African American Weddings

I can't even enjoy my marriage :

Can I just enjoy my husband without this psycho. Ughh so I was informed that my stepson mother doesn't want me around her son alone.... She doesn't want me taking him anywhere special and going to any of his events. At first I was hurt because my husband is listening to her but now I am just like fine.... It's you guys son! Smh it's sad letting another woman control what happens in your home. So I guess it's fine with them when I take my step daughter and my daughter out and leave him! This woman didn't like me before she even knew me but hey! I'm just smh at my husband for not being man enough to say look this is my wife she would do nothing to harm out son etc. but no point in arguing over their son Vent over

Re: I can't even enjoy my marriage :

  • Girl I can only imagine but I will say that just continue to be the loving wife and since those are the requests when he's left out then they will ask why and you can tell them this is why. It will get better, just give it time. Even if you build a relationship with him while DH is with you and he's at the house eventually he'll probably tell his mom how great of a time he had. That's how I was with my stepmom and my mom eventually was cool.
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  • CreoleBride30CreoleBride30 member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited August 2012
    What's sad is that this is only hurting their child! Jealousy is a beast...because this is exactly what this is for the child's mom, IMO. You continue to pray and as PP said be a loving wife. It is hard to combine two families and a jealous child's mother unfortunatly. Sad on her part....
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  • Yea but she is the bitter crazy type. She jealous that her son wants his dad and doesn't want to stay with her. I was very upset n kind of hurt still but I am just going to mind my business . I will never understand singling a kid out but my "husband " said that is her son!
  • Wow..that's crazy!!! What happens if he needs a woman's advice for a gift for mom or a girlfriend...I don't get women that use their children as pawns. What's the big deal when it come to getting to know the step parent?..I think she's afraid he will cling to you and talk about how much he admires you and that will just burn a hole in her drawals...Anyway, don't fret it will come back to bite both of them in the butt, because they don't know what they are attempting is going to cause more harm than good...OH YEAH ...if the kid ask why I can't go with you to the mall make sure you tell him the truth but do it in a child friendly way..then he'll be bugging them with a bunch of questions & you get to sit back and watch their little agreement blow up in their faces...
  • Mrs Creole it really is hard to blend families! Omg I am going to need my Bible daily ! I can't go to any events concerning their son..... Smh and what hurt my gut is my "husband " saying I shouldn't have told her I didn't like her... So I guess I was suppose to stand there while she cursed me out ! Boy bye my dad didn't raise a week punk a woman!
  • Tc I will tell him! And the sad part is this time last year she kept his son away for no reason ! So really I can only smh and stay in my lane.... I wash my hands because she running my home like she pay bills
  • MrsSmith2Be02MrsSmith2Be02 member
    1000 Comments
    edited August 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_i-cant-even-enjoy-my-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:9e602825-3730-4320-bd8b-594cb2be50eaPost:0d1aa99c-8218-4d31-8ee0-589ccb63a30a">Re:I can't even enjoy my marriage :</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yea but she is the bitter crazy type. <strong>She jealous that her son wants his dad and doesn't want to stay with her.</strong> I was very upset n kind of hurt still but I am just going to mind my business . <strong>I will never understand singling a kid out but my "husband " said that is her son!</strong>
    Posted by kthowell[/QUOTE]

    That's because kids can feel spirits. H3ll I wouldn't want to stay with her if she is bitter and mean. WHo would???

    Thats the mature woman in you.  I remember when my son's father and I would have our issues, his other daughters' mom lived in the same state and I took our son, their daughter, and her son from another relationship to the pool. Just me....What was I thinking with a 3 yr old a 2 yr old and a 7 yr old? Crazy!
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  • Ok.. maybe I missed something. does the step daughter have the same mom? or someone else?
    If the same, I dont understand why it's just the son she is concerned about.  I don't understand why your hubby isn't controlling his house.. and that is his son also.
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  • No the daughter has a different mature mother..... She is truly mad she isn't his wife now she being all extra... I swear in my mind I am saying fck them both
  • Security!!!!!! I'm sorry, but I kinda dealt with this situation with my daughters father and my FI. My ex is VERY bitter and doesn't want my daughter talking to my FI on the phone when she is with her dad, crazy, I know. It makes no sense because my daughter and my FI have built a relationship. He takes care of her, helps with homework, etc and ex doesn't understand. My daughter calls my FI ANYWAY because she runs over her daddy! LOL Time heals all wounds hunny, my situation is getting better though, your will as well. Just keep the faith!
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  • i'm going to go ahead and agree. Just sit back and relax for a minute. In time, everyone is going to have to get used to the fact that you're not going anywhere and you ARE and always will be your husbands wife and a mother figure to your step son.
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  • Thanks ladies ! Right now I am going to sit back enjoy life and worry about my own child !
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_i-cant-even-enjoy-my-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:9e602825-3730-4320-bd8b-594cb2be50eaPost:b23d818a-9608-4316-aa99-da245e238968">Re:I can't even enjoy my marriage :</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks ladies ! Right now I am going to sit back enjoy life and worry about my own child !
    Posted by kthowell[/QUOTE]

