NWR: Beware the boards!

lalap69 · September 2010

Heh, so I was talking to a classmate today. She got married last year and was offering me tips for planning the wedding. Then she asked if I was on TK. I told her I was. "Stay off the boards," she told me, "people are so mean on there!"

I guess that warning came too late. :P

AllAboutTheBenjamin · September 2010

Bahaha

gottahavashorti · September 2010

Did you ask her to expand on her experience with the boards?

suz62984 · September 2010

haha - now i'm curious as to what insane problems she had that made us such "meanies."

stina93446 · September 2010

I hear that a LOT from newly engaged girls I meet.

lalap69 · September 2010

Well, I kind of gathered from talking to her that she was an "it's my day" kind of girl, so I didn't ask her more about her board experience.

I basically just said that I'd rather have a bunch of strangers tell me I was going to do something rude than do it and offend my guests.

[Deleted User] · September 2010

I think most of the ladies on here a fine. They just tell you the honest truth and like it is, that is what you want afterall, isn't?

trix1223 · September 2010

I've heard that once or twice myself.

megk8oz · September 2010

I'm now dying to know what idea she had that didn't get validated.

frogurt814 · September 2010

She's probably the one that posted about Happy Hanky. Or maybe the personalized track suits.

filaw · September 2010

I agree these boards are meaner than you woudl expect. And by that I mean that the responses are often far more snarky/unnecessarily harsh than they need to be.

I've seen it claimed that anyone who comes to the international boards should "know better", and should go to their local or month board if they wanted different. But I think that's unfair, as these boards operate way different than most boards in how the boards are very OT. Anybody waltzing in here would think WP is the appropriate place for a question about their WP, not their local board, which presumably would be about questions pertaining to your locality (like what are the good vendors in the area, etc.)

mgietler76 · September 2010

I got totally flamed on my first post (" hate the church" f anyone remembers lol) But thanks to the "harsh" comments I was pulled back to reality from my bridezilla moment lol This is why people say to lurk and get a feel for each board, or just don't take things strangers say personally.

suz62984 · September 2010

I agree that anyone waltzing in here would come here first. The Knot community home page sets it up that way. That being said, common sense will tell you that in life there are extremely nice people, extremely mean people, and the in between. The boards, and the internet in general, are no different.

EDIT: mgietler76 - I've gotten "flamed" before too. I guess I have a tougher skin than most pretty speschul princesses.

ehathewa · September 2010

I thought they were mean too - although they seem to have gotten better recently. The swearing has definitely decreased, which I think makes the tone friendlier.

It just seemed like people gave honest advice, but without a little filtering. If you want people to take your advice you should provide constructive criticism... not just be a swearing jerk. If someone feels attacked they go into defense mode, so your cruel criticism will not be taken to heart.

It makes things worse by having your words be typed. The written word almost always feels colder than speaking. So even if you thought you were being frank and honest, it can be read very differently. Tone is very open to interpretation.

marissa_claire · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_nwr-beware-boards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:96107484-1b40-4b51-8922-35b3a8aca4eaPost:f47876f0-566c-43af-9aa8-64aa360d2bf8">Re: NWR: Beware the boards!</a>:
[QUOTE]She's probably the one that posted about Happy Hanky. Or maybe the personalized track suits.
Posted by frogurt814[/QUOTE]

<div>Where's this personalized track suits post you speak of? I'd love to see it </div>

kellyray2007 · September 2010

I think the women on here are very mean i do want you to comment on things but you have to remember you might hurt someones feelings and its there day you cant expect them to please everyone.

zitiqueen · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_nwr-beware-boards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:96107484-1b40-4b51-8922-35b3a8aca4eaPost:1b4cbcf5-2f35-43cc-aa71-81d19be8bbc0">Re: NWR: Beware the boards!</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the women on here are very mean i do want you to comment on things but you have to remember you might hurt someones feelings and its there day you cant expect them to please everyone.
Posted by kellyray2007[/QUOTE]

I can expect them to use the period and comma keys on occasion though.

frogurt814 · September 2010

marissa, the personalized track suit thread was probably a few months ago. The OP had bought juicy track suits for all of her BMs and wanted to know where she could get them personalized for cheap.

mgietler76 · September 2010

I remember the track suit one, hmmm I just saw the Happy Hanky today, smelled like a vendor to me, along with the fiber-optic wand girl. Well I'm going home have a good night ladies!

trix1223 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_nwr-beware-boards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:96107484-1b40-4b51-8922-35b3a8aca4eaPost:1b4cbcf5-2f35-43cc-aa71-81d19be8bbc0">Re: NWR: Beware the boards!</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the women on here are very mean i do want you to comment on things but you have to remember you might hurt someones feelings and its there day you cant expect them to please everyone.
Posted by kellyray2007[/QUOTE]

If someone is so fragile that they can't take advice: positive or otherwise from strangers on an internet, then they probably shouldn't be here. And yes, I agree with pp: punctuation and spell check are your friends.

