Registry and Gift Forum

not going to wedding- how much to spend?

My fiance and I got invited to my ex-boyfriend's wedding in February. This is one that we will not be attending. I am of course planning on sending a gift with the reply card. My question is- what is an appropriate amount to spend on a gift for him and his fiancee?
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Re: not going to wedding- how much to spend?

  • Yikes, I wouldn't spend anything on my ex! and my fiance probably wouldn't be too impressed if I did!
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  • I'd need to know more about your relationship with your ex, cause if it were me, I wouldn't be giving them squat!
  • I would give my ex (good friend) probably about 100$ worth...
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  • Ok here's the story. When ex and I were  together- he told me he didn't believe in monogamous relationships. He did not want to put titles on what we were but told me that I was the only girl that he was seeing and he wanted to be the only guy that I was seeing. It was very much one of those relationships that had an expiration date and we broke up but stayed friends. Right after fiance and I started dating, he took me out for dinner and told me that he does not believe in breaking up a couple and won't stand in our way, but when I leave fiance, he'll be waiting for me. Needless to say, he's not fiance's favorite person at all.

    He got engaged the week before Thanksgiving to a girl that he had been dating at the time for only 2.5 months. He asked me for our address to invite us and made it clear that he wants to be at ours. NWIH are we inviting him to our wedding and to be quite honest, I'm not sure why he would want me at his.

    I feel bad not sending a gift if I am invited to a wedding. Fiance doesn't care if we send a gift, as long as we don't have to go or invite him to ours. I'm just not sure what's an appropriate amount to spend on a gift in this situation.

    Oh and I should also mention that shortly after asking me for our address and letting me know that we were invited, he sent my fiance a friend request on facebook. Some people just don't understand boundaries.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_not-going-wedding-much-spend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:d13bff92-47a3-4be6-82b9-4ebed75175a0Post:d96450e2-87ab-48eb-a5a7-98765e9dce01">Re: not going to wedding- how much to spend?</a>:
    [QUOTE]NWIH are we inviting him to our wedding and to be quite honest, I'm not sure why he would want me at his.
    Posted by whaleflipflops[/QUOTE]

    If this is how you feel about him, don't send a gift. A card would be gracious, but don't be very effusive and maybe he'll take the hint. In fact, I would think about not even giving him a card because you clearly don't want a relationship with him and his wife.

    If you receiving an invite makes you feel obligated to send a gift, just post your address here and you'll get tons of invites :)
  • It sounds like neither you or FI are crazy about him or the situation. I would reply "no" and not send anything, personally. At most, I'd send a card. It seems like an awkward situation to be in, and you shouldn't feel obligated to give anything.


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  • I would just send a card to him, no gift. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_not-going-wedding-much-spend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:d13bff92-47a3-4be6-82b9-4ebed75175a0Post:d96450e2-87ab-48eb-a5a7-98765e9dce01">Re: not going to wedding- how much to spend?</a>:
    [QUOTE] Right after fiance and I started dating, he took me out for dinner and told me that he does not believe in breaking up a couple and won't stand in our way, but when I leave fiance, he'll be waiting for me. Needless to say, he's not fiance's favorite person at all. Posted by whaleflipflops[/QUOTE]

    Yikes!  I'd send NOTHING and not feel one bit bad about it. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_not-going-wedding-much-spend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:d13bff92-47a3-4be6-82b9-4ebed75175a0Post:645b020e-0ccc-402a-8857-44938e9ec377">Re: not going to wedding- how much to spend?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: not going to wedding- how much to spend? : Yikes!  I'd send NOTHING and not feel one bit bad about it. 
    Posted by TEA&Co[/QUOTE]

    This!  Your ex sounds like a weirdo (sorry) and you are in no way obligated to send anything just because he invited you to his wedding.  An invitation is not a gift summons.
  • I agree with PPs that you should just send a card, no gift.  Sending him a gift might give him the wrong idea about your relationship.  Guys don't take subtle hints very well, so even if you try to give the impression that you are not interested in him, he's probably not going to get it unless you beat it into him.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_not-going-wedding-much-spend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:d13bff92-47a3-4be6-82b9-4ebed75175a0Post:645b020e-0ccc-402a-8857-44938e9ec377">Re: not going to wedding- how much to spend?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: not going to wedding- how much to spend? : Yikes!  I'd send NOTHING and not feel one bit bad about it. 
    Posted by TEA&Co[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, agreed 100%.  Once I heard that part about him holding a torch for you, there is no way I'd send a gift.  That's just giving him the wrong message.  He may not be good at setting boundaries, which means YOU NEED TO.
  • Yikes!! I would send back my "no" RSVP and call it a day.
  • I would just send the RSVP back as no, no card- sometimes cards are more sentimental than gifts, and it might send the wrong message. Agree with PPs that you need to set some boundaries with this guy!
  • I would send NOTHING. That's just weird, and considering your FI is not a fan - you are just looking for trouble. I'd also stop talking to him - you are getting married, and he is getting married. Neither of you have any reason to continue any sort of relationship - it's just going to create unnecessary problems down the road.
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  • I would send a gift, but one more geared for the bride... like a ring holder for her night stand or some other bride oriented gift... 

    Really, I would just feel bad for his bride! Guys like that never change and who knows what she REALLY knows about him after 2.5 months. It's dumb on her part, but just imagine a future with him... not good... 
    "I liked it, so I put a ring on it" - future Mr. Box
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_not-going-wedding-much-spend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:d13bff92-47a3-4be6-82b9-4ebed75175a0Post:645b020e-0ccc-402a-8857-44938e9ec377">Re: not going to wedding- how much to spend?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: not going to wedding- how much to spend? : Yikes!  I'd send NOTHING and not feel one bit bad about it. 
    Posted by TEA&Co[/QUOTE]


    ba hahahah THIS! :)
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