Cancel the whole thing?

gbrenner18 · July 2010

I am writing as I am ready to call it quits. No, I am not canceling hte marriage. I am pondering canceling the big event that has turned into a complete nightmare. We have sent out save-the-dates, but no invites. Deposits have been made, but can certainly be lost. When would you throw in the towel? How would you do it? If we still plan on getting married in the church that day, do we have to tell people? WHat do I do about showers that haven't happened yet?

quotequeen · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_cancel-whole-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:29916a0f-9b9c-47b5-ba4c-dd059fcf0335Post:f4b08734-fe01-4b7e-94a9-f392d63bd241">Cancel the whole thing?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am writing as I am ready to call it quits. No, I am not canceling hte marriage. I am pondering canceling the big event that has turned into a complete nightmare. We have sent out save-the-dates, but no invites. Deposits have been made, but can certainly be lost. When would you throw in the towel? How would you do it? If we still plan on getting married in the church that day, do we have to tell people? WHat do I do about showers that haven't happened yet?
Posted by gbrenner18[/QUOTE]

It's really hard to respond to a question about when to throw in the towel without knowing any details about what it is that's bothering you. Right now, I can't think of anything that would make me cancel my wedding plans but still get married.

If you choose to cancel, then since you have sent STDs, you need to inform everybody that the wedding will no longer take place as planned, and that you will be getting married in a private ceremony instead.

All showers should be called off, since it is rude to invite anybody to a shower who is not invited to the wedding (which would now be everybody).

tidetravel · July 2010

Ditto QQ. If you're not going to proceed with the wedding as planned, you need to inform the guests that received STDs ASAP. The only acceptable way to do this, however, would be to invite immediate family only.

Send out a printed card that says something to the effect of,

"Ms. Gbrenner18 and Mr. Gbrenner18's FI regret to inform you that the wedding will not take place as scheduled." You could add something like, "The ceremony will be held privately in the presence of immediate family" to indicate that you are still going through with the marriage, but not with the wedding festivities.

As far as prewedding parties, if someone offers to throw you one, it would be appropriate to decline, as you cannot invite someone that is not invited to the ceremony.

gottahavashorti · July 2010

Ditto PPs on how to cancel the event.

But what's the reason that you want to cancel it? If it's just getting to be too complicated/too expensive/too many people insisting that their ideas be used rather than just not wanting to have a big wedding, you could just scale way back and have a simple cake and punch or luncheon reception at the church hall.

nnoble4 · July 2010

I think you may need to explain further why you are feeling this way. Is it something that just happened and is making you feel frustrated, but may, after awhile, be settled or less stressful? Do you have a lot of other stressful things going on right now that make everything seem extra stressful?

I would say that if you are really thinking about cancelling the big celebration, that maybe you should talk to your FI about it, wait a few days or so, then discuss it again. If you still feel the same way, talk to your immediate families. They have likely put in some time and effort, and you should discuss their opinions on something. If you do decide to, you need to send something afterwards to inform all those with STDs.

jenn.daniel · July 2010

I'm going to guess that you're getting overwhelmed with planning. This is what my FMIL told FI to tell me: "stop stressing or I'll come down there and kick your skinny a$$ across the condo." She means this is the most loving way possible.

Basically, you don't want to drive yourself so crazy that by the time your wedding day comes around you have to be dragged down the aisle. Enlist some help (or if it's the opposite problem, tell person X to back off and let you plan on your own). If that's not possible, cut back on your plans. Sure, cancelling all the festivities is an option, but how would you feel about it 10 years from now?

gottahavashorti · July 2010

Is this because of your sister's issues with your plans? If it is, stop talking to her about the wedding. Change the subject, walk away, or tell her it's just not up for discussion. Ask your family members to do the same if she's gett ing the information to criticize from them.

InfamousQBert · July 2010

i was having some bad issues with my sister at the beginning of the planning and got REALLY fed up with her. i was considering asking her not to be a maid, but the folks on this board talked me off that dumb ledge.

i agree with the people who said to try to just ignore her, as far as the actual planning goes. she might still give her opinions, but you don't have to listen to them. i would also advise just not talking to her about ANYTHING that you don't have to for a while. give yourself some time to cool off before you even address what's been going on. i'm not saying to just never talk to her or cut off all communication. but even bringing it up in a gentle way right now has the potential to turn into a knock-down drag-out because your emotions are so high (and, supposedly, so are hers). sometimes it's best to let time do its thing and she might get over whatever the hell is up her butt without you having to dig it out for her. (nice image, huh?).

the one thing i did that i was reluctant to do, but seems to have helped, was vent to our mom. i really didn't want to do that, because i didn't want to be a baby about it, but i was SO F'ING FRUSTRATED, and she knew there were issues (i almost didn't come to christmas because of it). we had dinner one night and when she asked about it, i just told her the truth - that i was HELLA mad at my sister and had tried to talk about it with no response, so i had given up and was just going to let whatever happened happen. i honestly don't know what was said, but a few weeks later and she was talking to me again and seemed to have gotten that stick out of her butt. things are back to normal now. sometimes your parents really do know how to handle things that you can't.

divinedoula · July 2010

I can totally relate with the amount of stress planning a wedding... I got to the same point in my planning where I was wanting to "Throw in the Towel". But to be perfectly honest, I ended up getting to a point where I realised no matter what happens up to the day of; The most important part of that day will be standing at the other end of the isle waiting for you!

I also ended up getting so far into planning the day and imagining how it would look and all the little details, I didn't want to live with any regret! I think now if I was to go back in time, I would have run away somewhere.

I also know that I'm the first of 4 children getting married, My mom is ill and I don't think she will live long enough to see my other siblings get married. So it's also for her.

Hope this helps you get through the rest of your planning. FYI, enlist friends to help with the little things... My friends have saved me alot of grief. It also helps alot to talk about it!

Jamie

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