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I wish...

tlbattagliatlbattaglia member
First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
in Nevada-Las Vegas
that people would stop inviting themselves to the Vegas part of my wedding.  One thing is that we wanted it to be CLOSE friends and CLOSE family.  And the other thing is that we can't really count on these people coming or not.  So it's hard to count them when making food decisions and such.

End of rant.
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Re: I wish...

  • kara811kara811 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sorry you're going through this! I somewhat know the feeling as well. You just need to put your foot down, and don't sent them any invites even if they are expecting it. If they ask, tell them that you cannot accommodate them, because you are having a small wedding. That it is only for your close family and friends. Feel Better!!!! :) 
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  • tlbattagliatlbattaglia member
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    edited December 2011
    Good advice.  I was wondering about sending them invites or not.  Hopefully if they don't get an invite they would get the hint...though I doubt it seeing as they invited themselves in the first place.
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  • kara811kara811 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This is just all wrong on their part then if they still think they are invited without the invite. They've got no manners if the situation would come to that. Most people will take the hint if there isn't any invite. If not, and you hear they are coming for sure I would give them a call and tell them those things again. I wouldn't want party crashers! ;) 
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  • aegrishaegrish member
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    edited December 2011

    DIDDO  TLB!!!
    I have had several couples INVITE themselves to our wedding.  One couple Literally emailed me their address for the invite, and I was not planning on inviting them at all sine we haven't seen each other in years!!

     We wanted 20-25 guests and currently with 'informal' RSVP's we're pushing 40 with a conservative count....I am hoping that some of our self-invited guests will wait too long to book their trip and prices will be too high lol. Is that bad???

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  • MizLynnMizLynn member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Just "forget" to give them the actual details of the wedding / reception. It will be hard to crash a party when you don't know what hotel, or at what time it will be.  >: - )

    When my friend got married, she would get this all the time. One day she and I were on the phone as she was having lunch and one of her (uninvited) co-workers said that she was disappointed that she wasn't invited. My friend ever-so sweetly said "Oh, you can come...but you just can't eat, that's only for guests."  LOL! 


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  • wallacjewallacje member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I know the feeling that you are going through. However you are in a better place than i am.  I went ahead and sent out STD"s to some of them and now i realize how big of a mistake that was to do.  SOOOOOOOO wish i could take it back and uninvite like 45 people, probably more actually, I think about it everytime I look at my guest list and work on my invitations.  Don't end up in my situation, keep a firm foot on those that think they can just come and tell them no.
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  • tlbattagliatlbattaglia member
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks, ladies.  You've given me confidence to stand my ground.
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  • j_jayej_jaye
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
     We are having the opposite reaction to everyone. We have had a lot of peole ask to come to the wedding and we have included them in the invite list. A lot have been parents of very long time friends or cousins who were not included in the invite list (I have an extremely large family my dad alone has 12 brothers and sisters so cousins are normally not invited to weddings as that would push the invite list up by 112 people!)

    We have had the opposite feelings....we are touched that someone wants to be there on our wedding day! especially given the cost to them.

    But our situation may be different as we are coming from overseas so people actually wanting to fly over 15 hrs to come to our wedding is a big thing.

    Also most of them have said they will pay for their plate (without even being asked and not that we would!) So I thik they understand that adding more quests in a costly thing!

    But if I was having awedding at home I would be super pissed and definately use the small intimate wedding thing!
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  • MVJP10MVJP10
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_wish-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:91Discussion:0771d02c-8467-49b9-9da4-37d87e08fc3fPost:3dab42af-c896-43a0-b424-fb3d32b19bf8">Re: I wish...</a>:
    [QUOTE]DIDDO  TLB!!! I have had several couples INVITE themselves to our wedding.  One couple Literally emailed me their address for the invite, and I was not planning on inviting them at all sine we haven't seen each other in years!!  We wanted 20-25 guests and currently with 'informal' RSVP's we're pushing 40 with a conservative count....I am hoping that some of our self-invited guests will wait too long to book their trip and prices will be too high lol. Is that bad???
    Posted by aegrish[/QUOTE]

    That's when you email back and say the guest list has already been compiled and how you'd love to have everyone but cannot due to space constraints. I got some good advice here when I was planning - "You control the guest list, don't let it control you."
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  • wallacjewallacje member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    MVJP10 - I completely agree with not letting others control the guest list, wish I had asked before I sent out the STD's.  Oh well even with my counting out those that got invites just because I think the turnout will be lower simply because people can be all talk, well at least I'm hoping. If not we will definitely have a blast. 

