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Honorary Groomsmen

AggieColeyAggieColey member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
My finace has a ton of friends and we would love for them to all be in the wedding party, but are going to keep it to family only. But we really want them to be honored. My idea was during the ceremony to ask them to rise as we have the officiant read a little something. Anyone have any more suggestions???
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Re: Honorary Groomsmen

  • PeavyPeavy member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    What Stage said.
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  • AggieColeyAggieColey member
    First Anniversary First Comment

    I would love advice from some fun, offbeat, unique, young brides!
    Thanks!

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  • daria24daria24 member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer
    I had an offbeat wedding. I didn't even have an officiant. And there is nothing "fun" "unique" or "offbeat" about saying to your friends "hey you're a second-string groomsman-let's tell our whole guest list how you should be recognized, but aren't good enough to actually be in the wedding party!"

    I only wanted a MOH. My friends that would have been bridesmaids, I just asked them if they would like to hang out with me while we all got ready. We had a great time, they didn't have to spend money on a particular dress, everyone was happy. I also asked them to do a reading (they each took a part of a book passage).

    Trust me, your guests do not care who your WP is. It isn't important to THEM that they know who is an important person in their life. How you make your friends feel important is spending time with them, writing a note, giving a heart felt gift, etc. Not making up a meaningless title.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Having "honorary" anyone in your wedding doesn't make sense to me.  Either ask them to be in your wedding party or don't.  Sides don't have to be even.  But don't come up with empty titles or "work roles" just to "include" someone.  They'll see right through that and it will be hurtful.
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  • MsYeckMsYeck member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    The only reason I could think of having an "honary" would be if I was going to ask them to be a bridesmaid/groomsmen and they died prior to asking.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    We didn't agree with the idea to make anyone "honorary" attendants, but that doesn't make our advice "unfriendly."
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honorary-groomsmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:4dd0255b-e24f-4c0a-b696-ca064e61943cPost:e12a4a7f-192e-4119-ad09-3319af11b8a4">Re: Honorary Groomsmen</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would love advice from some fun, offbeat, unique, young brides! Thanks!
    Posted by AggieColey[/QUOTE]

    <div>So anybody who thinks this is a bad idea is old and not fun? </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • daria24daria24 member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer
    "Honorary BMs/GMs/House parties/PA" are the Participation Awards of weddings. 
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited February 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honorary-groomsmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:4dd0255b-e24f-4c0a-b696-ca064e61943cPost:4ceb3f4a-b23e-4e50-9384-8b6272a43340">Re: Honorary Groomsmen</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honorary Groomsmen : No, we're old, no fun, AND cookie cutter copy cats.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div>Dammit. And here I thought I was cool and YOUNEEK with my uneven sides, ring bearer and no flower girl, bridesmaids with no MOH, husband wearing his facial piercings (at the reception), Star Wars Recessional, and female best man. Bah. </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    In Response to Re:Honorary Groomsmen:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honorary Groomsmen:In Response to Re: Honorary Groomsmen : No, we're old, no fun, AND cookie cutter copy cats.Posted by StageManager14Dammit. And here I thought I was cool and YOUNEEK with my uneven sides, ring bearer and no flower girl, bridesmaids with no MOH, husband wearing his facial piercings at the reception, Star Wars Recessional, and female best man. Bah.nbsp; Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]
    You know you're not legally married because you had uneven sides. That's how it works, right?

    OP, what constitutes "young" for you?
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  • MoxieMickieMoxieMickie member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited October 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honorary-groomsmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:4dd0255b-e24f-4c0a-b696-ca064e61943cPost:e12a4a7f-192e-4119-ad09-3319af11b8a4" rel="nofollow">Re: Honorary Groomsmen</a>:
    <blockquote class="Quote"><div class="QuoteText"> </div><div class="QuoteText"> </div></blockquote>
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  • PeavyPeavy member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    I'm unique.  Just like everybody else.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honorary-groomsmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:4dd0255b-e24f-4c0a-b696-ca064e61943cPost:11987066-ea1f-4852-bf72-60c6cc927f41">Re:Honorary Groomsmen</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Honorary Groomsmen: You know you're not legally married because you had uneven sides. That's how it works, right?
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    <div>I do. I like it that way, though. I like to pretend I am married while I secretly live in sin. Andplusalso, it means I can have a do-over if I want!</div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honorary-groomsmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:4dd0255b-e24f-4c0a-b696-ca064e61943cPost:96bc8aab-9376-4a45-ba28-4074de38b47d">Re:Honorary Groomsmen</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Honorary Groomsmen : I do. I like it that way, though. I like to pretend I am married while I secretly live in sin. Andplusalso, it means I can have a do-over if I want!
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]
    It's a win-win situation!
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  • sangrialemonteasangrialemontea member
    First Comment
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honorary-groomsmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:4dd0255b-e24f-4c0a-b696-ca064e61943cPost:649deb88-ec82-4538-879e-8058f80b3c26">Honorary Groomsmen</a>:
    [QUOTE]My finace has a ton of friends and we would love for them to all be in the wedding party, but are going to keep it to family only. But we really want them to be honored. My idea was during the ceremony to ask them to rise as we have the officiant read a little something. Anyone have any more suggestions???
    Posted by AggieColey[/QUOTE]

