BM Does not like the Dresses?

heavendelivered · August 2012

Hello, So the BM Does not like the colors which are three colors to choose from or the length since it's floored and the demands of BM are Short dress that she can use re-use, not from DB store, not over $100, matches with black party shoes she wants to use and from stores she likes to shop from?

Although, I did mention that she can alter the dress if she does like the dress length for later use and pick any style but in those shades.. But didn't even bother to try one dress in the colors not short or long! And just says does not like them without giving them a chance..

What would you guys do? Am I totally wrong ? I was actually considering this BM for MOH but but having a change heart with this cause I feel the MOH should make effort to make it easier on an already crazy moments and be happier when sharing moments like this of finding her or my dress...

Ali092011 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-does-not-like-the-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a35aeef8-7b8f-40d3-8e7d-385e2b9b1ae3Post:558d7069-ac48-4a65-ac27-6d1071160704">BM Does not like the Dresses?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello, So the BM Does not like the colors which are three colors to choose from or the length since it's floored and the demands of BM are Short dress that she can use re-use, not from DB store, not over $100, matches with black party shoes she wants to use and from stores she likes to shop from? Although, I did mention that she can alter the dress if she does like the dress length for later use and pick any style but in those shades.. But didn't even bother to try one dress in the colors not short or long! And just says does not like them without giving them a chance.. What would you guys do? Am I totally wrong ? I was actually considering this BM for MOH but but having a change heart with this cause I feel the MOH should make effort to make it easier on an already crazy moments and be happier when sharing moments like this of finding her or my dress...
Posted by heavendelivered[/QUOTE]

You are not in the wrong for the most part. Frankly, you're being pretty laid-back by offering a choice of color and style, and your BM should be able to find a dress she can live with within those parameters. You should respect her $100 budget and the fact that she wants to wear a pair of shoes she already owns (unless you are buying your BMs a certain shoe). Other than that, you need to be firm. "I'm sorry, but these are the colors I've chosen. This color looks great with your skin tone." "This is a formal wedding and I'd like all of the bridesmaids in long dresses. You can shorten it after the wedding if you want to." Just be respectful but firm. You shouldn't have to justify your choices, as long as you're being reasonable, which IMO, you are.

ETA: I just wanted to add that you should not "promote" or "demote" anyone's BM/MOH status based on this. If you were planning on asking her to be your MOH because you're closest to her, ask her. I'm sure you still love her even though she's being a PITA about dresses. :)

aerinpegadrak · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-does-not-like-the-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a35aeef8-7b8f-40d3-8e7d-385e2b9b1ae3Post:558d7069-ac48-4a65-ac27-6d1071160704">BM Does not like the Dresses?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello, So the BM Does not like the colors which are three colors to choose from or the length since it's floored and the demands of BM are Short dress that she can use re-use, not from DB store, not over $100, matches with black party shoes she wants to use and from stores she likes to shop from? Although, I did mention that she can alter the dress if she does like the dress length for later use and pick any style but in those shades.. But didn't even bother to try one dress in the colors not short or long! And just says does not like them without giving them a chance.. What would you guys do? Am I totally wrong ? I was actually considering this BM for MOH but but having a change heart with this cause I feel the MOH should make effort to make it easier on an already crazy moments and be happier when sharing moments like this of finding her or my dress...
Posted by heavendelivered[/QUOTE]
Well, MOH should be about who's closest to you, not a reward for the best helper.

I'm having a little difficulty following exactly what the requirements are, but what problems specifically does she have with the colors? There's a world of difference between "This color makes me look like the undead" and "I just don't usually wear it." If it's the former, you should hear her out, because you do want her to feel comfortable and pretty, but if it's the latter, it's fine to say that these are the colors that you're going with. Same with the length; some people feel frumpy in floor length.

