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Invite Wording Crisis..Please help!

softqt24softqt24
First Comment
in Wedding Invitations & Paper

I'm sure this "question" has been posted a million times but I really need some words of wisdom from someone not invested in my wedding.

My entire life my mother has been the self proclaimed "Queen of Wedding Etiquette".  She has always said that she wants the wording on the invitation to be VERY traditional...as in she and my dad are paying for the wedding therefore their names, and not my fiance's parent's names, go on the invite.  We just wrote up the invites and showed them to my fiance and his family and the are understandable upset.  I am not stuck in this rock and a hard place trying to make everyone happy with no happy solution available.  If I put my fiance's parents names on the invite then my mother will be unhappy and if I don't then my fiance will be unhappy. Currently I am getting yelled at from both.

Wording without: Mrs. and Mrs. ______ request the honour of your presence at the Nuptial Mass of their daughter __________ and ___________ ...

Wording with: Mr. and Mrs. ______ request the honour of your presence at the Nuptial Mass of their daughter _____ and ___________ son of Mr. and Mrs. ___________...

Someone please give me some advice on how to handle this.

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Re: Invite Wording Crisis..Please help!

  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I assume your parents are paying for the wedding?

    I had a similar 'problem' but I just explained to my parents that I like the idea of "son of" on the invite and it in no way implies that she was paying for the wedding.

    It also helped that DH has a different name than his mom, so I said some of her friends might forget his name is different and they will know who he is by seeing her name.

    They got over it.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • softqt24softqt24
    First Comment
    Thanks so much ladies for your advice.  I will be adding the "son of..." lines tomorrow.  I haven't broken it to my parents yet (really my mother, I overheard my dad giving me a bit of support today). 

    CMGr~My FI are upset because they're names are not mentioned anywhere on the invite.  They are not paying and for some reason assumed they're names would be there.  It would have been a problem if my finace hadn't flipped when he put 2 and 2 together (yes he had read it a few times and was aware but for some reason it was not connceting for him).  If he didn't care then I wouldn't care and nothing would change.  Since he cares and wants his parents names after his I am stuck fighting my parents.

    Who know how they will react tomorrow...my mom wouldn't even speak to him tonight...and she doesn't know that I am going to change the wording yet...wish me luck...
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  • softqt24softqt24
    First Comment
    Once more I just wanted to thank you ladies for helping me out.  I told my mom this morning; she's not speaking to me right now.  It wouldn't be a wedding without a bit of drama.  Thanks again.
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  • TheSlowskysTheSlowskys member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_invite-wording-crisisplease-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:d4dd1819-f498-4bcc-a4e3-631af65b040fPost:059d221c-c17b-4bed-a147-d784e6eeaa94">Re: Invite Wording Crisis..Please help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is just not worth fighting about.  Accept the fact that you are marring into a family that doesn't know proper etiquette.  Good luck to you.  Your mother will get over it.  You could always threaten to change to some new age wording that doesn't mention either one of them!
    Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

    Ditto.

    But, I don't know why the bride showed it to FMIL.  I plan to pick the invites w/ my fiance and I'm sure he will give a once over of the wording but I don't think he'd ever know one way or the other whether the names of his parents should or shouldnt be there.  It sounds like he is just taking his mom's side which is a bigger issue.
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  • softqt24softqt24
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_invite-wording-crisisplease-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:d4dd1819-f498-4bcc-a4e3-631af65b040fPost:059d221c-c17b-4bed-a147-d784e6eeaa94">Re: Invite Wording Crisis..Please help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is just not worth fighting about.  Accept the fact that you are marring into a family that doesn't know proper etiquette.  Good luck to you.  Your mother will get over it.  You could always threaten to change to some new age wording that doesn't mention either one of them!
    Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

    I compeltely agree with you that it is just not worth all of this.  My mother has slowly gotten over it.  Everyone is on the same page now.  As for the etiquette, I've known that from day one...lol. Thanks for your support.
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  • softqt24softqt24
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_invite-wording-crisisplease-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:d4dd1819-f498-4bcc-a4e3-631af65b040fPost:f2462cb9-3534-4ffb-a012-ecff6304dc0b">Re: Invite Wording Crisis..Please help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite Wording Crisis..Please help! : Ditto. But, I don't know why the bride showed it to FMIL.  I plan to pick the invites w/ my fiance and I'm sure he will give a once over of the wording but I don't think he'd ever know one way or the other whether the names of his parents should or shouldnt be there.  It sounds like he is just taking his mom's side which is a bigger issue.
    Posted by TheSlowskys[/QUOTE]

    I didn't intentionally show it to his parents.  I was discussing the proof with him and his mother interjected herself into the conversation from another room.  I knew there would be an issue when she took out her invite for me to see.  :insert eye roll here:  My finace didn't really really know the difference either but once someone said that his parents names weren't on it he had a bigger issue than his parents.  I did't really care how it read, it will end up in most garbage cans anyway.
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