For anyone who has lost a loved one

redheadtmk · February 2012

My step dad has COPD and cancer that has been diagnosed as terminal. He is fading pretty quickly. I am the only child who lives close by and can help be a support to my mother during this time. I am helping her get the house cleared out, memorial plans made etc. We are doing some video of him so that his voice is on record. We plan on making some meals ahead of time to freeze.

What other things do you recommend in a situation like this? Is there anything you found particularly helpful? Anything you wished you would have thought of? Any and all advice is welcomed. Thank you

deburnin · February 2012

I haven't lost any loved ones with notice, so to speak. I say spend as much time with him as possible. Share memories, learn what you can from him, be there for him and your mom. The video and frozen food are a really good idea (as are Yaga's).

Thinking of you and your family.

ravenray · February 2012

That is so hard. I recently lost my grandfather to lunge cancer, but I don't have much advice. *hugs*

KikiMira · February 2012

Urgh TK ate my post. It was so long. I second the video idea. I wish we had an option like that for my grandpa. We had time with him but he didn't know who we were anymore. Food is a great idea. Pics and videos for remembering

perhaps see if he has a bucket list of " what I want to do before I die" see If you can mark any of them off. *hugs* I'm sorry about your step dad.

bsidebella · February 2012

I'm sorry for your trouble. My dad died very suddenly almost 4 years ago. I wish I had recordings of his voice because that memory is fading fast. I think the above suggestions are great. Also, remember that it's okay to cry. I know that might sound obvious, but I spent a lot of the time immediately following my dad's passing taking care of my mom and being strong for her. He died so unexpectedly that it hit us all pretty hard. I didn't want her to see me cry, and I wanted to be admired for my stiff upper lip. But all that did was bottle everything up and I had a massive breakdown a week later, in class. Crying is not a sign of weakness. It's okay to cry.

jorja86 · February 2012

I'm so very sorry that you and your family are going through this. PP have had some great suggestions. As a nurse, I will advocate discussing end of life decisions. It may be very painful, but make sure you have a clear idea of what he wants at the very end of his life, as far as care. Does he want everything possible done to keep him alive (CPR, a ventilator) or does he just want to be made comfortable? If the latter is the case, you may want to look at some different hospice options. I know it sounds morbid, and can be difficult to talk about, but in my experience, it is so much easier, and there is much less guilt for the family when the patient has made their wishes known ahead of time. Again, I'm so sorry, and I'll keep your family in my thoughts.

Swazzle · February 2012

I'm so, so sorry you're going through this

Ditto Bella about crying. My grandpop passed away this year and at first I was trying to hard to be strong for my mom but I realized that I don't have to hold my tears in because I'm going through this also. Crying helps definitely.

Also, ditto Jorja. It made things much easier on us because my grandpop had his wishes written down & we all knew what he wanted to happen. Not having to make that decision was the best thing he did for us.

I'll be thinking about you & your family. :::hugs::::

csousa1 · February 2012

I'm so sorry for what you are going through

I agree with everything PPs have said, to spend as much time with him as you can and do some videos. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. *Hugs*

redheadtmk · February 2012

Thank you all very much for the suggestions and prayers!!!

Wrkn925 · February 2012

My grandfather had a rough downhill battle. These things are probably not a great fit, but I had him teach me how to weave a cane bottom in a chair, I asked him what it was like to live during segregation. I asked him to tell me the story of meeting my grandmother. I have recording of him and my grandmother talking about one-room schoolhouses. You'd probably have to adjust those for this timeframe, but you get the picture.

I think you're way more prepared then we were. Remember to take time for yourself and to remind your mother to do the same.

For anyone who has lost a loved one

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