Adult's only?

angiems2008 · June 2010

I'm getting married in April of next year and I am trying to put together a guest list. My parents are paying for an elegant reception at a gorgeous ballroom and because of that (and financial reasons!) I would prefer no children at the reception. However, my fiance's mother is hurt that we would not be inviting my fiance's niece's (all between 12 and 2 years old). My fiance is ok with inviting them or not, he doesn't really care. How can I navigate this situation diplomatically. I want her to understand and not hate me.

zitiqueen · June 2010

You don't navigate it diplomatically, your FI does. It's his mother.

Leslie&Ralph · June 2010

I disagree with Ziti. It's your wedding too and more importantly your parents are paying for it, so it seems like you should have a say.

AdeleDazeem · June 2010

plurals don't get apostrophes... so: nieces. adults.

And, if you, your fiance, and the money is okay with no kids, then your fiance will have to tell his mother that while you respect her opinion, the no kids policy is the way the wedding will go.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · June 2010

Unfortunately, by excluding children you won't just piss off your mother in law. Everyone with kids will probably be a little miffed.

But that doesn't mean people can't go to your wedding and have a great time. In fact, without their children to distract them, they will probably be able to appreciate the wedding and reception much more.

Lots of people do weddings with no kids. It may not make the couples who do it very popular with parents of screaming brats - but really, that's not your problem. This is what you want, so, do it.

You and your fiance should talk to your mother in law about this together, and stand your ground.

aerinpegadrak · June 2010

My mom pitched a fit that I wasn't planning on inviting my brother's stepdaughters to the wedding. Turns out, he never had any intention of bringing them. She was just trying to prevent me from doing something that would cause resentment and hard feelings for years down the line, but it wasn't even an issue.

I would have your FI talk to his siblings directly about the issue and see how they feel about it. If they're all fine with getting sitters for the night, you can ever so politely tell FMIL to stuff it.

zitiqueen · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_adults-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9c0c6820-11f6-4eeb-b757-70c69a58e35cPost:4c4a7361-b77f-4b64-ac9f-5226ec23f834">Re: Adult's only?</a>:
[QUOTE]I disagree with Ziti. It's your wedding too and more importantly your parents are paying for it, so it seems like you should have a say.
Posted by Leslie&Ralph[/QUOTE]

She does have a say -- she doesn't want kids there and her FI is okay with that. <em>His mother</em> isn't okay with that. If everybody except <em>his mother</em> is on the same page regarding kids, he needs to inform mommy of how things are going to be, not his bride.

quotequeen · June 2010

Unfortunately, by excluding children you won't just piss off your mother in law. Everyone with kids will probably be a little miffed.

Even people without kids might be upset. I had lunch with a friend the other day and she and her husband were talking about how horrible it was that another couple had excluded kids from their wedding. These friends don't have kids and as far as I know have no plans to any time soon.

qtxvixen · June 2010

Last July, my fiance's best friend had gotten married and yes, there were kids there..I don't have a problem with children, it's just when they start going balls out crying that it gets to me..It really depends on certain people whether you want children at your wedding or not..so anyways, during the ceremony, the groom's nephew was crying hysterically...i mean yelling and crying really really loudly...and it was during the part they were exchanging vows..the bride was making small looks at the kid's parents, as well as the groom literally turning around and doing one of those "can you do something about the noise sis" looks..i'm sure that when they were exchanging vows, it was all captured on video...and it's sad that it wasn't the way the bride and groom imagined their ceremony to be, especially during the exchanging of vows, because a kid is crying his head off..

now..if you're like my sister where she just wants all adults and no children, then keep it that way..there's no problem with making a wedding all adults only..children can ruin the experience if they start crying hysterically like the groom's nephew had done...i mean if that happens to you, God forbid, it can really put a damper on your ceremony...but if you find yourself having no choice in the matter later on, just make sure that your fiance says something to his mom, saying that if kids start crying hysterically, than you have to bring them outside of the room or something..make sure you bring tons of candy for them..lol..

there's really no easy way to say to your future mother-in-law.."hey, can you not bring the kids along?"..lol..it's a tough situation either way..you're just gonna have to make the right decision for you..

Nicole386 · June 2010

I'm not even inviting my OWN kid to my wedding.

Seriously...she's in the wedding party as a flower girl...but she's 2....she is going to be toast by 6 pm anyway, so we're going to have a sitter come and pick her up at the reception before dinner is served and take her for the night.

Maybe that makes me a bad mommy....and a bad bride....but really....we are all going to enjoy the day much better if no one is having to chase an overtired toddler around. I figure that the same goes for all of the other parents of toddlers/small children.

So I really don't feel bad about not inviting our guests' kids to the wedding either.

qtxvixen · June 2010

agreed..and No..that doesn't make you a bad mother..it's understandable that the kids get bored easily..that's a great idea to have a babysitter during the ceremony/reception..will def. take a load off on the parents..great idea..

AllAboutTheBenjamin · June 2010

It's definitely a tough issue - you can't really blame a couple for not wanting a kid to scream through their ceremony but it's really tough and uncomfortable to ask people to not bring their children.

I would LOVE to say "no kids" at my wedding, but I seriously lack the balls you have to go through with it.

