Wedding Party

Bridesmaidzillas!

SO I took my bridesmaids dress shopping this past weekend and never in my mind did I think I would have so much drama! None of them liked the same dresses, one of my bridesmaids was the pickiest and most unwilling and uncompromising bridesmaid on the face of the planet! I also ONLY took 4 of my 6 bridesmaids and adding the other two in the mix will stress me even more!

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Re: Bridesmaidzillas!

  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    I say, give them a color and a length and let them pick their own within that criteria.
  • As a bride, you have the right to dictate color, fabric, and length of dress, but other than that, the girls should have some input.  Did you talk to them about what you were thinking vs. what they were thinking ahead of time, or did you give them free reign?
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  • They aren't "bridesmaidzillas" just because they don't like the same things as you.

    Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you just turned them loose and told them to pick stuff, right? If that's the case, then you need to provide more guidance than that. Don't just accuse them of being bridesmaidzillas because they can't read your mind.

    Next time, narrow it down to a length and a color you like. Then let them try on dresses that fit that criteria. If they complain, just say, "I'm open to the style you pick, but I really want long [color] dresses." (But keep an open mind - the color you want might look awful on their skintones, or you might find a color that you love even more. If every girl says that she hates the color, hear them out and be open to looking at alternatives.)

    Also, if you haven't done so already, call each BM privately and say, "Hey, what can you afford to spend on a dress?" That way, you can narrow it down even further by price. You don't want to pick otu a dress that it turns out only half of them can afford (or have them unwillingly agree to a price, only to say that they can't afford it once it's time to order).
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  • Well I told them fabric, picky bridesmaidzilla did not like it. I told them color, but when we talked about different dresses my groom said no, he wanted them all in one and only the matron of honor had something different. I gave them the opp to agree on a dress they like and I liked but they didn't wanna stay in the criteria....so now i'm left stressed and with this problem.
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  • tidetraveltidetravel member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments
    edited April 2010
    Ditto XoXo.  Save yourself the stress and let them each pick a dress that they feel beautiful in.  It is a very rare dress that looks good on all body types. (although I have to say that the dress that my BMs wore truly was amazing on everyone.  Pics in wedding bio) and here's the link.

    http://snipurl.com/vaim9

    Give them a designer, length and color and let them go from there.
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  • Agree with Saisongbird. You should tell them that you want "black, long dresses in satin" or whatever. They should pick dresses accordingly.

    If your BMs dislike the length tell them "I'm sorry but I am pretty set on the longer length. It is just what I envisioned for my wedding. I hope you understand. I'm sure we can find something that everyone is happy with in _____ color and floor length."
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  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    Can I say ew? Why is your FI being demanding on what your BMs wear? I think as a man he can't completely understand how different body types and women are hardly ever comfortable in the same style of dress.

    I think maybe you should stand up to you FI on this one.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidzillas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cdb2a6eb-04c1-4a10-8a3c-6ff36989d899Post:63aa7ddb-d632-45a2-8e18-a8fe978d877b">Re: Bridesmaidzillas!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well I told them fabric, picky bridesmaidzilla did not like it. I told them color, but when we talked about different dresses my groom said no, he wanted them all in one and only the matron of honor had something different. I gave them the opp to agree on a dress they like and I liked but they didn't wanna stay in the criteria....so now i'm left stressed and with this problem.
    Posted by Jartiaga07[/QUOTE]

    Ok now after reading this (you posted when I posted)...

    Is there one dress that they sort of agreed on in your criteria? If so, just say...This is the dress I have chosen. Honestly, they won't wear it again anyway. I've never worn any of mine again!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidzillas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cdb2a6eb-04c1-4a10-8a3c-6ff36989d899Post:63aa7ddb-d632-45a2-8e18-a8fe978d877b">Re: Bridesmaidzillas!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well I told them fabric, picky bridesmaidzilla did not like it. I told them color, but when we talked about different dresses my groom said no, he wanted them all in one and only the matron of honor had something different. I gave them the opp to agree on a dress they like and I liked but they didn't wanna stay in the criteria....so now i'm left stressed and with this problem.
    Posted by Jartiaga07[/QUOTE]

    I would override your groom here.  These people are standing up for YOU.  You want them to look and feel comfortable.  How would he like it if you told him that you wanted all his GM wearing polka-dot ties and tie dyed vests?

    As for as picky BM, she can just get over herself.
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  • Why does your FI care what your bms are wearing? That's just wierd. He doesn't have a say in what they wear just like you don't decide what his groomsmen wear. Tell him to get over it. Give your girls a length, material, and color and leave it at that.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited April 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidzillas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cdb2a6eb-04c1-4a10-8a3c-6ff36989d899Post:63aa7ddb-d632-45a2-8e18-a8fe978d877b">Re: Bridesmaidzillas!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well I told them fabric, picky bridesmaidzilla did not like it. I told them color, but when <strong>we talked about different dresses my groom said no</strong>, he wanted them all in one and only the matron of honor had something different. I gave them the opp to agree on a dress they like and I liked but they didn't wanna stay in the criteria....so now i'm left stressed and with this problem.
    Posted by Jartiaga07[/QUOTE]

    <div>Your groom gets no say in what your friends are wearing.  He gets a say in what the guys wear, but not the BMs.  </div><div>
    </div><div>You are just going to have drama if you try to force them in the same dress.  Pick a color, length, and maybe designer and be done with it.  There is no reason to make drama.  They are not going to be happy about any single dress.  </div><div>
    </div><div>ETA: You are really out of line calling them names over this.  They are paying for and wearing the dresses, and they should be happy and comfortable with them.  Calling them names for having opinions is just mean.</div>
  • Your FI doesn't have to wear the dress.  You're responsible for your attendants, he's responsible for his.  He doesn't get to dictate what your BMs wear.  Let them pick their own dresses, it's not worth having a mental breakdown over.
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  • Well My fiance has a opinion on what he wants OUR wedding party to wear and we both agreed all the desicions will be made together. It's not weird to me, that's how my fiance has always been and I love that about him. It's both mine and his wedding and the girls and guys are representing US.
    Also too the different dress thing is just not my style or something I like either. I want more of a tradional wedding and that's not tradional to me.
    They all have very similar body types except my maid of honor.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidzillas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cdb2a6eb-04c1-4a10-8a3c-6ff36989d899Post:70da74ed-0f60-48ad-b05f-500cfea73acc">Re: Bridesmaidzillas!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well My fiance has a opinion on what he wants OUR wedding party to wear and we both agreed all the desicions will be made together. It's not weird to me, that's how my fiance has always been and I love that about him. It's both mine and his wedding and the girls and guys are representing US. Also too the different dress thing is just not my style or something I like either. I want more of a tradional wedding and that's not tradional to me. They all have very similar body types except my maid of honor.
    Posted by Jartiaga07[/QUOTE]

    Well, in that case, I highly suggest you consider the dress I posted.  It's relatively inexpensive.  My BMs ranged in sizes from size 4 to size 18 and every single one of them looked beautiful. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidzillas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cdb2a6eb-04c1-4a10-8a3c-6ff36989d899Post:70da74ed-0f60-48ad-b05f-500cfea73acc">Re: Bridesmaidzillas!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well My fiance has a opinion on what he wants OUR wedding party to wear and we both agreed all the desicions will be made together. It's not weird to me, that's how my fiance has always been and I love that about him. It's both mine and his wedding and the girls and guys are representing US. Also too the different dress thing is just not my style or something I like either. I want more of a tradional wedding and that's not tradional to me. They all have very similar body types except my maid of honor.
    Posted by Jartiaga07[/QUOTE]

    It's ok. I'm with yah. My FI doesn't really care what my girls wear...nor does he really have say, but when it comes to making decisions on OUR wedding it is OUR decision. He chose the BM dress color for crying out loud.  I'm going with him to pick out the Tuxes this weekend. 

    Also, my girls will be in the same dress. I sent them 4 options and 4 out of 5 picked the dress I liked most as their #1. The 5th BM picked it as her #2 but after looking at it later chose it over her orginal #1. No, they didn't know what my #1 pick was.

    Maybe you just need to give them 2-3 choices and tell them to vote and you will go with the majority.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidzillas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cdb2a6eb-04c1-4a10-8a3c-6ff36989d899Post:b52ecb34-0261-4355-aef9-d5d0a8a6f286">Bridesmaidzillas!</a>:
    [QUOTE]SO I took my bridesmaids dress shopping this past weekend and never in my mind did I think I would have so much drama! None of them liked the same dresses, one of my bridesmaids was the pickiest and most unwilling and uncompromising bridesmaid on the face of the planet! I also ONLY took 4 of my 6 bridesmaids and adding the other two in the mix will stress me even more! What should I do, I didn't like the dresses they picked, I don't want short dresses. I want them to like and be comfortable in their dresses but they are driving me nuts, what should I do? I don't wanna be a bridezilla and pick their dresses my self! PLEASE HELP!
    Posted by Jartiaga07[/QUOTE]
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidzillas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cdb2a6eb-04c1-4a10-8a3c-6ff36989d899Post:70da74ed-0f60-48ad-b05f-500cfea73acc">Re: Bridesmaidzillas!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well My fiance has a opinion on what he wants OUR wedding party to wear and we both agreed all the desicions will be made together. It's not weird to me, that's how my fiance has always been and I love that about him. It's both mine and his wedding and the girls and guys are representing US. Also too the different dress thing is just not my style or something I like either. I want more of a tradional wedding and that's not tradional to me. They all have very similar body types except my maid of honor.
    Posted by Jartiaga07[/QUOTE]

    <div>Then there really isn't much you can do.  You can explain to your friends that your FI doesn't like giving them options for how they have to look and spend their money and see how that comes out.</div><div>
    </div><div>Honestly, it's ridiculous.  They are the ones wearing the dresses, so they are the ones that should be comfortable and happy.  </div>
  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    In Response to Re: Bridesmaidzillas!:
    [QUOTE]And to MyNameIsNot , that's not mean calling them that if that is how they are acting. If I was acting that way I would want them to say something to me or tell me. And I did to them. As a bridesmaid you try to help your bride relax, not stress them more and be picky and not wanna stay in the criteria I gave them. It's my wedding, I want it tradional and tradional brides pick out the dress everyone wears. So actually i'm being very nice and kind by giving the opp to chose.
    Posted by Jartiaga07[/QUOTE]

    I'm sorry, they are not acting like any kind of zillas. They have different taste than you. You've clearly figured out that you're going to pick out the dress they are going to wear, despite the fact you said otherwise in your original post.

    Traditional? or Bossy?

    It's really not nice to call your closest friends names.
  • If they are paying for the dresses, then they have a right to some input on how their money is spent. Especially since they are the ones that need to wear the dresses. So how about paying for the dresses yourself? That way, you can pick out whatever you want and hand it to them and say, "You'll be wearing this."

    However, remember that these people are your friends. Treat them as such. Don't get into arguments over something as stupid as a piece of clothing that they'll wear for maybe 8-10 hours of their lives.

    Take a breath, cool off, and try again another day when you're all feeling better. You have a few options:

    * specify from the beginning of the shopping, "The non-negotiable aspects of the dress are floor-length, {color} and {fabric}. Look around the shop and come back with dresses in this criteria that you want us to consider."

    * pick out maybe three dresses that you like (and that you know they can all afford - please see my point about their budgets in the prior post) and have them try them on, and then vote. Majority rules and that's the dress you'll go with. If they all hate those three choices, pull two or three more and start over.

    * reconsider having them all in the exact same dress. Everyone's body is different, and nobody wants to wear a dress that looks crappy on her (plus, their discopmfort and unhappiness will be visible in your wedding photos ... what good are perfectly matched bridesmaids if half of them have a sourpuss face on in every picture?). Pick a designer, fabric, color and skirt length that you like, and let them choose their own styles from there.

    Yes, it's your wedding ... but if they are the ones buying and wearing the dresses, then they have a right to some input. All of you need to compromise on this issue.
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  • Give them the criteria you want, which can include designer, length, color and fabric and let them each choose a dress.  If your "difficult" BM has legitimate concerns (looks awful in the color, unflattering cut, too expensive) listen to her, otherwise just repeat the criteria.

    Since it doesn't sound like you're open to the idea of different dresses, choose several similar but slightly different dresses (waistline or cut) or a few dresses that have something in common (a sash or a flower embellishment) and tell each of them to choose one.  It will give a cohesive look and I doubt your FI will notice the difference.  I know Mori Lee has a lot of dresses that would work well for this, but there are plenty of other lines as well.

    But if you're set on absolutely identical dresses, either have them tell you their top 5-10 dresses and compare lists to see which dress is included by the most BMs, or give them your list of top dresses and have them take a vote.  Listen to any concerns about fit, because I doubt 6 girls have the same body type even if they are the same size.  I know my 3 are about the same jean size and have completely different bodies/styles.
  •  To gottahavashorti and suz62984 thank you that idea I think is the best.
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  • I am in the minority, but I think it's ok to have them all wear the same dress. In my mind, there are legit reasons for not wanting a particular dress, and you as the bride need to respect those. If a dress is too expensive, that's a big one. I wouldn't ask someone to wear a neckline that made her feel uncomfortable, expose her arms if she hated them, etc. And I wouldn't ask my friends to wear a color that made them look awful. So if any of those are your issues, please work with your friends.

    That said, if you have said "please choose a long satin dress in light blue" or something like that, then I think they should go along with it. Why not send them several that you like in an e-mail and explain that while those factors aren't negotiable, you're happy for them to suggest similar dresses to try on so that they find something they all feel comfortable in even if it's not the exact dress they'd choose.

    I had a similar discussion with one BM. I'd asked for comments (in my mind on the factors I listed above), and her comment on every one of over 10 dresses was that it wasn't her style. I reminded her that of course it was my style, since it's my wedding, and that while I really wanted her to be comfortable, I hoped she'd understand that it might not be her favorite dress. It worked out for us.
  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidzillas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cdb2a6eb-04c1-4a10-8a3c-6ff36989d899Post:e2de2a3a-cff3-4db1-9089-119826d60c64">Re: Bridesmaidzillas!</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I am in the minority, but I think it's ok to have them all wear the same dress.</strong> In my mind, there are legit reasons for not wanting a particular dress, and you as the bride need to respect those. If a dress is too expensive, that's a big one. I wouldn't ask someone to wear a neckline that made her feel uncomfortable, expose her arms if she hated them, etc. And I wouldn't ask my friends to wear a color that made them look awful. So if any of those are your issues, please work with your friends. That said, if you have said "please choose a long satin dress in light blue" or something like that, then I think they should go along with it. Why not send them several that you like in an e-mail and explain that while those factors aren't negotiable, you're happy for them to suggest similar dresses to try on so that they find something they all feel comfortable in even if it's not the exact dress they'd choose. I had a similar discussion with one BM. I'd asked for comments (in my mind on the factors I listed above), and her comment on every one of over 10 dresses was that it wasn't her style. I reminded her that of course it was my style, since it's my wedding, and that while I really wanted her to be comfortable, I hoped she'd understand that it might not be her favorite dress. It worked out for us.
    Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

    For the record, I am not against them wearing the same dress. If it's possible, I think it looks very sophisticated.

    I am against unecessary name calling of the BMs and confused as to why the OP said she didn't want to pick their dress.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidzillas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cdb2a6eb-04c1-4a10-8a3c-6ff36989d899Post:704152d8-824e-4bd1-8fb5-de5e6bf820a3">Re: Bridesmaidzillas!</a>:
    [QUOTE]To MyNameIsNot as I said before my fiance and I agreed on what they will wear in OUR wedding. It's not only my day, it's his as well. And I appreciate your opinion but we are two different people with two different veiws on how we want our wedding. Thats not mean or ridiculous when  they agreed to be my bridemaids they knew it would be my choice and what I like untimatly. Now you're being ridiculous on rying to put me down for what I chose for my wedding.
    Posted by Jartiaga07[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm not putting you down or saying they can't all wear the same dress.  I'm saying that dictating a dress to them that they are unhappy with, and expecting them to pay for and spend money on it is ridiculous, especially because as you said, your FI doesn't like it.  </div><div>
    </div><div>I guess I just can't see past the concept of not caring whether or not your closest friends are happy and comfortable in the dress that they are paying for and wearing.  </div>
  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    Oh, OP deleted the part where she said she didn't want to be a bridezilla and pick out the dress for them. ...huh.
  • I do think it's absolutely okay to have the same dress as long as the style works for most of the BMs and they have either some input or a reasonable amont of veto power.  But in this case, it sounds like there's enough drama over it that it would just be easier to let them choose similar dresses.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidzillas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cdb2a6eb-04c1-4a10-8a3c-6ff36989d899Post:67298448-dab8-4dba-b6a1-b13b08891068">Re: Bridesmaidzillas!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaidzillas! : For the record, I am not against them wearing the same dress. If it's possible, I think it looks very sophisticated. I am against unecessary name calling of the BMs and confused as to why the OP said she didn't want to pick their dress.
    Posted by xoxob[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, I guess mostly I meant that a lot of people's default answer to any kind of dress disagreement is to say "let them wear different ones, it's easier," whereas my first approach would be to have a conversation not in the heat of the moment (ie. not in the bridal store) about what things the bride really wants in the dress and what things she can be flexible on so that her friends can all agree on one dress. But having that conversation requires being calm and adult about it, which doesn't really go along with the panicked tone and definition of the BMs as BMzillas in the OP. Deep breaths, OP, deep breaths.
  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    Seriously. I want the same dress. Starting off with taking everyone to the store, is not how I'm going to go about it.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidzillas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cdb2a6eb-04c1-4a10-8a3c-6ff36989d899Post:7cd1fb57-fdc5-419f-bbfa-cc344bab646a">Re: Bridesmaidzillas!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok seriously you're getting annoying now....get over your self.
    Posted by Jartiaga07[/QUOTE]

    <div>Who are you talking to?</div>
  • No, it honestly isn't. Unless you mean everyone, in which case I think this is a case of majority ruling.
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