    Good!  Just remember that woman would loooove to be the reason that you and your H had a household where tension was always around.  Don't give her the satisfaction by feeding into it and letting her knock you off your square.  She ain't worth it.  It's not your fault that your H chose to make you his wife and not her.  Her issue is with him.  She's just trying to take out her bitterness, disappointment, anger, and frustration on you.  But that's when you smile and rise above even more.  She can't get to you unless you let her.     
  • You are right ! I am going to pray on it and leave it in Gods hands! It's just disappointing that my "husband" really doesnt have my back! : like letting someone control my home that doesn't pay any bills here is a turnoff! In the fact like she acting like this is only his home when in all reality it's our home! She just think I am some young girl that will accept her bs!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_i-cant-even-enjoy-my-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:9e602825-3730-4320-bd8b-594cb2be50eaPost:f15773ab-7181-475f-bd43-5edaaf0c9bf5">Re: I can't even enjoy my marriage :</a>:
    [QUOTE]Security!!!!!! I'm sorry, but I kinda dealt with this situation with my daughters father and my FI. My ex is VERY bitter and doesn't want my daughter talking to my FI on the phone when she is with her dad, crazy, I know. It makes no sense because my daughter and my FI have built a relationship. He takes care of her, helps with homework, etc and ex doesn't understand. <strong>My daughter calls my FI ANYWAY because she runs over her daddy! LOL</strong> Time heals all wounds hunny, my situation is getting better though, your will as well. Just keep the faith!
    Posted by MissusD1116[/QUOTE]

    HMMM.... I wonder where she got that from???? lol<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_i-cant-even-enjoy-my-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:9e602825-3730-4320-bd8b-594cb2be50eaPost:2df00c64-f114-4af6-97c2-228bc7a1ef6c">Re:I can't even enjoy my marriage :</a>:
    [QUOTE]You are right ! I am going to pray on it and leave it in Gods hands! It's just disappointing that my "husband" really doesnt have my back! : like letting someone control my home that doesn't pay any bills here is a turnoff! In the fact like she acting like this is only his home when in all reality it's our home! She just think I am some young girl that will accept her bs!
    Posted by kthowell[/QUOTE]

    I know it's hard cause she's using the only card she can play to have a little bit of control when her son is in your house.  And you might have to swallow that sour taste when it involves your stepson up to a point.  But beyond a few things you still have the control.  She knows it and she hates it.  Like she can't tell you what to cook and feed her son in your kitchen or how you set up your home.  Plus he is YOUR husband.  So all the rights as his wife are yours and she can't control that.  Where your husband is concerned, do you all have a trusted spiritual counselor that you can talk to and that your H trusts who might be able to help you two come to a meeting of the minds in private?  Blending families can be touch.  And you don't want it to fester and boil over one day.  And that's none of his ex's business either so you don't want it getting back to her.
  • I have been in your shoes before...except I am not married. My FI's daughter's mom literally kept her from us for months after the firs time she spent the night with me. We had different issues that kept coming up like one time she said I damaged her hair because I flat ironed it. She started a big ole argument with FI about me doing Kenn's hair...So when FI called me with this crap I told him off and let him know that when we get married it would NOT be none of this. I told him that prior to Kenn coming with us she MUST have her hair done in a manner to where I don't even have to control her edges. If her hair is messed up I can't do anything but attempt to pin it up where its messed up. Then I shut the hell up about the situation and allowed him to handle it because he is the MIDDLE man between his current and his past. I think you should talk to FI and let him know how this makes you feel. Then after you talk to him leave it alone and let him handle it. Even if you aren't the quiet type just take a back seat on this one and quit arguing with that woman. You don't have children, vows, finances nothing with her so you have no reason to be in discussion of anything with her. Dont say fck your husband...you married him for a reason. Don't allow her to have anymore control over your marriage or your household. 

    HTH
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_i-cant-even-enjoy-my-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:9e602825-3730-4320-bd8b-594cb2be50eaPost:022884e7-d3e6-4a20-af95-a595cdd26228">Re: I can't even enjoy my marriage :</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have been in your shoes before...except I am not married. My FI's daughter's mom literally kept her from us for months after the firs time she spent the night with me. We had different issues that kept coming up like one time she said I damaged her hair because I flat ironed it. She started a big ole argument with FI about me doing Kenn's hair...So when FI called me with this crap I told him off and let him know that when we get married it would NOT be none of this. I told him that prior to Kenn coming with us she MUST have her hair done in a manner to where I don't even have to control her edges. If her hair is messed up I can't do anything but attempt to pin it up where its messed up. Then I shut the hell up about the situation and allowed him to handle it because he is the MIDDLE man between his current and his past. I think you should talk to FI and let him know how this makes you feel. Then after you talk to him leave it alone and let him handle it. Even if you aren't the quiet type just take a back seat on this one and quit arguing with that woman. You don't have children, vows, finances nothing with her so you have no reason to be in discussion of anything with her. Dont say fck your husband...you married him for a reason. Don't allow her to have anymore control over your marriage or your household.  HTH
    Posted by CaseynMike[/QUOTE]

    Yup.  This idea is good too.
  • Thanks ladies! It's just a mess burning will take a seat and just leave it alone!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_i-cant-even-enjoy-my-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:9e602825-3730-4320-bd8b-594cb2be50eaPost:022884e7-d3e6-4a20-af95-a595cdd26228">Re: I can't even enjoy my marriage :</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have been in your shoes before...except I am not married. My FI's daughter's mom literally kept her from us for months after the firs time she spent the night with me. We had different issues that kept coming up like one time she said I damaged her hair because I flat ironed it. She started a big ole argument with FI about me doing Kenn's hair...So when FI called me with this crap I told him off and let him know that when we get married it would NOT be none of this. I told him that prior to Kenn coming with us she MUST have her hair done in a manner to where I don't even have to control her edges. If her hair is messed up I can't do anything but attempt to pin it up where its messed up. Then I shut the hell up about the situation and allowed him to handle it because he is the MIDDLE man between his current and his past. I think you should talk to FI and let him know how this makes you feel. Then after you talk to him leave it alone and let him handle it. Even if you aren't the quiet type just take a back seat on this one and quit arguing with that woman. You don't have children, vows, finances nothing with her so you have no reason to be in discussion of anything with her. Dont say fck your husband...you married him for a reason. Don't allow her to have anymore control over your marriage or your household.  HTH
    Posted by CaseynMike[/QUOTE]

    All of the above! Don't allow her the satisfaction in knowing (getting a feeling) that there is tension over the matter. Talk to your husband, let him know how you feel and  let God take the wheel.
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  • He already mentioned it to her smh
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_i-cant-even-enjoy-my-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:9e602825-3730-4320-bd8b-594cb2be50eaPost:1c9eb05c-86fe-4da9-b930-f8b52897aba3">Re:I can't even enjoy my marriage :</a>:
    [QUOTE]He already mentioned it to her smh
    Posted by kthowell[/QUOTE]

    Ok see if he is talking to his ex about private conversations, disagreements, etc. between you and him then that is a huge no-no.  Have you told him how important it is to you that what happens in your house stays in your house (as much as possible cause your stepson can take stuff back to his mom too)?  If your H is refusing to respect you enough to not discuss issues between you and him with his ex then I believe you DEFINITELY need to see if a spiritual counselor or someone who he would listen to and respect can help you with this.  As long as she feels she can manipulate your H and get the inside scoop she can use that to create other stuff using their son.  But obviously you can't tape your H's mouth shut or try to control him.  It has to be a decision he makes to stop telling your business.  But maybe if you talked to him and asked him how he would feel if you talked to one of your ex's about what happens between you two then how would he feel?  If it just results in a lot of arguing then you might need a little outside help.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_i-cant-even-enjoy-my-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:9e602825-3730-4320-bd8b-594cb2be50eaPost:62a2670c-469a-4e96-8983-e52d2bf1f584">Re:I can't even enjoy my marriage :</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:I can't even enjoy my marriage : : Ok see if he is talking to his ex about private conversations, disagreements, etc. between you and him then that is a huge no-no.  Have you told him how important it is to you that what happens in your house stays in your house (as much as possible cause your stepson can take stuff back to his mom too)?  If your H is refusing to respect you enough to not discuss issues between you and him with his ex then I believe you DEFINITELY need to see if a spiritual counselor or someone who he would listen to and respect can help you with this.  As long as she feels she can manipulate your H and get the inside scoop she can use that to create other stuff using their son.  But obviously you can't tape your H's mouth shut or try to control him.  It has to be a decision he makes to stop telling your business.  But maybe if you talked to him and asked him how he would feel if you talked to one of your ex's about what happens between you two then how would he feel?  If it just results in a lot of arguing then you might need a little outside help.
    Posted by zantster[/QUOTE]


    Yes because he said that he wanted to tell her things had to change. I told him dont even tell her anything else about it............
  • It may be a conversation that you may want to be right there for. As a UNITED FRONT.. As ONE.
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