I would certainly hope that if a child starts acting up during our vows or something that the parents would have enough sense to please take the child out of the sanctuary and into the foyer. I mean I know they may want to stay and watch the wedding but jeez - have a little respect if your child is having a freak out and take him out! I think it's SO rude to stay when your child is acting up - it's disrespectful to the bride, groom, their families and everyone else who is trying to enjoy the ceremony. Sheesh!

qtxvixen · June 2010

o yeah..it does take big balls..lol

Brittany&Chris · June 2010

I am getting married in 7 days. My FI and I made the decision to have a kids free reception. People are still pitching a fit even this close to the wedding. Sadly, you and your FI just need to sit down and decide what you want to do together and stick to that decision all the while being aware that there will always be someone that doesn't like it. in the end it is about you two. GL!

qtxvixen · June 2010

wow awesome wedding countdown ticker brittany.. =]

Cat24 · June 2010

As my wedding will be a decent journey for most of our guests(at my homechurch so only my immediate family is within a couple of hours) I will be inviting kids to everything but I will be providing a babysitter in town as well for the afterdinner hour. I don't think anyone will have kids younger than 3-4 at that time, but I figure this just means that parents don't need to worry about their kids, if they're tired, off to the B&B they go and the sitter is provided and will have the hall number if they need anything. In my mind it's kind of the best of both worlds for me. I wouldn't leave a small kid at home to travel for a wedding, so I won't expect my guests to. However that's my choice, if I thought it was reasonable to hold an 18+ event I would and I would expect to have my wishes int hat regard respected, there's usually a good reason for it!

kelmal · June 2010

I am getting married next September and the only child that will be there is my nephew, who is in the wedding party.

It's not uncommong to have a childless guest list or to instate a "nobody under the age of..." rule when sending out invites. This is, in fact, one of the suggestions made in my bridal ettiquette book when faced with having to be more selective about your guest list for financial reasons.

Unfortunately you cannot please evrybody...so please yourselves as a couple. It's your big day...his mother had the chance to have HER wedding done the way she wanted to, now it's YOUR turn to do the same. I'm close to my future mother-in-law and would be comfortable telling her is simple terms that while I love and respect her it's my wedding and I hope she can respect my wishes...but if you're not close or uncomfortable with that, have your fiance chat with him mum.

Midgetth · June 2010

We are having a kids free wedding. Surprisngly only one parent has an issue with it. All the other parents had no intention to bring their children. Like they said to me "You can't have good time with kids around" The one mother that is giving me a problem is a real b+tch. She's used to getting her way for everything and thinks shensits on a throun. And like my FI said she just wants to show off her kids cause she thinks they're the best kids in the world (They're really not. They're nothing but trouble makers. At thanksgiving the boy just held out his arms and walked between two tabgles & swipped everything off) We decided on kids because of our budget our guest list would triple & we're getting marrie in an elegant place with 6 doors therer will be candles sll over the place so it's not an appropriate place for children. It's not child friendly

JenniferC2010 · June 2010

I told my sister of our desire to have a kid-free wedding day and she blew a gasket. She said that if they aren't invited that she will crash the wedding with them and we'll have to throw her out. Hopefully, since I have a year, she'll calm down and respect my wishes. Hell I've even offered babysitting for the night and she isn't listening.

MyNameIsNot · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_adults-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9c0c6820-11f6-4eeb-b757-70c69a58e35cPost:4c4a7361-b77f-4b64-ac9f-5226ec23f834">Re: Adult's only?</a>:
[QUOTE]I disagree with Ziti. It's your wedding too and more importantly your parents are paying for it, so it seems like you should have a say.
Posted by Leslie&Ralph[/QUOTE]

<div>It's not about who has a say. OP, her FI, and the money have agreed to do this.</div><div>
</div><div>But if it's the FI's mother complaining, it's up to the FI to handle her, not the OP. He's the one who needs to go to her and say "look, bride and I have decided to do it this way, and the conversation is closed." </div>

kelmal · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_adults-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9c0c6820-11f6-4eeb-b757-70c69a58e35cPost:2a5529fc-8488-4bb6-a268-a50438928247">Re: Adult's only?</a>:
[QUOTE]I told my sister of our desire to have a kid-free wedding day and she blew a gasket. She said that if they aren't invited that she will crash the wedding with them and we'll have to throw her out. Hopefully, since I have a year, she'll calm down and respect my wishes. Hell I've even offered babysitting for the night and she isn't listening.
Posted by JenniferC2010[/QUOTE]

Oh honey, I hope your sis doesn't cause a scene on your big day!

christineh2011 · June 2010

I think that a adult reception is a good idea but I feel that if you have a few nieces and nephews that they should be the exception.

I think no family should be excluded but friends children should be left with the sitter.

that way family is happy and friends will understand.

Mrs.Polynice · June 2010

I was thinking of doing this too but parents want their kids and I want to dance for a bit

with my goddaughters . I suggest inviting the kids and at a certain point during your reception have them taken to a room with food, movies, toys and activities. Maybe even ask some of the older teens to watch them for a fee of like $20 they'll love it.
Hope this helps

jwang517 · June 2010

have ur FI talk to his mom, explaining the situation, and that plus, your parents are paying for the wedding, of course you get more to say!

we're having kids, 7 year old (ring bearer), 3 year old girl, and a baby who will be 8 or 9 months old at our wedding. i wasn't sure about having kids at our wedding at first, but FI said those kids would behave, and if the baby cries, someone will take him out... that's his "assumption." i'm not sure if it will really happen, but all i do to tell myself is that, there are only 3 kids at a 80 people wedding, how bad could it be? if it gets really bad, and the parents or their grandparents don't do anything, and embarass themselves, that's not really my problem. however, another family friend's 10 year dauguther was invited, but the parents have no intention of taking her.

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