It sounds like money may be an issue; if she's told you that she can't spend more than $100, that's the upper bound on the budget, and any dresses over that price point should be absolutely off the table. My impression is that she's trying to get something that she can get a little more mileage out of in order to justify the expense. (Sorry, but I'm not sure I've ever heard of a bridesmaid actually cutting a dress short to wear it again. That's something brides tell themselves so they don't feel guilty about picking expensive dresses. Most designs don't actually lend themselves to doing this and still looking wearable, any more than a dress that's designed for a size 2 looks remotely presentable just scaled up for larger sizes.) If that's the case, you should either think about loosening up the requirements to find something that she's comfortable buying that will still work for you (maybe something in black or brown with sashes in your colors?), or see about helping her cover some or all of the cost.

Ultimately, I think it really does depend on why she's objecting. Yes, you're within your rights to make certain decisions about how you want things to look, but those should never come at the expense of the feelings of a friend. A comfortable and happy bridesmaid, even in an outfit that's not quite what you envisioned, is going to look much better in pictures than a miserable bridesmaid with the mandated look.

heavendelivered · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-does-not-like-the-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a35aeef8-7b8f-40d3-8e7d-385e2b9b1ae3Post:3e2b7dc3-a32b-49cc-880f-e9fc5647bf5d">Re: BM Does not like the Dresses?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to BM Does not like the Dresses? : You are not in the wrong for the most part. Frankly, you're being pretty laid-back by offering a choice of color and style, and your BM should be able to find a dress she can live with within those parameters. You should respect her $100 budget and the fact that she wants to wear a pair of shoes she already owns (unless you are buying your BMs a certain shoe). Other than that, you need to be firm. "I'm sorry, but these are the colors I've chosen. This color looks great with your skin tone." "This is a formal wedding and I'd like all of the bridesmaids in long dresses. You can shorten it after the wedding if you want to." Just be respectful but firm. You shouldn't have to justify your choices, as long as you're being reasonable, which IMO, you are. ETA: I just wanted to add that you should not "promote" or "demote" anyone's BM/MOH status based on this. If you were planning on asking her to be your MOH because you're closest to her, ask her. I'm sure you still love her even though she's being a PITA about dresses. :)
Posted by Ali092011[/QUOTE]

Agreed, Don't mind the shoes since I want floored dresses that don't really show them anyway and if can find a dress under $100 even better (I just mentioned that cause she ran her demands on me listing those items at the bridal store before trying on my bridal gown) but the bigger problem she wants certain colors and short and does not seem to want to budge..

Also your right about demote promote.. I haven't asked anyone yet to be MOH but I think I really just want the other BM to be my MOH and just finding reasons not to since i feel forced to pick this one rather the other but i need to go more with connectiveness/closeness as well and base it on that for a MOH

Ali092011 · August 2012

I agree with some of Aerin's points, too, but to an extent. I don't see the need for the OP to cross the line from being accommodating to being a pushover. From what I understand of the OP, she told them the dress had to be long and come in one of three colors. As a BM, I would grin and bear it even though I don't like how I look in long dresses, even if the color choices were chartreuse, nude, or neon orange (which would put me into the "undead" category). What are the color choices, heaven?

Do I think the OP should hear her friend out to find out what the source of the problem is? Yes. Do I think she needs to rethink the entire look of her wedding because one BM doesn't like something? No. I think it's pretty ballsy of the BM to hand the bride a list of requirements for her BM dress.

And FWIW, all I specified was that my BMs wear any navy blue cocktail length dress. When I started planning, I thought I was going to choose a dress myself and have all of the BMs in that dress. As I got closer to making a selection, I realized I really didn't care what they wore, as long as it was navy blue. The dresses they all chose look nothing alike, and they all look great. So this isn't coming from someone who micro-managed at all. But yes, I would have been a bit upset if I was more specific in my requirements and one of my BMs flat-out refused to wear something like it, and handed me her own list of requirements.