As for the track suit thread:
<a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_personalized-juicy-couture-tracksuit_.1" rel="nofollow">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_personalized-juicy-couture-tracksuit_.1</a>

aerinpegadrak · September 2010

Yeah, I got flamed a few times, too, especially when I used to post on E. But then, I posted some really bad ideas. Like, embarrassingly bad. I thought they were great at the time, but had I gone through with them, my wedding would not have been nearly as successful. The boards here helped me work through a lot of my logistical problems, including the times where the correct answer was "Don't worry about something so trivial."

marissa_claire · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_nwr-beware-boards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:96107484-1b40-4b51-8922-35b3a8aca4eaPost:93777614-dc02-43d6-a223-20482bcb6a61">Re: NWR: Beware the boards!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: Beware the boards! : If someone is so fragile that they can't take advice: positive or otherwise from strangers on an internet, then they probably shouldn't be here. And yes, I agree with pp: punctuation and spell check are your friends. As for the track suit thread: <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_personalized-juicy-couture-tracksuit_.1" rel="nofollow">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_personalized-juicy-couture-tracksuit_.1</a>
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Thank you trix and frogurt - more than worth my time!</div>

bablingbrooke · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_nwr-beware-boards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:96107484-1b40-4b51-8922-35b3a8aca4eaPost:1b4cbcf5-2f35-43cc-aa71-81d19be8bbc0">Re: NWR: Beware the boards!</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the women on here are very mean i do want you to comment on things but you have to remember you might hurt someones feelings and its there day you cant expect them to please everyone.
Posted by kellyray2007[/QUOTE]
Do you think we can't hear you...?

bablingbrooke · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_nwr-beware-boards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:96107484-1b40-4b51-8922-35b3a8aca4eaPost:8a0ddb07-a2dc-4417-b3e9-af7d32b08c4a">Re: NWR: Beware the boards!</a>:
[QUOTE]I thought they were mean too - although they seem to have gotten better recently. The swearing has definitely decreased, which I think makes the tone friendlier. It just seemed like people gave honest advice, but without a little filtering. If you want people to take your advice you should provide constructive criticism... not just be a swearing jerk. If someone feels attacked they go into defense mode, so your cruel criticism will not be taken to heart. It makes things worse by having your words be typed. The written word almost always feels colder than speaking. So even if you thought you were being frank and honest, it can be read very differently. Tone is very open to interpretation.
Posted by ehathewa[/QUOTE]
I don't think there's an abusive amount of cursing, beyond what a group of adults would use in normal conversation.<div>
</div><div>Every message board has its own tone and it's basic netiquette to scroll through it a bit to see the tone. Message boards, by definition, are blunt. If you can't handle that, you shouldn't be on message boards at all, regardless of the subject. </div>

trix1223 · September 2010

While there is more swearing on other boards, I think this particular one is (generally) much tamer on that front.

megk8oz · September 2010

Ditto Trix, as far as bad language and "being mean" is concerned, this is definitely one of the "nicer" international boards on the Knot. Seriously, the next time you feel like you're being "attacked" here, go post the exact same question on, say, Etiquette and find out just how "mean" the WP girls are.

aerinpegadrak · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_nwr-beware-boards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:96107484-1b40-4b51-8922-35b3a8aca4eaPost:8a0ddb07-a2dc-4417-b3e9-af7d32b08c4a">Re: NWR: Beware the boards!</a>:
[QUOTE]I thought they were mean too - although they seem to have gotten better recently. The swearing has definitely decreased, which I think makes the tone friendlier. It just seemed like people gave honest advice, but without a little filtering. If you want people to take your advice you should provide constructive criticism... not just be a swearing jerk. If someone feels attacked they go into defense mode, so your cruel criticism will not be taken to heart. It makes things worse by having your words be typed. The written word almost always feels colder than speaking. So even if you thought you were being frank and honest, it can be read very differently. Tone is very open to interpretation.
Posted by ehathewa[/QUOTE]
I don't feel like much has changed. You're probably just getting more used to it.

lalap69 · September 2010

Count me in the boat of people who have been flamed on these boards. I got the kick in the pants I needed and moved on like a grown up. I really do worry about all of these delicate flowers who can't handle blunt answers from strangers on the internet. You want coddling? That's what your friends are for.

DavidandAmyClark · September 2010

I do a lot more lurking than posting, but I just have to say that I was intimidated at first. Now, you lovely ladies brighten my day with your deft responses to all sorts of misguided queries.
You are my favorite board!! I LMAO just about daily. It's the right amount of sass and logic!

bablingbrooke · September 2010

Thanks! I don't want to speak for other people, but I know that the goal is not to ruin lives! Just to keep people from making mistakes while they're viewing everything through "wedding-colored glasses". Sometimes someone outside the situation has a better understanding than someone in it since they are looking at it objectively. I know I don't always get it right, but I try.

trix1223 · September 2010

Thanks, Amy. From my POV, I see my role as giving a reality check whenever possible.

Sometimes women have read way too many bride's magazines, watched too many wedding tv shows, and/or searched too many wedding websites, and they lose perspective and get sucked into the wedding machine's vast industry.

Often, a quick reality check (will it really matter if the bridesmaid dresses don't match the color of the carpeting?) is what is needed.

And I agree~this is absolutely among my two favorite boards: moms and maids is also one that I enjoy.

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