    This is really good advice, I love it on here, everyone keeps it real!!!  Thanks ladies!!!
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  • aegrishaegrish member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I understand about not letting others control it but sometimes it's just better to let things go and invite people that we weren't planning on inviting. Most likely they are all talk like Wallacje said an probably wont' come, and if they do oh well.  We planned for venues that can hold way more than our anticipated guest count so we won't have any capacity issues.
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  • kara811kara811 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yes it's true that some people may only be saying this things for "talk", but this is still uncertain. It's like how some brides/couples expect for 20% of their guestlist not to come, when that is not always the case. IMO, the best thing to do is still to not send them out invites. These people should take the hint that they weren't invited, hence the no invite. Think about it this way, if this wasn't a wedding, and just a regular dinner out with friends that cost $115(in my case anyway), would you pay that much to take these people out to dinner? Tlb, invite those you truly want at your wedding and who will fit your budget, if not then don't send out those invites! :) 
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  • tlbattagliatlbattaglia member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Love the advice.  I'm def not going to send them invites.  Hopefully they will get the hint.  I also really like the "space constraint" reasoning. 
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  • vegasgroomvegasgroom mod
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I've only had two people do this so far, but we're still 7 months away so there's still time for them to come out of the woodwork lol.  One basically put me on the spot and said are you inviting me to your wedding about a month ago; I told him we hadn't finalized the size of the venue or the budget yet and had not done invites.  The second knew that save the dates went out and says hey my save the date didn't arrive, here's my address so I won't miss the invitation LOL wtf?!

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  • tlbattagliatlbattaglia member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_wish-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:91Discussion:0771d02c-8467-49b9-9da4-37d87e08fc3fPost:16f887c2-ee00-4862-b176-0acdde9f69f5">Re: I wish...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've only had two people do this so far, but we're still 7 months away so there's still time for them to come out of the woodwork lol.  One basically put me on the spot and said are you inviting me to your wedding about a month ago; I told him we hadn't finalized the size of the venue or the budget yet and had not done invites.  The second knew that save the dates went out and says <strong>hey my save the date didn't arrive, here's my address so I won't miss the invitation</strong> LOL wtf?!
    Posted by vegasgroom[/QUOTE]

    That's crazy!!!  I really hope I don't have to deal with these issues much more.  We're just under 7 months away.  So like you said, there's still time for others to give me problems. 
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  • smokeybaileysmokeybailey member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_wish-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:91Discussion:0771d02c-8467-49b9-9da4-37d87e08fc3fPost:1fc71db4-b61e-444d-88b4-eaf3c8f99f8b">I wish...</a>:
    [QUOTE]that people would stop inviting themselves to the<strong> Vegas part of my wedding</strong>.  One thing is that we wanted it to be CLOSE friends and CLOSE family.  And the other thing is that we can't really count on these people coming or not. <u> So it's hard to count them when making food decisions and such.</u> End of rant.
    Posted by tlbattaglia[/QUOTE]

    Are there multiple parts to your wedding?  Were they invited to one part but not the Vegas part?  There could be a misunderstanding.

    For the second part, if you want to invite them, why don't you?  Are they so irresponsible that they would RSVP yes and then not show up?  Are they good friends of yours because I would never treat a good friend that way. Are they casual acquaintances?  Then you wouldn't be inviting them anyway (not CLOSE friends).  I am unsure as to whether your issue is with commitment from some of your guests or from guests' inviting themselves.

    Oh well...it's probably just me.
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