heavendelivered · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-does-not-like-the-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a35aeef8-7b8f-40d3-8e7d-385e2b9b1ae3Post:82c70a85-a06b-4335-bef0-44bf0a3f91b1">Re: BM Does not like the Dresses?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to BM Does not like the Dresses? : Well, MOH should be about who's closest to you, not a reward for the best helper. I'm having a little difficulty following exactly what the requirements are, but what problems specifically does she have with the colors? There's a world of difference between "This color makes me look like the undead" and "I just don't usually wear it." If it's the former, you should hear her out, because you do want her to feel comfortable and pretty, but if it's the latter, it's fine to say that these are the colors that you're going with. Same with the length; some people feel frumpy in floor length. It sounds like money may be an issue; if she's told you that she can't spend more than $100, that's the upper bound on the budget, and any dresses over that price point should be absolutely off the table. My impression is that she's trying to get something that she can get a little more mileage out of in order to justify the expense. (Sorry, but I'm not sure I've ever heard of a bridesmaid actually cutting a dress short to wear it again. That's something brides tell themselves so they don't feel guilty about picking expensive dresses. Most designs don't actually lend themselves to doing this and still looking wearable, any more than a dress that's designed for a size 2 looks remotely presentable just scaled up for larger sizes.) If that's the case, you should either think about loosening up the requirements to find something that she's comfortable buying that will still work for you (maybe something in black or brown with sashes in your colors?), or see about helping her cover some or all of the cost. Ultimately, I think it really does depend on why she's objecting. Yes, you're within your rights to make certain decisions about how you want things to look, but those should never come at the expense of the feelings of a friend. A comfortable and happy bridesmaid, even in an outfit that's not quite what you envisioned, is going to look much better in pictures than a miserable bridesmaid with the mandated look.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

Very good points to think about! It's really not a money issue but just think like you said does not want to spend X for a dress she won't get mileage out of .. Far as the colors go she didn't say why or why not she didn't like the colors, just waked way after telling me what she wanted.. and looked at some coral dresses..

I was thinking of picking her as MOH not for best helper but because felt more mandatory to do so since it's her only brother getting married but thinking of it now that is very foolish, need to go with my heart ...

Requirements basically are
1. Floored
2. Pick one of 3 Colors which are Green, Teal and Brown

Ali092011 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-does-not-like-the-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a35aeef8-7b8f-40d3-8e7d-385e2b9b1ae3Post:b98fcfe2-6109-491c-b8ea-eeb02f00f6fb">Re: BM Does not like the Dresses?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM Does not like the Dresses? : Very good points to think about! It's really not a money issue but just don't think like you said does not want to spend X for a dress she won't get mileage out of .. Far as the colors go she didn't say why or why not she didn't like the colors, just waked way after telling me what she wanted.. and looked at some coral dresses.. I was thinking of picking her as MOH not for best helper but because felt more mandatory to do so since it's her only brother getting married but thinking of it now that is very foolish, need to go with my heart ... Requirements basically are 1. Floored 2. Pick one of 3 Colors which are Green, Teal and Brown
Posted by heavendelivered[/QUOTE]

Definitely don't ask someone to be your MOH out of sense of duty or requirement. Relationships have been ruined that way. Brides come on TK all the time asking how they can remove a member of their BP (you can't) because they asked someone they had lukewarm feelings about and things went bad (inevitably). It's a very nice gesture to ask your FSIL to be a BM, but reserve the MOH spot for your best friend in the world.

I'll be honest, I don't like how I look in any of those colors, unless you're talking deep hunter green or dark chocolate brown. I still stand by what I said before, though. If I were a BM, I'd manage to find a dress I can live with and suck it up. It's one day of my life.

heavendelivered · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-does-not-like-the-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a35aeef8-7b8f-40d3-8e7d-385e2b9b1ae3Post:29d46d43-443a-40f7-8ca9-c0958bb8eb04">Re: BM Does not like the Dresses?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with some of Aerin's points, too, but to an extent. I don't see the need for the OP to cross the line from being accommodating to being a pushover. From what I understand of the OP, she told them the dress had to be long and come in one of three colors. As a BM, I would grin and bear it even though I don't like how I look in long dresses, even if the color choices were chartreuse, nude, or neon orange (which would put me into the "undead" category). What are the color choices, heaven? Do I think the OP should hear her friend out to find out what the source of the problem is? Yes. Do I think she needs to rethink the entire look of her wedding because one BM doesn't like something? No. I think it's pretty ballsy of the BM to hand the bride a list of requirements for her BM dress. And FWIW, all I specified was that my BMs wear any navy blue cocktail length dress. When I started planning, I thought I was going to choose a dress myself and have all of the BMs in that dress. As I got closer to making a selection, I realized I really didn't care what they wore, as long as it was navy blue. The dresses they all chose look nothing alike, and they all look great. So this isn't coming from someone who micro-managed at all. But yes, I would have been a bit upset if I was more specific in my requirements and one of my BMs flat-out refused to wear something like it, and handed me her own list of requirements.
Posted by Ali092011[/QUOTE]

I think that is what takes me more off guard, How she told me and how many requirements the BM had.. She even told me what stores she wants to get them from as well. Which I don't care what store really either but just how it was all said and demanded and walked away looking at other non color option dresses.. Thinking of it should of really known as she likes to have things her way but I guess for some reason thought being a wedding might make an effort to with my vision or at least give it a chance but not one dress got tried on..

aerinpegadrak · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-does-not-like-the-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a35aeef8-7b8f-40d3-8e7d-385e2b9b1ae3Post:b98fcfe2-6109-491c-b8ea-eeb02f00f6fb">Re: BM Does not like the Dresses?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM Does not like the Dresses? : Very good points to think about! It's really not a money issue but just don't think like you said does not want to spend X for a dress she won't get mileage out of .. Far as the colors go she didn't say why or why not she didn't like the colors, just waked way after telling me what she wanted.. and looked at some coral dresses.. I was thinking of picking her as MOH not for best helper but because felt more mandatory to do so since it's her only brother getting married but thinking of it now that is very foolish, need to go with my heart ... Requirements basically are 1. Floored 2. Pick one of 3 Colors which are Green, Teal and Brown
Posted by heavendelivered[/QUOTE]

Okay, those colors are all pretty friendly to most complexions, so she should be able to find something that will look good on her. I'm curious, has she ever been in a wedding before? Maybe she doesn't know that she's expected to coordinate with the wedding colors.

Since this is your FI's sister, I would have him be the one to talk to her about why she's resisting the options she's been given. Something that you might consider would be moving her to stand on the groom's side instead, where there's less pressure to make sure she matches all of the other girls. My brother was originally a groomsman, but we swapped him to my side after he and DH got into a stupid fight to cut off any further potential drama (though the excuse I gave was that we were trying to balance for the groomswoman, which was also true to an extent). Since she's going to be family, you might want to take into account how much fallout you'll see over dress struggles and for how long, and decide if that's going to be worth dealing with.

If you've already asked your BMs all to be BMs, I wouldn't pick an MOH at all. It sounds like it's bound to just create drama, and the role isn't strictly necessary.

heavendelivered · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-does-not-like-the-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a35aeef8-7b8f-40d3-8e7d-385e2b9b1ae3Post:3ecc63f4-69b9-48e6-b3c7-a9eaa7c35811">Re: BM Does not like the Dresses?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM Does not like the Dresses? : Definitely don't ask someone to be your MOH out of sense of duty or requirement. Relationships have been ruined that way. Brides come on TK all the time asking how they can remove a member of their BP (you can't) because they asked someone they had lukewarm feelings about and things went bad (inevitably). It's a very nice gesture to ask your FSIL to be a BM, but reserve the MOH spot for your best friend in the world. I'll be honest, I don't like how I look in any of those colors, unless you're talking deep hunter green or dark chocolate brown. I still stand by what I said before, though. If I were a BM, I'd manage to find a dress I can live with and suck it up. It's one day of my life.
Posted by Ali092011[/QUOTE]

I'm just glad I didn't ask yet before realizing that is not who I really wanted from my heart but from my head especially being FSIL, don't want to ruin or hurt ties with.
I know for sure she does not agree with the brown which is a chocolate brown since it feels boring and sad or at least that is what she thought about my table napkins.. lol

That is the same thing I did when I was BM for my brother's wedding, didn't agree with choices and sucked it up but in the end everything ended up being beautiful and ended up liking the long dress a little too much for his wedding..

heavendelivered · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-does-not-like-the-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a35aeef8-7b8f-40d3-8e7d-385e2b9b1ae3Post:23a055ff-0847-4cdc-8450-8fc7e7fd99a0">Re: BM Does not like the Dresses?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM Does not like the Dresses? : Okay, those colors are all pretty friendly to most complexions, so she should be able to find something that will look good on her. I'm curious, has she ever been in a wedding before? Maybe she doesn't know that she's expected to coordinate with the wedding colors. Since this is your FI's sister, I would have him be the one to talk to her about why she's resisting the options she's been given. Something that you might consider would be moving her to stand on the groom's side instead, where there's less pressure to make sure she matches all of the other girls. My brother was originally a groomsman, but we swapped him to my side after he and DH got into a stupid fight to cut off any further potential drama (though the excuse I gave was that we were trying to balance for the groomswoman, which was also true to an extent). Since she's going to be family, you might want to take into account how much fallout you'll see over dress struggles and for how long, and decide if that's going to be worth dealing with. If you've already asked your BMs all to be BMs, I wouldn't pick an MOH at all. It sounds like it's bound to just create drama, and the role isn't strictly necessary.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

She's been a MOH before years ago but maybe her taste with her last wedding matched better with her friend's so it was not an issue. We tend to not like same style or dresses when going shopping or looking at things so im sure that is the reason for this too, our taste are totally different. Although, I'm not picking the style just length and color. FI said he is going to talk with her but said it's going our way or don't be a BM. "ouch"! We both hand picked colors and length of dresses so it's a mutual thing we like to have in our wedding..

aerinpegadrak · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-does-not-like-the-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a35aeef8-7b8f-40d3-8e7d-385e2b9b1ae3Post:143103e2-0d08-4157-b056-9a97657277c2">Re: BM Does not like the Dresses?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM Does not like the Dresses? : She's been a MOH before years ago but maybe her taste with her last wedding matched better with her friend's so it was not an issue. We tend to not like same style or dresses when going shopping or looking at things so im sure that is the reason for this too, our taste are totally different. Although, I'm not picking the style just length and color. FI said he is going to talk with her but said it's going our way or don't be a BM. "ouch"! We both hand picked colors and length of dresses so it's a mutual thing we like to have in our wedding..
Posted by heavendelivered[/QUOTE]
Yeah, you might advise him to be careful with the way he phrases that; the sentiment is fine if that's the point you've reached, but people can hold weird grudges about weddings for a long time. Maybe open with "We've put a lot of thought into these colors and really need you to stick to them," and only pull out the "you can wear whatever you want if you'd prefer to be a guest" if she's still digging in her heels. If there's another sympathetic family member in play (maybe her parents or a cousin or mutual friend or something) whom she might be more inclined to listen to, maybe you could see if they'd be willing to have that conversation instead if you think your FI might be a little harsh. Not saying that he will, but given that she sounds a bit overdramatic, you may need to handle with care if you don't want to be hearing about this for the rest of your lives.

heavendelivered · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-does-not-like-the-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a35aeef8-7b8f-40d3-8e7d-385e2b9b1ae3Post:7459a962-6e20-4984-91c5-3f101eddd903">Re: BM Does not like the Dresses?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM Does not like the Dresses? : Yeah, you might advise him to be careful with the way he phrases that; the sentiment is fine if that's the point you've reached, but people can hold weird grudges about weddings for a long time. Maybe open with "We've put a lot of thought into these colors and really need you to stick to them," and only pull out the "you can wear whatever you want if you'd prefer to be a guest" if she's still digging in her heels. If there's another sympathetic family member in play (maybe her parents or a cousin or mutual friend or something) whom she might be more inclined to listen to, maybe you could see if they'd be willing to have that conversation instead if you think your FI might be a little harsh. Not saying that he will, but given that she sounds a bit overdramatic, you may need to handle with care if you don't want to be hearing about this for the rest of your lives.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

He did say that after if she still didnt agree with our choices, he would say she can be a guest if she wants to wear what she likes better. I like the way you word it better, im going to let him know before he talks to her. I do think he might be the only one she will listen the most to family wise and I surely don't want it to be a problem later especially hold a grudge..

Ali092011 · August 2012

Hm. It's tricky. I'm actually not sure I'd have FI talk to her about it except as a last resort. Unless FI was at the dress shop when this conversation happened and knows firsthand how resistant she's being, if he approaches her about it, she'll know you were talking about her behind her back, and that's not a way to start a productive conversation.

I'd try talking to her about it the next time wedding stuff gets brought up. She sounds like the type who could be won over by gentle flattery: "You know, you have lovely taste and I appreciate your input, but it would mean a lot to your brother and me if you would choose any of the dresses we talked about. I want you to be comfortable, so choose anything you'd like, as long as it's long and teal, green, or brown."

Only if she starts to drag her feet again would I enlist the help of someone else. If she still refuses to buy the proper BM attire which you have every right to request, she can wear all the coral she wants as a guest.

(As Aerin said, though, the "threat" that she doesn't have to be in the wedding is only last resort. She may take herself out if she's really that uncomfortable.)

Giaspo · August 2012

Since she isnt a close friend, why don't you leave the decision up to her? "FSIL, I completely understand how you feel about these dresses. However, this is what we have chosen for the bridal party. If you choose not to participate, we certainly understand and there are plenty of other ways we'd love and appreciate your help with our wedding." I had a BM opt out and she became a reader instead. In the end, we were all happier.

PhoneCardLady · August 2012

Ok, this is what you should do. Take the one BM (and no one else) who is the hardest to fit and find a dress that meets the budget requirements ($100 right?). Make the decision and then tell the other ladies in your WP. If they don't order the dress in time, they have taken themselves out of the WP and that's that.

My BFF decided on long dresses for the wedding and they were such a style that I had it cut off to knee length to use again. This would be a possibility.

heavendelivered · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-does-not-like-the-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a35aeef8-7b8f-40d3-8e7d-385e2b9b1ae3Post:801a80d4-3455-4bf8-9c01-4f9ef2221fcc">Re: BM Does not like the Dresses?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hm. It's tricky. I'm actually not sure I'd have FI talk to her about it except as a last resort. Unless FI was at the dress shop when this conversation happened and knows firsthand how resistant she's being, if he approaches her about it, she'll know you were talking about her behind her back, and that's not a way to start a productive conversation. I'd try talking to her about it the next time wedding stuff gets brought up. She sounds like the type who could be won over by gentle flattery: "You know, you have lovely taste and I appreciate your input, but it would mean a lot to your brother and me if you would choose any of the dresses we talked about. I want you to be comfortable, so choose anything you'd like, as long as it's long and teal, green, or brown." Only if she starts to drag her feet again would I enlist the help of someone else. If she still refuses to buy the proper BM attire which you have every right to request, she can wear all the coral she wants as a guest. :) (As Aerin said, though, the "threat" that she doesn't have to be in the wedding is only last resort. She may take herself out if she's really that uncomfortable.)
Posted by Ali092011[/QUOTE]

Very true, Will go this route first. And will go to one of her stores she picked to try to find a long one in the colors and see how it goes from there.. Then of course last resort to put our foot down but hopefully all first tries get a green light..

heavendelivered · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-does-not-like-the-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a35aeef8-7b8f-40d3-8e7d-385e2b9b1ae3Post:3ff594f5-2f45-41b9-a98b-f5a323cbfb77">Re: BM Does not like the Dresses?</a>:
[QUOTE]Since she isnt a close friend, why don't you leave the decision up to her? "FSIL, I completely understand how you feel about these dresses. However, this is what we have chosen for the bridal party. If you choose not to participate, we certainly understand and there are plenty of other ways we'd love and appreciate your help with our wedding." I had a BM opt out and she became a reader instead. In the end, we were all happier.
Posted by Giaspo[/QUOTE]

I think this is a very nice way to not make her feel left out if it does not end up working out with the dresses but I got a feeling today that she does want not to be a bridesmaid that is why she is making a bit hard...

BM Does not like the Dresses?

Re: BM Does not like the Dresses?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards