she is the one he wants to marry, then more time probably won't change that.</strong> However, I do not want him to propose to her at my wedding...a wedding that I will have put 16 months into planning and paying for so that it is my special day with my future husband. If/when he asks us if it is okay for him to propose, how do I tactfully tell him that I would appreciate it if he didn't propose to her on our day? I can't tell him when to propose and it is not my call to make, but I would also like to ask him to wait until after our day. Am I being selfish? And is it okay for me to be selfish on our wedding day?
Posted by SoInLove925[/QUOTE]

You're right about the bolded part. None of the stuff about whether or not they should get engaged at all matters here. Honestly, I wouldn't care how long a couple had been together or how great their relationship was; someone else's wedding is not an appropriate place to propose.

If he asks, I would tell him that if that particular day is so special to them, then of course he can propose before or after your wedding, but that you don't think it would be apropriate to do so during the ceremony or reception. If he doesn't see how thunderjacky that is then he's a fool, and if he does it anyway he'll look like one.

So, worst case scenario, you'll have a great story to tell about how your ex-friend with absolutely no social graces thought it would be cool to grab the mic from the DJ and propose to his gf between the electric slide and the bouquet toss.

tldh · June 2010

1st, please use the return key to form paragraphs.

Second, a cousin proposed to his wife at his brother's wedding and it was very sweet since it was obvious everyone was in on it. The bride threw the bouquet right at the girlfriend. At the garter toss, the rest of the brothers acted as blockers to let the proposing brother catch it. While he was down on one knee putting the garter on his girlfriend's leg, he pulled out the ring and proposed.

This was a family member proposing at the wedding though. If one of my brothers did this at mine, I'd love it. If anyone else did it I would not be happy.

BreannaFred · June 2010

I would think that he wouldnt want to diminish his own proposal by having it at someone elses wedding (at least that is am argument you can use when you talk to him). Why not tell him to stay in a nice hotel for that night and propose to her after your reception?

lnasreen · June 2010

I think you have every right to be upset-- a wedding is about one couple, and one couple only. I like the idea that someone suggested about having him propose after the party, when they're alone. Perhaps a friend can suggest this, if indeed the guy is seriously considering it. Who knows, he may even be using the public event as a way to put this woman on the spot and ensure a "yes" answer. Good luck, and if it does happen, remember that your guests will remember you and your showing of grace under pressure--not that your wedding turned into an engagement announcement.

Butter Cookie · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_proposal-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:4ea873b3-9d60-49e5-bab9-75b3fba2d45aPost:80073ca4-dc20-41b4-9a10-9e30c21a43db">Proposal at My Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I heard from a friend that my fiance's good friend wants to propose to his girlfriend at our wedding. Her birthday falls on our wedding day, and he wants to make it special for her. They have been dating (and have known each other) for less than 9 months. When she was about to graduate she told him that if she found a job somewhere else that she did not want to carry on a long distance relationship with him. I can respect this, but don't like that she gave him an ultimatum 3 months into their relationship. He can't move until he is done with school in a year. Now that she has graduated, she does not have a job and her parents want her to move out of their house and in with our friend, but they don't want her to move in with him unless they are engaged. Our friend is known to be impulsive (almost proposed to another girl a year ago). I feel like he wants to propose because most of his friends are married. It is not my life and I shouldn't worry about the length of time they have known each other or the fact that she drives me crazy (and I am a very patient, level-headed person). If he loves her and he knows that she is the one he wants to marry, then more time probably won't change that. However, I do not want him to propose to her at my wedding...a wedding that I will have put 16 months into planning and paying for so that it is my special day with my future husband. If/when he asks us if it is okay for him to propose, how do I tactfully tell him that I would appreciate it if he didn't propose to her on our day? I can't tell him when to propose and it is not my call to make, but I would also like to ask him to wait until after our day. Am I being selfish? And is it okay for me to be selfish on our wedding day?
Posted by SoInLove925[/QUOTE]

You're not being selfish, but I think I'd just let them have that. Is it AWy to propose at someone else's wedding? Yes. But you won't be the person who looks like an ass for acting like an attention whore. If it happens be happy for them and congratulate them, but don't encourage him to propose at your wedding. You know, he could propose to her as soon as you guys leave. That might be nice.

awesome-sauce · June 2010

I have to be honest that I wouldn't have wanted a friend (H's or mine) to propose to his gf at our wedding. It was MY DAY after all.

How did you react to the friend that told you all of this? Whichever way you reacted, that friend will probably tell other friend it's not a good idea. Which was probably why friend told you about other friend in the first place. Because other friend wanted to know if it would be ok. What I didn't have names, that's the best I have. HTH!

ReturnOfKuus · June 2010

I know we all say that you only get one day, but for heaven's sake, you get if not that, at least the few hours during the party you paid for! How terribly inappropriate of them. I'd be pissed too, and have my FI talk with him.

PeonyPrincesskdd · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_proposal-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:4ea873b3-9d60-49e5-bab9-75b3fba2d45aPost:36d85766-8899-4482-b958-986c25072571">Re: Proposal at My Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you have every right to be upset-- a wedding is about one couple, and one couple only. I like the idea that someone suggested about having him propose after the party, when they're alone. Perhaps a friend can suggest this, if indeed the guy is seriously considering it. Who knows, he may even be using the public event as a way to put this woman on the spot and ensure a "yes" answer. Good luck, and if it does happen, remember that your guests will remember you and your showing of grace under pressure--not that your wedding turned into an engagement announcement.
Posted by lnasreen[/QUOTE]

ditto. after the reception is fine. not in front of everybody. when i got engaged, it was just me and my fiance there. not in public place in front of everyone

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