    <div>I was having trouble pulling my bridal party down to six (which I had to do due to seating issues) and I'm just going to tell her how it is. You want them to participate but you can't. Done deal. I agree with everyone else, pointing out that they are second best is just going to make them uncomfortable. Also, everyone hates being singled out. Remember in school when the teacher made you stand up and introduce yourself at the beginning of the school year? Mortifying. Don't do that to your friends.</div><div>
    </div><div>Also, I hope that being 25 and not having a flower girl makes me young, unique and offbeat enough for you :P</div>
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  • PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Sometimes I wonder if brides understand how much people use weddings to measure their social skills and graces.  The family will use how you act, and how you treat your guests to form an opinion of the 'adult' you for YEARS to come. 

    Hey OP, ever notice how many people give you unsolicited advice about your wedding?  Family and strangers just out of nowhere saying "Oh you HAVE to do this!"  You know why?  Because it's a very important event by which people will measure you.  It's a test of your social skills.

    And believe me, if you fail, NOBODY CARES if you were offbeat, or hip.  You know what they will do?  Judge you.  All the little paper lanterns in the world won't make people feel less slighted, or angry with you if you spite them at your event.  Your 'special day' is the source of an inside family joke for years to come because you cared more about 'being cool' than your friends and familys' feelings.

    My cousins thought they were 'hip" and "cool" with their weddings.  And they would have been.... if they hadn't just murdered etiquette, and offended the heck out of 90% of the family.  To this day, certain family members won't invite them to events, won't talk to them, and they are essentially shunned.

    Also, before you go insulting married people, and telling them how old and unwanted they are, remember that you are on the cusp of becoming one yourself.  I pity you if you see so little value in your future self.  Will you loathe yourself?  Consider your own thoughts unworthy and 'Old' just because you have a ring?  I have to say, that's kind of psycho.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Anniversary

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  • cbrown828cbrown828 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I think we scurred her off.

    Just a quick question...where does 27 (and 7 months!) fall on the old/young continuum?
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honorary-groomsmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:4dd0255b-e24f-4c0a-b696-ca064e61943cPost:649deb88-ec82-4538-879e-8058f80b3c26">Honorary Groomsmen</a>:
    [QUOTE]My finace has a ton of friends and we would love for them to all be in the wedding party, but are going to keep it to family only. But we really want them to be honored. My idea was during the ceremony to ask them to rise as we have the officiant read a little something. Anyone have any more suggestions???
    Posted by AggieColey[/QUOTE]

    Don't do this. They are either in your wedding party or they're not. Not only will you make them feel like second class gm, you will make your other guests feel like second class guests.

    I'd suggest you have your photographer take a picture of your husband with his friends, but you probably won't listen to me, either. I'm old, not much fun anymore and you should feel sorry for my husband.
                       
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  • Alex3MomAlex3Mom member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment

    The attendants are "honorary" to begin with.  There is no legal or religious reason to have these people in the wedding party.  All you need are willing bride, groom, officiant and someone to witness the vows.  Every other attendant is "honorary."

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  • melissanjoe21melissanjoe21 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I am offbeat and I don't agree with much here.  but this is just rude.
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  • MoxieMickieMoxieMickie member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to Re:Honorary Groomsmen:[QUOTE]I think we scurred her off. Just a quick question...where does 27 and 7 months! fall on the old/young continuum? Posted by cbrown828[/QUOTE]

    To a 20 year old this is an old fogey. To a 40 year old this is unbelievably young.
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  • Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    I'd like to think I'm young and offbeat - There are a few things in these etiquette posts that could be given exceptions, but I think the tiered wedding party idea is terrible! It's like saying you didn't make the cut, but you are still better than these other random people we invited. FYI- Your guests should all be regarded as honored. If I were a guest, I'd feel insulted that not only did I not make the bridal party, (I can live with that just fine), but there is hierarchy among guests?? By having a 2nd tier of bridal party would cheepen the actual wedding party. On many occasions, I've been asked to do "guestbook," "program hander outer", etc. and honestly, those jobs do not make me feel honored, instead I felt like I wasn't good enough to make it in the wedding party but I still have responsibilities? I agreed to do them because I was a good friend and I wanted to help in any way I could, but I wasn't an "honored guest".

    I'm having a small bridal party because I don't want 20 people up there, and after being in a wedding party with 9 other girls, I hated getting ready with that many people. I'm a private person and if I were to get ready with anyone, I'd only want it to be with my best friends and sister. I actually had a friend suggest to me to have the girls who are handing out programs etc. buy the bridesmaid dresses without being bridesmaids and I shook my head. I told her that, they would feel like imposters and that's money that they shouldn't have to spend if they aren't in it.

    With all that said, here is a good alternative to not hurting anybody's feelings, guests as well as bridal party. When it comes to post wedding events, invite those close friends that you can't put in the wedding party, that wey they don't miss out on the fun.
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