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tkprice89tkprice89
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in Military Brides
I just found out there is a good possibilty that my fiance will be getting deployed before our wedding date. He wants to get married before he gets deployed but I dont want to miss those precious firsts like our first christmas and first anniversary but I also dont want to wait over a year to marry him we have been engaged for a year now and I'm tiered of waiting. I'm just wondering is those precious firsts worth giving up?
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Re: sad

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    tendonheadtendonhead member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You should do whatever is best for both of you. Even if you don't spend your "first" Christmas together you will have another one that will become a first. I know it's a tough decision but you may want to outweigh the pros and cons and see what you come up with. Good luck
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    squirrlysquirrly member
    Name Dropper First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Can you plan the wedding you want in the time before he deploys?  Would you be disappointed to have a smaller wedding? 

    Keep in mind - if he's deployed, you'll miss one Christmas either way.  Whether you're married or engaged, it's going to be just as challenging, I would think. 

    Ultimately, I wouldn't make the decision based on Christmas or your anniversary.  Instead - whether you're ready and want to get married before he leaves, or have longer to plan and get married later.  Do whatever is best for both of you - but ensure that you tell your family and friends the truth about whatever decision you make.
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    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Have you been through a deployment together yet? If not, I really would suggest waiting. I always recommend that a couple deals with a deployment as a couple before they're married, if possible.

    ETA: This does not mean it's a good call to plan the wedding for right when he gets back. Deployment does change people, and they need reintegration time. If you are someone for whom those firsts matter, you won't want them to happen while he's still in reintegration.
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    alexninaday09alexninaday09 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I know what you are going through EXACTLY! Me and my fiance were supposed to get married before he deployed and I'm so happy that we waited. Deployments are a very challenging thing to go through. I'm glad we waited, planning this wedding has given me something to keep distracted and busy. We plan on getting married about 2 months after he comes home, which is in 6-9 months depending on when he comes home. Being able to celebrate those first while you are together and not seperated is the most important. Regardless you will be apart for holidays but the question is whether you want to be married and apart or engaged and apart.
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    tkprice89tkprice89
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank yall, yall have been very helpful. I hope we will do what is best for us. Its my decision to make which makes it even harder. I just wish that by some miracle we would be able to get married on our orginal wedding date and have some time together before he gets deployed. The army is very stressful I hope i'm strong enough for this.
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    TriSaratops10TriSaratops10
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I definitely agree with everyone else that going through a deployment is a good idea, it is a VERY challenging time and not being married but a couple, I think, makes it easier. If I were you, I would start developing "coping" strategies with your FI rather than planning (you'll find it will be a happy distraction when he is deployed and that by diving into it it will help).  At this point you get more out of developing coping strategies  than you will planning a wedding.

    Some ways that helped me when FI was deployed was I would volunteer as a tutor to Army kids or as a helper in the Fisher Houses - this seemed to make feel closer to him. Not to mention it allows you to make some fantastic friends that understand what you're going through and that will last you a lifetime. 

    Best of luck to you and your FI
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    PrincssGSPrincssGS member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm in the exact same situation now.  FI was IRR and just got called up, he is supposed to report on Feb 28 and our wedding is planned for August 28.  I'm still in shock right now; his contract was supposed to be up in April and I had let myself think that he was done and we wouldn't have to worry about this anymore. 

    I'm not sure if he's going to get deployed, but I was thinking that if he did I'd want to get married before he goes.  I hadn't thought about missing all of those first, but it does make me think twice about whether or not to wait...
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