Bridezilla?

tealperry · June 2012

So I am wondering about some bridal protocol and etiquette. I would like to have all of my bridesmaids with French manicures and some sort of pedicure that all match for the wedding day. I am also asking that all my girls do their hair up in some way, they don't all have to be identical it can reflect their personality and own hairstyle preference. If I am paying for all of this, am I allowed to make those requests? We are all going to the salon together the day before for nails and have hair stylists coming to the venue the day of. I don't want to be bridezilla over hair and nails, but I would like the look to be cohesive in the party and pictures. I'm not asking anybody to cut their hair, dye it or anything crazy like that. Just an updo that they like on themselves.

kikirst33 · June 2012

If you are paying for all of your BM"s then you can request it. I would suggest to have the conversation ahead of time so that your BM's know and are not surprised. This will allow them to think of how they would want their hair done.

You may have some that object - I have a friend that hates having her hair up - so it's best to have a friendly conversation now.

cookie0803 · June 2012

Since you're planning to pay for these things, I certainly don't see a problem with talking to them about it. The only way that would be an issue is if any of the girls weren't interested in an updo and you decided to kick them out over it, or something nutty like that.

Maggie0829 · June 2012

I think requesting a specific manicure and pedicure is a bit much. Really, who is going to see or even pay attention to their nails?

As far as the hair goes, if you are paying for it and just telling them that it has to be an updo of some sort is ok.

I would, however, make sure that they all know about your wishes and plans before you get to the salon.

tealperry · June 2012

If it becomes an issue, I won't push it. Three of my five bridesmaids are my little sisters and the other two are my best and closest friends. I don't foresee my friends caring, and I know my sisters are excited because they love getting their nails done. I just wanted to see what people on here thought.

pkontk · June 2012

I'm glad you aren't pushing it. There are a lot of brides who forget that bridesmaids are not props for their photos, thank you for not being one of them!

jemmini6 · June 2012

You can ask if they'd like to have it done as your treat (also keep in mine that hair/nails is NOT an acceptable BM gift), but if they decline, then there's nothing you can do.

Also, I wouldn't waste my money paying for everyone to have the same nail color. I don't have many pictures where you can even see MY nails, and absolutely zero of my BMs nails. It's a really, really insignificant detail that not a single person is going to notice.

aerinpegadrak · June 2012

I didn't get my nails done for my own wedding, and I wouldn't do it for someone else's. It's an invisible detail and isn't going to have the effect you hope for. It's fine to offer to pay, but definitely don't make a big deal if they decline.

I also wouldn't push the hair thing. Not everyone looks good in an updo. Behold the proof: http://offbeatbride.com/2008/02/wedding-dreadlocks

Your bridesmaids will look cohesive because they're wearing the same color and/or style, carrying the same bouquet (or whatever), and standing next to you. Focusing on any further details is where you start to move from cohesive and coordinated to creepy clone. There's very little return for the effort.

Knittibell · June 2012

You could certainly ask, and as long as you're paying, I'm guessing they'll mostly be ok with it. I have 2 girls in my BP that hate having their nails done/feet touched, so I asked that for nails they go with either red or a natural look. In your case, I'd just send them an email telling them you'd really like for them to have a french manicure/pedicure, and their hair up in whatever style they'd like, and you will be paying. And then tell them to call you if any of them has any questions or concerns so you can discuss.

As others said, this definitely shouldn't be a part of their gift, and I think you'll be fine. There are a TON of pale, neutral colors out there, in case any of them don't have long enough nails for a french.

SB1512 · June 2012

I agree that nails and toes are a small detail that no one will notice in photos or at the wedding, but, it could be a nice relaxing experience for everyone the day before if they are up for it. I have thought about doing the same thing when my wedding comes around......not to make people look the same, but I just think it would be nice to offer my BM's lunch and an afternoon of pampering the day before the wedding. I don't plan on making it a requirement, but more of, hey i'm getting my nails/toes done if anyone would like to join, it's on me.

mbcdefg · June 2012

If you're paying then you can mention it, but you can't force them if they say no. Offer it and see what they say. Frankly, though, it's absolutely nuts to think that these things will be noticed in your photos or by your guests. No one in the history of mankind has ever looked at a wedding party or wedding photos and said, "Oh, thank God that their nails/hair all match each other!!!" I would say ok to this if I were your bridesmaid, but honestly I'd find it pretty weird and micromanaging. My two BMs asked me how I wanted their hair done and I said it was their call. "You sure? I'll do whatever you want." "Your call." "Thank goodness. I wouldn't have complained if you'd asked me to get an updo, but I really don't like them because they make my head look huge." They both said the same thing.

Knittibell · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridezilla-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ba25e351-69df-41e8-a900-a51e0b2a3a1fPost:eee67542-f1d4-49c2-96b7-d6e877d419c3">Re: Bridezilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridezilla? : But she's not letting them do whatever they want. She is specifically requesting updos.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Yes, as I said, an updo in whatever style they want. She's not requesting an identical french twist, for example- she wants their hair up, but they could have it curled, braided, in a chignon, etc- there are a million ways to put hair up, and this gives them an opportunity to reflect their own personality and taste.

mbcdefg · June 2012

In Response to Re:Bridezilla?:In Response to Re: Bridezilla?:In Response to Re: Bridezilla? : But she's not letting them do whatever they want.nbsp; She is specifically requesting updos.Posted by StageManager14Yes, as I said, an updo in whatever style they want. She's not requesting an identical french twist, for example she wants their hair up, but they could have it curled, braided, in a chignon, etc there are a million ways to put hair up, and this gives them an opportunity to reflect their own personality and taste. Posted by Knittibell But what if they don't want an updo? Like I said above, if i had asked them to do it my two BMs would've gotten updos and not complained about it, but as they told me later they would've secretly been unhappy about it. Saying, "Get any kind of updo" isn't letting them do whatever they want or doing them a favor by letting them choose the particular updo. It's still micromanaging them. I dont think it's out of line for this girl to say, "I want you in an updo so I'll pay for it." And she said she wont force them if they say no, so whatever. It's just so incredibly unnecessary, and it risks cheesing off a friend over something as stupid as a hairstyle that nobody's going to notice anyway.

aerinpegadrak · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridezilla-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ba25e351-69df-41e8-a900-a51e0b2a3a1fPost:ece1ac2e-0b36-4549-b46d-537f9e66cd7e">Re: Bridezilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree that nails and toes are a small detail that no one will notice in photos or at the wedding, but, it could be a nice relaxing experience for everyone the day before if they are up for it. I have thought about doing the same thing when my wedding comes around......not to make people look the same, but I just think it would be nice to offer my BM's lunch and an afternoon of pampering the day before the wedding. I don't plan on making it a requirement, but more of, hey i'm getting my nails/toes done if anyone would like to join, it's on me.
Posted by SB1512[/QUOTE]
But not everyone considers it relaxing. Some of us consider having our nails worked on to be a moderate form of torture.

Summer2011Bride · June 2012

What if someone has short hair? You couldn't put my hair in an updo if you wanted to.

While it's fine to suggest ideas and I'm glad you said you aren't pushing anyone, I would still reconsider asking them to get the same nail polish colors. Just because I was curious after reading this thread, I walked over to the huge (30 x 40) framed pic we have hanging of our wedding party. I mean this pic is large, not your average 4x6 photo. All my girls wore open toed shoes (I didn't request it, they just did) and I swear to you I cannot for the life of me tell what any of their toes were colored that day. I just can't see it. Ditto goes for the nails, and I'm actually trying really hard to see them.

My point being that if through doing all this I can't tell, your guests who won't even be looking for matching toes certainly won't be able to tell. I would let that go.

springfling2012 · June 2012

I think it is great to offer to treat your sisters/friends to hair and nails! I personally cannot think of one friend who would not find it enjoyable. I find it funny that even though you said you "wont push it" if they decline, you are still being thought of as a bridezilla by some. If I were a bridesmaid I would see it as if the bride wants it a certain way, and she's paying then no problem! Of course you wont have guests that see or care, but if your girls are cool with it then go for it. I always think its odd that people get bent out of shape when brides want their wedding party to look a certain way. No they aren't props for pictures but they are your friends, and friends of mine wouldn't get pissed over a hairstyle or nail color.

Epiphany1031 · June 2012

I think it's fine to suggest a certain style since you are paying. However if someone objects, don't push it. (like everyone else here is saying).

I'm the MOH for an upcoming wedding and the bride has requested updos (with bun to the right side if it's a side bun, mind you

and natural colors for manicure and pedicure. Not only that, she is requesting eyeliner on our eyes (but no smokey eyeshadow) and we are not to wear any type of watch on our wrist (?). Ok I think I just started to vent. Sorry about that. lol
Anyway, I hate my hair in an updo.. so I asked if I could wear a fancy side pony (there was a really cute style I found online that looked awesome!) and she said, nope. Must be an UPDO. It made me feel weird.. I think it's a wee bit overboard (shouldn't my comfort matter too?) So if I feel this way, one of your BM's could feel this way too.

So yeah, if one of them objects, it would be nice of you to just let her do what she wants anyway.

ElisabethJoanne · June 2012

I agree with the consensus. Personal, relevant experiences:

1. I have a huge pimple at the nape of my neck right now. If I had to stand with my back to a crowd of people, I'd want my hair down. So, I imagine, would any bride worried about things like nails.

2. My MOH doesn't like people touching her. It's a tiny phobia of hers. She will get her nails done, as a girls' day thing, to have fun with me, but she doesn't really like it. [She's my sister. Etiquette adjusts in families.]

3. I only wear open-toed shoes if I'm comfortable going without pantyhose. I'm only comfortable going without pantyhose if it's 80 degrees out and wherever I am inside doesn't blast the air conditioning. [I'm petite and always cold.] I don't know what I'd do if I were a bridesmaid and a bride made/asked me to wear open-toed shoes. I'd probably bring up my always-cold issues to her and go from there.

SB1512 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridezilla-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ba25e351-69df-41e8-a900-a51e0b2a3a1fPost:e8a3273d-58bf-413f-94c2-2431af71119b">Re: Bridezilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridezilla? : But not everyone considers it relaxing. Some of us consider having our nails worked on to be a moderate form of torture.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

And that's why I said "if they are up for it." I agree it should be an offer and not a demand. I know that the girls I am planning to ask as my BM's get mani pedi's quite frequently, so they would be up for me treating them and would find it relaxing. I get that not everyone does though.

lb1212 · June 2012

I think it's totally ok to ask them - especially if you're footing the bill! But, if - for whatever reason - a BM says "no", don't freak out! Have an adult conversation and see what compromises can be made.

Summer2011Bride · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridezilla-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ba25e351-69df-41e8-a900-a51e0b2a3a1fPost:cfd3c001-e10e-4096-983c-cb3aed889147">Re:Bridezilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it is great to offer to treat your sisters/friends to hair and nails! I personally cannot think of one friend who would not find it enjoyable. I find it funny that even though you said you "wont push it" if they decline, you are still being thought of as a bridezilla by some. If I were a bridesmaid I would see it as if the bride wants it a certain way, and she's paying then no problem! Of course you wont have guests that see or care, but if your girls are cool with it then go for it. I always think its odd that people get bent out of shape when brides want their wedding party to look a certain way. No they aren't props for pictures but they are your friends, and friends of mine wouldn't get pissed over a hairstyle or nail color.
Posted by springfling2012[/QUOTE]

But why do we (general we) need to micromanage the color on a BM's toes that no one will see or notice? I just don't get it, honestly. You don't see it in pics (which I proved with my earlier post) and in many pics you don't see the nails either because of how they hold the bouquets. If it just makes you feel better knowing their toes match, I think that's kind of weird to be honest.

OP: Again, I think you're walking a fine line and you'll be fine if you don't cross it. I think how you handle someone NOT wanting to go along with the hair/nails thing will speak volumes. For instance, if a BM doesn't want a french mani so she declines your offer to pay and goes out and pays to get bright red put on her nails instead (or does them herself) are you going to lose it? If not, I think you will be fine, because all you'll be doing is OFFERING them an option you are paying for. However, where it does become bridezilla-ish is if someone shows up with red nails and you lose your shiiit on them. Don't do the latter and you'll be fine :)

lpowers1118 · June 2012

I think it is a wonderful gesture to offer to pay to have these things done. If all the ladies accept the nail appt it will be a lot of fun I'm sure.

babeecutee · June 2012

I think its ok to suggest mani/pedi as a time to chill before the big day. I know personally that i would force it on one of my BM because she doesn't care that kind of thing. I work as a hairstylist and am appalled at her lack of maintaining her nails. she goes a full month with chippped nails. Also my FSIL commented on how gross my BM's heels were when we went to Vegas for my stag. FSIL super sweet and just thought we were on holiday that BM should have atleast taken care of her bad heels. That being said I know I'm bridizllla but i don't want to look at that. As for hair I understand that if your BM wants their regular stylist to do it. I have done that for my own clients that have conditions that they don't want everyone to know. Every BM chosing their own style for hair is a way for their personality to come thru.

OBX2011 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridezilla-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ba25e351-69df-41e8-a900-a51e0b2a3a1fPost:cfd3c001-e10e-4096-983c-cb3aed889147">Re:Bridezilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it is great to offer to treat your sisters/friends to hair and nails! I personally cannot think of one friend who would not find it enjoyable. I find it funny that even though you said you "wont push it" if they decline, you are still being thought of as a bridezilla by some. If I were a bridesmaid I would see it as if the bride wants it a certain way, and she's paying then no problem! Of course you wont have guests that see or care, but if your girls are cool with it then go for it. I always think its odd that people get bent out of shape when brides want their wedding party to look a certain way. No they aren't props for pictures but they are your friends, and friends of mine wouldn't get pissed over a hairstyle or nail color.
Posted by springfling2012[/QUOTE]

I had to do a double take when I saw this SN pop up!! What a nice surprise to see you on here....and you are 100% correct, I wouldn't get pissed at you at all. You know I'd do just about anything for ya lovie :)

Blahhh.....blahhh rahhh!! ;)

hwoychowski · June 2012

Just how ettiquette says that if your parents are paying they get a say. I beleive if you are paying for the hair/nails, you get to say. Obviously if they have short hair, accomodations with have to be made. But withink reason if you are paying - your call. You CANNOT tell them to look a specifc way and make them pay though.

Summer2011Bride · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridezilla-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ba25e351-69df-41e8-a900-a51e0b2a3a1fPost:53d1c1f3-67c8-4216-b2f3-82fec8c24852">Re: Bridezilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]Just how ettiquette says that if your parents are paying they get a say. I beleive if you are paying for the hair/nails, you get to say. Obviously if they have short hair, accomodations with have to be made. But withink reason if you are paying - your call. You CANNOT tell them to look a specifc way and make them pay though.
Posted by hwoychowski[/QUOTE]

I agree. But I do think any BM should have the right to say, "I'd prefer to not wear an updo/have French nails/have red toes and would rather pay for my own hair and nails." If the BM is willing to pay herself (or do it herself), then I think the bride needs to be OK with backing off and letting the BM do her own thing.

Bridezilla?

Re: Bridezilla?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards